"Khar Shian Campus: Conflict Mediation"

1—Introduction

Conflict Resolution in Leadership Roles- This course will teach you the basic steps on how to best resolve a conflict between members. It is important in any position of command to be able to handle a situation of conflict if it arises. Without conflict resolution, events can escalate out of control, so it is important to stop it short, before that may happen.

The first and most important of the four points to remember during conflict resolution is:

• You are not giving people a solution, but you are instead guiding them to one. People are more likely to follow their own resolution then one you give them.

Secondly, you must remember:

• Treat the disputants as equals, Rank and Position are not important, otherwise, the disputant may feel overpowered and overwhelmed.

Also remember that:

• You cannot be biased towards either disputant, this will cause the other disputant to feel like he/she is being ganged up on, and he/she will stop opening up.

And Finally:

• Everything that is said or done during a dispute must be completely confidential. Personal matters may be discussed, and people will not open up if they believe you will tell your friends.

The “Science” of conflict resolution can be broken down into 5 distinct stages; we will go through each stage and ultimately learn how to solve a conflict.

2—Stage One

• Open the dispute.

In this stage, the mediator of the dispute must bring both members to a common room or place (such as an agreed upon IRC room). There he/she will introduce himself/herself and both disputants, so as to establish a relaxed environment. Once everyone has been introduced (without rank) the mediator can open with a set of ground rules. What they are is up to you. But it is important that one of them mentions confidentiality of what occurs, without confidentiality, the mediation WILL NOT WORK. Personally the rules I would use are these:

• No Cursing/Swearing of any kind, unless quoting a statement.
• No use of Rank or Position.
• Let each person speak (type) in turn and do not interrupt.
• Anything said in this room, stays in this room.

Once you have laid down these rules, you should endure both disputants agree to them. If not, the mediation must end. If they do, then you may continue on to the next stage.

3—Stage Two

• Find the Conflict.

Now that everyone has been introduced and rules have been laid, it is important to find out what the problem is. The best way to do this is to ask the disputants what happened, or what they believe the problem is. It is important you don’t ask one disputant first, you must instead open with a general, non-biased question, such as “Would either of you like to tell what happened?” or “Could one of you tell me what you believe the problem is?” This will make sure both disputants know that you are completely un-biased. If both disputants refuse to open up, you can flip a coin, or have them guess a number between 1-10, making the loser go first in either case. As both disputants relate their side of the dispute, it is important to listen carefully and not to feel bias towards either side.

Once the disputants have both related their view, you should relate what you understood them say back to them, to ensure you properly understand the situation. The disputants may correct you; this is good because it makes sure you truly know what happened. Once you have re-said the disputant’s statements as you saw them, and they have been corrected. You can continue on to the next step.

4—Stage Three

• Establish Common Goals/Interests

In this stage the mediator must establish common goals and interests among the disputants. This will once again relax the dispute, and have both disputants working towards the same goal. Some questions you can ask to determine common interests are:

• Are the two of you friends? (Yes- Would you like to remain as such after this? No- Try something else)
• Would you like to remain in the same Battle team/House/clan/etc (only if it applies)
• Do you enjoy working together?
• (anything that will open them up and make them work on the same lines)

Once you have established common goals/interests, (ex. Both of them are, and wish to remain friends.) You can move on to the next stage.

5—Stage Four

• Resolve the Conflict

Now that both disputants are working on the same level and towards a common goal, it is time to resolve the conflict. As mentioned before, it is important not to generate or give the disputants any ideas, but instead lead them to their own solutions, (even if you can easily see the answer and they can't). To do this, you must enter the Brainstorming process. You can open this up by simply saying “Do either of you have any ideas on how we can solve this problem?” Or “Put yourselves in each other's shoes, how would you like to see this conflict closed?” Both disputants will usually begin proposing solutions, at this point it is your job to simply listen to the proposed ideas if no more come. On the other hand, if the disputants refuse to open up, the mediator must begin asking questions that may help to guide on the path to a solution such as.

• “Is their anything you think either of you could do differently to lessen the situation?”
• “Do either of you have any ideas; no matter how crazy you may think them to be?"

If both disputants still refuse to answer, you can close the session and attempt to continue from the same point the next day, once the disputants have had time to think. On a more positive note, if both disputants begin proposing solutions you can go on to simply listening until both are done.

