GALERES AND YOU: QUA REPORT

Hey there, Arconans and (possibly outraged) onlookers! It's your favorite Quaestor, Tim, with the latest stuff for your enjoyment!

The news:

...Nothing, actually. The Summit is trying to find a good time to meet, meaning a time when I'm not getting wasted at my frat AND Etah's not busy invading the Middle-East or whatever else he's doing on Army weekends. There, we'll probably get busy reccing awards and whatnot...once we get full participation lists, which may have to wait until the War results are out.

On that note, the war results are still going on slowly. I've got a bit of news there, some of it good, some not so good, but nothing really worthy of consideration yet. The waiting seems to be on the ACC event, where we still have a couple dozen battles to go.

My last report caught me some flak, but nothing I didn't expect. The most painful was my ever-loyal aide, Etah telling me I was 'not as subtle as he was used to'. Because we all know how subtle I usually am.

No news yet on whether T:G applications are allowed. My inner skeptic says that means 'no', but it could be Muz is just waiting on a DGM first to help him make these decisions.

Hell, on that news: Apply for DGM! I mean, you're not likely to ever get the job, but I figure 'hey, why not?'. It's not like he's going to give you the job any less, either.

Finally, Halcyon's decided to resign at Combat Master. He's also taken on the name Darth Bias. I'm not sure what he has to do with bias, but perhaps I'm not thinking Freudian enough to understand.

Events:

Nope, still none. And I'm really damned happy with that, too. This is the best excuse to do nothing useful, ever, and still retain my position.

Shinys/Unlimited POWER! :

The saying goes that, if you want an omelet, you can't get it without breaking a few eggs. However, the reverse is also true: if you accidentally broke a few eggs, why not make an omelet out of them? And, in that vein, our former T:G Dante has thrown some of our more exceptional gamers (not, in and of itself, an underpopulated category) a couple of shiny things:

Jscumm, for unlimited pwnage and All-Star-age in the ICTE, scored a Steel Cross!

Likewise Malidir scored a Steel Cross!

Finally, Tirano received an Anteian cross for his gaming efforts!

Those were our merit awards. However, there's more! Galeres, as always, pwns through anything it wants, which in this case means gaming. Hence, there's also a couple competition medals:

Jscumm's pwned the fuck out of everyone, by winning not one, not two, but THREE Crescents for the “There can only be one” gaming ladder. A first place in EaW, a second place in XvT (People still play that? :/) and a third place in BF2.

Tirano also placed, third in this case, in the EaW ladder. Congrats dude.

Finally, there's Clusters of Fire for all four Galerians who participated. There are:

39 for Jscumm

20 for Tirano

5 for Malidir

And 3 each for Wolvie and James Durden.

Congrats all, brilliant work.

This week's lulz:

More fun this week, if not as epic in scope. But first, rectifications! In chronological order:

Kaek apparently thought we were not entirely wrong about the JO/Team Gaming, but didn't say it anywhere I could see it. So yeah, fair enough.

Kir emailed me that, after the first few, he quit doing no-comment judgments. Most of that particular disgrace is apparently Raken's fault, making him the first of our 'wtf?' award recipients.

Next up, Shaz'air Siderace Rathden, current AED of house Ekto-something in Taldryan. He's awarded me the 'card of the week', and also mentioned Arcturus as a source of lulz. I suppose that, with genuine wit scarce in his own Clan, he had to look for it elsewhere. And he's fortunate, because when it comes to sharing the fun, we're never miserly. He also mentioned us 'devoting entire reports to bashing Taldryan'. After a short search, this reporter concluded these reports exist only in the dude's mind.

This, of course, isn't really any problem. Most DJBers are more than half crazy, anyway. So, only one question remains:

If this guy has that much imagination, why the fuck did he time out in our ACC battle?

Our next candidate for laughter is the esteemed former Grand Master, Jac. So there's rumors out there that Kir is putting Braecen to trial because he's biased for Taldryan. I dunno why: Hell, even I don't think Kir's doing this because he's biased for Taldryan. However, it is not these rumors that make me laugh, but Jac's reaction to them. After all, what's the best way to prove that Kir isn't being unduly influenced by Taldryan in this decision? Why, speak to Kir and, explicitly representing Taldryan in this, request him to drop the case! With this action, Jac's won himself a shiny 'lulz of the week' award.

However, Jac' also has a more serious suggestion for us all, saying that he's worried about the level of viciousness in the modern Brotherhood. In this, I'm willing to support the guy: Like Jac, I believe there's a very hostile climate in the DJB, and that such sustained hate is not good for the Brotherhood. Unlike Jac, I'm interested in who started this, and I can't help but notice that, much like Halc before him, Jac's decided that politeness is a merit only when the flow of insults went both ways. I also can't help but feel somewhat smug at the fact that, no matter what I say, I have the fucking courage to attach a pen name to what I write. That said, I believe it's genuine.

And, for the final lulz...Oh my god, it's an oldie! Hey there Kir, welcome back to the show. In this case, it's time to check out ACC battles! In particular, check out Frosty's posts in this battle:

http://www.darkjedibrotherhood.com/dbjedi/acc/battle.asp?ID=6575

Yeah, you read that right. He...copied parts of his first post to his second. If someone had caught Frosty at this and flunked him out of all his battles, I would've called him an idiot and left it at that. Now, however...fuck it, I'm just gonna say it: Frosty's a motherfucking genius. Hell, with this much awesome, he's probably fucked all of your moms AND dads, too. He utterly sucks at thinking up anything creative, even more so than the average idiot who managed to somehow lower the bar for creative thinking in the ACC. But he's gotten away with copying over a hundred words of his post, IN THE SAME BATTLE. A battle he won. Moreover, Kir defended the judgment, claiming that his foe was STILL worse than Frosty. Man, it takes balls to tell someone he's worse than COPY/PASTING.

Dudes, I'm telling you: do this. After this sterling example of hilarity, I'm going to write a single GJW battle, and use that instead of bothering to be creative, because it's clearly no longer required to a good writer.

Conclusion/This week's Culture ship:

This week's report name was inspired by yet another war ship, the Rapid Offensive Unit Of course I still love you. Like most warships, the name is only slightly macabre, but does serve to underscore the military ethos of the Culture: Almost embarrassingly nice and polite, even in war.

This dedication, of course, is to you guys. With the GJW finished, and my mandate for QUA nearly finished, I just wanted to remind y'all how much I love this Clan. Yeah, no matter how much shit I stir. :P To me, you guys were all winners from the moment you set foot on that GJW battlefield. Come win or loss (and you should hear soon), you guys turned it into one

Hell of a ride. We know we didn't cheat/dodge/whatever to get where we did. We worked, and worked diligently to get where we are. I say that's enough to make us all proud.

Your servant,

-Timeros