SAPPHIRE SQUADRON REPORT JANUARY 17TH, 2003
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>INTRODUCTION</td> </tr> </table>
"Hello, and thank you for calling the Kressh Palace................
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly
If you have multiple personalities, press 2, 3 and 4.
If you suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, press 5 but do it v-e-r-y- s-l-o-w-l-y and carefully.
If you are dyslexic, press 6. Now press 9. Now press 6. Now press 9. Now press 6.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short term memory loss, press 8.
If you have schizophrenia, listen very carefully and a small voice will tell you the number to press.
If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press a number for you.
If you are depressed, don't bother to press any numbers. No one will be able to help you anyway.
If you are paranoid, you don't need to press anything. We know who you are, we know what you want, and we know how to reach you.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, please hang up because all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>REPORT SUMMARY</td> </tr> </table>
New Proconsul
Who the Hell Are You?
Sapphire Training Run
Awards and Promotions
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>S..T..U..F..F</td> </tr> </table>
#001 - New Proconsul
Congrats to Krath Pontifex Trevarus Caerick!
#002 - Sapphire Training Run
Every month we will have a little training comp in Sapphire. I will name three free missions from each platform and the top three in each will be rewarded.
Start Date: 2003-1-1
End Date: 2003-1-31
Awards: 1st place - Crescent w/Emerald Star
2nd place - Crescent w/Topaz Star
3rd place - Crescent w/Quartz Star
*in each game platform
Missions/Levels:
TIE FREE #210 - Cause For Alarm
http://www.emperorshammer.net/battles/battle.asp?record=848
XvT FREE #124 - Protecting Platform Daedalus
http://www.emperorshammer.net/battles/battle.asp?record=886
XWA FREE #82 - Imperial Glory
http://www.emperorshammer.net/battles/battle.asp?record=873
Send your pilot files to me ([Log in to view e-mail addresses]) by January 31st.
#003 - Who the Hell Are You?
The "Who the Hell are You?" Competition
One of my first goals when I took the Squadron commander position was to make sure we are always doing something. So since we've had quite a few flying tasks, I thought we would do something a little different. So after a few suggestions I have decided we will have a profile competition.
I've been working on mine the last couple of days to give you guys an idea of what you can do.
http://www24.brinkster.com/bobsquadron/fett.htm
Ideas: Pictures; especially of what your character looks like.
Ship; details on where you got it and its qualities.
DB Career; what you have done so far in the Dark Brotherhood.
Dark Jedi career; anything you have learned in the Dark Side.
The things you can add are endless.
Now, how you submit it is entirely up to you. If you have HTML skill you can make it a webpage or you can just send me it in a txt/doc file (and if you have pictures attach them). Or if you have another idea, let me know, I'm real open on this.
This competition starts today and will end February 1st. All submissions should be sent to CMDR Bob at [Log in to view e-mail addresses].
I will judge the entries and the top 3 will get the following awards:
1st place - Crescent w/Emerald Star 2nd place - Crescent w/Topaz Star 3rd place - Crescent w/Quartz Star
I would like to see a high turnout for this competition. Good Luck all.
#004 - Awards and Promotions
Lets Start with Medals:
None.
And now Promotions:
None.
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>STANDING ORDERS</td> </tr> </table>
#001 - Sapphire Training Run
#002 - The "Who the Hell Are You?" Competition
#003 - HLK Monthly Flying Contest
#004 - Information and other various tasks can be found in the operations section on the squadron website.
http://www24.brinkster.com/bobsquadron/
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>THE USUAL SUPSECTS</td> </tr> </table>
CMDR/SBM Bob
Drank heavily.
FM/GRD Talon Karrde/Sapphire 1-2
IRC Activity.
FM/Open Position/Sapphire 1-3
FM/Open Position/Sapphire 1-4
FL/SW Carl Lost/Sapphire 2-1
Email Activity.
Completed TIE FREE #215.
Compelted TIE Battle #194.
Completed XvT Battle #40.
FM/PRT Uther/Sapphire 2-2
Got all completed IWATS courses added to DB dossier.
FM/Open Position/Sapphire 2-3
FM/Open Position/Sapphire 2-4
FL/SW Janos Silverwulf/Sapphire 3-1
IRC Activity.
FM/ACO Ksian Qui-Soran/Sapphire 3-2
On Leave till Jan 23rd.
FM/PRT Saber/Sapphire 3-3
On Leave till mid-late January.
Got all completed IWATS courses added to DB dossier.
FM/Open Position/Sapphire 3-4
Squadron Mascot/Fred the Seal
Assisted CMDR with alcohol consumption.
Wrote numerous complaints to the DC about former lover being named PCON.
_NOTE: No Activity doesn't mean you didn't do a damn thing...It just means I just didn't see you do a damn thing :P
Also, if you don't tell me about it I can't report it._
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="blue"> <tr> <td>DEEP THOUGHTS....by BOB</td> </tr> </table>
Once again, good old Bob was shot down by the higher ups for position of PCON. The following is my application for PCON. You be the judge, I think this letter alone should have gotten me the job.
_ I wish to be considered as a candidate for the position of ProConsul of Clan Naga Sadow. _
You want qualifications, but I dont have any. Ph.D? I dont think so. Technical expertise? I have trouble opening those ketchup things at Burger King. Nope, Im right up there with mood rings and ashtray sand on The Big List Of Things That Nobody Needs. So you might as well tell me right now to bugger off. Go ahead, get it out of your system. Lets hear you say, "Bob, youre a sweaty, ugly waste of flesh. Now go stick your finger in a socket somewhere and leave me alone".
Youre no different from the rest, and Ive tried them all. Those dickwads at Taldryan put my résumé in the shredder. Alvaaks cheesy-looking little Nazi suggested that pounding wet sand might be good therapy for me. The Communists at Satal Keto were less talkative. They simply gave me a gigantic wedgie, then heaved me into the airlock. Dont ask me about Arcona. Those weenies. I can still smell the burning hair.
Okay, Im going then. You can jam your job, and Ill just continue to fulfill my boyhood dream as a telephone solicitor for Incredifit Pantyhose. There are new frontiers for me there, and challenges beyond measure. Thanks for bringing me to my senses. What a relief knowing I dont have to work for you.
Go spoon a goose, Nancyboy. I hope you get a boil.
Yours truly,
SBM Bob
That is all!
SBM Bob(Sith)/Ludo Kressh of Naga Sadow
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