So here is my somewhat humorous posting for the Blaster Bolt Retrieval Specialist.
I had my childhood friend former Editor-in-Chief Dennis Mansfield of the Crawford County Avalanche do the proofs

Used Canva to help create this Ad

Title - Debris Extraction Engineer

Job Duties - Certified operator of a Bothan Removal Of Other Material System. Will utilize the device to extract debris from various surfaces as well as locations during shift. Will sometimes be required to utilize the Manual Operation Pad System to extract liquid debris over large areas. As well as various other smaller versions of implements to accomplish the same tasks but in smaller areas.

Benefits - Dental after 13 months, Fourteen hours of vacation/pto a year, the chance to encounter various members of the Council during different events. Travel to exotic ports of call may also be available depending on assignment.

Starting Pay will begin at seven credits an hour based on experience.

If this job sounds like a good fit, contact the Arx Capital Exchange employment division today! Hurry because positions go fast!

Multilingual Cushion Plumper:

Fluent in at least three of the following languages: Basic, Ghorman, Pillow Talk, or Cushionese.

Perform daily fluff inspections using advanced squishometry.

Minimum 2 years of hands-on (literally) experience with plush objects and cushions.

Picture received from Turel with his permission to be used for this comp. Art creation credits remain with the original artist. I do not claim I created it, just borrowing it.

Job Title: Forward Admin of Legal Legislation related to Guarding Unfortunate Yammering; AKA the 'FALL GUY'.

Job Purpose: To claim responsibility for any and all statements made by the 'higher ups' within the company should they come under scrutiny.

Example Duty: "Kindle didn't say to boil our enemies alive, he's far too humanitarian for that. You simply misheard, I'm the one who said that."

Job Benefits: 401k, in-office gym, the best health and dental insurances in the whole universe (Can't take the blame if he's out sick during whatever event transpired), brought along to nearly every corporate event (Can't take the blame if he wasn't there for it), the nicest offices in any building he resides within (To encourage him not to leave so he can be around constantly for emergencies), 24/7 catered dining by a 5-Star chef, practically every amenity he could want from home at his office (TV, game systems, computer quality, comfortable chair, exquisite sofa, etc), near-absolute privacy (Don't bug the man people, we want him happy!), and just enough money to be happy with the amount but not enough to have a better home life than downright practically living in his work space; after all, he may just become the most hated man in the galaxy with the truly terrible things he has most definitely said.

Creon, Bounty Hunter Contractor
Operations unconfined to local law sanctioned by Guild authority in collaboration with company policies and procedures.
Work Benefits: None. Hires are contractors, not employees of the company. No internal benefits apply, only the commission rate.
How to Apply: Click Here (Pretend link)

Title: Regent's Poop Scooper
Description: Deep underneath the office of the regent, connected by a singular pipe, is your office inside a large water pool. Your task is to clean up anything that comes down from the office, and keep it pristine and maintained. Supplied with a boat and a bed in a small corner of the room mounted to the bulkhead, you will also have 3 square meals a day and plenty of room to paddle around while the song 'Come Sail Away' plays on a loudspeaker at all hours.
Work Benefits: Solitary Work, 401k, Retirement Bonus of good smelling food, personal paddle instructor.

WANTED: Incremental Hydration Relocation Specialist

The Arc Capital Exchange is among the greatest economic powerhouses in the galaxy, but previously, this was focused on corporate culture, profits, and general acquisition of influential power nodes.

As a part of ongoing expansions of public relations and awareness of physical and mental health, we are opening positions for highly trained experts in the field to perform public displays of just how much ACE truly values and respects its workers and customers.

Benefits:
- Health insurance
- Physical and mental therapy
- Frequent travel
- Industry leading overtime
- Motivational support staff
- Motivational support electro-goads (Patent Pending)
- Free shoes twice annually
- One (1) Pipette
- Unlimited access to Arx ocean water
- Unlimited access to the ACE Peace Pool (Trademark Pending)
- Paid funeral service
- Paid grave plot
- Dental insurance

Sith Lord looking for a personal Force tutor for Force-Sensitive daughter.

Location: Remote planet, undisclosed for “security” reasons (definitely not Mustafar, stop asking).

Salary: 50,000 credits/month + hazard pay + complimentary bacta treatments.

Job Description: Arx Capital Exchange’s most enlightened client, a high-ranking Sith Lord currently undergoing parental development, seeks a Personal Force Tutor for his spirited young apprentice—his daughter. The role involves teaching the fundamentals of Force control without resorting to either the light or dark side. Applicants must therefore possess an unreasonable amount of patience, a working knowledge of meditation techniques that don’t involve screaming, and the reflexes to dodge telekinetically-launched furniture.

The student has inherited her father’s passion for destruction and his mother’s gift for passive-aggressive manipulation. Expect lessons interrupted by tantrums, lightning bursts (“static discharge”), and the occasional existential questioning of your life choices.

You will be responsible for:

Teaching basic Force control and restraint (“Stop choking the droid, sweetie”).
Developing fun, non-lethal training exercises.
Surviving.

Required Qualifications:
Minimum 10 years of formal Force training (Jedi Temple alums, Sith apprentices, and self-taught mystics welcome).
Must not attempt to “turn” the student to any side. She’s seven. She will turn you into a frog if you try.
Ability to maintain composure under Force pressure (literal and emotional).
Must provide own lightsaber-resistant insurance.

Benefits:
401(k) equivalent in Imperial War Bonds.
Medical and dental (including prosthetic limb replacement coverage).
Employee discount on Arx Capital Exchange black market products.
Counselling sessions with our in-house Dark Side Wellness Coach.

Additional Notes: Previous tutors have lasted an average of 3 sessions. The Sith Lord encourages resilience, creative teaching methods, and excellent precognition to avoid traps she might set on your first day. WARNING: The employer is a known musume-kon—deeply devoted to his daughter and willing to vaporise anyone who makes her cry.

To Apply: Submit your holocron résumé, midi-chlorian count, and a short video of you deflecting lightning while reciting the Sith Code backwards.

Arx Capital Exchange is an Equal Opportunity Employer. We do not discriminate based on alignment, species, or number of remaining limbs.

**Job Posting- HIRING IMMEDIATELY**

Job Title- Site Cleanser

Job Type- On call

Requirements- NDA required, thorough background checks will be performed. 2 week onboarding period.

Job Description- Contractors are needed on an on call basis for, priority, urgent, efficient and discreet cleanup and sanitization of areas of operations and jobsites for a large list of clientele across a wide array of operating environments and locations.

Compensation- After tax remuneration will be 10k credits for any job lasting less then 1 day, and 8k per day of services provided thereafter. All expenses incurred while providing service on call will be paid upon submission of receipts.

Required skills- Ability to work in austere locations. Ability to work quietly by yourself or in a small team for extended periods. Ability to lift heavy and awkward objects, and move them short distances. Ability to operate various vehicles and equipment including but not limited to:

Earth moving equipment
Cutting tools
Sanitation equipment
Sand and hydro blasting equipment
Explosives

Benefits- Everyone third job completed will earn each contractor a 20k bonus.

Fringe Benefits- You will be working for various dark and light side affiliated force users who will have magical abilities you can tell no one about, ever. You get to see lightsabers used from time to time. When deployed on call in a team of 3 or more, a catering truck will be provided for 3 meals daily.

((OOG- Successful applicants will never live long enough to collect the 20k bonus after the third job, so the Brotherhood won't have to worry about that added expense. Force chokes are way cheaper then paying a bonus. We are Dark Jedi's after all))