Competition: DJB Snapple Facts: Rhylance

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DJB Snapple Facts: Rhylance

At the end of 2017 that blue-skinned mad doctor Rhylance announced he would be stepping down as Consul of Clan Taldryan. Let us all honor the service of that crazy Chiss the best way I know how, soul-crushing humor! As an homage to our outgoing Consul come up with three, one-sentence "Snapple Fact" statements about Rhylance. These "facts" can be completely made up but should still be true to the Star Wars Universe.

Example: Rhylance once spent an entire evening spooning a decommissioned B2 battledroid.

Format: Submissions should be in Word/PDF formats or through the text box.

Grading: Scoring will be done using the following breakdown, 50% humor, 25%, Star Wars authenticity, 25% spelling/grammar. Submissions with less than three statements will be disqualified. If more than three statements are submitted I will base the score off of the first three.

Competition Information
Organized by
Raiheaux
Running time
2018-01-09 until 2018-01-16 (8 days)
Target Unit
Clan Taldryan
Competition Type
Other
Awards
Third Level Crescents
Participants
5 subscribers, of which 4 have participated.
Results
1st place
Colonel Shanree Argentin
Member
Colonel Shanree Argentin
Textual submission

- The wild Rhylance is capable of drinking eight bottles of whiskey in a single night but chooses not to because its a nerd and hates social gatherings
- Rhylance, normally known for his famously thick skin, is still susceptible to a lightsaber blade to the kidney
- The last noob who called him RhyGuy was disappeared and turned into a lampshade, a stylish vest, and a wall trophy.

Placement
1st place
2nd place
Ondur Lkaetur
Member
Ondur Lkaetur
Textual submission

[These Only Found In Chiss Supermajority Markets, marketed to Chiss in their language. Attempting Chiss humor/culture here....]

The Taldryan Consul "Rhylance" is Chiss.

The Taldryan Consul "Rhylance" was an extremely efficient professional worthy of highest praise.

The Taldryan Consul "Rhylance" has never met every Stormtrooper.

Placement
2nd place
3rd place
Rian Taldrya
Member
Rian Taldrya
Textual submission

Rhylance is so smart, during his time at the university, he was accidentally taken for a protocol droid by some technician - they sent him to maintenance because his movement was too smooth.

Rhylance once refused a drink with the rest of the summit saying that one's not supposed to drink alcohol when operating heavy machinery while indicating at his forehead.

Rhylance could account himself as smart, but to justify that, he would have to remove one hand from his body to loose as much intelligence compared to the mass of his body to fit the definition of smart.

Placement
3rd place
A deleted dossier
Member
A deleted dossier
Textual submission

Rhylance is blue because he's cold. Very cold.
Rhylance eats the liver of those who don't survive his procedures.
Rhylance's favourite type of holo-show is, surprisingly, soap opera

Placement
No placement
Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Member
Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Textual submission

1: Rhylance is afflicted by a constant state of "Blue balls"

2: Rhylance is known to utilize scalpels in a combat scenario. When asked why he wouldn't prefer a blade with more reach, he responded with, "I have no need to overcompensate any shortcomings with a longer blade. My equipments ability to penetrate is far more than satisfactory. It gets the job done effectively and efficiently."

3: Rhylance has found himself attracted to a determined and attentive mother, possibly reminding him of what he never had in his own parental unit... and he never cries about it...HE DOESN'T! *sniffle*

4: Rhylance subscribed to a magazine subscription called "Family Matters!" a monthly booklet detailing stories about different aspects of families across the galaxy. He spends extra time reflecting on his "Mommy" issues.

Placement
No placement