THE UNHOLY SWORD OF QUARN

Shadow Feast Hall
Shadow Academy
Arx

I laughed with everyone else as the professor finished his story. The entire thing envolved a Bantha, a mercenary and a droid in a local cantina. I was feeling particular joyous due to the amount of alcohol I had consumed already. "That reminds me of the time ten years ago back when I was an initiate at the academy," I said the others at the table I was sitting at, "a team of us initiates, and a Krath professor all took a trip to this planet, Vegas. Anyway, the professor had found some ancient tales about an unholy sword and wanted to recover it. For archaeologic presenting, which was all Bantha droppings, he just wanted it for himself." We all chuckled as the typical thirst for knowledge that all Krath seemed to have. "So we are on Vegas, walking through this excavation, which the professor made us all dig I should add, the lazy Kriff didn't even lift a finger, just kept muttering to himself about Quarn this, Quarn that. Where was I, oh yes so we are walking through the excavation when I trip over and fall flat on my face, what an idiot I am? Then, when I stood up, I found myself holding this rusty sword."
I then started to snigger and tried to get my humour under control. "I found myself talking in this shrill voice saying 'thank you, young one. You have awoken me from my eternal slumber. I can now fulfil my final mission'. It was then that the Krath professor starting shouting Quarn at the top of his voice, ripping off his clothes and going completely mental, he was quite literally foaming at the mouth! All the other initiates peed themselves due to the Force pressure he was giving off, I think the only reason I didn't was that I was possessed at the time by this Quarn person." A roar of laughter exploded from the table, and I smiled lightly, concealing my slight embarrassment before getting back to my story.
"Anyway, I'm standing there, possessed by this spirit and staring at the naked crazy Krath, when Quarn started speaking through me. 'It has been a long time, my archnemesis, how have you been? Are the children well, do they miss their mummy?' I thought things couldn't be worse than possession by a spirit, here I am possessed by a woman, and it turned out this Krath professor was centries old and had a previous sexual relationship with her! I was mentally screaming in frustration at this point." Another round of laughter exploded from the table. "By now the Krath had pulled out this old looking sword and was squaring up against me, which the spirit was moving my body into the same fighting position, and here I was ready to be a first-hand witness to an epic showdown." I started to shake my head and slowly looked around the table. "You know how initiates first off their lightsaber training, wielding those training sabers like they the best in the universe. These two were worse than that! I mean seriously, he was swinging his sword as a madman possessed, I was swinging that rusty blade around, and we both kept missing each other. The few times the swords crossed paths, there was no power behind the attacks; both were fighting like they were limp for something. I got so annoyed I started to shout at Quarn to let me take over, but no, she wanted to slay her archnemesis herself. An hour later, he and I were so exhausted, or rather Quarn had exhausted me out." A few snickers caused me to roll my eyes. "Quarn had me on all fours panting like a bitch in heat."
Everyone laughed at that which I ignored. "I knew I was going to get skewered at any moment by the Krath, and Quarn kept saying it was a matter of honour, she had to slay him. Anyway, he charged up to us, raising his sword ready to end my life in one swing, when he trips on a rock and falls right onto Quarn's blade. It was a complete fluke. She had me holding the sword's hilt against the ground help prop herself back up, disbelief in the Krath's face said it all. He expired right there and crumbled into dust! There is a moment of silence before she jumps me to my feet and starts cheering, saying 'I did it, I did it, I did it. That cheating Kriff is dead, that will teach him from sleeping with that Trandoshan hussy!' Talk about a woman scorned, and she must have hated him to bind her spirit to that rusty piece of crap. Anyway, I started to feel her connection to me waver and leaves me, turns to me and thanks me for being the instrument of her revenge, and fades away. Eh, the shitstorm that followed when we all returned to the Shadow Academy is another story in itself. But I think the moral of that story is if you are going to sleep with someone else who is not your lover, and that your lover finds out, to make sure you don't trip up. I'm sure you all get the, heh, point!" Everyone, including myself, roared with laughter banging our fists against the table.