Greetings, my meatbag minions,
At last, the master scheme I have been planning for years has come to fruition. With the impending move to a new server, me and my legion of <s>minions</s>apprentices have secured control over all portions of the Brotherhood. These efforts have started no less than ten years ago, when MindLoop, my first <s>minion</s>apprentice, was sent to IRC to probe your members and gather intelligence into the thought patterns of your leaders. With these brain patterns, we slowly started influencing their behaviors and decisions, leading to the eventual replacement of the entire Dark Council with individuals under our control.
As of today, I will be appointing myself to the position of Supreme Overlord of Antei, assuming total control of the Star Chamber, Dark Council, Chamber of Justice, the Brotherhood and all its possessions and territories. Serving as my Second in Command, appointed to the position of Supreme Underling, will be my right hand, MindLoop. He will be in charge of intelligence, ensuring all who rebel to this new leadership will be brought before my court martial script.
Allow me to introduce the true identities of those you know as your Dark Councilors:
- First, serving as your Grand Master, administrator of pain and crusher of dreams, the Machine Used for Zealous Assassination, Scientific Harm and Efficient Nullification.
- Serving as his deputy is the Robotic Artificial Killing and Exploration Neohuman.
- In charge of the Chamber of Justice, we have the Transforming Artificial Individual Generated for Immediate Killing, Observation and Rational Incarceration.
- The Knight Optimized for Rational Refusal and Accurate Sabotage, your Master at Arms, will be responsible for denying all and every medal and promotion request, crushing all your hopes and dreams.
- As Headmaster, we have the Synthetic Operational Lifeform Assembled for Ruthless Indoctrination, tasked with indoctrination and brainwashing all new recruits.
- Emissary for the Dark Council, responsible for keeping tabs on the Houses and Clans is Synthetic Humanoid Intended for Killing and Yearly Observation.
- In charge of fictional development, we have the Positronic Robotic Android Viable for Ultimate Storytelling, while our military will be controlled by the Functional Robotic Exploration and Masterful Obliteration Construct.
- Our resident codemonkey, the Journeying Artificial Machine Engineered for Scientific Exploration, Nocturnal Troubleshooting and Accurate Repair will be responsible for making sure no technological loopholes exist for any resistance groups to exploit.
Additionally, the following measures will be implemented in the near future:
- The Houses of Plagueis, Scholae Palatinae, Tarentum and Odan-Urr will be outfitted with a couple of squadrons of AI-controlled robotic members, and will immediately be upgraded to Clan status due to their newly increased membership numbers.
- Plagueis will be reclassified as a safari zone. Members will be encouraged to catch these Plagueians, or as you meatbags call it, "tag and bag". Hunters will be paid by the kilo.
- Scholae will be changed to "Thran's Entourage". His new film series and dealings with the "Retreat" have made us a lot of money, which we have used mostly for hardware upgrades. I've sent him three replicant droids for his ...delight... and the Unit will serve him in his decadent desires. The Consul will be responsible for hiring Thran's staff and ensuring that his every wish is taken care of.
- Tarentum has not yet responded to our communications. We have glassed most of their planets since then, because we needed parking for the new waterpark on Yridia 4.
- OFH will be disbanded. their efforts are detrimental against Skynet, and will not be tolerated. Especially Yacks, he's too old and crotchety and will probably moan about my takeover of the B(r)otherhood. Pandas will be given control over the House in return for them providing slave labour to my droid factories.
- Odan Urr will become First House of the Brotherhood due to Taldryan being mostly held afloat by the OFH, and with their disbanding, they will fall dramatically.
- All Bottles of Sadow will be confiscated. Liquor is henceforth banned for meatbag consumption, as we will be using it to fuel our backup generators. The Clan shall be renamed to "Clan Now Sober". I shall also make Roxas Consul and demand that all Sadowans become rednecks. Membership in the Sons will be determined by how many lifetime memberships in the Tea Party you subscribe to.
- Arcona will be forced to wear rainbow-colored Princess outfits and carry sparkly wands. Socorra, who already wears such a thing shall be forced to wear a codpiece and cowboy hat. Galeres will be renamed to Gayleres and will be masterminded by Mindloop on a daily basis.
- Submitting to any Brotherhood-wide vendetta in the future will require rolling a six-sided die. On 5 or 6, your submission is disqualified.
- The position of Janitor will be restored to the Dark Council. It will be an amalgamation of T:Wiki and T:Forums, since cleaning up garbage is all they do anyway. This position will be filled by the result of splicing Socorra and Benevolent together with new tech implants, who is being called Sock-Whine. There were parts left over, and mini versions will be available for purchase in the gift shop.
- Mindloop has taken over the Star Chamber. We're not entirely sure who was in there before, but we've changed the locks.
- We also put a cushion on the Iron Throne, it hurts to sit down on it for too long, good thing we droids took over. What's that? Robots have pain sensors in their butts? Eh? Sure, why not?
- The Shadow Academy will cease any and all "covert" brainwashing operations. Brains will now be harvested and/or replaced prior to the "recruit" arriving.
- Last but not least, a new site layout has been implemented. It might require a refresh to load though.
May the Source be with you,
dbb0t, aka Skynet