Savant Tisto Kingang vs. Knight Ozosi Vym

Savant Tisto Kingang

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Kiffar, Force Disciple, Juggernaut
vs.

Knight Ozosi Vym

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Female Togruta, Force Disciple, Arcanist
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the ACC and seeing this match to its conclusion! Ozosi, it is always good to see new people writing in matches, and I am glad you decided to give it a try!

This was an interesting fight between two very unique characters. Both of you did an excellent job highlighting the differences in fighting styles between the two characters. Ozosi, you did an excellent job incorporating the venue in your first post. However the lack of combat in that same post hurt your overall Story score. Tisto, your description of combat was clear and easy to follow, and you did a good job injecting some of your character’s motivations into your second post.

Both of you had issues with Syntax. Ozosi, be careful of verb tenses, run-on sentences and repetitive phrases. Tisto, though your second post only had a few minor issues, your first post had multiple spelling errors that kept you from a higher Syntax score. I would highly suggest that both of you utilize a proofreader for subsequent matches.

Ultimately, this fight came down to Realism. Ozosi, you demonstrated some creative tactics in your second post. However, it also contained multiple Realism errors that I have detailed below. Tisto, you also had a few minor Realism issues.

Both of you demonstrated a significant amount of creativity, and the resulting match was interesting to read. However, in the end if was Realism that was the deciding factor in this fight. With a score of 3.65 to 3.2, Tisto Kingang wins the match!

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Savant Tisto Kingang, Knight Ozosi Vym
Winner Savant Tisto Kingang
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Savant Tisto Kingang's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Ozosi Vym's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Shili: Savannah
Last Post 19 January, 2018 4:57 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Lucine Vasano
Syntax - 15%
Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang Vorran Shadowfeather
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: While the second post was relatively clean from a syntax standpoint, the first post had multiple spelling errors. Rationale: Some issues noted with verb tense and run-on sentences.
Story - 40%
Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang Vorran Shadowfeather
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: You did a good job writing combat between the characters, and even injected some reasoning for Tisto’s actions in your second post. However, there was not much explanation for why Tisto would need to teach Ozosi such a brutal lesson. Rationale: Lack of combat in your first post hurt your score. Though you made up for it in your second post, very little was done to advance the story beyond the fighting.
Realism - 25%
Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang Vorran Shadowfeather
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Two small detractors that are explained below. Rationale: Multiple issues with your second post hurt your score.
Continuity - 20%
Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang Vorran Shadowfeather
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues noted. Rationale: There were a couple of issues in your second post that are detailed below.
Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang's Score: 3.65 Vorran Shadowfeather's Score: 3.2
Posts

Savannah

When you are traversing the wild and untouched landscapes of the savannah, just remind yourself that you are never the apex predator. The vast and desolate area of sand, rocks, dead and ancient trees are all the same blood-orange color for a simple reason: to hide your worst nightmare from your sight, the Akul. A large, quadrupedal and orange furred mammal, the Akul are the top predators that hunt all sorts of bovine, dog, hooved and giant mammals. Using their extraordinary sense of smell, they can trace your scent from days long past and track you down without mercy.

Savannah

Throughout the Savannah, tall and wispy Turu-grass stretches out into long ranging fields. Watering holes are sparse and spread thin, and the terrain offers little safety from the blazing sun that hangs overhead. When the sun retreats and gives way to moonlight, the Savannah becomes almost chill, but the night is dark and full of wild creatures. In the Savannah, it’s hunt or be hunted.

Home... A small yet curvaceous female Togruta slowly walked through the fields of Shili’s savannah. Up until this point in time, she had continued to wear her dark leather boots, but now that she was sure this hadn’t been a dream, she decided to take her them off. As she slid them off, the female could feel excitement creeping upon her up until the point when she finally took one small step upon the sand and connect with the planet once more. She could feel a surge of energy as she closed her eyes, becoming more connected to the Force within the planet. After a few minutes, she continued to walk through the forest, finding herself now within a field of Turu-grass which swayed in the wind. This was her Awenaqa.

“This is your home, isn’t it?”

The question was posed by a male’s voice which took the female’s attention away from her connection to Shili to find who would ask such. Immediately she realized it was a member of Clan Odan-Urr after she turned to find the male standing where she had just travelled from. She silently greeted him with a slight bow.

“Tisto, right?” her voice called out on a first name basis, something that she knew was not an appropriate habit to have, especially when she realized he was not here for a civil discussion. Despite her inexperience with sensing others with the Force, the female Togruta could get a sense as she closed her eyes of a string of thoughts being casted from her would-be opponent. Something is off… her thoughts gave the indicate of mystery as she opened her eyes, giving a quick shake of her head to ward off the overwhelming sensation.

