Have i told you the one about the mighty Jar Jar? No? Well strap on and grab a drink.
If i remember correctly i first heard about Jar Jar on the destroyed planet, Hosnian Prime. I was a member of the Republic maintenance crew at the time. We had to repair a Corellian freighter that got badly damaged from the surprise attack of the First Order. The ship barely made it into the docking port, so we rushed out as fast as we could.

That is when i first heard the crew talking about this beast from Naboo. It was hard to understand the muttering and mumbling of the clearly agitated men, so I took the shaken crew into the local cantina for a drink and they told me more about this creature. They said he was at least 3 meters tall, his fiery amber eyes able to inspire any man or alien. Unnaturally agile and cunning, with a talent for evading certain death, this Gungan seemed to have it all, to the point where I started to question the crew’s credibility. Couple of drinks later they assured me that, while it all sounded ludicrous, it was all true.

From what I heard back then, the Trade Federation invasion was a big deal. I had always wondered how they had managed to fend off the invasion, and it seemed my luck had finally arrived. The visibly excited pilot took a sip of the Snillik brew and proclaimed: “I'm not sure if he was a Jedi or not, he was said to be wearing that brown cape occasionally, but no one ever saw him with a lightsaber. Then again not all Jedi wear lightsabers, right? Jar Jar, from what people reported, did not seem to need one. I remember listening to old battle reports. You would not believe the stories they told. He led the charge on the frickin’ droid army!”

Intrigued, I asked for more information. It seemed that this alien’s influence had spread over the years. The Senate, then the talks about his political career, even the Supreme Chancellor; Jar Jar seemed to have wits as well as the physical prowess.

The crew, recuperated from the shock, laughingly told me about his innovation in the political scene, the infamous “fool’s act” which seemed to gather more and more followers as the time went by.

“So how did it all come to an end? Where was the mistake?” I asked the crew. It must have been quite a fall for such an individual. The pilot sighed, “That is the thing ser, no one knows.” Gritting his teeth, the pilot grabbed his drink and drank away. His eyes blurred, clearly immersed into his thoughts. The room fell silent. I couldn't let the tale end there, I wanted to know more. “Come on, there has got to be some trace of it. Noone that important can just disappear. Jedi have done it, but even they had a goal and a reason. You are hiding something.” I pushed.

“Well, friend,” the pilot said, a gloomy look on his face. “The last that was heard from him was an encrypted message. It contained five words:

'Yousa all mui mui doomed'.”

See Attachment

Kah Manet
8343

Da Boogey Gunga

The light of the fire flickered and bathed the Jedi in shadows, the quiet wind kissing against his skin. Before him sat some of the younglings of the Arca Praxeum, the Gungan breathing deep and make deep, guttural clicks.
“Mesa gun tell yousas aboutin’...da Boogey Gunga!” said Kah, jumping to his feet and growling as he said the words da Boogey Gunga. “Dey say da Boogey Gunga was first born when da slavahs of dee Empire came to mesa home. Dey came, and dey saw my people.”
Kah took a moment and looked down at his feet, his eye beginning to fill with tears.
“Deysa looked upon us and laughed, dey studied us and dey deemed us unworddy. Dey penned up our men, grabbed our kiddies, and dey made dem scream. Mesa fadda said dat hearing da screams was worse den anyting he had felt. When dey grew tired of da child, dey were discarded, burned by da flames of dah troopers. When dey finished widd da kiddies, theysa grabbed de women and did da same. Dey butchered our kin and laughed at der limbs as dey threw dem into piles.
“One of dah men in da camp, some kind of witch doctuh of da tribe, placed a curse on da piles and it was said they formed togedda and created da Boogey Gunga.”
“What’s he look like, Master Manet?” asked one of the Younglings.
The Gungan began to chortle a little, staring at the girl.
“Imagine yah worst nightmare girl. Imagine a writhin’ bag ah snakes dat squirms and moves and smells of da dead. Imagine Mastah Liam covered in mud, with dozens of robes comin’ off of him. Da Boogey Gunga iddn’t pretty. Da Boogey Gunga is coverd in da blood of doze dat offended da Goonguns of my tribe.”
“Where are you from, Master Manet? Naboo?”
“Yessah boyo, mesa from da swamps of Lianorm on Naboo. Da Boogey Gunga was the tale we told our kiddies to try and make dem feel safe. Tah feel some kind of security, tah know dat bad deeds were punished and dey need not worry of dee Empire. My fadda first told me of da Boogey Gunga when mesa had just formed legs, hesa claimin’ dat he was one of da men in dat camp. Hesa was so proud of my people, and itsa hurt him to know he could not save his people. Mesa tink dat is why he told me da story of Da Boogey Gunga, to know that some day his people would be saved.” said Kah, the wind flapping one of his ears to the side. He grabbed it and threw it over his shoulder.
“What happened to your father, Master Manet?” asked a girl.
“Hesa was slain by slavahs, men who tried to take my mudda and sista. Dey slew him right in front ah me.” said Kah, his eyes staring at the fire and not moving from it. Silence approached them for a few moments, until Kah realized that some of the kids looked as though they were having a horrible time.
“Ah...less change topics. Have yousa all heard of da time Masta Liam grabbed a data spike instead of his lightsaber?”