Since I did this on a Mac I wasn't sure how pages would work/reformat on a PC so a text copy is included below.
When Poodoo Hits the Fan – Abduction
“Hey Ozzy, check out this chick we gotta abduct! Some 12 year old named Liora” Ozzy Pawsborne, Azmodius’s feline companion, looked up from licking his crotch and lets out an approving meow. The pair had been together for as long as either can remember, and while Ozzy is capable of speech, he prefers not to unless singing or telling stories. “Looks like she’s having one of those fancy birthdays that wealthy CEOs hold to rub elbows and make deals with each other. Nobody will be paying attention to her so snatching her will be super easy!” With that the two clanked shots of vodka, downed them, and set off fort the party.
On the way to the party, Azmodius explained that they will be getting in under the guise of an entertainer with Azmodius as the handler. Ozzy let out an excited meow and the two preceded to drink more. Blitzed and completely oblivious to their surroundings, the knight and his companion are interrupted in their early celebrating by a warning from the autopilot system. “Fracking space crap!” Azmodius exclaimed, as he stumbled over to the pilot’s station and attempted to manually fly through the debris with a terrified Ozzy clinging to his head for dear life.
Finally having landed, the dock crew was greeted to a lanky and somewhat terrifying Arkanian and shaken cat emerging from a disheveled ship surrounded by smoke and warning alarms ringing. “Oh shut up!!” Azmodius yelled and kicked the ship, oddly silencing the alarms before regaining his composure and preceding to meet with the crew. “This should cover the expenses. I’d like it to be operational by tomorrow morning.” the knight said in an oddly calm tone as he handed one of the crew members a small bag.
After being led to his room to prepare for the festivities, the Arkanian couldn't help but feel he was being watched. “Hey Ozzy, keep your eyes open. something is weird about this place. Im gonna go take a shower.” Whilst cleaning himself, the knight still couldn't shake the feeling that there were eyes on him. Upon returning to the room, he found Ozzy passed out on the bed and a girl in her early 20s rooting through his things. In a flash he was inches away from the distracted girl. “What the hell are you doing, servant girl?! Want to get a look at my things, eh? Get the frack out before I call your superiors!” The girl was shocked at having been discovered and turning to face the knight, she turned bright red as he had dropped his towel. “EEEK!!” she screamed as she scrambled out of the room.
Later as the party was beginning, Azmodius found himself a more quiet corner at the bar to scope out his target. something about that servant still seemed odd to him, almost as if she looked familiar. He tried to shake the feeling as the festivities were beginning. “Ladies and Gentlemen…. grand celebration… daughter, Liora’s 22nd birthday…” Azmodius nearly dropped his jaw. The servant girl, the daughter, his assignment, the picture was a decade old! “ Damn, she's pretty hot too…” he thought to himself as he waited for her father to finish his introductory speech.
Seeing Liora sitting in her seat, looking bored out of her skull, Azmodius thought it best to try to apologize for his behavior earlier. “Hey there, birthday girl. Listen, I wanted to apologize for earlier. I had no idea who you were and I had been getting this weird feeling I was being watched since arriving. Anyways its no excuse and I just wanted to apologize. Drink?”
Liora blushed and nodded, “Actually, I should be the one apologizing. I've been spying on you since you got here. I just saw your ship and how you acted thought you must be pretty tough like the guys in the stories I read. You're just so different from what I'm used to seeing here, I've never really been outside our home. Father doesn't approve.” After a few more drinks and a bit more conversation, they were both decently sauced. “Hey, lets make a deal: I wont say anything about you spying on me, and you don't say anything about seeing me naked.” Liora, now having drank enough to have gotten a bit of confidence replied with a wink, “Only if i can see it again.”
At that the knight smiled as she took him by the hand and the two snuck back to her room. A good couple hours in, and Liora posed a question, “Do you know what today is?” “Well yeah, Its your birthday!” Azmodius replied. “Well yeah but it’s also the day of celebrating all women in the galaxy. And you've made me feel like a woman in every way I could possibly imagine, but theres just one thing I want to try…” Liora said shyly. “Of course, I always encourage experimentation in the bedroom!” ,he replied enthusiastically. As Liora left to grab what she needed, Azmodius thought to himself how much he loved sheltered rich girls. Azmodius’ eyes grew large behind the cloth as Liora returned holding a fairly large strap on.
The next few moments were filled with nervous bargaining before Azmodius bolted for the hall. Running into one room and out the other chased by a sheltered, but quite precocious, daughter of an incredibly successful CEO (Scooby Doo style chase). Ozzy felt something was amiss and followed his friend’s scent to find him absolutely terrified and running from what appeared to be a not so naive girl wearing a large black strap on. “Ozzy!” Azmodius yelled as he tripped over his feline friend and fell face down on the ground. Not a second later, Liora also tripped and fell… right into the Arkanian Jedi. “huuuuh?” Azmodius let out a pained grunt with tears in his eyes. Ozzy covered his eyes with his paws and turned away as Liora whispered, “Happy Intergalactic Women’s Day?”
After settling things with Liora, Azmodius wanted to leave. No longer caring for his mission, he bid the girl farewell and made way for his ship. At this point it had been repaired, but something was amiss. Instead of the usual crew, there were guards posted along the docking bay. “You there! Halt! We know why you're here!” one of them shouted, pointing his blaster rifle at the knight. “Oh crap, I knew it couldn’t be this easy…” 6 guards moved in closer as Ozzy jumped up onto Azmodius’ shoulder. The knight began his attack, clearing guards in his usual acrobatic fashion. Ozzy dug his claws in a bit too deep during one of the Arkanian’s maneuvers and the knight flung the cat into one of the guards faces.
Having cleared them a pathway, Azmodius called to his buddy who was still, viciously clawing at a dead guard who had mistakenly stepped on his tail in all the commotion. Now having boarded their ship, and taken off Azmodius could finally relax. “Oh man, Ozzy. Furios is gonna be furious when he hears I botched such a simple mission. At least we got away from that chick. Oddly, I gotta say, ‘crazy chicks really are the best.’ Think I actually miss her a little…” No sooner had the words left his mouth, Azmodius was pounced upon by no other than Liora. “OHMYGOD! IKNEWYOULOVEDME! ANDYOUREJUSTLIKETHOSEGUYSINTHESTORIESONLYEVENCOOLER! SOBRAVEANDSTRONGANDFULLOFLOVE! IDONTCAREWHATMYDADDYSAYS,WELLBETOGETHERFOREVER!” Both Azmodius and Ozzy’s groans could be heard from outside the ship the whole way back to Aliso.