Competition: Meet the New Boss, Same as Old Boss - Where the hell is Howie?

Finished
Meet the New Boss, Same as Old Boss - Where the hell is Howie?

Prompt

Consul Keirdagh Cantor has retired, and his former Proconsul is now occupying the office. Thing is? Almost immediately after assuming office, Consul Howlader disappeared - leaving the imminently capable Proconsul Zoron in charge.

The question remains - where did Howie go? A secret mission for the Dark Council? Profiteering on with the Old Folks? Naps? Tracking him down is your task!


OOC Details:

This is the second in a series of competitions designed to introduce Consul Howlader to the Clan - and to let the Clan tear Consul Howlader a new one.

Your task is to tell the story or stories about In general? The more amusing and the more mocking? The better.


Specifics:

  • Compose an original piece of fiction at least 500 words long.
  • Fiction will be judged based on readability, entertainment and originality.
  • Your job is to make fun of Howlader, be ruthless!
  • Clusters of Ice will awarded based on standard Voice guidelines for qualifying submissions.
Competition Information
Organized by
Howlader Taldrya
Running time
2016-06-09 until 2016-06-29 (21 days)
Target Unit
Clan Taldryan
Competition Type
Fiction
Awards
Third Level Crescents and Clusters of Ice as per VOICE guidelines
Participants
5 subscribers, of which 1 has participated.
Results
Member
Raistline Taldrya Majere
Textual submission

Primeday came
With a wet and rainy day.
Zoron looked for Howie,
For he had something to say.

Zoron bustled into the room,
Prim yet wet from the rain.
He tried to keep his face void
Of the the pain they would gain.

For the Tally’s ruckus:
Of Drusies and Marksus,
Kiras and Yacksus,
Had sent poor Zoron into quite a ruckus

He squeezed the water dry
Letting the water sit
From his cloak to dry
That Chaos had knit.

Looking to the desk
With a forlorn mourn
He threw the cloak down
With a mournful scorn

“I have looked every where”
Zoron cried as he sat
“Bars from like Spanky’s
To dives like the Old Canuuk’s Hat
Eat till you Die and O’l Crubby Crawlers,
And other Howie maters
The list was getting taller and taller.

“I’ll catch your fish for ya”
A voice gladly spoke
As nails drug down a chalk board
And Zoron’s tears began to soak.

“He’s a danger to alll”
Cat mewed to the non reply
“To bars and brewer
Of this non can deny”

She withdrew a bag
Of amazing sorts
That had drumsicles and harmoniclycles
Arrayed in amazing sorts
Crabs and shrimp and feasts alike
Were thrown out of the offices ports.
Tampons oranges
Credits and tags
If it was stolen from Dacey’s
It flew from her bag

“Out with you” Zoron
Cried with a quake
As he was nearly hit
with a double chocolate malt shake

“Here it is” She cried
As Cat pulled out
A Howie-Find-A-Matic
With all the shortcuts

She held the device high
Hoping not to let see
That she was also holding
Nude pictures of me.

Now dear reader
That you have been spared
You might help Zoron
Find Howies secret laird

“A Howie -find-o-matic?!”
Zoron yelled as he shook.
“But the were all destroyed
The last epic gobbledygook”

They both held it together
To revel and rave
In the Consul they would soon save.
But to their demise
Neither ripped nor tatheed
Was a quiet canuck still in his towel tathered.

The two watched as Howie reveled and raved
At the lack of Winter
Or the dragons that were saved.
Cat and Zoron held on tight
As they learned that Castle would be canceled that night.
Dresden would only continue
In a cartoon miniseries
Not only would Canada
Be infected by the ‘Murca stupidity
But his one day off was three hours of Glee

The Howe-Find-A Mastic
Fell with a tumble
As Cat began to pack her bags
Began to mumble:
“I don’t want to be here
When he begins to quake.
Over membership
And the classes they don’t take”

With that she scrambled for the door
And Zorn was left alone once more.
He thought of the Druis and Markus
Yackus and Kiras,
Kooks and Cats and Bubbliest shapes
Even the Raistiest of shakes.
But most of all he thought of the Howe’s aches
And the heartburn poutine must make

Zorn thought as he sat at the desk
That Tally must never rest.
“If we are where he comes to rest
Then Tally should be their best.”

Placement
1st place