Battlemaster Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr vs. Knight Xan Nes

Battlemaster Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Chiss, Sith, Marauder, Imperial
vs.

Jedi Knight Xan Nes

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Dashade, Guardian, Seeker
Comment

A couple of things apply to you both. Some simple grammar issues could be easily eliminated with a careful proofreader. That being said, I actually really enjoyed the story that you wrote together. You both took some time to look at each other's character sheets and wrote a neat story that felt unique to the two characters. You did a good job incorporating the environment around you as well, with the Akuls and the landscape. Generally well done.

In the end, this came down to a mistake from Brimstone. The use of Barrier, which was not on Xan's CS means the victory goes to Xan.

Hall Rivalries
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [ACC] Rivalries
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Battlemaster Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr, Knight Xan Nes
Winner Knight Xan Nes
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Battlemaster Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Xan Nes's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Shili: Savannah
Last Post 31 August, 2015 11:36 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Warlord Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: See individual comments for details. Rationale: See individual comments for details.
Story - 40%
Warlord Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Good opening post, and you took what Xan wrote pretty well. Rationale: Good job from you as well. The characterization of both characters seemed pretty consistent when you both wrote them, which means you both did the job right.
Realism - 25%
Warlord Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: The big thing here is the mistaken use of Barrier. Be careful that your opponent's CS has the powers that you think they have. Rationale:
Continuity - 20%
Warlord Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Rationale:
Warlord Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr's Score: 4.05 Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang's Score: 4.3
Posts

Savannah

When you are traversing the wild and untouched landscapes of the savannah, just remind yourself that you are never the apex predator. The vast and desolate area of sand, rocks, dead and ancient trees are all the same blood-orange color for a simple reason: to hide your worst nightmare from your sight, the Akul. A large, bipedal and orange furred mammal, the Akul are the top predators that hunt all sorts of bovine, dog, hooved and giant mammals. Using their extraordinary sense of smell, they can trace your scent from days long past and track you down without mercy.

Savannah

Throughout the Savannah, tall and wispy Turu-grass stretches out into long ranging fields. Watering holes are sparse and spread thin, and the terrain offers little safety from the blazing sun that hangs overhead. When the sun retreats and gives way to moonlight, the Savannah becomes almost chill, but the night is dark and full of wild creatures. In the Savannah, it’s hunt or be hunted.

The jedi arrived in the middle of the Savannah, Xan Nes, a Dashade creature that was bred for being an assassin, was instead trained as a combat medic. He was here to learn mor of the turu-grass and the creatures that lived in the Shili plains. Hoping to incorporate some of the healing techniques into his own style of expertise. He had come alone and away from the reaches of the Brotherhood to do his work in peace.

He also heard about the Akul, a four-legged creature that was also an expert, like himself, that could track any living creature by its scent. Xan wanted to try to see if one can track his own species, as they were genetically bred to hid flawlessly from detection. What better way to become a better jedi to out hunt the hunter.

Unfortunately, he was not alone. The Chiss had arrived days earlier, also hunting the Akul for their prized teeth as well as getting biological samples for his clan, Plagueis, to turn into sithspawn.

Brimstone was scoping the landscape, tracking a Akul he had actually harmed the day before when it surprised him while scouting the territory. If it wasn't for his quick reflexes with blasters, he might had been on the receiving end of a nasty bite from its powerful jaws. Following a path of blood that the beast was secreting, Brimstone came upon a force-sensitive presence he was not expecting. From what he could tell was that he didn't know if it was a Jedi, a Sith, or just another person who was able to touch the Force. He decided to start searching for this person as soon as he got the samples he needed from the injured beast.

Xan was taking a break when he heard a distinct sound of the creature's bellow and looked to the south horizon. As he knelt in the high grass, he clearly could see the creature, but it was limping. As he slowly tried to inch closer, to his amazement, another individual was behind it by about 20 meters.

"Kraking Sith" he thought to himself. "Wish I had worn my armor instead of my robes to this planet." Moments later, the Sith he was watching, unleashed a torrent of forked lightning at the creature, engulfing it in blue volts. It screamed in agony, then slammed hard into the ground. He then watch as the Sith walked over casually, removed his lightsaber from his belt, and ignited the red blade, plunging it deep into the creature's skull. he knew it was at ease now that its pain had subsided.

As Brimstone knelt down, while taking the sample, he felt a disturbance and immediately stood up, searching his surroundings. "I know you are here. I can feel your presence. Come on out and show yourself" he spoke out.

Xan could see that he was possibly out-matched from this Sith just by the way he showed a command of fortitude in his aura. But he was limited on his options. Attack and possibly be killed, hide and run from him, or perhaps trick him into believing that he was an ally. He knew he was good at fooling individuals, but most of them were weak minded. This blue man in black clothing, he wasn't too sure about his mentality. He had the ability to use lightning, same as himself, an ability frowned upon by the Jedi, but it was what helped him blend with the enemy, by making them think he is one of them.

