Battlemaster Aleister Mavros vs. Neophyte Sinya Ani

Battlemaster Aleister Mavros

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Zeltron, Sith, Marauder, Imperial
vs.

Neophyte Sinya Ani

Journeyman 1, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Female Twi'lek, Force Disciple, Shadow
Comment

First of all, thank you both for participating in the 2021 SARLACC competition! It was a delight to learn about both your characters through this match, and to see you both writing and developing as Master and Apprentice in character!

Sinya, as you have heard from previous battles, you are doing astoundingly for a newcomer to the ACC and the club as a whole. Very strong showing. The errors you had in Realism that hurt you are things that can be assuaged with a little more time spent with the Possessions, Skills, and Force Powers descriptions, and I am sure that understanding will come in time. Aleister, it was primarily your lack of combat in the first post that held you back from an otherwise higher score. I'm going to take some time to explain all of them to each of you, so don't be alarmed by these lengthy comments. It's just for learning! Overall, you both addressed the venue prompt and told a tightly-knit, combat-driven, punchy story of a very unsettling Master and his new -- hopefully not soon to be too jaded -- Apprentice having to clash with both beasties and with each other. Well done.

That said, there can only be one winner, and it is Aleister Mavros. Congratulations. I look forward to seeing you both continue in the ACC... especially any battles for the soul over lava fields that come next.

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Battlemaster Aleister Mavros, Neophyte Sinya Ani
Winner Battlemaster Aleister Mavros
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Battlemaster Aleister Mavros's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Neophyte Sinya Ani's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [Scenario] SARLACC 2021, Round 1: Breached Hot Labs
Last Post 24 January, 2021 6:44 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Minor errors repeated throughout that distracted some from reading. Rationale: Minor errors repeated throughout that distracted. Fewer in first post than in second.
Story - 40%
Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 3 Score: 3 (Advantage)
Rationale: Your first post lacked any combat, either between characters or between the characters and their given opponent. The second post showed good action, but nothing stood out to really elevate the score. Rationale: Your first and second post were both rich in combat and character interaction, but the first post slightly sidestepped the prompt. Aleister's first post established the hunt for a jotaz, which you did introduce, but completely wrote off out of the fight to introduce the rancor and primarily fight it. It was as if saying to your opponent, "no thanks, I want to fight this one instead."
Realism - 25%
Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 4 Score: 1
Rationale: One minor error concerning knowledge not backed by the Sheet. Rationale: Two major detractors and two minor ones, concerning use of Skills and Powers and the law of the Star Wars universe.
Continuity - 20%
Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: A very, very minor detractor concerning internal consistency (between your own posts) on Master vs master. Rationale: No issues found.
Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson's Score: 3.45 Nightsister Sinya Ani's Score: 3.25
Posts

header

The Fourteenth Great Jedi War left deep wounds across the surface of Arx. One such victim, unnoticed by the Brotherhood at large, was the Corrino Research Laboratory on the marshy continent of Uskil. The Collective had assaulted the Shadow Academy's Nesolat platform to gain access to the surface of Arx, its strategic importance dwarfing its role as an isolated research facility. When the battle moved to the planet's surface, the Nesolat was discarded like so much chaff, and debris from the disintegrating station was scattered across the planet.

Some of that debris struck the specimen habitat, damaging them enough for the specimens contained within to escape into Uskil’s swampy wilderness. In the aftermath of the invasion, playing animal control was a low priority for the Iron Throne, but the beasts became more of a nuisance—and even a danger—as time went on. Their exposure to the maelstrom of Force energies around Uskil, stirred up by the Grand Master’s ritual during the invasion, has made the creatures aggressive and unpredictable.

Rather than wandering Uskil’s swampy, storm-soaked wildlands, many of the escaped beasts have since returned to their ruined habitats, finding the climate more to their liking; it was designed for them, after all. They’ve since become extremely territorial, attacking any Shadow Academy staff who try to remove them so the habitats can be rebuilt. Rather than continue to delay the Academy’s research and sacrifice hapless construction workers and lab technicians, the Headmistress has put out a call to any members of the Brotherhood who are willing to help with the problem.