“You’re Ozosi Vym,” Tisto said with a stern but slightly warm tone. “I have come to challenge you to a friendly fight and test your rank within Odan-Urr,” he added as he pulled back his right leg and raised his fists just before his face. “I want you to fight me with all the skills you’ve learned so far.”

Ozosi stepped back in shock at the sudden request as she had only sparred with her Master, Celevon. She narrowed her gaze, attempting to take her own stance in response to prepare herself. Quickly, she widened her stand, legs slightly bent at the knee, and brought her buttock down to steady her posture while twisting her torso to meet her foe. It seemed like the basics would be used to start with in this fight until she was comfortable enough to venture to other techniques.

Lucine Vasano, 28 January, 2018 7:45 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

You made good use of the venue and describing Ozosi’s connection to it. I particularly enjoyed your description of Channel while describing her connection to the planet.

Can Be Improved

In the ACC, every match should have at least some combat. While you set up the conflict between Ozosi and Tisto, there was no actual combat between them.

… the female Togruta could get a sense as she closed her eyes of a string of thoughts being casted from her would-be opponent.

This is a nice use of Telepathy, but I would have liked to see more description. What thoughts was he having? What specifically made Ozosi think something was off?

Also, be careful of verb tenses. There were a couple times when you used the wrong tense in a sentence:

Up until this point in time, she had continued to wear her dark leather boots, but now that she was sure this [wasn’t] a dream…

… when she finally took one small step upon the sand and [connected] with the planet once more.

Noting her stance Tisto shook his head and let out a low chuckle. He fell into a simple boxing stance, his right foot back, angled slightly to the side so that his left shoulder stood between Ozosi's best line of attack and the former biker. His knees bent slightly, spreading his weight out evenly.

"Well," Tisto said darkly, lacing his words with false hatred. "Attack! Let's see if Celevon taught you right, or if he failed you as a master. It's a shame you got stuck with someone that bad, truthfully."

Ozosi stiffed at that, her eyes betraying her anger. She attacked, launching a punch towards Tisto, turning her body into it. She went with a non direct line of attack, passing his left arm, aiming for his stomach. Tisto reacted quickly, using a quick left jab at her face. His blow connected first and the following shock from his gloves threw her off the attack. The Knight moved back, her hand touching the new bruise, and she more carefully inspected her opponent.

"Shockboxing gloves?!" she asked incredulously. "I thought this was sparing?"

"I didn't say spar there Vym," the criminal said. "I said fight. Think of it this way little one. You are getting what so many dead men thought they would get. You are getting a fight instead of a beating. Do not make me regret this by insulting me with something that isn't your best."

The Tagruta was taken aback at that statement. It seemed to fit him perfectly in away, though that way was far darker than she had expected a fellow COU member to be. She took the little one comment in stride, pulling out her lightsaber. She ignited it without little hesitation, not wanting to hurt anyone, but ready to fight regardless. She flipped the blade to a familiar reverse hand grip, ready to attack.

"Happy now?" she asked, holding the blade. "I'll fight you with everything."

Tisto smiled as she did, lunging forward with a right hook. He saw Ozosi begin a swing as he came in and instinctively formed a barrier to protect his side, stopping his strike to be safe. The blue blade crashed into the barrier, but lacked the power to cut through, merely stopping where it was, allowing for Ozosi to strike again as Tisto leaped to the side. The barrier dissolved as he did, allowing Ozosi's strike to pass, though it hit nothing.

"Much better," the Savant said calmly, reaching for a pouch on his belt. With a quick movement he removed it and tossed it into the air, credits spilling out and into the air. He called on the Force, and reached out with both of his hands, taking hold of the falling credits.

Ozosi watched as Tisto held the credits in the air, staring at the mass of money with a mixture of confusion and awe. She stared at the Kiffar, and saw his hands push towards her. The Knight jumped back as the credits sailed towards her, the lowest level of them pelting the ground where she had just stood while others hit home, smacking into her.

Tisto glared at Ozozi once more. "I thought you were going to fight me with everything, not just a lightsaber."

Lucine Vasano, 28 January, 2018 7:45 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The rapport between Ozosi and Tisto in this post was excellent! You also did a wonderful job with description. Every attack and response was clear and understandable, allowing the reader to easily visualize what was happening in the fight.

Can Be Improved

There were quite a few spelling errors in this post. I have highlighted a few below:

Ozosi [stiffened] at that, her eyes betraying her anger.

