Competition: You Do What, Exactly?

Finished
You Do What, Exactly?

Describing exactly what it is that you do in the Dark Brotherhood is sometimes a bit difficult under good circumstances. Let's see how well you can describe your DB job... under poor circumstances. Submit as many badly-described DB positions/jobs as you can, using as short of descriptions as possible. Grading will be based on humor and originality. You don't have to only do your job, you can choose any position(s) in the DB.

Still confused? Here are a couple the DC came up with:

  • MAA: "Push green and red buttons." (from Howie - and Evant added "Compulsively")
  • HM: "I mold young minds. When I feel like it." (from Farrin)
  • VOICE: "Voice explains why you can't play as space bunnies." (from Wally)
  • FIST: "The man who won't let you earn rewards for Pokemon Go." (from Drac)
Competition Information
Organized by
Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae
Running time
2017-05-27 until 2017-06-10 (15 days)
Target Unit
Entire DJB
Competition Type
Other
Awards
First Level Crescents
Participants
24 subscribers, of which 16 have participated.
Results
Member
Kylex Sanguris
Textual submission

Grand Master: I let my peons do the work.
CM: I make sure no one uses sabercopters
HM: READ THE STUDY MATERIAL!
HERALD: I make people feel inadequate in the art area
FIST: We have fun when it suits us
VOICE: THAT IS'NT CANON!
MAA: *Screams in Panda*
CON: I own these idiots
PCON: I command these idiots
RM: I organise these idiots
QUA: I annoy these idiots
BTL: I love these idiots

Placement
1st place
Member
Lilith Alema'rha Versea-Stormwind
Textual submission

Battleteam leader - I attempt to motivate the unmotivatable

Placement
2nd place
Member
General Ronovi Tavisaen
Textual submission

Ronovi has had many jobs over the years. Here's the poorly explained list.

1. SGT of BT Arcano Signum
"I reminded my men that there's no 'I' in 'team'...but there is a 'me.' If you rearrange it, of course."

2. AED of House Cestus
"I made the most out of living on a goddamn abandoned ship on a goddamn abandoned moon."

3. QUA of House Cestus
"I used my promotion to turn my unit into Robin Hood's merry men."

4. PCON of Tarentum
"I worked alongside a guy who's written graphic rape scenes before. Oh, and I killed necromancy."

5. CON of Tarentum
"I promoted 'girl power' and kratocracy until some long-haired guy downsized my unit."

6. QUA of Tarentum
"It's Consul-lite - half the unit capacity, none of the flavor!"

7. P:HM
"I made exams slightly less frustrating and tried to warn my boss about a potentially time traveling Jedi. He still lost his lower jaw."

8. HM
"I made students scream at each other for the sake of debate. Then I tried to blow up the school."

9. AED of House Plagueis
"I wanted VENGEANCE."

10. QUA of House Plagueis
"I still wanted VENGEANCE, but then I was roofied and got FROZEN TODAY."

11. "Pontiff of Proofreading"
"This isn't a real job title; I just attack other people's ACC fights and RO posts with a red sharpie."

12. Bodyguard to CON of Plagueis
"I stand around and look grubby and menacing while the pretty evil lady talks politics."

Placement
3rd place
Member
Droveth Kathera Vectivi
Textual submission

GM - occasionally chime in to destroy your planet

DC - hardest working free labor around

Herald - no pretties for you!

FIST - I giveth, I taketh away

Placement
No placement
Member
TuQ’uan Varick di Plagia
Textual submission

I don't have a job so...

Try to look busy?

Placement
No placement
Member
Adept Bentre Stahoes
Textual submission

Proconsul: "I herd cats- I mean Sadowans- about while we wait for the next event/vendetta."

Placement
No placement
Member
Fenris Skagg
Textual submission

Battleteam Member: "I Play Pazaak."

Placement
No placement
Member
Dr. Giyana Jurro
Submission
Dr. Giyana Jurro opted out of publishing her submission.
Placement
No placement
Member
A deleted dossier
Textual submission

SCL: He is the man who arranges the code that continues to fall from his keyboard.

