Competition: [Week 2] DJB Snapple Facts: Evant

Finished
[Week 2] DJB Snapple Facts: Evant

The Deputy Grand Master has been captured, died and returned from the other side. There's only one way that I know of to celebrate a resurrection, soul-crushing humor! As an homage to our DGM's return to the land of the living come up with three, one-sentence "Snapple Fact" statements about Evant. These "facts" can be completely made up but should still be true to the Star Wars Universe.

Example: Evant once spent an entire evening sobbing over a misplaced ACE revenue file.

Format: Submissions should be in Word/PDF formats or through the text box.

Grading: Scoring will be done using the following breakdown, 50% humor, 25%, Star Wars authenticity, 25% spelling/grammar. Submissions with less than three statements will be disqualified. If more than three statements are submitted I will base the score off of the first three.

Competition Information
Parent Competition
Pro Bowl IV - Week 2
Organized by
Augur Justinios Taldrya Drake
Running time
2020-08-17 until 2020-08-24 (8 days)
Target Unit
Entire DJB
Competition Type
Other
Awards
Second Level Crescents
Participants
27 subscribers, of which 23 have participated.
Results
Member
Battlelord Tasha'Vel Versea
Textual submission

1. Evant loves to curl up with his favorite loth cat at night.
2. Evant likes to secretly juggle porgs.
3. Evant once peed over the side of Mav's throne chair.

Placement
1st place
Member
Warlord Malisane Sadow
Submission
Warlord Malisane Sadow opted out of publishing his submission.
Placement
2nd place
Member
Battlemaster Meleu Karthdo
Submission
Battlemaster Meleu Karthdo opted out of publishing his submission.
Placement
3rd place
Member
Battlelord Hades
Textual submission

Upon Evant's return, he had Mav convinced that he did not remember what MS Excel was in order to get out of work.

Evant spent his first 24 hours back with the living pretending to be a Jedi and was almost killed by HM Ciara.

A few days after his return, Evant began telling stories to the junior members about how he kicked Jedi Master Yoda's ass while he was "In Force Jail".

Placement
No placement
Member
Augur Alaris Jinn
Textual submission

While at University, Evant had a drinking contest with a 640 lb Gamorrean. He lost.

Evant has no difficult tying his shoes. He likes the bunny rabbit method.

Evant once ran from CorSec after he was caught in the bedroom of a Governor's daughter.

Placement
No placement
Member
Battlemaster Tracinya Beviin Entar
Submission
Battlemaster Tracinya Beviin Entar opted out of publishing his submission.
Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Kojiro Keibatsu Sadow
Textual submission

Evant made Koji head of the wildlife reserve on Arx because he was afraid of loth cats.

Evant didn't actually die, he just ate a bad curry and wound up in the refresher for several days.

Evant is a traitor, but he only did it because Mav took his Porg bear away.

Placement
No placement
Member
Battlelord Takagari "DarkHawk" KogaRyu
Textual submission

1. Evant lost his VOICE for a week and could not speak
2. Evant accidently caused a full scale engagement on Antenora
3. Evant's claim to fame of creating an Imperial system was originally a doodle by his twin sisters

Placement
No placement
Member
Battlemaster Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr
Textual submission

Evant one time had to denounce a weapon cause a certain Chiss wanted it back in the store
When it comes to dying, Evant liked it so much, he came back to do it again
Evant has a new saying for DGM - Destroying Guns Mechanics

Placement
No placement
Member
Battlelord Azmodius Equesinfernum
Textual submission

After Evant died he did not crap his pants, making him one of an incredibly small number of beings to have done so.
There are more people who have died than there are alive, even fewer who are both.
The rank of Deputy Grand Master was once called Sheriff Grand Master.

Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Furios Morega di Plagia
Textual submission

1. Dying and getting resurrected only made Evant's ego any taller.
2. When Evant died, the Force hated the way he tasted so it spat him back out.
3. Evant became a vampire and as of now wears red because he's a sloppy eater.

Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Andrelious J. Inahj
Textual submission

Evant's betrayal happened because he knows Mav is the worst.
Evant secretly weeps at romantic holo-movies
Evant wants a ship called 'Evant Horizon'

Placement
No placement
Member
Battlelord Tisto Kingang
Submission
Battlelord Tisto Kingang opted out of publishing his submission.
Placement
No placement
Member
Battlelord Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae
Textual submission

Evant Taelyan loves green milk, but has never visited Ahch-To.
The Deputy Grand Master is only the 5th worst, while Mav is the #1 worst.
Evant loves sleeping with his new fuzzy stuffed Nexu.

Placement
No placement
Member
Augur Raistline Taldrya Majere
Textual submission

-Evant Taelyan once used a Amethyst Kukri to break into the MAA's collection of rare canned fish.
-Evant was able to defeat a Yuuzhan Vong warrior in combat, though he had just lost to the same warrior in a comedy roast battle.
-Dead for the past year, Evant can usually be seen propped up with sticks and string; whenever his head rolls forward Mav, the puppet-master, calls out "hello" in his best Mrs. Doubtfire voice.

Placement
No placement
Member
Warrior Khryso Mallus
Textual submission

Evant is quite skilled at building sand castles, having won the last 3 Sand Castle Invitationals on Tatooine.

Evant enjoys drinking hot caf in the summer.

Evant once claimed he would never be caught dead riding a kaadu but had to retract that statement when holograms of him at a Naboo petting zoo in his teenage years surfaced featuring that exact act.

Placement
No placement
Member
Adept Kereban Zolar
Textual submission

Evant once ate an entire tauntaun without getting diarrhea.

Evant sat on the iron throne in a dream.

Evant ate a second tauntaun but spent the following day on the crapper.

Placement
No placement
Member
Colonel Liandry Lhucci Cataa
Textual submission

Evant and Avitus Oligard once made matching friendship bracelets.
Evant has a tattoo of a credit symbol on his lower back.
Evant thinks Mav is just the best.

Placement
No placement
Member
Savant Xolarin
Textual submission

Chuck Norris is afraid of no one - except Evant, or maybe Rian Johnson.
Evant possesses possessions possessively.
Through victory, my chains are broken; Evant shall set me free.

Placement
No placement
Member
Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight
Textual submission

Have you ever heard these facts about Evant?

I once heard that Evant was so small Mav forgot that he existed.

That's not all, I also heard that when Evant was ressurected, he declared the ultimate dance off which was filmed and placed on the holonet.

Lastly, and this is a big one, I heard Evant mutters to himself in his sleep saying, "First I become Grand Master... Then I get the bitches."

Placement
No placement
Member
Corsair TuQ’uan Varick di Plagia
File submission
TuQ's Fun Facts About Evant.pdf
Placement
No placement
Member
Grand Master Muz Ashen Keibatsu
Textual submission

Evant's personal holocron runs on Excel.

Evant is the only Shadow Hand ever to have a Doctorate in Accounting from the University of Corellia.

Evant was made Shadow Hand as a result of a rounding error in a spreadsheet he designed.

Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Bentre Sadow
Textual submission

Evant keeps a set of fuzzy, purple dice hanging in the cockpit of his personal Kom'rk-class Fighter.

Evant regularly played Gungan Operas at full volume while he performed paperwork in his position as Regent.

Evant served as the First Regent of the Brotherhood.

Placement
No placement