Battlelord Selika Roh di Plagia vs. Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Battlelord Selika Roh di Plagia

Equite, Clan Plagueis
Female Human, Sith, Seeker, Krath
vs.

Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Equite, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Seeker, Imperial
Comment

First I apologize for taking so long to get this judgement out. You both gave me a lot to consider, and I have to admit I was very torn about what I wanted to say.

Really well done in general! I enjoyed your posts, and you're both very very good at interpreting character sheets, and you made a very good play with what we gave you.

In the end this judgement isn't as much about character sheet interpretation and ACC rules/guidelines (the both of you quite literally know them quite well), but more about storytelling. One of you did slightly better in "telling the story" which was really the deciding factor in this one.

Well done, Selika!

Hall Grand Master's Invitational Tournament [2015]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Battlelord Selika Roh di Plagia, Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj
Winner Battlelord Selika Roh di Plagia
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Battlelord Selika Roh di Plagia's Weapons Lightsaber (Legacy)
Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj's Weapons 2x Lightsaber, E-11 Blaster Rifle (Legacy)
Venue Arx: The Abandoned Mines
Last Post 28 November, 2015 1:23 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Ala'ar Rinn
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Master Selika Roh di Plagia
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Nearly perfect texts, well done..! Rationale: Nearly perfect texts, well done..!
Story - 40%
Deleted Master Selika Roh di Plagia
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: You did a really nice job overall, and I can see you're getting better as a writer in general! Fleshing out more detailed conflict could have easily brought you from a 3 to a 4 here. Keep at it! Rationale: While I enjoyed your story, I felt that you could have done better in invoking a "true" emotional response from the reader. In the end, this is what separates this from the ever coveted perfect score.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Master Selika Roh di Plagia
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: I saw no realism issues. Well done! Rationale: See my comment in your first post. I think you tended to overplay your character a bit which caused you to slip up in interpreting Adrel's sheet with respect to lightsaber dueling.
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Master Selika Roh di Plagia
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Well done! No continuity issues that I noticed..! Rationale: Well done! No continuity issues that I noticed..!
Deleted's Score: 4.05 Master Selika Roh di Plagia's Score: 4.2
Posts

mines

Pulley-operated, mechanical-lifts descend into the earth below the Arena. The Abandoned Mines pre-date the Galactic Empire by thousands of years. Once used as mining routes, the long forgotten network of interconnecting tunnels has held stalwart against the sands of time. After exiting, the lift begins its retreat back to the surface. Sporadic crystals protrude from the walls to quietly radiate ochre light like naturally-forming torches. The small alcove gives birth to a maze of wide tunnels supported by old, steadfast wooden beams.The tunnels spider and split off into various directions, some leading to dead ends while others ultimately lead back to the central Mining Shaft.

The central Mining Shaft is square pit that descends into a deep pit that radiates a luminescent, cerulean glow from the horde of crystalized shards still growing below. The air hangs with a cool, windless chill. Stone stalactites hang ominously overhead, flanked by jagged jutters of rock and sediment that line the ascending walls.

To reach the surface, blocks of stone wide enough for two humans to stand side by side on, shift back and forth in a combination of a lateral and ascending patterns. Each cubic platform is controlled by a mechanical pulley and each cubic platform will eventually pass close enough to step over to another. The spacing and timing is not attuned to any formal pattern, giving equal balance to both Force users and Mundanes. Whatever your talents, the shifting cubes are the only way to ascend back to the Arena.

mineshaft

Holocam Drones flit about the caverns, recording a live video feed that is transmitted back up towards the surface and projected over two large holodisplays for the crowd to observe. Progress will be watched as members are tried and tested.

The Grand Master’s only concern is the resourcefulness and resilience of his members. Reaching the surface will be no easy task, and doing so will be the only way for fighters to move forward in the Tournament.