Your goal in this scenario is to subdue and capture the hostile creature so that it can be transported to a different facility for further testing. As the creature has been modified by the Academy’s scientists, the Headmistress would strongly prefer that you capture it alive, rather than killing it and forcing the researchers to make do with data from a dead specimen.

Two sets of leather boots touched down on the grounds of the Corrino Research Laboratory. A Plagueis shuttle rose into the air as the pair began walking through the ruined facility. The small blue skinned Twi’lek scampered up on top of a ruined column to survey the area. Her master calmly strode through the wreckage, his black cloak billowing around him as he walked.

“What do you see, child?” Aleister asked. His cold quiet voice emanated from within his hood. A pair of large ebony eyes flitted around in response, taking in everything.

“Something has been through here, recently. Those markings on the wall indicate that it was moving quickly. Maybe chasing something, or being chased.” Her tone was calm, but confident. This was one of the first times Sinya had ever been in the field with her master. So she was trying to stay in control, but there was an unavoidable desire to impress him.

“Could it be our target?” A simple question, but part of her realized that he was testing her. He had probably already perceived everything that she had.

“Probably, something as big as a jotaz would leave this kind of mess.” A slight attitude crept into her voice.

“Good. Then lead on.” He made a small gesture with his hand. Indicating for her to proceed ahead of him. Only six years of age separated master and apprentice, but one would never know that. The Sith marauder carried himself with the confidence of a much older man. Meanwhile the Twi’lek moved with a lithe grace, befitting a young woman.

It hadn’t been long since the events of the Fourteenth Great Jedi War, but in that short time the marshy landscape of Uskil had already moved in and taken hold of the ruined facility. Everything was covered in a damp moss, the air was thick and heavy. A foul, organic smell filled the halls as the pair stalked through the gloom.

After what felt like an eternity of walking through endless identical hallways, the apprentice felt something; a pair of eyes watching her, and not her master’s. She made a simple hand gesture to alert the Sith, who froze in place. Movement hidden by his cloak told her that he had taken his weapon in hand. Sinya followed her master’s example and called her own weapon to her hand. The pair stood stock still, waiting, they may have been here to hunt, but they were far from the only predators here. And not the most dangerous.

Countless sounds swirled around them as they stood there, focussing their senses and the Force to perceive anything approaching them. Suddenly a shrill cry exploded from their left and a bush burst into a cloud of leaves. A bar of purple light sprung to life in Sinya’s hand as she wheeled around to confront the threat. But her master moved faster than a blink and caught the attacking creature. There captured in his outstretched left hand was a Kowakian monkey-lizard, of a particularly unpleasant yellow-ish brown color, held by the neck. The small creature was frantically struggling against the man’s fierce grip, it’s spindly limbs flailing.

Filthy creature,” Aleister sneered. “It’s bad enough that your kind is beloved by pirates and criminals, but to also be so fracking ugly.” His voice was cold, but strangely malicious. “Let’s hear you squeal.”

The Sith threw the creature to the ground. But before it could scamper away, he brought his boot down on its body. Squashing it into the floor, earning a pained desperate screech from the reptile.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 4 February, 2021 2:18 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

You did a good job setting them up for the match, both in laying out the Master-Apprentice dynamic and in noting the creature they needed to find. It was good to see a little bit of Sinya's Survival Skill displayed as she looks at the marks left by the beasts while they're tracking their target.

The Sith threw the creature to the ground. But before it could scamper away, he brought his boot down on its body. Squashing it into the floor and, earning a pained, desperate screech from the reptile.

Congrats, you got me to flinch and yell at a Google Document.


Can Be Improved

There were several grammar issues present that distracted slightly. Of particular note, I would advise you be careful to remember commas when listing adjectival descriptions, and be careful of sentence fragments surrounding verb tense changes.

The small creature was frantically struggling against the man’s fierce grip, it’s spindly limbs flailing.

Mind your possessives. This is a very common error, its vs it's, or "it is." My general suggestion is to ban yourself from using contractions until you've memorized the difference. That way, you won't be able to make the mistake, because it will always be, "it is" and that won't fit when saying "it is spindly limbs." So you're forced to go, "oh, it's its."