Before he could stand and say anything, the Chiss turned, raised his hand, and forcibly lifted a local Tortuga that was also nearby. It whelped in surprise at being lifted in the air and brought towards the Sith. Xan had to think fast. He knew that the local wasn't going to survive any interrogation.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 2 September, 2015 2:46 AM UTC

Brimstone came upon a force-sensitive presence he was not expecting.

Always capitalize "Force." I think this is a typo, though, since you tend to do it correctly in most situations.

plunging it deep into the creature's skull. he knew it was at ease now that its pain had subsided.

Missed capitalization of "He" at the beginning of that sentence.

Otherwise, I actually really liked the setup for this match. Good use of Xan's character sheet to establish a reason for him being there. Even if the random Togruta NPC that just happened to be there seemed a little random. Also, Togruta is a Star Wars race. Tortuga is city in Haiti.

Acting only with what he knew about Chiss and Togruta, Xan leaped into action, calling on the Force, and running out of hiding, blasting with lightning, forking it so it hit both the Sith and the Togruta. He knew that the Togruta tended to be slightly tougher than humans, whereas Chiss were just more intelligent, and hoped the lighting did not kill the local.

Even if she does die, it will be a far less painful death he thought I have no idea what is going to happen from here

To the Dashade's delight, the Togruta as dropped by the sith, and appeared to still be breathing, while the Chiss did a double take of what just happened.

"A Dashade!" Brimstone exclaimed, surprised to see one of the rare race. He stop himself from saying more, playing it safe, only knowing about the race from rumor. "An assassin I assume. You will have to do better to kill me. Who are you?"

"Not you," the medic said, thinking on his feet, and playing on the Sith's own beliefs. Luckily he had the Dashade reputation, and his own Wobow mindset to aid him. "The Togruta was my target. I couldn't let you kill her. And if you kill me, the rest of my... friends will come back for revenge. As a Chiss, and a highly intelligent one even among the species, you can appreciate the value of not making enemies with a group of Dashade."

The Sith took a step back, and put his hand on his lightsaber. The Chiss believed the story enough, but something seemed off. "Why this Togruta? The odds of this encounter are nearly impossible, so tell me why."

"I do what I am paid to do. I don't ask questions..." Xan replied, trying to think of a reason. "My group works with Sith. They want her dead."

The Chiss caught on to Xan’s lie then, his hands moving easily to his blasters. "You get paid for? Why not the group?"

"Don't Sith." Xan replied evenly, his mindset fully in Kranni. Xan put a hand to his lightsaber, ready to move. "This will not end well. Leave and leave the Togruta to me, and this will be over."

"I admire you using your species reputation, but you lack in real planing. What did you expect to happen," The Chiss said, about to draw.

Both the jedi and the sith exploded into motion. Xan threw himself to the ground, clumsily rolling closer to Brimstone, pulling out his saber. At the same time Brimstone pulled out his charric blasters and fired at where the Dashade was standing, clipping Xan in the shoulder as he dived forward. The Chiss felt something hook on his heel, and was pulled to the ground, losing his blasters in the process. The Dashade was on him then, wresting and holding him to the ground. Brimstone struggled to break free of his larger and stronger opponent trying, and tried to think of a way out.

At that same moment, Brimstone could not understand the struggle of the Dashade. Xan felt the hunger to consume the life essence of the Chiss, so close, so easy to devour. I WILL NOT! Xan thought to himself, doing his best to control the hunger.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 2 September, 2015 1:10 PM UTC

the Togruta as dropped by the sith

"as" -> "was"

"Don't Sith."

Probably should have a comma there in there.

"You get paid for? Why not the group?"

I think I get what you're trying to say, but this looks like you didn't carefully read over what you actually wrote.

These are just a couple of minor syntax things that sort of distract the reader from the story you're trying to tell. Also, Jedi and Sith should always be capitalized.

"K'TAH!"

The Chiss screamed out as he was felt the Dashade upon him and knew about their hunger to devour individual's life essences. He could only do what he could. Unleashing all his rage, he exploded with telekinesis that hurled the dark leech off of him.

As Xen was landing, Brimstone rolled to a crouch, summoned back one of his blasters with his left hand and open fire at Xen. The Jedi threw up a barrier as fast as he could, but knew it wouldn't last under the barrage. Igniting his lightsaber just before it collapsed, he started to try to deflect the incoming shots, but the makeup of the blaster used against him was difficult as it seemed to almost penetrate his Soresu kata.

Brimstone quickly changed tactics and opened up on the grasses. They were dry and quickly, an inferno erupted around the Dashade. He knew they had a distinction of hating flames.

The Jedi caught in the blazing trap, leaped backwards, catching his tunic and robe aflame. The pain from the burns hurt, but once he.landed and took cover, he started regenerating his minor wounds.

