Competition: [GJW XV Event Long] Fiction - A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Mortis

Finished
[GJW XV Event Long] Fiction - A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Mortis
This competition is in the [GJW XV Event Long] Fiction Bin. Participating in a competition in this bin for the first time awards 5 points for your Clan. Cumulatively, the placements in this competition are worth 8.0% of placement points in this Phase. See the parent competition for detailed rules.

Objective

Espionage is a key part of any war. Unfortunately for the Inquisitorious, the Children of Mortis have killed or captured all of their spies. The only option left is the Brotherhood’s least subtle Prophet: Master At Arms Howlader Taldrya. Howie has gone undercover to infiltrate the Children of Mortis and discover everything about the organization, and hopefully find some good crystal-infused beer.

Write a humorous fiction detailing Howlader’s infiltration of the Children of Mortis, and whatever hijinks ensue.

Rules

  • Participants must submit entries in .pdf, .doc, or .docx format, or use the submission text field (markdown capable).
  • Entries must be a minimum of 500 words. Any entries that are under 500 words will be disqualified and ineligible for participation or placement.
  • Your story should be centered on Howie’s infiltration of the Children of Mortis.
  • You can write Howie's character however you'd like, without regard to his character sheet.
  • This competition will award up to four (4) bonus Clusters of Ice at a rate of 1 per 500 words, in addition to the normal clusters awarded for fiction competitions

Grading

Submitted entries will be graded using the Voice Fiction Rubric

Competition Information
Parent Competition
Great Jedi War XV: Ascension
Organized by
Howlader Taldrya, Lord Dacien Victae
Running time
2022-05-28 until 2022-07-06 (about 1 month)
Target Unit
Entire DJB
Competition Type
Fiction
Awards
Novae and regular and bonus Clusters of Ice as per VOICE guidelines
Participants
43 subscribers, of which 18 have participated.
Results
Member
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae
File submission
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Mortis....pdf
Textual submission

Secret: Agent Bear

Placement
1st place
Member
Aedile Tali Sroka
Submission
Aedile Tali Sroka opted out of publishing her submission.
Placement
2nd place
Member
Qyreia Arronen
File submission
EventLong - On the Way to Mortis.pdf
Placement
3rd place
Member
Emperor Thran Occasus-Palpatine
File submission
HowieGJW.pdf
Textual submission

Might be pushing the limit for PG-13. Idk.

Placement
4th place
Member
Master Selika Roh di Plagia
Submission
Master Selika Roh di Plagia opted out of publishing her submission.
Placement
5th place
Member
Adept Bentre Stahoes
File submission
GJW Howie Fiction 14185.pdf
Placement
7th place
Member
TuQ’uan Varick di Plagia
File submission
Adventures of Howie.pdf
Placement
9th place
10th place
Corsair Chrome
Member
Corsair Chrome
File submission
Green Monster.pdf
Placement
10th place
Member
High Inquisitor Anderson
File submission
Howie Fic.pdf
Placement
No placement
Member
Dr. Aru Law
File submission
Howie does shit.pdf
Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Kai Movar
Submission
Warlord Kai Movar opted out of publishing his submission.
Placement
No placement
Member
Grand Inquisitor Lizuni Heraga
Submission
Grand Inquisitor Lizuni Heraga opted out of publishing her submission.
Placement
No placement
Member
Nora Olen
Textual submission

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to Mortis

Howie should have been gathering as much information as he could about the Children of Mortis’ organization, yet here he was, frozen, standing in a room full of crystal infused beer. Buckets and buckets of beer…

He happened to come across it while patrolling through the Children of Mortis base. Howie originally was walking around, trying to map out the base in his head to bring back to the Brotherhood. He stumbled upon the room by accident, and he couldn’t be more thrilled.

When it was decided Howie would be the spy, one of his hopes was to find crystal-infused beer, and it finally happened.

The entire room was filled to the brim, and Howie wanted nothing more than to drink the precious liquid. Since he would be the first person in the Brotherhood to drink such a thing, Howie wanted to remember as much as possible when taking his first sip, or hundredth sip. Or perhaps he just wanted to brag to everyone when he got back? Either way, Howie was ready.

Walking towards the barrel in front of him, Howie noticed a nozzle on the front of it. It was as if the universe wanted him to drink it, it was laid out right in front of him. Howie grinned before bringing his mouth towards the tube. This wasn’t the most sanitary, but he didn’t care. He was about to taste a brand new type of beer. If he was caught, so be it.

Howie turned the nozzle, and a few seconds later, a stream of beer flowed out of the barrel and into his mouth. Immediately, Howie was assaulted with the taste of malt. Regular malt. Nothing else. Howie was confused for a second, as it tasted like normal Beer. Stopping the stream of deliciousness flowing into his mouth, Howie looked towards the barrel.

He rolled his eyes upon noticing big lettering carved into the barrel that read out ‘Regular Beer’. Of course. Howie thought towards himself. Just when he thought things were easy, and handed to him on a silver platter, he managed to pick the wrong barrel.

Moving towards a different barrel, he made sure to pay attention to the carved letting in the side, mocking himself as he did. Finding one that said Crystal Infused, he quickly began the process all over again. Bringing his mouth towards the nozzle, and gently turning it on.

As the liquid streamed out of the barrel and into his mouth for the second time, the first thought Howie could think of was magic. This beer tasted magical! It was as if you could combine every appealing flavor into one combination. Howie was instantaneously addicted.

Howie continued to drink the liquid as it quickly spread throughout his body, sending a wave of tranquility and warmth about. He could stay here for hours, he could stay here for days. This was seriously the best thing he had ever tasted before.

“What are you doing?” A voice demanded, suddenly bringing Howie out of his daze. Howie turned the nozzle, and looked towards the door where a crystalized human was standing. Howie had never seen them before, but knew that could mean trouble.

Deciding to wing it, Howie said the first thing that came to mind. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m drinking the crystal-infused beer.” He said honestly. The crystalized human narrowed their eyes at him, before Howie continued. “First of all, it tastes delicious so who wouldn’t want to drink it, and second of all, who knows if I’ll continue to live after the battle, so I thought to myself, why not go for it? You might die, might as well get a little drunk beforehand.”

Perhaps it was the beer that made him so bold. The crystalized human stared at Howie for the longest time before simply nodding their head. “Carry on.” The human said before exiting the room. Howie didn’t move for a second, pondering what just happened in his head. He was lucky that was for sure.

Deciding not to risk it again, Howie made his way towards the back of the room, finding a crystal-infused beer barrel hidden behind all the rest. That way, if someone entered the room, he would be hiding.

Now… time for more of that delicious beer! Howie thought towards himself, before bringing his mouth once again to the nozzle.

Placement
No placement
Member
Archian
File submission
Within reptile's skin. (1).pdf
Placement
No placement
Member
Tasha'Vel Versea
Submission
Tasha'Vel Versea opted out of publishing her submission.
Placement
No placement
Member
Essik Lyccane
Submission
Essik Lyccane opted out of publishing his submission.
Placement
No placement