The small blue- skinned Twi’lek scampered up on top of a ruined column to survey the area.

You're using two adjectives to describe Sinya here, blue-skinned and small. You either need a comma between them, to list them, or you need to have an "and" between them if you're not going to be listing any more adjectives. If you had more than two, you'd keep using commas to list until you were done.

  • The small, blue-skinned Twi'lek scampered up on top…
  • The small and blue-skinned Twi'lek scampered up on top…
  • The small, young, blue-skinned Twi'lek scampered up on top...

Your other major issue for this post is the total lack of combat between either the characters or the characters and any creature. In the ACC, a lack of combat is a big Story detractor. Aleister abusing a monkey-lizard doesn't actually count for that. Even one strike at the jotaz would have checked the box for them here. As is, we don't meet the creature indicated at all.

The creature’s scream could be heard for miles and could be felt even further, for those attuned to the hidden aspects of the world.

“Stop! You’ll scare away our prey!” she exclaimed reaching out to grab her master’s arm. “Besides, what if that is one of the altered creatures that the Academy wants recovered.” She looked up into the burning gaze of the tall Zeltron’s orange eyes. She knew enough of the man not to play to his humanity, he had none. He was as cruel and merciless as a lash on bare flesh. So, she appealed to his logic.

“So what if it is?” he replied, a hint of amusement in the cold timber of his voice. “We were not tasked with its recovery, therefore it's just collateral damage.” He did finish crushing the helpless creature quickly though. The impertinent Twi’lek had a point. Other creatures, including their prey, may have moved deeper into the facility. “What are you waiting for? Haven’t you wasted enough time, kid? Let’s move.”

Sinya seethed, her blue skin almost turning purple. “I am NOT a kid, and YOU are the one wasting time,” she muttered as she returned to the task at hand. She didn’t like the half blood Zeltron that was assigned as her master. She’d had her fill of cruelty at the orphanage, however, since there was nothing to be done about it, the unusually small Rutian was determined to learn whatever he had to teach.

Observing their surroundings once more; little details stood out to her. Depressions in the thick carpet of moss, a fresh scratch on a deteriorating wall, a thick drop of slime on a leaf…Hold up...is that drool? she thought silently while taking a closer look. It was indeed drool, but of what she couldn’t tell. Something big definitely moved through here.

She continued to follow the path. “How are we going to capture something as big as a jotaz? They aren’t exactly know for their hospitable demeanor,” she queried as they moved deeper into the overgrown facility. She checked her datapad and nodded, thinking to herself. As expected, this trail is leading to the jotaz habitat. We should be upon it in a few more minutes.

Her pink companion sneered. “You should have figured that out by now. How do you plan...” he trailed off. His orange eyes staring into the middle distance. Something was wrong. He could sense the jotaz ahead of them, but the formidable creature was afraid. What’s more, there was another presence blocking their path. He waited for his apprentice to notice…Where did she go? he thought as he looked around where she had been just a moment before. I hate it when she does that.

Sinya had noticed Battlemaster Mavros’ sudden confusion and closing her eyes, immediately reached out with her senses to ascertain why. Feeling a large menacing presence just around the next corner, the diminutive Twi’lek shrouded herself and her presence, literally disappearing into the shadows as she slowly edged around the wall. There in front of her was a huge brown ugly creature with long sinuous arms and powerful legs. It looked a bit like a humongous scary potato with teeth. The hungry rancor had made its way into the jotaz habitat as the Twi’lek closed in silently behind it.

This is not good...I’m sure this rancor is on the list, but it’s about to eat the one we need to catch. Her heart raced even as she made her decision. We have to protect the jotaz. Maybe we can capture both? An amethyst blade of superheated plasma sprung to life out of seemingly nowhere, as the cyan skinned Twi’lek appeared just long enough to slash at the giant carnivore’s knee.

The ugly monstrosity from Dathomir howled in pain as it lost its fight with gravity. The injured knee buckled as it fell, flailing its long arms while it tumbled onto the ground. The confused creature desperately seeking the Twi’lek that was once again nowhere to be seen...

