Competition: [Shadow Feast] Ancient Weapons & Hokey Religions

[Shadow Feast] Ancient Weapons & Hokey Religions

It’s time to boast about your success and misadventures as a member of the Shadow Academy Society! Tell a story, in your character’s voice (first person), of the following scenario:

During excavations on a distant planet, an ancient weapon was found by a team of archeologists from the Shadow Academy. As an official representative of the Shadow Academy, you were the first one to touch the weapon … and that was the moment it all went ballistics.

The weapon (you decide what it was), turned out to host the spirit of an ancient, honorable warrior cursed to remain in the weapon and to possess anyone who touches it as long as its archenemy lives. Suddenly, the archenemy of the spirit warrior appeared in front of you.

Your task is to write a first-person story of at least 500 words in which your character tells another Shadow Feast guest about how they became possessed by the spirit warrior and fought the warrior’s archenemy. What was that being? A space squirrel? A space whale? Or an evil jinn that forced everyone to sing, while the weapon was a boombox? Did you manage to defeat the archenemy of the spirit warrior (if yes, was it for good?). It is all up to you.

Participants must submit entries in .pdf, .doc, or .docx format, or use the submission text field on the site.

The entries will be judged based on the Fiction Rubric 2.0, with comedy being the most important grading factor. Minimum 500 words.

You will receive 1 point for participation in this competition. The top three participants will earn additional 5, 4 and 3 points, respectively.

Competition Information
Parent Competition
Shadow Feast
Organized by
Warlord Ciara Tearnan Rothwell Tarentae, Augur Xantros
Running time
2020-01-06 until 2020-01-20 (15 days)
Target Unit
Entire DJB
Competition Type
Third Level Crescents and Clusters of Ice as per VOICE guidelines
11 subscribers, of which 5 have participated.
Lieutenant Colonel Essik Lyccane
Lieutenant Colonel Essik Lyccane opted out of publishing his submission.
1st place
Warlord Bentre Sadow
File submission
14185- Ancient Weapons and Hokey Religions.pdf
Textual submission

Not so much comedy as ironic in its ending, I suppose.

2nd place
Savant Riverche
File submission
3rd place
Knight Kade Ra
Textual submission

I sat across from a guest at the Shadow Feast, and a group was gathering to hear my story. Beginning from the start, I told them what happened.

I had just finished all my courses for the Dark Maven in writing, and as I was leaving professor Dek Iron'yikut caught up with me. The Sullustan met my eyes with his.

“Kade, Headmaster Stephens wants to see you. I believe it’s important.”

*Krong.* There was no reason he should have to see me unless he knew -- nevermind. I headed on over to his office and gave the entrance a knock.

The headmaster opened the door. I always appreciated how well his hair went with his beard, and his hazel eyes seemed to gaze into your soul. I may be a dirtbag, but I can respect a good look.

“Do come in.” Stephens said, with a tone I couldn’t quite pick out.

“Your studies have been improving Kade, but I’m going to get straight to the point: An interesting item was discovered in an excavation on Tatooine. They have it secured over there, but no one has made contact or studied it closely. I need you to head over there and find out what you can. And yes, we will pay you some credits for this.”

I was waiting for him to stop talking so I could go back to Zsoldos and have a drink, but when he mentioned credits I may have had a change of heart.

“Alright, I’m in.”

“Great, there’s an academy Star Courier about to take off at the main hanger.”

So, I ran over to the hanger, black hair flowing behind me because I was never a fan of tying it up. Headed over as soon as they were about, to take off, I boarded the Star Courier and made it to Tatooine.

I’ve always believed this planet is as useful as the Bantha it inhabits. And I wasn’t wrong: The whole thing’s essentially a wasteland from some event that happened a while ago.

The Star Courier headed straight to the excavation site and dropped me off. As I walked into the main area, one of the archaeologists, a bald male human with brown eyes, came up to me.

“You must be Kade, I was told you were coming. I’m Kresh. Follow me, I’ll lead you to sword.”
*So it is some type of sword*

As I went over the hill, I saw a wide excavation site, probably a fourth of a mile wide.

*There is nobody on the site right now, what were they expecting the sword to do, explode?* I wondered, a thought which I would later come back a laugh at later.

“This is as far as I’m going, the sword is on the floor about half-way towards the center of the site. Just walk down the middle.” Kresh explained as I silently judged him for not coming.