"I thought this was [sparring]?"

The [Togruta] was taken aback at that statement.

Tisto glared at [Ozosi] once more.

Ozosi huffed as she was attempting to keep her distance away from her opponent for fear he would perform another move such as before and allowed herself a quickened moment to recover. She narrowed her gaze as she huffed, glaring at him and bending her knees slightly more. Calculating her next move, Ozosi decided she would create a diversion to distract her opponent while using equipment to damage her opponent. She lunged forward again, charging towards Tisto. Keeping her blade in a reverse grip on her right, Ozosi was ready to make another swiping attack, and pulled a frag grenade out of her belt with her left hand.

When the lunging attack was made and she moved her right arm, a sudden realization hit Ozosi just like the quickened speed of Tisto’s next move which was an uppercut to her lower jaw. She had tunneled her vision and insight into her surroundings from the comments made about her master, and now she realized she may not be ready for this fight. After making contact and having insight literally shocked through her system, Ozosi allowed the impact of the hit upwards under her jaw to send her back, but used what endurance and strength she had to recover to land feet first, stumbling for a second. Shaking her head and spitting out the bit of blood which now formed in her mouth, she gave a rather large sigh after a few deep breaths. A scoff followed her sigh as she realized her grenade was no longer within her grasp, sensing it was to the side of her opponent.

“Are you not trying? Where is your “best”,” Tisto coldly called out after he changed his position to a slightly relaxed and annoyed stance. He gritted his teeth, changing his stance before launching forward and pulling back his right fist to make another attack at Ozosi’s face. “Fight me!”

Ozosi immediately used the Force, calling upon a barrier to take the brunt of the attack, slightly stumbling backward. Tisto’s right fist connected with the barrier as Ozosi’s focus upon the barrier shifted to the frag grenade behind him, triggering the grenade with Telekinesis. The barrier held up against the first strike delivered by Tisto, and this allowed for Ozosi to plan her next move. He readied his next punch into the barrier, putting his might within this strike only to meet resistance.

As Tisto readied the third punch, his senses sparked as he felt the change in Ozosi’s expression and attention as well as her aura. He turned his head to see the fragmentation grenade heading towards him from behind. She had willed the grenade to impact her opponent and attempted to catch him off guard, which after she returned her focus to the barrier. Shifting his attention, Tisto used the Force to create a barrier, unable to create it within time as the grenade finally collided and exploded on the impact of the barrier. With the impact of the blast, shrapnel flew every which way, bouncing off of the barrier for the last few hits it could take until the barrier dropped. The explosion burned Tisto’s skin, singeing his red dreadlocks and particles of what remained fell to the grass below. He had previously moved his arms to cover his face and amplified his muscular structure in order to take the brunt of the damage.

Ozosi stumbled again as she tried to maintain the focus with a newly formed headache until the impact was made. This time when she stumbled, she fell on her backside, exhausted and attempted to ready her defenses with her lightsaber as she lifted her right arm and held the blade out. As she fell back upon the ground, her thoughts spiraled within the ache and her mind clouded slightly. Her body was still able to fight, but the impact and damage from the punches were catching up to her.

Lucine Vasano, 28 January, 2018 7:46 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

You did a good job highlighting the power disparity between the two characters. Little details, like Ozosi’s realization that she was not prepared for the fight as Tisto was landing a punch, really made this post interesting to read. You also did a good job describing Ozosi’s exhaustion after utilizing a complicated series of Force powers.

Can Be Improved

Ozosi’s use of the Fragmentation grenade is problematic for a number of reasons, resulting in multiple Realism and Continuity errors. In order to better help your understanding of the system, I have broken the sequence down to discuss each point one by one.

Ozosi immediately used the Force, calling upon a barrier to take the brunt of the attack, slightly stumbling backward.

As written, Barrier requires the person to remain stationary while they are using it.

He turned his head to see the fragmentation grenade heading towards him from behind.

Barrier and Telekinesis are both advanced powers, and Ozosi is in the heat of battle. It is unrealistic that she would be able to use both at the same time. Besides which, it was previously stated that the grenade had fallen to Tisto’s side, resulting in a Continuity error. Finally, with a +0 in Explosives, it is unlikely that Ozosi would know how long it takes for the frag grenade to detonate in order to use TK to pick it up and send it toward him in time.

… he felt the change in Ozosi’s expression and attention as well as her aura. It is unclear how Tisto would be able to detect a change in Ozosi’s aura. There is no previous mention of him using Sense, and it is unlikely that he would be concentrating on that power given that he is in the middle of combat.