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 4 February, 2021 3:05 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

While it was just a strike at the end, your first post did introduce combat from Sinya. The meat of the post was more in the characters' interactions, and you made very good use of both Sheets' Aspects as far as the cruel and vicious personality of Aleister and Sinya's attempts at Manipulating him.

“Stop! You’ll scare away our prey!” she exclaimed, reaching out to grab her master’s arm. “Besides, what if that is one of the altered creatures that the Academy wants recovered?.” She looked up into the burning gaze of the tall Zeltron’s orange eyes. She knew enough of the man not to play to his humanity, as he had none. He was as cruel and merciless as a lash on bare flesh. So, she appealed to his logic.

“So what if it is?” he replied, a hint of amusement in the cold timber of his voice. “We were not tasked with its recovery, therefore it's just collateral damage.” He did finish crushing the helpless creature quickly though. The impertinent Twi’lek had a point.

This particular segment had me going, "clever girl."

Additionally, you both continued the original thread of the story and introduced the creature indicated in your opponent's first post, and redirected that narrative back to actual objective. Your introduction of a new creature and a new problem is a good example of directing the story. That said…


Can Be Improved

Feeling a large menacing presence just around the next corner, the diminutive Twi’lek shrouded herself and her presence, literally disappearing into the shadows as she slowly edged around the wall.

While you did introduce the jotaz and begin combat, neither character actually fights the jotaz. What really hurt you here was your Major Realism detractor was the simultaneous use of Force Cloak and Concealment when the rank of Sinya's Concealment power does not allow for any other action to be taken. As a Shadow, Sinya may move slowly and deliberately (and I did catch how you say she "slowly edged" around the wall, so good job) while using her Cloak, and her rank is high enough for it to be combat-effective with less concentration. However, as you can see on the Force Powers wiki page at +1, Concealment explicitly states the user can perform the power, "with their full concentration devoted to the task." Additionally, Concealment is maintained as long as concentration is provided that the user, "does not attempt to call upon the Force in another way."

The short version is, she just can't do both those things at once.

As a final note, you did have a small handful of grammatical errors here, specifically in sentence fragments made due to lacking commas at verb tense changes. Your post was otherwise fairly clean, and I was impressed by your thought and dialogue punctuation.

‘What in the? Why is a rancor hunting a jotaz? Questions for later, the kid’s gonna get herself killed.’ Aleister thought to himself as he chased after his brash apprentice. Ducking into the jotaz habitat the Sith watched as the cyan skinned Twi’lek acrobatically dodge out of the way of the massive swinging arms. His orange tinged eyes flicked back and forth scanning the room.

’Well that makes part of our job easier.’ He thought as his eyes found the slumped over body of the jotaz. In the chaos of the battle between Sinya and the rancor, the mammal had been flung against the wall and knocked into unconsciousness.

Meanwhile the Acolyte was doing her best to stay out of reach of the massive beast’s clawed hands while taking small slashes and stabs at its limbs. Aleister sighed and unclipped his cloak as his lightsaber leapt to his hand. A bar of carmine red light sprung to life as he walked forward, approaching the beast from its blindspot. He waited for it to strike out at the fleeing Twi’lek, before thrusting his blade through the soft flesh of its ankle and severed the tendon with a single swipe. The rancor immediately swung its arm back to strike at the Sith. The Zeltron-hybrid spun out of its reach and made a quick upward slash cutting through the creature’s wrist.

“Ani! Aim for the eyes! They don’t like bright light! Keep it distracted!” Aleister shouted at the girl.

Sinya looked over at her Master and watched him leap back from a large flailing arm. Part of her wanted to respond with some snarky comment, but seeing a trained Sith in action with pure efficiency and precision put those notions to bed. Quickly drawing her blaster, the Twi’lek unloaded a half dozen shots into the rancor’s face. Four of the shots ricocheted off the beast’s tough hide, one went sailing wide over its head, but one of the bolts struck home in its left eye.

The rancor let out a monstrous roar and took a swipe at the girl with its injured arm. She was forced to leap back out of reach.

