Competition: Your Mother Was a Hamster

Your Mother Was a Hamster

War always comes with its own level of taunting and bragging. With a GJW at our doorstep, it is time to prepare some epic smacktalk before hand, so that you can properly focus on the battle as it unfolds.

You are tasked with creating a short (1-2 sentences long) piece of smack against each of the clans in the club. Yes this includes your own home unit. What's the point of dishing it out if you can't handle being on the receiving end?

Super "inside" jokes are discouraged. No being vulgar, submissions must be PG-13.

Scoring: This competition will be graded based on the humor and creativity of each different clan piece of smack talk. For example, 1 really good comment wont place as well as 4 pretty good comments. Keep it fun guys.

Competition Information
Organized by
Eminent Idris Adenn
Running time
2017-06-30 until 2017-07-30 (about 1 month)
Target Unit
Entire DJB
Competition Type
Second Level Crescents
22 subscribers, of which 8 have participated.
Augur Vez Hirundo
Textual submission

ARC: No wonder you'll all #TigerBlood #Winning #SexOffenderRegistry. You're the Charlie Sheen of the Brotherhood.
COU: All aboard Clan Bandwagon!
CSP: Guys, it's not an empire if you only have one planet. Especially not if that planet is on fire.
PLA: Mean Girls: the Clan.
TAL: I wouldn't make "past my prime" the core of my personality, but you do you.
TAR: It really takes some doing to be the creepy kid in the back of the class in this crowd, but the scent of last night's corpse on your breath helps.

CNS: Oh, right. CNS exist. I tend to forget about you guys, what with the lack of anything to care about and all.

1st place
Adept Braecen Kaeth
Textual submission

Arcona: Your Dajorra Defense Force so dumb, when the navigational beacon said "Arx Left" they turned around and went home.

Naga Sadow: Your youngling so dumb, when they went to the holoshow and saw "Under 17 not permitted" they left to find 16 more Journeymen and Novitiates.

Odan-Urr: Your Matriarch's ego so big, when she fell I didn't laugh (I did say 'timber!'), but the sidewalk cracked up.

Plagueis: Your Consul so fat, when he went to the beach, all the space whales started singing "We Are Family."

Scholae Palatinae: Seraph so fat, even Dora can't explore it.

Taldryan: You Multi-Orders so stupid, you put lipstick on your forehead to make up your mind!

Tarentum: Your Dread Lords so fat, it tooke me two shuttles, a gravtrain, and a speeder to get on their good side!

2nd place
Vanguard Maximus Alvinius
Vanguard Maximus Alvinius opted out of publishing his submission.
3rd place
Battlemaster Thanadd Mawgath
Textual submission

Scholae Palatinae: "Small POTATOES!"

Arcona: "If I wanted dark and musty, I'd crawl into Pravus' underwear - or join Tarentum."

Naga Sadow: "Scions of an ousted Sith Lord, their efforts to preserve and seize his dubious legacy have culminated in the construction of a chair that nobody sits in."

Taldryan: "Maybe they should cuddle a bit closer to Plagueis, if the rumors are true. I've seen their roster."

Odan-Urr: "Who?"

Tarentum: "A source of anachronistic ideas, untold horrors, ashen hair and the most predictable diabolical arcs - just like George Lucas's ass!"

No placement
Battlelord Ranarr Kul-Tarentae
Textual submission

So... the upcoming Great Jedi War... Seven participating Clans...

Arcona? Arcona?! Aregonna loose... big time!!

And what's with those guys... Odan-...Urr...euuhhhr...eeeuuh??? Guess they don't know it either!

Naga Sadow? No go shall thou,... right?

Plagueis.... haven't heard from them in a while, a plague hit them?

We've got Scholae Palatinae, sounds like kindergarden, right?

Another one is Taldryan. But seems like they're stuck on TaldryOFF.

And last but not least... Tarentum! Their activity proves it... truly the Clan of the dead.

No placement
Savant Kylex Sanguris
Textual submission

COU: get over the hokey religion and no emotions ya sociopathic freaks!
TAL: who... exactly are you?
Arcrona: your run by a blind woman? We're all doomed.
CSP: stop trying to be palpatine, your little fan club of his is embarrassing
CNS: Stop being weird, it's not a good look on you
Plagius: Another long dead sith being worshiped... great

No placement
Acolyte Volksven
Textual submission

Those Arcona have to straighten those T-heads of theirs or we'll be playing golf soon enough.
Tarentum: Better start the tarantella now, the evil spirits are coming in hot.
Naga Sadow? More like not a shot, for a loser killed by his own apprentice.
The Odan-Urr better get ready for an usurping of their feeble power.
Let's get rid of the nasty plague -excuse me- Plagueis around here.
The Romans fell to barbaric invaders, the Palatinae around here aren't worthy of the title 'awful.'
Taldryan better get ready to get "tald" (told) on who's boss a-ryan (around) here.

No placement
Colonel Liandry Lhucci Cataa
Colonel Liandry Lhucci Cataa opted out of publishing her submission.
No placement