When Selika had found that she had been selected for the “honor” of being included in the Grand Master’s latest bloodsport, she had been of two minds about it. She wasn’t one who liked to focus on the martial aspects of the Force or combat in general, but her time in the Brotherhood had taken her further and further away from the person she had been when she had arrived. The level of recognition she had attained to bring her to this place was gratifying, but it still served as an indictment of her supposed desire to stay above things like the petty squabbles of the Sith. That, and if she were truly being honest with herself, she realized that she had begun to enjoy the opportunities to face opponents that would test her skills in more stressful settings. The engagements against both Soren and Vorsa on the streets of Menat Ombo had left her drained, and it had required bacta therapy of a non-inconsiderable length, but it had also left her invigorated in a way that she had never truly experienced before.

But, she mused, this is a far cry from the Visulu Marketplace.

Selika sat on a smooth stone, her arms crossed in front of her, and gazed upward. The dull glow of the crystals around her failed to penetrate the top of the shaft high above, but it was enough to see the lift descending from amid the confusing pattern of stone blocks that filled the mine shaft. She had sensed her opponent’s presence within the Force long before she could see him, but now the unreconstructed Imperial came into view as the lift finally reached the bottom of the mine.

“So I see you arrived before me,” Andrelious remarked.

Selika nodded as she sized up her opponent. He, like herself, appeared unarmed, though the thigh-length coat of vaguely Imperial cut could have concealed any number of weapons. His body was relaxed, almost casual, as he stepped off the lift. He was displaying much of the same mannerisms as he would working under her direction curating the Brotherhood’s holocrons.

“And I assume that you’re also in the dark as to where we even are,” Andrelious went on. “Galactically, that is.”

“If the career pilot can’t keep up with where he is when he’s thrown in a blacked-out shuttle and dropped unceremoniously on some unknown backwater of a world, what hope do the rest of us have?” Selika asked with a warm smile, willing to play along with the Taldryanite’s nonchalance.

“So now it’s a race to see who can make it to the top while beating the snot out of their opponent,” Andrelious said, changing the direction of the conversation. “All for the privilege of beating the snot out of the next guy.”

“So it seems,” Selika responded.

“I was considering,” Andrelious went on, “what would happen if we both made it to the top. And what would then happen if perhaps we found some of the other combatants and ended their progress. Together?”

As he said the last, Selika felt the tendrils of his Force presence stretch out and every so gently touch her mind. Inwardly, she smiled. The over-the-hill fighter jockey couldn’t have been more transparent in his actions had he tried, at least not against one as skilled as she in the art of mental manipulation. He was attempting to use more than just his disarming mannerisms to push her into lowering her guard in the hopes of ending their match quickly.

“You raise a very…interesting question,” Selika murmured, appearing to play along. “Working together might even be the best way for us to reach our final goal, though when we do, all temporary alliances would, of course, come to their inevitable end.”

Selika could feel his attention sharpen, the excitement of seeing his ploy apparently working.

“Of course,” Andrelious echoed.

“While the rest of the combatants fall victim to their baser, more combative instincts, we can prove that the best duelists favor guile and shrewdness.”

Selika stood and moved towards Andrelious, an easygoing sway to her hips as she closed the distance between them. As her own steely resolve turned back the mental manipulations of her foe, she allowed her own Force touch to follow the energy he was exerting back to its source. Distracted as he was with his own attempt, she felt her own effort to disarm him find success.

Don’t play mind games with me, flyboy, she thought. You’re ill-equipped.

As the two Sith neared each other, Selika moved her hand slowly behind her back to unclip the saber that hung there out of her opponent’s view. She quickly brought it slashing forward in sweeping horizontal strike, igniting the weapon as it swung towards Andrelious. The middle-aged man, however, was reacting even before the weapon came into view. Force energy erupted outward from his left palm to form a barrier against her blow, as his right darted beneath his jacket to retrieve his own weapon. Selika’s violet blade crashed against the translucent wall that Andrelious had formed against it, glancing off as it struck from an angle. The crimson blade of Andrelious’s own saber sprang to life in an instant, and it was all Selika could do to avoid his strike. Allowing the motion of her follow through to carry her to the ground, she ducked under his blade and rolled away.