Placement
No placement
Member
Jorm (The Jester) Na'trej
Textual submission

GM: Go gray over all this.
DGM: Hug the GM when it gets too much for him.
SCL: Maintain your precious digital playground.
MAA: Decide whom I like and give you a medal for it.
HM: Try to give as many F's as possible, and failing.
FIST: Tell you how to have fun the rewarding way.
HRLD: Leech all that artistic spark from your souls to create... but that's telling too much.
VOICE: Fanfic you can't ignore.
JST: Watching you from the ceiling.
RGT: I make imaginary toys for you to buy with imaginary money you invest real time to get.

Combat Master: I want a good clean fight, understood? Let's get it on!
Wiki Tribune: I archive all this fanfic stuff.

Praetors: Here to take over when the boss isn't looking.
Magistrates: It's just illegal to call us slaves...

CON: Herding one seventh of the bag of cats that is the DJB.
P-CON: Standing in when my CON goes on a desperate binge again.
RM: Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'

QUA: Doing the CON's work without the benefits.
AED: Standing by for backstab and subsequent power trip.

BTL: Waiting for the AED spot to become free.
BTM: Doing stuff and making all those buggers above look good in the process.

Placement
No placement
Member
Kelviin
Textual submission

I draw fan art of fan fiction, and tell you which video card to buy

Placement
No placement
Member
Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia
Textual submission

Rolemaster- Master of roleing
Proconsul- Yell at people to do stuff
Consul- Yell at people to do stuff even louder
M:DGM- Ensure Mav is alive
M:Voice- Complain about how bad every character sheet is before accepting it anyway
ACC Judge - Determine who made worse grammatical errors
Combat Master- Determine what grammatical errors are more important than others
Headmaster- Tending the DJBs Head Museum (I hear Firefox needs a feeding)
M:RGT - DJB Stockboy
Regent - Figuring out how much to mark up repainted droids
GM - Provide evil laughter

Placement
No placement
Member
Edgar Drachen
Textual submission

FIST - The man that overseea all gaming to make sure there is no fun to be had. (I'm so fired)
Consul - making the big decisions and steering the Clan in new directions, if you ever come back from that vacation you took when you got the job. (So fired again)

Placement
No placement
Member
Braecen Kaeth
Textual submission

Dark Council/Consul: Babysit fully grown men and women on a daily basis and rethink your life choices

Praetor/Proconsul: Sell your body (and mind) for a chance to be 'the guy' (that babysits full grown men and women on a daily basis, then question your life choices)

Magistrate/Quaestor: Impulsively do ALL THE THINGS and burn out. Rinse & repeat... or post "Now accepting applications for Quaestor"

Staff/Aedile: Tell everyone you got the job (secretly have no idea what the job actually is)

Placement
No placement
Member
Marcinius Turelles
Textual submission

GM: "I create 12 charts and graphs to explain why we should add a new item to possessions."
DGM: "Nobody knows what I do."
HMR QUA (Muz): "I didn't get to do my Rite, so I decided to rule my own home. Some call it pouting but I don't." <3 u Muz
VOICE: "Yells at people and dreams of up the fiction for the reason."
Loyalist Captain (me): "I don't do shit. Expect this competition because Sang and Bentre told me to."

Placement
No placement
Member
Howlader Taldrya
Textual submission

HM: The ice cream licks itself.

Placement
No placement
Member
Etah Obsidyn
Textual submission

A Consuls job is to get threatened at by the Dark Council

A Proconsul's job is to write DJB Wiki Articles

A Quaestor's Job is to tell their Aedile to write a report

An Aedile's job is to say they are going to write a report but then to never do so

A Battle Team Leaders Job is to pretend their Battle Team is a House and to rewrite random DJB Wiki articles, poorly

A Clan members job is to complain that they should be promoted by now, while also doing nothing toward being promoted

Placement
No placement