“Ok, what now?!” She shouted as the beast smashed the wall behind her. Aleister grabbed her arm and pulled her back behind a large rock.

“One of us has to plunge their lightsaber into the spot under the chin. That or right in the top of the head.” He ducked down as the half-blind beast flung a boulder at them. “So which role do you want; bait or getting up and close personal with that face?”

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 4 February, 2021 3:52 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

This was the first post in the battle that got us some combat from both characters, and what combat it was! You made good use of both their Sheets and Loadouts, and both of them were shown to be useful and skilled in their respective ways.

He waited for it to strike out at the fleeing Twi’lek, before thrusting his blade through the soft flesh of its ankle and severed the tendon with a single swipe. The rancor immediately swung its arm back to strike at the Sith. The Zeltron-hybrid spun out of its reach and made a quick upward slash, cutting through the creature’s wrist.

The fact that Aleister very specifically waits for the thing to attack his apprentice before bothering to take a swing at it is a grand bit of characterization.

Also, I love the word carmine, so you get brownie points.


Can Be Improved

While your combat was rich for both member characters, you also essentially wrote off the objective creature of the jotaz entirely. Having it immediately knocked unconscious and stunned the entire time neatly excised it from any potential in the narrative, and that felt like a loss when we'd first been told we were going to go after a jotaz, then introduced to a jotaz under attack by a rancor, and THEN had the jotaz sidelined while fighting the rancor. Neither of you entirely went afield of the prompt, but it also wasn't handled very cohesively either.

“One of us has to plunge their lightsaber into the spot under the chin. That or right in the top of the head.” He ducked down as the half-blind beast flung a boulder at them. “So which role do you want; bait, or getting up and close personal with that face?”

This became a question of the issue of Realism or Story. How does Aleister know exactly the weaknesses of a rancor? Unlike Sinya, who had the +2 in Survival to back up her +1 Perception while noticing creature markings and tracking in your first post, Aleister has no points in Survival, which would at least help him guess how to kill some creatures. It still wouldn't explain how he knows to kill this one in specific. There is no mention in earlier posts or set up of reading a briefing for that very specific information; it's not even the creature they were assigned. I even debated if, at a stretch, his Aspect about being a specific sort of old Ancient Sith loyalist would explain how and why he knows anything about a beast often used by Dark Siders, buuuut...there is no Lore Topic to back that up into concrete and actionable knowledge in a post.

It is just so specific. Even a Lore Topic about Ancient Sith Cults wouldn't really cover that, just make it more believable. Therefore, in the end, it was decided to mark this as a minor Realism detractor rather than a Story one for having game-breaking knowledge out of nowhere.

“Okay, what now?!” She shouted as the beast smashed the wall behind her. Aleister grabbed her arm and pulled her back behind a large rock.

Your grammatical errors increased in your second post as did Sinya's. I suspect you both might have gone without proofers the second time around. Yours continued to have errors in sentence fragmentation and comma usage as I mentioned in the first, but I wanted to highlight your dialogue punctuation in this post, as it had been much cleaner in your first.

When punctuating dialogue, the simplest explanation I can give is that you must treat dialogue as either part of the sentence or removable from it. That is, whatever action is connected to the dialogue is either standalone, in which case you can use a period inside your quotes and capitalize outside it, or it's connected, and the text would be a fragment if it didn't have the dialogue.

So it looks like this, if we pretend that Sinya said nothing: "She shouted as the beast smashed the wall behind her." Shouted what? We've got a verb, and we've got a subject in "she," but we don't have the object. We don't have whatever it is that's been shouted. We're clueless. The sentence doesn't make sense on its own because it is missing half of it.

  • “Okay, what now?!” she shouted as the beast smashed the wall behind her.

This would be a complete sentence. Contrastingly, this excerpt works with the dialogue ending at a period, fully closed, and the next sentence on its own:

Some examples of several other ways dialogue can be punctuated correctly, just so you can see the differences:

  • "They're collateral damage," snarled Aleister.
  • "So what? They are collateral damage." Aleister lit his lightsaber.
  • "You're the one that hurt it so," Aleister crooned, smile mocking, eyes cold. "Why shouldn't you put it out of its misery?"
  • "Not cool, bro!" Atty shouted at Aleister kicking the monkey.
  • "Very cool, 'bro.'" Aleister's lip curled at the random Human whining at him. "And you can join it."