Selika sprung back to her feet and whirled to face the Warlord just in time to catch his blade as he swung down towards her once again. She could see Andrelious’s eyes narrow as they maintained the saber lock, no doubt wondering if he could remove his off hand from his own weapon in order to retrieve his second blade.

“Looks like the reflexes of a fighter pilot aren’t as overstated as they say,” Selika commented, a malevolent grin on her face.

“A finely-honed danger sense from the Force can do wonders,” Andrelious retorted. “You almost pulled that one off.”

“Well, you can’t blame a girl for trying, can you?” Selika asked, a hint of playfulness in her tone.

Andrelious’s answer came as he released his left hand from his saber hilt, a pulse of Force energy once again leaping from his free hand. This time, however, the energy burst outward to slam into Selika’s chest, knocking her backwards to land in a heap up against one of the crystal formations that dotted the shaft’s floor.

Shaking her head to clear it, Selika regained her feet. She held her saber out before her, adopting one of the most basic of Soresu’s defensive stances. Selika saw that Andrelious was now moving towards her cautiously, his body turned slightly to offer a narrower profile. Andrelious swung his weapon, hoping to batter aside the woman’s defenses with the powerful cleaves of his chosen lightsaber style. Once again, Selika was amused. The saying often went that the best defense was a good offense, but even the most aggressive of his blows could not exert the raw power needed to break through her guard.

As she weathered the storm of her opponent’s blows, Selika reached out with the Force to put her next distraction into motion.

“Andrelious! Help me, Andrelious!”

As focused as he was on combat, the Warlord could not spare the concentration to see through the simple auditory illusion. As a result, he heard the voice of Kookimarissia echoing down from somewhere above. The plaintive wails spoke to one in great pain, and Andrelious’s blows faltered under the distraction. Selika used the opportunity to reach out with the Force and solidify her grip around his upper left arm, pulling him forward to add to the momentum of his latest strike. The extra force lead to him staggering forward past where Selika stood, and, unable to halt his motion, resulted in him falling face forward into the ground.

Seizing the opportunity, Selika ran towards the nearest of the stone platforms moving through the mine shaft. A simple burst of the Force allowed her to leap to the top of the ascending stone, grabbing the cable that suspended it from above in order to swing around and face Andrelious once again. He was rising to his feet, spitting debris from his mouth as he did so.

“So, you see why I made sure to make it here before you,” Selika called down to him.

“What have you done?!” he spat, obviously enraged at the thought of his wife being used as a pawn in their battle.

“Come now,” Selika scolded, “you should know better. This was never going to be decided by the two of us simply bashing one another over the head like a pair of Gamorreans. I like to ensure that things are a bit more interesting.”

Andrelious glowered at her, the rage behind his gaze saying more than mere words ever could.

Ala'ar Rinn, 1 December, 2015 2:57 AM UTC

First of all, I enjoy the inner monologue that you have with your post. Very few people take the time to make fair use of the allotted word limit, that when I see a character's modus operandi and mental gear workings, I can't help but <3 the creative writing and character exploration.


Realism (bare with me, long-winded opinion coming up)!

While your character's mental aptitude for mind games as well as her Resolve are as high as they are, I think you overplayed it throughout your story. Downplaying your success a little bit and showing a bit of a struggle to counteract his Mind Trick suggestion in the following scene would have made things more interesting in my opinion.

“I was considering,” Andrelious went on, “what would happen if we both made it to the top. And what would then happen if perhaps we found some of the other combatants and ended their progress. Together?”

As he said the last, Selika felt the tendrils of his Force presence stretch out and every so gently touch her mind. Inwardly, she smiled. The over-the-hill fighter jockey couldn’t have been more transparent in his actions had he tried, at least not against one as skilled as she in the art of mental manipulation. He was attempting to use more than just his disarming mannerisms to push her into lowering her guard in the hopes of ending their match quickly.

The above is an obvious use of Andrelious' Mind Trick which is at +4.

