Dear Santa,

I can’t wait for Sithmas this year, it will be my first real Sithmas on Aliso so in honour of that I’ve decided to write my first letter to you! I’ve been told by the other Plagueians that you usually only bring coal to the members of our Clan, though I presume that’s in order to keep all of these old stone buildings we live in warm.

I won’t take up much of your time as I know you are very busy getting ready for Sithmas and you have to travel all over the galaxy in one night and I won’t ask for much because I’m not that greedy. There are only three things that I need this holiday season, the first is a new hat. On my last trip to Coruscant I was walking past a shop that had an incredible wide brimmed hat that would make my hero Cad Bane proud PLUS I’d look like even more of a badass than I already do!

Next I would like a pair of Westar-35 blaster pistols. I promise you that I will only use these for good; protecting myself, collecting bounties and robbing those who deserve it. And finally my current ship is in rough condition and I would be very grateful if you brought me the keys to a new one, a simple Vindicator Class heavy cruiser would be sufficient for my needs.

Thank you for in advance for whatever one of these gifts you choose to bring me this Sithmas—even if it is coal, these rooms do get cold at night.

Merry Sithmas,

TuQ’uan Varick

Jingle Bells parody

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Smashing through the snow,
With a busted ATAT,
Through the jungle we go,
Crushing onto trees!

Snow is turning red,
Jedi are gonna die...
All I want for Sithmas is a
Is to become a di Plagia!

Ohh...

Plagueis Bells, Plagueis bells, Sidious is dead!
Vader took the Emperor and chucked him on his head...

Ohh...

Ronovi, Arden, and Pravis tried to save his ash...
But Brimstone turned on the compactor and crushed him like trash!

Ohhhhh, Jingle Bells, Arden Smells, Ronnie laid an Egg! Plagueis has no Rollmaster, and the Rabbit got away!