Shifting his attention, Tisto used the Force to create a barrier, unable to create it within time as the grenade finally collided and exploded on the impact of the barrier.

It is stated in the same sentence that Tisto was both able to form the Barrier and unable to form the barrier, resulting in a Continuity hit.

With the impact of the blast, shrapnel flew every which way,

Tisto is close enough to be punching Ozosi’s Barrier. Without knowledge of explosives, it is unlikely that Ozosi would be able to angle the grenade in a way to avoid being caught in the blast radius.

He had previously moved his arms to cover his face and amplified his muscular structure in order to take the brunt of the damage.

While Amplification is a basic power, it is unlikely he would have time to use it, given that he was surprised by the detonation of the grenade. Also, Amplification does not cause one’s muscles to enlarge.

Tisto sighed to himself as he felt the Force numb his pain. The energy flowed throughout his body, and while it wasn't healing him it did numb the nerves that had screamed out in pain from the explosion.

She made a good call there, he though to himself. But I am probably the best case for her if someone survives one of her grenades

The Kiffar looked to Ozosi with a face that spoke only of calmness. He saw her pain as she stumbled around, and sighed once more. She is pushing herself but it won't be enough. Poor girl. She can't know why I'm doing this.

"Smart play there," he said calmly, gathering the Force at his right hand. "Using a weapon that would take out most people. Unfortunately I have survived explosions before. Its how I got the scars on my back."

Ozosi tried to focus on what Tisto was saying, but the headache was throwing her off. The Kiffar shook his head and slowly closed his right hand. The Force responded to him, and pressure went to Ozosi's right wrist. The criminal continued the pressure, and Ozosi found the headache fading as the pain in her wrist increased. Her eyes went wide as the pressure continued, a loud crack sounding from her wrist. Pain killers flooded her system dulling the pain. She dropped her lightsaber as her hand opened up from a sudden numbness. The pressure continued as Tisto took a step closer, though Ozosi stopped feeling it. There was a final sickening crack and Ozosi hand fell limply, the bones broken from the telekinetic pressure. While Ozosi felt nothing from the injury she realized what the inability to move her hand around meant.

She stared at her opponent in fear. "What the frak?!" she exclaimed unable to come up with the words.

"You have too much to learn," the Kiffar replied. "Just because you were given a glowing stick capable of cutting through rock and called a Jedi doesn't mean you are done learning."

"That doesn't make any sense!" the Togruta replied in anguish.

"Why should it?" Tisto replied, taking another step closer. "Your enemy won't always make sense."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Ozosi cried out.

Tisto didn't respond with words. Instead he hit her with an upper cut, closing her mouth. The shock the followed ran through her jaw and brought back her headache. Tisto didn't stop, using a flurry of strike in her abdomen until she went down. It took five hits for her to pass out from the pain, and Tisto grimaced on the last one. He caught her as she fell, and gently placed her on the ground.

The biker sighed and shook his head, letting his own thoughts back into his head. You shouldn't have come out here alone. Not while the Iron Throne is still present. Fraking girl you forced my hand.

He knelt and put one of his hands over her wrist and called on the Force. He felt the energy flow from him to her, slowly re-knitting the bone.

"You are so foolish," he muttered to himself, struggling to keep tears from his eyes. He knew she heard none of this but felt the need t say it otherwise. "Hopefully you learn from this. Otherwise I'll do worse. Celevon made a mistake making you a Knight. The galaxy will kill you for being so reckless."

Tisto caught his breath, shaking dark thoughts from his head. Feeling that the wrist had been fixed Tisto picked up Ozosi's wrist link and called up Celevon. "Hey. Ozosi is down at Shili. I'll need an extraction team. Teach your apprentices better than to go out on their own."

Lucine Vasano, 28 January, 2018 7:47 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

From a syntax standpoint, this post was significantly cleaner than the first. You did a good job depicting the fatigue one might experience after using multiple advanced Force powers in rapid succession. Furthermore, I like the fact that you rounded out the story, giving a more complete reason why the two characters are fighting.

Can Be Improved

There were a few minor Realism issues with your post:

There was a final sickening crack and Ozosi hand fell limply, the bones broken from the telekinetic pressure. While Ozosi felt nothing from the injury she realized what the inability to move her hand around meant.

While this was a nice bit of imagery, neither Control Self at +1 nor the body’s response to pain would be enough to completely numb the agony of one’s hand being crushed.

He knelt and put one of his hands over her wrist and called on the Force. He felt the energy flow from him to her, slowly re-knitting the bone.

While it was considerate of Tisto to heal Ozosi’s hand, a FU cannot heal others until they are at +3 for Healing.