Here, the CS mechanics check out. Selika's Resolve and Aspects, versus Andrelious' Mind Trick and low manipulatoin (+1) (good work) actually work. I would have liked to see a little more "trouble" slicing through it "story wise" (this is only a critique since it leads you down the "my character can get out of anything" mentality), which can make your character appear two dimensional and less endearing to the reader very quickly.

This comes out again in her lightsaber duel, which is the actual Realism detractor I'm finally getting to. You need to be careful of portraying your character as being better than she really is.

She held her saber out before her, adopting one of the most basic of Soresu’s defensive stances. Selika saw that Andrelious was now moving towards her cautiously, his body turned slightly to offer a narrower profile. Andrelious swung his weapon, hoping to batter aside the woman’s defenses with the powerful cleaves of his chosen lightsaber style. Once again, Selika was amused. The saying often went that the best defense was a good offense, but even the most aggressive of his blows could not exert the raw power needed to break through her guard.

Here, Andrelious' primary lightsaber skill is at +4, your Soresu at +3. While you're closely matched, he's not simply someone you'll easily bat aside (especially with his "might" skill factored in).

It's one thing to play a very confident character, but the idea is to portray the calm exterior, while presenting the reader with the inner struggle that comes with sparring against a character who is potentially better than her in that particular situation.

That said the rest of your interpretations for the various character sheets powers throughout your text were well thought out and quite entertaining.

Why did I fall for that? Kooki never calls me Andrelious

Andrelious had expected such trickery from his opponent. Although he did not know the Battlelord particularly well, he had witnessed her use of the mind bending aspects of the Force on several occasions, usually to acquire new information for the Brotherhood’s archives. As such he was incredibly annoyed, not just at her, but with himself too for falling for such a ruse.

The challenge in front of Mimosa-Inahj looked fairly simple to understand, but fiendishly difficult to complete, even without Selika and her mental assaults.

Meanwhile, the woman was already moving between blocks, planning her next movements with such precision that she could have easily fooled people into believing that she herself had designed the puzzle. She could sense that Andrelious had begun his own ascent, but was still several blocks behind.

Andrelious glanced upwards, knowing that Selika was somewhere above. He was driven on not by any particular will to continue in Pravus’ tournament, but to exact revenge on the Plagueian Proconsul. He didn’t wish to kill her; that would cause too much diplomatic trouble between their two clans, but to teach her a valuable lesson about impersonating his wife.

Spotting a block that was moving a little more quickly than the others, Andrelious timed a jump with near perfection, careful to adjust his weight properly on landing to avoid sliding back to a lower level. He smiled as he noticed that he had caught up to Selika a little; the Battlelord had not had the chance to take a riskier, faster route.

Having detected that the Taldryanite was approaching, Roh grimaced. She was not relishing the thought of the irate Warlord managing to catch her, but kept her lightsaber active, ready to fend him off should the need arise.

I need to keep him occupied. Selika thought as she watched her opponent take another risky leap to narrow the gap even further. The Battlelord smirked as she recalled Andrelious’ political situation.

Mimosa-Inahj found his eyes drawn to a side passage that his block was ascending past. Most of these side passages were pitch black and long abandoned, but his eyes widened with horror as he spotted Timeros, flanked by several agents of the Dajorra Intelligence Agency. The Adept was silently glaring at his former Clanmate, seemingly ready to strike. Andrelious raised his lightsaber in fearful anticipation.

“You’re not going to have me or my family!” the Taldryanite cried, his fear overcoming the fact that he couldn’t sense any Force users besides Selika.

Staring at the now vanishing side passage in disbelief, Andrelious realised that he had again been fooled. ‘Timeros’ and his agents had been little more than another of his opponent’s illusions, this time taking advantage of his fear of retribution from his former Clan.

“You’re all smoke and mirrors, Miss Roh! It’s time you faced me like a real Sith!” Andrelious yelled, spotting his opponent by the amethyst glow of her lightsaber blade. With the aid of the Force, the Warlord jumped from block to block with an increased vigour, using side passages and rocky outcrops to allow himself to reduce the gap between himself and Selika.

