SAPPHIRE SQUADRON REPORT FEBRUARY 19TH, 2005
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>INTRODUCTION</td> </tr> </table>
My liver is in distress. For no real reason, I have gone out every single night over the last few weeks, downed Jager like water and sniffed Scarface-sized mountains of weasel dust -- there will be no strippers or booze tonight. My body is telling me I have only a few months before I wind up like John Belushi: dead at 33 in a hotel room, recently vacated by a hooker who shot him full a final speedball if I continue at this pace -- tragic, but par for the course.
Meanwhile, on Yavin IV, an Nagaian Jedi named Prahlad Jani claims, through divine inspiration, he has survived for 68 years without eating, drinking, pissing, ejaculating, or crapping. A team of 400 doctors has been unable to find anything to the contrary. He has even acquired a devout group of followers that seek his spiritual strength. Now, sitting here at my laptop, licking last nights wounds and finishing off the last few bites of General Tsos chicken, I wonder why anyone would do something like that.
General Tso did make some first-rate chicken. He couldnt have been a very good general if he had a chicken dish named after him. Whats the matter General Tso chicken? If I were a general in the Chinese army, I would want to be notorious for a tougher sounding entree such as General Tsos Beef or Lobster, but I never claimed to know anything about General Tso anyway. This delicious dish would easily sixth or seventh on my list of all things Id want to eat. Its not bacon. It is not succulent, delicious chorizo. Hell, its not even fricking lasagna, and it sure aint a Hamdog, but, still, its delicious.
The real tragedy of Prahlad Jani is that in less than half his amount of years in this galaxy, and a with a lot less meditation, Ive figured out that almost every pleasure in life has to do with something entering or exiting your body. I mean, this idiot has gone 68 years without even taking a refreshing piss? Not to mention, he has lived 68 years without roughing up the suspect? Why does this man insist on creating his own Hell on Earth? Hell comes later, and Ill be seeing all of you there. Besides, Hell is where all the interesting people will be.
Exhausted, Prahlad Jani will have to stop to nourish himself with more yoga. Then, through divine intervention, a plate of General Tsos chicken will magically fall from the sky. There he will face a choice: eat General Tsos chicken, in order to obtain the get-up-and-go to escape, or continue doing yoga until his eyes are pecked from his cranium by ravenous vultures.
Obviously, I would go with the chicken, but after 68 years of not eating, hell be pretty set in his ways, and would probably choose a martyrs death at the beaks of carnivorous birds. Those who live by the sword, die by the sword. Your carcass will serve as a reminder to impressionable youth that:
You, sir, have led an empty life.
I gotta go -- the pizza delivery guy is here,
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>REPORT SUMMARY</td> </tr> </table>
Krath Rite of Supremacy
HLK Obelisk Bodyguard
HLK Sith Bodyguard
Coming and Going
Promotions and Awards
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>FRESSH NEWS</td> </tr> </table>
#001 - Krath Rite of Supremacy
It's over. Time to wait for the results.
#002 - House Summit
Some changes in the House Summit this week. We lost our Aedile for unknown reasons and our insane Quaestor has gone through a life changing alteration....I can only guess a sex change is next.
Also a big congrats go out to DJK Erlandil as he was promoted to Diamond Squadron's Commander. Sapphire looks forward to beating the crap out of your squad on a daily basis Erl....at least whenever you get someone in your squad. :P
#002 - Squadron's Fighters
It goes like this:
Flight 1: A-9 Vigilance Interceptors
Flight 2: XG-1 Star Wings
Flight 3: Tie Interceptors
So we all have our very own ship that you can do with as you wish. Please name your ship and let me know any modifications you would like to make to them.
This is the one advantage of being in a squadron vs. a brigade or phyle. We get assigned official craft to use. Dosen't matter if your Sith, Obelisk, or that other order; if your in a squadron you get a ship. Squadrons rock.
#003 - HLK Obelisk Bodyguard
This is a tournament to decide who will be the Quaestor and Aediles personal bodyguards.
Anyone within HLK who believes they are worthy enough for the position must email the QUA requesting a slot in the tournament.
Tournament 1st place will be bodyguard of the Quaestor, 2nd place will be the Aedile's bodyguard (which will be an easy job since we don't have one).
Any wins will result in CFs for the winner.
Platforms for this competition are JO and JA. Sign up now!
#004 - HLK Sith Bodyguard
This is similar to the Obelisk bodyguard comp. Any member of HLK can sign up for the tournament.
Members will sign up for the tournament and be slotted in the tournament. It will be 1vs1 duel fighting and all wins will recieve a CF. 1st place gets the title of Flight Bodyguard and will be the primary escort fighter of the Quaestor, 2nd place will be the primary escort fighter for the Aedile (another easy job since one dosen't exist).
Platforms for this competition are XvT and XWA. Sign up now!
#005 - AWOL Check
Consider yourself ordered to check in with me As Soon As Possible.
#006 - Coming and Going
Lets Start with Coming:
APP Macron Goura
And now Going:
DJK Erlandil to Diamond Squadron CMDR
#007 - Awards and Promotions
Lets Start with Medals:
And now Promotions:
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>THE USUAL SUPSECTS</td> </tr> </table>
Consumed mass quantities of Beer.
FM/PRT Fur D'orin
FM/NOV Macron Goura
Completed Dark Jedi Meditation course.
Took Sith Core course.
Submitted Graphic for KRoS.
FM/DA Xanos Sadow
Making sweet sweet love to his Hutt wife.
FM/GRD Akile Draccor
Participated in KRoS run on.
Squadron Mascot/Fred the Seal
Missing in Action.
_NOTE: No Activity doesn't mean you didn't do a damn thing...It just means I just didn't see you do a damn thing :P
Also, if you don't tell me about it I can't report it._
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>CONCLUSION</td> </tr> </table>
Slowly but surely the squadron is forming now. Some new blood has joined and others are moving up to new positions. Lots in store for Sapphire in the next few weeks, I hope you are all prepared.
Sapphire....we put the F U in fun.
That is all!
SWM Robert Daragon(Sith)/CMDR/Ludo Kressh of Naga Sadow
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