Walking down the dune, I finally came upon the sword - but it wasn’t any ordinary sword. It was a Khopesh, a sickle sword, which was just laying in the sand, but it had something very unique about it: It was made of Phrik. I could tell by the fact it still looked in excellent condition, and the shade matched up.

*How did it even get sharp enough to be a blade? Why is it sickle-shaped? Who used it?*

These questions went through my head as I looked down at the weapon. Suddenly, I felt The Force within the object: some kind of power I haven’t felt before. I knew it wasn’t a good idea to pick it up without other tests, but I couldn’t resist the power I sensed: I gripped the cold metal and lifted it up to take a look, and something you may not believe happened.

I could feel the thoughts of a dead man whom had great power. His name was Cran Krasp: He was a Chiss who was very strong with the ways of the force, but never acquired a lightsaber. Killed by a Jedi named Talon that had succumbed to the full embrace of the dark side, Cran was a Force Disciple that discovered The Force on his own, and used it to its potential, but met an early end.

However, I could feel more than just his thoughts though: I had the power he had. Flowing through my like never before, The Force embraced my every move. Happening all in a moment, I felt this man a part of me, and he was. Like actually was: Cran had inhabited my thoughts: He was an apparition of The Force in me.

The next thing that happened after I grabbed the sword is pretty crazy. In the distance I could see a figure, which through Cran, I could tell that it was Talon.

As it got closer, confusion became a more prominent thing on my mind: I was looking at a crinken monkey. And It talked too.

“Krasp, I’ve finally tracked your weapon down, and thus can finish off every aspect of you. Give me the sword or I’ll slay you like I did that Chiss 500 years ago.”

Then I shouted “Talon we will end your evil deeds right here, right now.” Technically It wasn’t me, It was Cran that said that though. Or was it me? I don’t know. I didn’t even know who I was anyways. I also don’t know how that monkey was alive 500 years ago.

The humanoid, four foot fall monkey activated its red lightsaber and started towards me. With Saber in right hand and Khopesh in left, I took a defensive stance, crouching in an appropriate manner. Now here’s the thing about that though: I shouldn’t be able to fight that well, but Cran was an excellent fighter. I had the knowledge that he had. But I didn’t know why the monkey was still freaking alive, so he probably didn’t either.

The monkey raised its hand and sent mass amounts of lighting at me, and I got my saber up in the nick of time to block it.

*Let me take this over Kade, I’ve fought this thing before.*

*You died against it.*

Before I realized it, the monkey's lightsaber was interlocked between my crossed weapons. I jumped back at prepared to move in again, but Talon disarmed me with a simple wave of the hand. Lifting its hand up for another shock, I knew I was in for it.

I willed up a barrier just in time, one stronger than my normal ones, but not strong enough. The non stop barrage of Force Lightning broke through and I felt myself giving out.

*If I die here it’s your fault Cran. Get us out. Also why is your nemesis a monkey!*

*Hey, you picked up my sword. Don’t worry we won’t die, we’ll finish this together *

*If you’re going to do something, do it now!*

Then, fighting through the pain, Cran(or me, you guys decide at this point) fought through the pain and pulled the lightsaber back with The Force. The Yellow light practically nonexistent in the bright desert, it was kinda confusing to see the lightning absorbed by it.

We jumped back and threw a Bacta Bomb down. This helped to recover from the shocking, but I was getting tired. After a continual lightsaber dual, I wasn’t sure anymore how long I could hold out. Out of nowhere though, Cran had an idea.

*We need to get my weapon. Grab my sword.*

I could see the sword in the distance but I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it. This was because Talon was an aggressive fighter, you had to always be on your guard. The monkey would jump everywhere around you and I don’t know how I kept all my limbs. I tried to weave out fighting towards the other weapon, and it sort of worked.

“Just give up and let me end you, Cran. All of you,” Talon sneered as the fighting moved towards the sword. Also I don’t know how a monkey had such a deep voice, none of the made sense.

As I finally reached the sword, Talon disarmed me again. Preparing for a final swing, the monkey charged at me for one final blow.

Then Cran took over, grabbing the Khopesh, and the two weapons interlocked. However, the inner side of the curve was in the saber, so we curved it over the top, pushed the saber down a little, and punctured the body of the stupid monkey. The animal fell to the ground, dead, and I still wondered if I took any drugs.