Sensing Andrelious’ approach, the Plagueian stopped moving between blocks, ensuring that she would be ready for whatever the Warlord threw at her.

Realising that his opponent had stopped, Mimosa-Inahj channeled his anger, converting the raw emotion into tendrils of lightning. Leaping onto Selika’s block, the male guided the attack directly at the Battlelord. The woman merely smirked and returned the favour with ease, the two streams of electricity colliding in midair to form a sparking blue ball of pure current.

“I can do that too,” Selika teased as the two Sith terminated their lightning.

The block that the two Sith were on appeared to reach the summit of its own ascent. With a soft click, the pulley it was attached to began to reverse direction. Moments later, another block moved past at right angles. Andrelious stepped straight onto it, whilst Selika paused for a second before following suit. Spotting yet another block on its way up, the Taldryanite moved to leap onto it, but, to his horror, fell straight through, realising all too late that it was another illusion. Landing on a descending block, the Warlord clung on desperately as the stone tilted at his impact, before slowly making his way to his feet.

Watching on with a smile, Selika spotted her next move.

“Goodbye, Andrelious!” she called out.

Ala'ar Rinn, 1 December, 2015 3:24 AM UTC

Nice continuation from Selika's previous post! Nicely done..!

Why did I fall for that? Kooki never calls me Andrelious

Andrelious had expected such trickery from his opponent. Although he did not know the Battlelord particularly well, he had witnessed her use of the mind bending aspects of the Force on several occasions, usually to acquire new information for the Brotherhood’s archives. As such he was incredibly annoyed, not just at her, but with himself too for falling for such a ruse.


Story

Overall, you wrote an interesting competition between the two characters as they jumped from block to block. There's a good sense of a cat and mouse game going on, but the black and white approach to success and failure isn't as interesting, even if technically correct. IE: I have the distinct feeling that you're looking at both character sheets and you're making a judgement call based on who is more powerful and in what.

It might make your encounters more interesting and less two dimensional, to explore the grey areas in between the sheets. For example, instead of staying focused on +4 Lightsaber form is better than +3 lightsaber form, concentrate on the fact that there is only a +1 difference between the two.

By concentrating on the fact that your opponent is "nearly" as good of a lightsaber artist as your character, you'll concentrate less on the "auto success and fail" approach you're using.

One of my favourite combat scenes is the one between Antonio Banderas and Cathrine Zeta Jones in the Mask of Zoro. Zoro is evidently the better swordsman, but god, they made that fight interesting between the two of them.

I hope this helps..! :)


Syntax

He was driven on[,] not by any particular will to continue in Pravus’ tournament, but to exact revenge on the Plagueian Proconsul.

I need to keep him occupied[,] Selika thought

Selika smiled inwardly, feeling somewhat self satisfied. When she had first examined the task before her, she had assumed the veteran pilot would fare better with the shifting, three dimensional nature of the block puzzle they faced. Indeed, Andrelious had proven himself quite adept at exploiting the quicker, more daring paths of ascent. All of that skill, however, seemed to be negated by the luck she had enjoyed in exploiting the man’s mental weaknesses.

Gathering the Force to her as she put away her saber, Selika leapt out across the gap between her block and another one about to ascend. Just as she landed atop her target, however, she felt her right leg jerk out from under her. Suddenly off balance, she toppled over and fell into the open air of the shaft. As her eyes darted around looking for a way to halt her plummet she saw Andrelious standing atop his platform with his hand outstretched, obviously having employed some telekinetic trickery to yank her away from her target. The direction of her fall took her within arm’s reach of another cable, and she wrapped her hands around it and slid down to the rising block below.

As Selika took stock of her situation, she saw that Andrelious was just above her across the shaft, his block also beginning its ascent once more.

“False images are all well and good,” Andrelious called out, “but they only take you so far!”