“You’re giving me a choice?” The large dark eyes of Aleister’s apprentice studied his face and feelings for any indication that this was a trick or test of some sort. Finding nothing, she replied tentatively, “I’ll kill it… I started this fight. I should finish it,” the young Twi’lek’s eyes betrayed her sadness, but her resolve to see this through was set hard on her soft cyan features. “Now... how am I supposed to get on top of it while it’s flailing around blindly?” she asked, a hint of accusation tainting the sweetness of her voice.

Sinya liked to rely on misdirection and stealth to do tactical strikes on her unsuspecting victims before fading into a conjured shadow mist. Then rinse and repeat until the enemy loses the will to fight. This rancor was still plenty willing, but being half blind, it was attacking in completely random unpredictable ways.

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” the dashing older Zeltron replied. “I can’t give you all the answers. Where’s the fun in that?” His pink lips curled into a sardonic smile as his orange eyes observed the rising ire of his young apprentice. It was clear she had stopped having fun, which meant his fun was just beginning. Now he had two creatures to torment. “Listen to it howl. It must be in complete agony.” His deep monotone feigned concern, but his face betrayed his elation at the creature’s suffering. He also knew that bringing attention to it increased the Twi’lek’s discomfort a hundred fold. After all, she was the cause of the most painful injury.

“I’ll distract it, while you cut the poor thing’s life short.” He smirked as he ran out from behind the rock, activating the red plasma blade with the telltale snap hiss of a lightsaber. The sound immediately drew the grotesque creature’s attention.

“Wait! I’m not…” the apprentice sighed heavily closing her eyes, breathing deeply, and trying to clear her mind. The air smelled of methane and loamy earth mixed with the acrid scent of blood and burned flesh. She could feel the beast behind her and the bright flame of her master’s presence darting in and out around it. She felt his elation at the creature’s pain and the added chargrine that it bothered her. She let go of that annoyance, it didn’t change anything. She let the Force flow through her, directing her thoughts… from the creature... to the rock behind her.

Her eyes snapped open as she realized the opportunity that was fast approaching. She stood, then easily leapt two meters straight up to land atop the rock. She was just in time to see the rancor stumble backwards on its injured heel, bringing it within range for her to leap once more onto its massive head.

She landed gracefully, immediately pressing the little silver activation stud on her lightsaber. The purple blade sprang to life as she thrust it down into the creature’s skull to end the creature’s misery. That’s when the plan fell apart. The rancor bucked as the blade met the resistance of its thick skull, dislodging the inexperienced hunter.

Sinya fell, her lightsaber fell, the rancor did not fall. The agile girl managed to nimbly transfer the kinetic energy of the landing into a roll, recovering just in time to catch the back of a giant meaty paw to the midsection. Her small light frame was launched several meters away, leaving her in a stunned heap on the mossy floor....

Sinya didn’t know how long she had been out. When she came to, the rancor was gone. She sat up scanning the ground for her lightsaber, which somehow was already back on her belt.

“Whoa, calm down, kid. You took a big hit there.” Aleister handed her a canteen. “The rancor ran off after it bitch slapped you,” he said chuckling.

Sinya took in the rest of the situation as she brought the canteen to her lips. The jotaz was unconscious and bound, there was a new, rancor sized hole in the wall. She could tell from the tracks that it was dragging one leg. Dusk was begi…”pffft! What the hell is this swill!” she said as she sprayed the caustic fluid from her mouth, interrupting her thoughts.

“Moonshine. Good for clearing the sinuses and numbing the pain,” he answered while collecting the rest of the gear. “Let’s go before it gets dark.”

The two of them worked together, concentrating on the jotaz, feeling their mystical connection to the creature and to each other. Without any physical contact, they lifted the large mottled grey creature and guided it back to the landing zone.

