Competition: You Done Fracked Up Ayayron

“Grhm,” came a sleepy voice on the other end of the line. “Whoever this is better have a very good reason for contacting me at this hour,” the Empress said in a voice that mixed exhaustion with the promise of pain in equal measure. Jon winced. He’d forgotten the time difference between this backwater planet and Brotherhood space. All well, he was already in the deep end as it was.

“Your majesty! Hello!” he exclaimed. He immediately lowered his voice when he heard the aggravated hiss over the line.

“Who is this?” Elincia asked. “I’m not getting a hologram. Just audio.”

“Yeah, so the planet I’m on evidently hasn’t developed proper hologram communication yet. Go figure. I had Artemis patch in to make sure this signal got through though!.”

Elincia sighed on the other end. “Silvon?” Apparently she’d recognised his voice.

“That is I you majesty.”

“What did you do?”

“Why would you assume I-?”

“It is the middle of the night, Mercenary. What. Did. You. Do?”

Jon wasn’t sure if the vague sensation of fingers around his throat was real or purely imaginary. Could she do that from this far away? Didn’t she need to at least see him or something? Jon wasn’t sure, and he didn’t want to find out like that/. Rule #4: Never Tempt Fate. She Loves A Challenge.

“Ok, so I need bail money!” When she didn’t reply, Jon just sighed forlornly. No getting out of it now.

“It’s… a long story.” Nothing but silence on the other end. “So, it started when I went for a walk….”

“Let me get this straight,” said Raiju. The nautolan, along with Ironius, Alara, and Mune, had evidently joined in on Jon’s call at some point. The lack of visuals meant he wasn’t really certain when, but that wasn’t really his primary concern at the moment.

"Less than twelve hours after being deposited onto a backwater planet, on an unsanctioned mission no less-”
“Which, I completed flawlessly! Can you really blame me for wanting to have a little...celebration, afterwards?”

“You threatened civilians, wrecked three squad cars, started a public disturbance in a nightclub,” Raiju listed off, one after another.

“Hey, in my defense-”

“Blackmailed a librarian, threw the head of the city council into the lake, left a virus on the flag ship’s computer in an attempt to increase speed,” continued Alara, without even missing a beat.

“Why is she even here? I’m not in you House, woman!”

“Unleashed all the inmates from the asylum, set three buildings on fire, knocked four down, locked the mayor in his own building, unlawfully imprisoned a group of rodians” continued Mune. Did they rehearse this? When would they have had time to rehearse this so well?!

“I had it on excellent authority those rodians were terrorists!” Jon insisted, though at this point the writing was on the wall.

“All while you were 'celebrating',” finished Elincia, in the most deadened tone he’d ever heard her speak. He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign, or a bad one.

“A very enthusiastic celebration, Your Majesty!” The crowd on the other end of the line was silent. “So, you’ll post my bail, I take it?” he finished weakly.

Oh..that hits the spot. Joe thought to himself as he took another sip of his Corellian Ale. He had been in this cantina drinking for just over an hour and he was already drunk. “Hey bartender another bottle for my Jedi friend over here.” Said the man sitting next to Joe. “Hey thanks I...appreciate that.” Joe managed to slur out. “Don’t thank me pal, just take your drink and get outta here.” The guy said with a scowl on his face. “What’s that...supposed to mean?!” Joe yelled at the man. “It means your kind aren’t welcome around here.” The man said as he angrily stood up in front of Joe. “Something bad always happens whenever you and your Force using friends are around!” He yelled, picking Joe up by his shirt. By this point Joe had had enough of this guys disrespect. “Here ya go.” The bartender placed the bottle of Corellian Ale down on the counter in front of Joe. “On second thought, why don’t you have the drink.” Joe said picking the bottle up. “WHA..” the guy said before the glass bottle was smashed across his head. He released Joe’s shirt and collapsed onto the ground unconscious. Even drunk, a Jedi can kick your butt any day. Joe thought to himself. Just then a pair of police officers came in and approached Joe. Just my luck. Joe thought to himself sarcastically. “You there you are under arrest for assault.” The officer said before they placed Joe into cuffs and escorted him out of the cantina.
Several days later Joe awoke in a cramped jail cell. Ugh I wonder what happened. Joe thought to himself as stood up and walked over to the door of the cell. There was a police officer sitting at his desk near the cell. “Hi there, would you mind explaining to me how I ended up here?” Joe asked the officer. “Ugh yeah, you attacked a guy in a cantina.” The Officer said not even bothering to look up from his datapad. “Oh and when was this?” Joe asked. “Two days ago.” The officer said. “So why am I still here?” Joe asked. “The courts are closed during weekends. You’ll see a judge this afternoon.” The officer said in an annoyed way. Well guess I have nothing to do but relax. Joe thought to himself as he sat back down onto the metal bunk.
Several hours later and Joe was taken to a courtroom. “So how do you plead Knight Durham?” The Judge asked Joe. “Guilty your honor.” Joe said. “But you should know I was only defending the honor of my clan.” Joe finished. “ Ahh yes the honorable Clan Taldryan. You’re lucky me and Consul are old pals.” The judge stated. “Since you have an outstanding record of service to the Brotherhood I am only sentencing you to a 24 hour long meditation session.” The judge stated. “Now get out of my courtroom!” She yelled. Joe quickly complied. Now I’ll have Master Kromtal lecturing me throughout the whole meditation session. Joe thought to himself. “Joe there’s something we have to talk about.” Said Kromtal as Joe entered Taldryan Headquarters. Oh boy here we go. Joe sighed.