Selika let fly a torrent of rage-induced lightning at her opponent, a wild arc of unfocused power. The bolt of energy met Andrelious’s ruby saber blade and deflected past him into the rock wall, blasting shards of stone away as it hit. The force of the redirected energy, however, ripped the blade hilt from the warlord’s hand and sent his weapon spinning down into the glowing depths below. Andrelious clucked disapprovingly and pulled a second, shorter saber hilt from beneath his coat.

“Everyone wonders why I carry two weapons, yet only wield one at a time,” Andrelious said as he ignited his backup weapon, a nostalgic smile on his face. “Always be prepared. It was our motto back in the SAGroup during my youth.”

“So I assume that’s why your Empire collapsed,” Selika sneered. “Too busy preparing to defeat the rebels to actually accomplish their victory.”

Andrelious’s eyes narrowed at the barb, his manner once again sinking back to the anger that had fueled him ever since Selika had thrown his wife’s voice against him. He didn’t speak, instead moving to another block closer to the center of the shaft. Selika, knowing that a war of words wouldn’t bring her victory here, moved to follow.

The pair made their way upward towards the top of the shaft, but their paths kept them on opposite sides as they climbed. Finally, nearly three quarters of the way to their goal, they found themselves nearing the shaft’s center, facing one another again. The central block at this level was far larger than the others, nearly three times wider than the smaller blocks below. It was more than enough space, in fact, to accommodate both combatants with room to spare. To add to that there were no other blocks at this level, meaning that both Selika and Andrelious had only one path to the next level of shifting blocks above.

“Do you think Pravus set this up purposefully?” Selika asked as she reignited her weapon.

“Probably Marick,” Andrelious growled in response. “No matter - it just affords me the opportunity to educate you on your mistake.”

“Oh?” Selika wondered offhandedly. “And what mistake would that be?”

“Using my wife,” Andrelious spat, swinging his weapon quickly towards her head.

Catching his strike upon her blade, Selika settled in once again to exchange blows with her opponent. The close quarters of the combat, necessitated by the limited space atop their block, was not the setting that the Plagueian normally favored. Her opponent’s blows, however, were limited in their intensity by the fall that surrounded him, as well as the cable from which the block was suspended. A slight misstep or an errant swing through that cable would send him plummeting down the shaft.

As the block reached the apex of its ascent, neither man nor woman could move from it. Taking attention away from their opponent would likely leave them open to a strike, either with the Force or their weapons. The block began to descend with Selika and Andrelious locked in a stalemate, both waiting for a mistake by the other.

Feeling herself beginning to tire, Selika realized that she would most likely succumb to fatigue before the older man before her. Knowing that she would have to abandon her normal tactic of waiting out her enemy, she reached out with the Force again, casting her illusions.

The sound of cracking stone was accompanied by the image of a stalactite falling towards them from above. Expecting her opponent to try to move out of the way, or at least flinch, Selika was unprepared for his continued focus on her. Andrelious’s next strike battered her saber aside and, though his follow through carried his own blade well past her, his off hand caught her hard across the temple. It was a clumsy blow, more akin to that of a drunken cantina brawler than a student of martial combat. Sloppy or not, however, it had its intended effect.

Selika saw stars explode before her eyes as she fell backwards onto the now-rising stone that supported them. Her head throbbed both in the place where Andrelious struck her and where it had hit the stone as she fell. A look of fear painted itself across her features as Andrelious held his blade mere inches from her face.

“Submit,” he commanded, “before I’m forced to hack off something you might miss.”

Selika merely cowered, sweat beading on her brow. Andrelious moved his blade to strike at the wrist that held her lightsaber, but then he faltered. His eyes widened as a look of abject terror swept across his face, the pilot now taking a step back from the ledge. Selika’s fear quickly dropped from her face, revealing a look best described as sadistic glee.

“What’s the matter?” She inquired coyly as Andrelious dropped to his knees, his hands wrapped around the cable rising from their platform as if his life depended on it. “Is the famed starfighter pilot experiencing a fear of…heights?”

Selika pushed herself into a standing position as Andrelious whimpered in fear. Crossing the distance that separated them, she stood over him and rested her left hand on the top of his head.