Once both disputants have proposed a number of solutions, or maybe just one each, the mediator should go over them, and have the disputants choose one they can both agree upon. If they can't agree on one, you must go back to creating ideas, and if they do agree, you can move on to the fifth and final stage.

6—Stage Five

• Close

Now that both disputants have agreed upon a solution, you may close the mediation. This is done by simply thanking both disputants for trying mediation. If they wish you can also write up a contract to seal their agreement, or they can simply verbally state (type) that they agree. Once this is done you ask both disputants if they'd like to have a check up in a week or so. If yes, schedule a time to meet, and, if not, you may close the mediation and leave the room.

A—Example Disputes

• A Member may not be Happy with the results of a Competition, and may believe someone cheated, or the Administrator was biased towards someone else.
• There may be a verbal disagreement between members in IRC or the MB.
• A Member may be fed up with lack of promotions or medal's, and lash out at a QUA or CON.

B—Mock Mediation

This is an example of how a dispute would occur. This Example will pertain to verbal disagreement between members in IRC or the MB.

(One disputant would approach me, and I would speak to both about a time and place for the mediation. Ex: 4:00 Tuesday, #DJBMediation on IRC)

Mediator: Hello and welcome I am Mediator and I will be the mediator for this dispute, if you would both introduce yourselves we can begin.
Disputant 1: I'm D1
Disputant 2: and I'm D2
M: Wonderful, before we start I'd like to lay down a couple of ground rules.

• No Cursing/Swearing of any kind, unless quoting a statement.
• No use of Rank or Position.
• Let each person speak (type) in turn and do not interrupt
• Anything said in this room, stays in this room.

Do you both agree to this?
D1&2: Yes.

(Move to next stage)

M: who would like to begin?
D1: Me, I was on IRC talking about the rite of supremacy when D2 came on and began bashing me about how I sucked at writing and that I wouldn't be able to win it if their was no-one else competing.
M: Alright, D2 can I hear you side of the story now?
D2: I came on IRC and they were talking about the ROS, so I decided too de-motivate the other clans. But when I talked to D1 he started insulting me back... although I did kind of insult him first.
M: Ok so what I understand from this, is that D2, you came on to IRC, and began to discourage other clans, and D1 you retaliated with an equal verbal reaction.
D1&2: Yes.

(Having done this I move on to the next step.)

M: Now, were the two of you friends before this occurred
D1: Yes, but we aren't anymore.
D2: Yes.
M: Well when this is over would you like to once again be friends?
D1: I guess so.
D2: sure

(I have now established common goals/interests.)

M: Alright then can either of you think of a way to solve this conflict?
D2: If he'd just apologize to me I'd be fine.
D1: No, he should apologize to me.
M: Any other Ideas?
D2: Well if he apologizes to me, I'll apologize to him.
D1: That sounds fine with me.
M: So this will work for both of you?
D1&2: Yes

(A solution has been reached.)

M: Alright thank you for coming out to mediation, would you like to check up in a week or so?
D1&2: No thanks
M: Alright I'll see you later then.

C—Side Notes on how to deal with other situations:

A Member may be fed up with lack of promotions or medal's, and lash out at a QUA or CON.

• Bring both disputants to Disclosed room.
• Introduce
• Set rules
• Find out Dispute (This may be difficult because one disputant will be on full offensive while the other may be completely defensive. Make sure to stay neutral, and enforce the rules so that both disputants get a turn
• Find common interests (This may take sometime, so be prepared to drop the mediation and start again the next day.)
• Choose solution (This may take sometime, so be prepared to drop the mediation and start again the next day.)
• Close>

A Member may not be Happy with the results of a Competition, and may believe someone cheated, or the Administrator was biased towards someone else.

• Bring both disputants to Disclosed room.
• Introduce
• Set rules
• Find out Dispute (This may be difficult because One disputant will be very offensive and may lash out.)
• Find common interests (This may take sometime, so be prepared to drop the mediation and start again the next day.)
• Choose solution (This may take sometime, so be prepared to drop the mediation and start again the next day.)
• Close

As a final note, it is important to know that not all disputes will be solved easily, and may require several hours of work; also, not all disputes can be solved depending on the mindset of the disputants. It is important that if you believe it will not be solved, for you to close the mediation. You will be simply stressing yourself over a situation that cannot be solved.