Competition: Rumor 2

I heard a rumor that the Father was actually the Mother’s Brother’s Cousin Twice Removed… of Mortis.

Kamjin "Other Mav" Lapdance is really the mother...

I heard that Rath Oligard doesn't really have a beard or a mowhawk. It's fake and he puts them on every...single...day...

Have **you** noticed the name of the Children of Mortis?
That's right, the children of Mortis. But who is Mortis? Nobody! Their leader is a man known as Westland, which doesn't even sound like Mortis. The mother is not on the scene, not known to us at all. She is absent despite many of her children dying. Therefore! MORTIS must be the mothers name!

This means that Westland must be the children's stepdad! And the mother has abandoned them with him! No wonder they have such issues! Look at their organisations names:
lightBRINGER, because they seek the light of their mothers touch
truthWARDEN, because seek to protect themselves from further abandonment
shadowSEERs, looking for their momma.

And look at their silly sub-groups! Shadebreeders? OoooOoo dark and edgy, momma don't love ya so you need to breed in the shade? What does that even mean?
Startouched? Are you that lonely only the sun will touch you? Dawnseekers? Just ask the startouched, this obviously shows their inability to communicate, a common problem with those with daddy issues. Fateweavers? Boy you will never control your destiny.

In short, it is obvious why the BROTHERhood is winning. We are family, our granddaddy panda protects us, our mummas are present and fighting from Zuza to Asani. We will, though the power of adoptive parentage overwhelm the Mortis step-kids with the power of love and presence!

HAIL ARCONA! HAIL THE BROTHERHOOD!