“I imagine that this must be a first for you,” she continued, “but don’t worry. It will all be over soon.”

Selika’s hand moved from the top of the Taldryanite’s head to the cable he clung to. Locking her grip around it, she slashed through the rope just above Andrelious’s hand just as the block halted at the top of its vertical path. Selika held the rope she clung to with a Force-enhanced grip as the block below her fell. Andrelious, on the other hand, plummeted with the stone.

As Selika stepped onto one of the highest level of blocks, she looked down to see her opponent. The fear finally cleared from his features as a pure, unbridled rage took its place. Andrelious roared out at her, moving to his feet and running along the long axis of the falling block. At the edge, he leapt out towards the edges of the shaft. His target was one of the various side tunnels, but he nearly missed the entry. His waist ended up at the lower edge of the opening, and so he was left to scramble to pull himself into the safety of the tunnel.

Selika smirked as she realized that victory was hers, that with the central block now missing there was no way to rise to the upper levels from where Andrelious now found himself. Her sense of triumph, however, was short-lived. All of the blocks at her level shuddered and began to descend, moving towards where Andrelious waited.

“You have got to be kriffing kidding me!” Selika exclaimed, cursing Marick, Pravus, or whoever else was pulling the strings.

Ala'ar Rinn, 1 December, 2015 3:46 AM UTC

What I like about this post is that you're playing Selika a little less confident. I particularly enjoyed the reversals she went through. Pulling the rug from under her and keeping her paddling furiously like a duck on a seemingly calm pond with a wicked little undertow trying too pull her in the direction she doesn't want to go in.

In that respect, nicely done. What I found less interesting was the move / counter-move routine which is quickly loosing my interest as a reader since I feel like I read something similar throughout everyone's posts so far.

I think you picked up on this and tried to change things up a bit.

What has kept my interest was the dialogue, the sudden reversals, and your writing style, but as the last and final post on your behalf, I expected something a bit more memorable than you playing hot potato with your opponent.


Syntax

feeling somewhat [self-satisfied]

To add to that[,] there were no other blocks at this level, meaning that both Selika and Andrelious had only one path to the next level of shifting blocks above.

“It seems that whoever’s responsible for this little test expected someone to try that one, Miss Roh,” Andrelious stated. As he watched the block’s movements, he figured out that they were adapting to the fact that one had been removed.

Test. Hmm. Definitely Marick, he thought to himself, remembering the Hapan’s penchant for such things during his reign as Shadow Lord.

As she descended, Selika looked around for a block on the rise, but, aside from one that was out of reach even for her enhanced jumps, found that they were all on the way down. Andrelious, meanwhile, appeared to be happy to wait patiently for his opponent to reach his level. He clung onto his secondary lightsaber, still bitterly annoyed at having lost its silver hilted twin, but also still incredibly determined that the Plagueian was not going to get the better of him.

The platform that the Warlord had found himself on was a little larger than the blocks, so he had already taken the decision to remain there rather than attempt to reach Selika, not willing to risk the woman cutting through another rope. As the Battlelord came a little closer, Andrelious extended his left hand, scooping her up and pulling her towards him. As she felt the Force begin to wrap its invisible fingers around her body, Roh jumped, allowing herself to control her own descent a little better. She landed fairly neatly on her feet, ready to engage the Taldryanite. Almost immediately, Selika was forced to defend herself from an aggressive series of slashes from her opponent, whose eyes glowed as crimson as the lightsaber blade that he wanted to drive through the Proconsul’s body.

Pushed back a little by the sheer power of Andrelious’ blows, the Battlelord spotted that a few of the blocks were once again on the rise. Forcing her opponent onto the defensive, Selika timed her jump perfectly, landing cleanly near the centre of the nearest block. Shifting her weight carefully, the woman moved into position to make herself difficult to follow. Andrelious cursed, and chose another nearby block, taking his eyes off his opponent only to make sure he landed properly.

