Clan Taldryan

First Clan of the Brotherhood of Dark Jedi

Consular Report 02.04.2002

Grand Master Jac Cotelin Reporting

I don't know where to start tonight.

I began writing my report a long time ago and was almost half way done when I heard that familiar beep of the IRC channel -- the topic was changed.

"[00:26] *** peer-jk changes topic to '02/05/02. Today is the half year anniversary of out loss of Atrus "Nix" Hexum. R.I.P. Ryan http://www.vastempire.com/atrus/index.cfm?r=v'

I was half way through reading Yacko's post when I broke down into tears.

I haven't cried in forever and I found myself crying at the memory of a person I had never known. I don't know if it was the way Ziggy talked of him or whether it was the words on the page hitting home, but i cried for half an hour before i could think straight again.

And then all i could think about were the things I have never said -- never said to my friends, never said to my parents...and what does tomorrow bring?

I don't know where i would be today without this club - without all of you. I have stayed around for so many years not because i am a Star Wars fan, and not because I like to play games. I have stayed around because of the people that make this place great. The people that make my life great. All of you.

I can't even begin to imagine what the loss of someone like Atrus would be like. Like losing a brother? You are all my brothers and sisters and to lose any one of you would be like losing a member of my family.

You are my family, all of you. I care for you as siblings do and I can't stand the thought of life without each one of you.

I have talked people in this clan down from suicides, witnessed others do the same. I have dealt with the real life problems and the online problems alike. We have fought and pushed and beaten down everything that life has thrown at us and we are still here. We are still working towards the same goals and we are still friends.

I want you all to know this and know it well -- All of you mean something to me. You are my family and friends and I don't want any of you to forget that. You have all had so much impact on my life that it is unbelieveable. Remember that, always.

To those of you that I am closest to -- i don't know what i'd do without you guys. You all make the world better to me.

To all of you I am getting to know -- i want to know you more --

To all of you who don't know me -- please talk with me -- there's always room for more.

To all of you dealing with problems -- my door is always open -- whether it's the DB or in Real Life, you can come to me and i'll listen.

To all of you -- thank you

Your friend,

James Alan Coutinho - aka - Jac