Night was falling quickly by the time the shuttle touched down and the jotaz secured in the cargo bay. Sinya paused to take one last look at the ruined facility as the shadows began taking over the landscape. Exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally, she turned back to the shuttle. Up the loading ramp strode two sets of mud covered leather boots.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 5 February, 2021 3:45 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Once again I was very impressed by how you managed to make the characters' personalities really shine through in the action of this post. It's great to get such flavor from how they behave and think as much as from interaction.

It was clear she had stopped having fun, which meant his fun was just beginning. Now he had two creatures to torment.

You started this battle by focusing on Aleister's cruelty, and you continued to do so in your final post. It was the highlight of this match for me. And I'll admit, I did get a laugh that he gives her a drink expecting it to be harsh. Perfectly rude.


Can Be Improved

That said, I wasn't sure about the end, as all that built up drama and focus on Aleister's callousness and malice didn't quite make sense with him waiting for her to wake up and then offering her a drink, which was a minor ding to Realism. Your other minor and major errors here concerned some confusion when Sinya was "sensing" what to do next, when she leapt up onto the rock, and when she attacked the rancor but couldn't cut its hide.

She stood, then easily leapt two meters straight up to land atop the rock.

In this segment, Sinya straight up leaps two meters into the air, something that could only be possible if Amplification was being used, as basic Athletics cannot do that. Without any sign of Force Power usage here to specifically back the jump, it just isn't possible, as you can see on the Skills wiki page if you examine the Athletics entry. Sinya is agile and fast, and perhaps you intended this to be a Force-enhanced jump, but it needs to be written such that the power is actively being used.

...it down into the creature’s skull to end the creature’s misery. That’s when the plan fell apart. The rancor bucked as the blade met the resistance of its thick skull, dislodging the inexperienced hunter.

So, the thing about Star Wars that you've probably noticed is this: lightsabers cut through nearly everything. A lightsaber-resistant material is EXTREMELY rare, like beskar. It will go right through objects, limbs, armor, etc like butter, and even only meet resistance for a little slow going cutting through thick durasteel (consider the times in the movies we see characters cutting through blast doors with their sabers). It's not a matter of if they can, just how long it will take them.

In our system, an item description (or in this case, a creature's description) will exactly specify if it is resistant to lightsabers. If the text is not there, it is not resistant. Rancors are described in the item text to have blaster-resistant hides, not lightsaber-resistant ones. Her blade should not have bounced back or failed to cut through. You can ALWAYS and should always check the item descriptions of items in your own and your opponent's loadout, and in anything you may use in the battle— in this case, the creatures are all featured from Possessions, and the rancor is listed here.

She let go of that annoyance., Iit didn’t change anything. She let the Force flow through her, directing her thoughts… from the creature... to the rock behind her.

Her eyes snapped open as she realized the opportunity that was fast approaching.

This particular instance of Force usage was confusing. It reads a little bit like Sense, as you state that she is directing her thoughts and allowing it to flow through her to observe her environment...but then she has some sort of epiphany because of this? Sense is not a power that allows premonition or gives hints as to what the best thing to do next. Rather, it allows for tuning in to the emotional, spiritual, and mental states of those around the user, feeling their power, motives, etc vaguely and then more finely.

Farsight is about having visions/premonitions, but also works slightly differently and is not a power you have on your Sheet. Finally we examined if this might be Precognition, but Precog is very specific to sensing immediate, intended harm to oneself and being alerted of the threat. It does not allow the user to predict the future or notify them of possible opportunities. It's just an advanced sort of survival instinct.

Because this bit indicated explicit Force usage, but did not match any powers on Sinya's Sheet, I marked it as a detractor. I would recommend in the future having Sinya search for possible avenues the regular way, such as looking and seeing, or possibly having her have been warned by the Force that the rancor was swinging at her and thus she dodged away. Read carefully to know what you can and can't do with Powers and Skills and what you can and can't do at what levels of those things, and never be afraid to ask questions about them! That's what all your peers are here for. You can also email the ACC, Voice, or Regent staff with questions about items, Character Sheets, or battles directly if you don't want a mass answer from a Telegram chatroom.