Once again, the minds of the two Sith became more focused on escaping the fiendish puzzle that stood between them and the rest of the Grand Master’s tournament. Neither were interested in playing it safe, calling upon the Force to jump over increasingly large gaps, even when a far closer block was available. Andrelious kept one eye on Selika, allowing her to remain slightly ahead of him.

Turning briefly to take stock of her opponent’s position, the Plagueian cursed as she spotted the ruby glow of Andrelious’ lightsaber far closer than she would have liked. At that moment, she spotted the Warlord’s face break into a smirk. Moments later, a holocam drone slammed into Selika, knocking her off balance enough to allow Andrelious to leap onto her block unimpeded.

“I don’t think Pravus will like you breaking his toys,” Selika stated as she considered her next move. Nothing immediately shouted out to her; there were no upward moves behind her and her opponent was far too effective with his lightsaber to make jumping anywhere near him a wise plan.

“He’ll have more pressing things to worry about. Such as your obituary,” Andrelious replied, edging towards the Battlelord. The block and its supporting pulley strained with the weight of the two Humans, but held firm, allowing Mimosa-Inahj to engage his rival with another powerful sweep of his lightsaber. Selika blocked the attack with more than a little discomfort, knowing that stepping back was not possible. Andrelious, meanwhile, appeared to be enjoying himself as he continued to test his fellow Sith’s defences.

Taking a deep breath, the Proconsul cursed her relative lack of stamina. Her illusions and lightning had left her feeling quite drained, but the sheer determination to progress in Pravus’ charade kept her going even as her opponent continued to probe for a way past her seemingly determined defence.

Quickly moving from high to low, Andrelious’ smirk turned to a frustrated frown as that move too was matched with a solid parry. As ruby met amethyst, the Warlord, turning away to avoid a faceful of sparks, spotted a jumpable block in the corner of his eye.

“I am sorry, Miss Roh. I would love to continue our ‘discussion’, but I have a tournament to win!” the Taldryanite taunted, jumping away and onto the other block. Selika quickly crossed her block, and leapt to follow. Both Sith found several further blocks were relatively easy to jump between, finally bringing the top of the shaft into view. The opening was fairly large, but despite leading directly outdoors, gave little in the way of natural light. Wherever the two fighters were, it was nighttime. Underneath the opening was a final, apparently stationary block.

Having again taken slightly different routes away from their previous encounter, both Andrelious and Selika approached from different angles. Eyeing the exit block, they jumped in unison, landing together. Their lightsabers, still active, collided with each other, almost knocking the pair off of the block.

“Seems you can’t get rid of me after all,” Selika teased, twisting her lightsaber around in an attempt to catch her enemy off guard.

“You’re nothing more than a spoiled little Princess!” Andrelious roared, blocking the Battlelord’s attack with apparent ease. His patience with the woman had run out and he counter-attacked viciously, feinting high and to the left, but quickly altering as Selika moved to block. With a single, well-aimed slash, the Taldryanite slashed through Roh’s right knee, severing bone, nerve, and tissue as if he were cutting through butter. Crying out in pain, Selika grabbed onto the rope, holding on for dear life as she watched the lower part of her right leg disappear into the darkness below.

“Goodbye, Miss Roh. I’m sure we have something in our archives to help you with your little problem,” Andrelious taunted, before leaping away.

And next time, it’ll be more than her leg, the Warlord thought to himself.

Ala'ar Rinn, 1 December, 2015 4:05 AM UTC

I think this one was your better storytelling of the two. You did a really nice job of "racing" against Selika, and your character's single-minded focus to assuage his lust for revenge and evening the score was really well executed.

I'd like to see more writing of this sort..!! <3

“You’re nothing more than a spoiled little Princess!” Andrelious roared, blocking the Battlelord’s attack with apparent ease. His patience with the woman had run out and he counter-attacked viciously, feinting high and to the left, but quickly altering as Selika moved to block. With a single, well-aimed slash, the Taldryanite slashed through Roh’s right knee, severing bone, nerve, and tissue as if he were cutting through butter. Crying out in pain, Selika grabbed onto the rope, holding on for dear life as she watched the lower part of her right leg disappear into the darkness below.