Competition: ComPUNction for Puns

Finished
ComPUNction for Puns

After several recent incidents in the DB Telegram channel, I felt it was beyond time for a formal way to determine who the DBs best punster is in a safe environment (safe as in without everyone reading and groaning). Below you will be given a number of topics on which you will craft your best (worst?) and most groan inducing pun. While I'm not going to set a firm word limit, I will remind you all that brevity is the soul of wit. Each pun will be scored on a 1-10 scale based on humor and groan factor and the highest overall scores will win. Good luck!

Competition Information
Organized by
Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia
Running time
2015-08-18 until 2015-09-12 (26 days)
Target Unit
Entire DJB
Competition Type
Other
Awards
Third Level Crescents
Participants
30 subscribers, of which 17 have participated.
Results
Member
Scion Tarentae
Textual submission

1. Most PCONs are grown in CONnecticut. (I don't know if that's true, Yavin JST made it up.)
2. Yew wooden believe what Doug Fir accused me of yesterday. He was barking up the wrong tree.
3. A Sith's opinion on pyrites: fools and their gold are easy to crack.
4. A blue milk a day keeps the Plagueis away.
5. Frosty gets uncomfortable in the sun. He's much happier in Dashade.
6. Ever seen Oberst in a fight? He was Tarentum limb from limb.

Placement
1st place
Member
Destin Oceanfel
Textual submission

1. When do you become a Dark Jedi Knight? When the Dark Brotherhood DBs you!
2. Why do dogs make the best tree farmers? Because you can't grow a tree without bark.
3. What’s the highest level degree a geologist can get? A rockterate degree.
4. I was going to eat some Japanese fried shrimp and vegetables, but my roommate ate it. I got so mad I lost my tempura.
5. Many of the catlike people in the Galaxy describe a good fight as being CATHARtic
6. Why does noone believe Muftak's stories in the cantina? Because he's telling Talz tales.

Placement
2nd place
Member
A deleted dossier
Textual submission

1- It can ACCelerate your enjoyment
2- Just don't PINE about my puns.
3- I SEDI-MEANT that.
4- These puns are RIB ticklers
5- ANZAT is that.
6- OAK-ome on. They're not that bad.

Placement
3rd place
Member
Keirdagh Taldrya Cantor
Submission
Keirdagh Taldrya Cantor opted out of publishing his submission.
Placement
4th place
Member
Adept Bentre Stahoes
Submission
Adept Bentre Stahoes opted out of publishing his submission.
Placement
5th place
Member
Magness Dritch
Textual submission

1. Jst take it easy on these puns.
2. What do you call Vy'r Vorsa in a boat? Rowan.
3. What material does Arcona compete with the most? MeTAL.
4. What do you call a single stalk of maise? A unicorn.
5. I'm so good looking, people call me a Miraluka.
6. Why did the customer send back her steak? It was too chewy.

Placement
6th place
7th place
Corvus Corax
Member
Corvus Corax
Textual submission

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1P_yN_wPOi2S-yGWyu70xh2Q5km17F8ZB4NXmLAZ1lqU/edit?usp=sharing

Placement
7th place
Member
Blade Mistress Shadow Nighthunter
Textual submission

Proconsul is in need of the ConSULTANT again.
When in the woods, Trees a crowd.
How many QUARTZers of stuff will a STONEr huff?
She a PIZZA me over you, Luigi.
I need to take a Sephi.
Anyone seen those two known as Oak n' Shield?

Placement
8th place
Member
Warlord Pel Tarentae
Textual submission

SHWeet, a competition!
Fir me?
Of quartz it's for you.
Are you pudding me down as an entrant?
Yes, this will be Gran!
I can HRLDly wait!

Placement
9th place
Member
General Zentru'la
Textual submission

1) Marick is DA bomb

2) I'm stumped on this one
6) I'm going to the beech
Tree puns sure are sappy
Screw your rules, I walnut stop!
Sorry, I guess you could say I was pineing for attention

3) May the Quartz be with you

4) Sweet dreams are made of cheese! Who am I to diss a brie?

5) I need to stop writing in this stupid competition and go to the library, my books are Dewback

Placement
10th place
Member
Vyrim
Textual submission

1. PDA
2. I need yo spruce'n the place up befir yew visit.
3. Why it's sedimentary, my dear Watson.
4. I donut understand puns.
5. Gand I ask you a question?
6. I don't wanna taco bout it.

Placement
No placement
Member
Wagglehorn
Textual submission

2 - Rocks and Minerals: I meant to propose to my geologist girlfriend last night, but apparently the diamond in the ring was too small. I guess next time I propose, I'll have to go a little boulder.

Placement
No placement
Member
Dr. Giyana Jurro
Submission
Dr. Giyana Jurro opted out of publishing her submission.
Placement
No placement
Member
Maximus Alvinius
Textual submission

1. This competition was JST in time
2. Did you know trees communicate by Barking.
3. I'm having a rocky start with this and have taken my time for granite.
4. I don't want to sound cheesy, the Chrome and I look Gouda together.
5. The stormtroopers keep shooting in Aldeeraan places when fighting.
6. I hope this gives you something to taco bout

Placement
No placement
Member
Qor Kith
Textual submission

1. I must say with CONviction, this place is MAAdness!
2. This Willow make yew laugh, after giving up government secrets, Bush was arrested for Tree-son.
3. However takes their wife for Granite, can say 'Au Revoir!'
4. Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord Saviour, Cheeses? If not, I don't Carrot all.
5. Are you related to Yoda? Because Yoda-licious!
6. What's the internal temperature of a Tauntaun? Lukewarm!

Placement
No placement
Member
Scarlet Agna
Textual submission

1. Dragon Jack Black.
2. Yew are acorny person.
3. Had a Rocky start in life, and took his free time for granite.
4. Realized when making butter there is little margarine for error.
5. Feeling Depressed he ended up Sith - faced
6. Met up with a friend that said " you want to Taco about it ? " Jack replied " It's Nacho your problem"

Placement
No placement
Member
Celahir Erinos Arconae
Textual submission

1. What does a baby cow shout when it's startled? MAA
2. This pun is oakay.
3. Freddie Mercury, the secret geologist. "We will, we will, ROCK you, ROCK you."
4. What do you call maize with a horn? A uni-corn
5. Atiyru walks into bar, then a table, then a chair.
6. Why did Evant step down from his position? His VOICE was gone.

Placement
No placement
Member
Ranarr Kul-Tarentae
Textual submission

If it is of any Consulation, for as Farrin as I can Xies, I've never participatied in a competition like this beForce.(1)
I hope it isn't going to be a rootless entry and I'm going to leave with a medal.(2)
This may cause for some friction between the competitors, but you must admit... I Rock!(3)
Although I donut understand Puns when I started writing this, orange you glad I entered?(4)

Placement
No placement