The Tortuga that was the Sith's earlier victim, tried to use distraction and attempted to jump on Brimstone's back. The Chiss sensed the attack, spun onto his back, and quickly ignited his lightsaber. The humanoid couldn't avoid being impaled as he fell on top of the blade, dying immediately. Afterwards, he pushed its body off of him and got up. "Dashade, where did you go?" He surveyed and reached out with the Force to try to track his quarry.

Xen didn't care about the creature anymore. His hunger was building to the.breaking point that it was going to consume him. He's a Sith, I'm sure the Jedi wouldn't care if I feed he thought to himself. He also knew that the Chiss was going to be prepared for another wrestling match so that plan was out, or at least set aside until he needed to use it.

The flames on the Savannah spread fast and outwardly as it fed off the dry vegetation that fueled it. Xen jumped over the barrier of fire and landed in the middle where it had stopped burning.

Brimstone noticed the flames spreading and the only safe location was.in its epicenter. So he ignited his lightsaber and ran towards the wall blocking him. The Chiss with his lightsaber in hand landed just after Xen did.

They wouldn't be alone for long as so did two monsterous Akuls that jumped in the middle too.

Brimstone and Xen both knew they were frakked by the arrival of the third party. Both stood back to back and opened up with lightning at the charging behemoths.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 2 September, 2015 1:12 PM UTC

The Jedi threw up a barrier as fast as he could, but knew it wouldn't last under the barrage.

Xan does not have a barrier Force power. He does have Deflection, but that's not what you wrote.

Brimstone quickly changed tactics and opened up on the grasses. They were dry and quickly, an inferno erupted around the Dashade. He knew they had a distinction of hating flames.

Clever use of the environment.

the.breaking

Stray period.

was.in

Again.

I must remain in control! Xan thought as he unleashed his lightning. He knew he slipped when he thought of consuming the sith. The hunger was still there, but he maintained control by shifting into the Wobow mindset. His mind accepted the hunger as a constant and moved it aside, allowing him to ignore it.

The Akuls weathered the lightning, and approached more slowly. Xan knew very little about the skeletal make up of the beasts, however the bipeds had legs, and he just had to trip them. Even so he found it hard to trust the sith. I am willing to bet he would try to kill me and the Akuls.

He didn't get the chance to say his plan to the sith when the Akuls pounced. The Chiss moved fast, swinging his saber at an Akul, only to be hit by the other as it pounced past Xan. Xan stood frozen, his hunger coming back, the desire to consume both the sith and the Akuls. The mental battle was beyond what Xan had ever dealt with before, even when he was just a medic in the most recent Great Jedi War.

For having to take on the two Akuls, Brimstone handled himself well. He slashed hard and fast, appearing to be in a constant state of motion. Had Xan not been in his own mental battle, he would have been in awe of the sith's skill. Brimstone fought, confused as to why the Dashade did nothing. The Akul's noticed as well, and one leaped at him tackling him to the ground and bit his neck.

Brimstone thought it was the end of the Medic. Brimstone was wrong. an lost his mental battle, and as he was bit, he began to consume the Akuls life force, while calling on the Force to heal himself. The Akul's bite weakened, and went slack while Xan healed at an extraordinary rate.

Brimstone ducked to the side as the body of the Akul Xan killed was thrown across the battlefield. He turned in time to see Xan tackle the remaining Akul, and began to feast on its life force. Brimstone watched in horror as the seemingly possessed Xan drained the life of the Akul, and saw the light fade from the Akul's eyes.

Xan then turned toward the sith, the only thought in his mind being to consume the Chiss's life force. He killed the Togruta. He is a sith. I will kill him. I WILL DEVOUR HIM!

Xan leaped at the Sith, summoning his lightsaber, and swung downward in a two handed grip. Brimstone put his saber to block, but it was bashed down by his opponents shear strength. Xan went for another attack, but stopped. No, what am I doing? I must not do this!

Brimstone aw the conflict in his foe's eyes, and saw the chance to attack and kill. Then his curiosity took over. "Are you a Jedi or a sith?" he asked simply, hoping that the person he had fought before the Akuls would respond, and not the beast he had seen controlled by his hunger.

"I... am a Jedi... but... I do.... Not... follow the Jedi code," Xan said, struggling to get the words out, forcing himself into the Kranni mindset to fend off the hunger.

This intrigued Brimstone, he knew that if the fight were to continue he would win. Even so this Dashade intrigued him, and he did not want to kill such an interesting foe. "Explain to me how you are a Jedi without following the code, and I will let you live, for now."

"I follow the Hippocratic oath I took to become a medic. I doubt you would understand." Xan replied, to deep in his struggle to respond further.

Brimstone noticed that, saw it in Xan's eyes. He then turned away. "I want to fight a warrior, it is so much more interesting. Next time we meet try to keep your hunger bottled up for the few seconds it takes for me to kill you."

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 2 September, 2015 1:22 PM UTC

The Akul's noticed as well

You shouldn't have an apostrophe in "Akuls" here. It's plural, not possessive.

Brimstone was wrong. an lost his mental battle

Missed an X there.