*Thank you Kade, now I can finally be one with the Force.*

*Your nemesis was a monkey. You died to a sith monkey.*

The weapon I was holding dissolved in my hand, and I was left with mild confusion. I knew nobody would think that this is true if I told them, so I didn’t bother collecting any credits. Moving on from this odd event, I traveled to the nearest cantina to go drink. Like drink a lot...

No placement
Warlord Ashura Isradia Sadow
Textual submission


Shadow Feast Hall
Shadow Academy

I laughed with everyone else as the professor finished his story. The entire thing envolved a Bantha, a mercenary and a droid in a local cantina. I was feeling particular joyous due to the amount of alcohol I had consumed already. "That reminds me of the time ten years ago back when I was an initiate at the academy," I said the others at the table I was sitting at, "a team of us initiates, and a Krath professor all took a trip to this planet, Vegas. Anyway, the professor had found some ancient tales about an unholy sword and wanted to recover it. For archaeologic presenting, which was all Bantha droppings, he just wanted it for himself." We all chuckled as the typical thirst for knowledge that all Krath seemed to have. "So we are on Vegas, walking through this excavation, which the professor made us all dig I should add, the lazy Kriff didn't even lift a finger, just kept muttering to himself about Quarn this, Quarn that. Where was I, oh yes so we are walking through the excavation when I trip over and fall flat on my face, what an idiot I am? Then, when I stood up, I found myself holding this rusty sword."
I then started to snigger and tried to get my humour under control. "I found myself talking in this shrill voice saying 'thank you, young one. You have awoken me from my eternal slumber. I can now fulfil my final mission'. It was then that the Krath professor starting shouting Quarn at the top of his voice, ripping off his clothes and going completely mental, he was quite literally foaming at the mouth! All the other initiates peed themselves due to the Force pressure he was giving off, I think the only reason I didn't was that I was possessed at the time by this Quarn person." A roar of laughter exploded from the table, and I smiled lightly, concealing my slight embarrassment before getting back to my story.
"Anyway, I'm standing there, possessed by this spirit and staring at the naked crazy Krath, when Quarn started speaking through me. 'It has been a long time, my archnemesis, how have you been? Are the children well, do they miss their mummy?' I thought things couldn't be worse than possession by a spirit, here I am possessed by a woman, and it turned out this Krath professor was centries old and had a previous sexual relationship with her! I was mentally screaming in frustration at this point." Another round of laughter exploded from the table. "By now the Krath had pulled out this old looking sword and was squaring up against me, which the spirit was moving my body into the same fighting position, and here I was ready to be a first-hand witness to an epic showdown." I started to shake my head and slowly looked around the table. "You know how initiates first off their lightsaber training, wielding those training sabers like they the best in the universe. These two were worse than that! I mean seriously, he was swinging his sword as a madman possessed, I was swinging that rusty blade around, and we both kept missing each other. The few times the swords crossed paths, there was no power behind the attacks; both were fighting like they were limp for something. I got so annoyed I started to shout at Quarn to let me take over, but no, she wanted to slay her archnemesis herself. An hour later, he and I were so exhausted, or rather Quarn had exhausted me out." A few snickers caused me to roll my eyes. "Quarn had me on all fours panting like a bitch in heat."
Everyone laughed at that which I ignored. "I knew I was going to get skewered at any moment by the Krath, and Quarn kept saying it was a matter of honour, she had to slay him. Anyway, he charged up to us, raising his sword ready to end my life in one swing, when he trips on a rock and falls right onto Quarn's blade. It was a complete fluke. She had me holding the sword's hilt against the ground help prop herself back up, disbelief in the Krath's face said it all. He expired right there and crumbled into dust! There is a moment of silence before she jumps me to my feet and starts cheering, saying 'I did it, I did it, I did it. That cheating Kriff is dead, that will teach him from sleeping with that Trandoshan hussy!' Talk about a woman scorned, and she must have hated him to bind her spirit to that rusty piece of crap. Anyway, I started to feel her connection to me waver and leaves me, turns to me and thanks me for being the instrument of her revenge, and fades away. Eh, the shitstorm that followed when we all returned to the Shadow Academy is another story in itself. But I think the moral of that story is if you are going to sleep with someone else who is not your lover, and that your lover finds out, to make sure you don't trip up. I'm sure you all get the, heh, point!" Everyone, including myself, roared with laughter banging our fists against the table.

No placement