DJK Lexiconus vs. SWL Andrelious J. Inahj

Dark Jedi Knight Lexiconus

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Male Togruta, Krath, Seeker
vs.

Warlord Andrelious J. Inahj

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Sith, Seeker
Comment

In the end, this battle clearly goes to Andrelious. His posts were clear, readable and realistic. While they were not the most interesting of posts, and needed some form of tension and suspense, they did the job of telling a fully coherent story. Lexi, I would highly suggest you get some help in terms of your overall writing and storytelling. What you want to do, and how it is written, seem to be very different. Your posts are difficult to read, and need a lot of help to really make them flow better. The ACC is a slightly more advanced form of writing, so I think you should really focus your efforts on getting your basic writing skills hammered out first.

Hall Event: Figureheads [Clan Arcona]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition Event: Figureheads - ACC
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants DJK Lexiconus, SWL Andrelious J. Inahj
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
DJK Lexiconus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
SWL Andrelious J. Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Selen: Arcona Citadel - Throne Room
Last Post 18 August, 2014 9:36 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Lord Halcyon
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Qor Kith
Score: 4 Score: 1
Rationale: - A few missed capitalization and little grammatical ticks, but nothing egregious in your first post - That blaster had been with me a very long time. But I’ll be able to get it repaired. Which is more than will be said for YOU when I’m finished, Knight! <- Unless you have a very unique way of speaking, those periods should be commas Rationale: - “Next time I will not miss, beast!” Claimed Andrelious as he strode closer to the pillar. <- Claimed should not be capitalized - "With sweat pouring and soaking his robes as he sprinted for cover." <- This is not a complete sentence. - ...the Krath turned and sprinted immediately away from Sith. Whom with great haste followed him <- Period should be a comma
Story - 40%
Deleted Qor Kith
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: - "Another burst of electricity was blocked, but Andrelious had prepared for that. Tossing his lightsaber in the general direction of his opponent..." <- This section just read a little off. I know what you were getting at, but it all seemed very static. Like, were you still shocking Lexi while throwing your saber and controlling it, or had you stopped to focus on the throw? There just wasn't much flow to it. - Introduction was a bit on the dry-side of things. Never really felt like a lot of tension when you were meant to be in the middle of this great civil war - The ending felt...off. Very anti-climatic, really. Again, there never seemed to be much tension in your posts so everything reads a bit blandly Rationale: - "The blanket of red mist trapped the Battle Team Leader in fatigue and fear." <- I don't get the red mist thing. Not sure where that's from - This is for both story and syntax, but I had a very hard time following what you were doing at the end of your first post. The entire action sequence with the lightsaber battle was very confusing and trying to keep track of what was happening was very difficult. The way the sentences were structured just did not allow the story to come through and instead really muddled it. - Your deathpost was also very confusing. So, you shooting Andrelious initially was all fake and in your mind? He was really behind you? It appeared to be some form of illusion, which he does not have. Mind Trick doesn't cover what happened here. And the sequence itself was just very hard to follow, as the interaction after between you and Andrelious was hard to decipher.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Qor Kith
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: - You seemed to hit on a lot of the Aspects for both characters in your first post as you got a sense of the differences right away - Was not a fan of the introduction of the soldiers, not because they were added, but because they seemed so ineffective. They basically allowed one of their own to be killed before doing anything, and then were just slaughtered. Rationale: - “Grenade!” The Sith Lord shouted, as he gripped his blaster with both hands, several seconds pass as nothing happened. <- I don't know what you were trying to do in this section. I don't know why an ammo clip (not ammo vial as you stated) would be explosive without anything done to it. I don't know why Andrelious would yell out "Grenade" or what he would be expecting to happen. He is also not a "Sith Lord" - I don't even know how the explosion occurred at all. You had these pillars blow up and I have no idea why - I don't know why you wouldn't finish the battle right then and there at the end of your first post
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Qor Kith
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: Rationale: Nothing overtly wrong, but transitions were not always clear
Deleted's Score: 3.8 Qor Kith's Score: 2.25
Posts

citadel
A pair of massive, ancient doors loom at the entrance to the throne room. Upon opening, they give way to a large chamber with a high ceiling carved smoothly into stone. The chamber itself is the size of a professional holo-ball court but the hard-tile flooring has been sand-blasted to perfection and patterned symmetrically throughout. Tall, rounded pillars frame a center dais that forms an elevator platform. Perfectly centered on the low platform is the heart of Clan Arcona's power--the Serpentine Throne. The ornate throne stands several feet above the head of even the tallest Shadow Lords. The dais is back lit by an ever glowing wall of flame that attunes itself to the order-color of the current Consul. A sable carpet trimmed with white lays down over the shallow steps and continues all the way towards the entrance doors. throneroom
The Throne Room is completely sound-proofed, and almost feels like entering a vacuum. Voices carry easily, but never leave the chamber. A combination of alchemy and engineering allow the room to be shut off from the rest of the Citadel while maintaining proper ventilation for the unique curtain of flame. It maintains a steady room temperature, ignorant to the climate outside and throughout the Citadel's ancient walls.

The throne room had so far been spared the fighting that had broken out across the Dajorra System. Whilst the rest of the Citadel had become a warzone, for some reason neither side had dared to burst into the room, perhaps afraid that Marick was observing from inside. Andrelious, however, had witnessed the Consul and Proconsul exiting the system, and had entered the throne room to avoid a large group of enemies who were attempting to clear the Arconan headquarters of Arconae supporters.

The Rollmaster breathed a sigh of relief as he found the room empty. Grabbing his comlink, he tuned it to the secure channel that the Arconae faction had been using since the outbreak of hostilities.

“This is Inahj. Citadel is crawling with enemies. Need assistance, I’m in the throne room,” Andrelious broadcast. Replies from other Arconae supporters informed him that they would be there as soon as they could, but advised him times of an hour or more.

Guess I’ve got some time to kill, the Warlord thought. Not daring to sit in the throne, he slouched against one of the pillars. He was enjoying a drink from his hipflask, when he heard the doors opening. Inahj identified the individual as Lexiconus.

“Greetings, Knight. As yet this room has not been disturbed by that…riot out there.” Andrelious began. The Togruta nodded in affirmation, and began to reply in his native tongue.

“I’ve told you before. Don’t waste time with that alien gibberish with me. I understand only my Basic and that mangled version most of the clan speak.” Inahj hissed. His opponent understood basic just fine, but appeared totally unable to speak the language himself.

Something about Lexiconus’ demeanour troubled Andrelious. The Warlord summoned his silver-hilted ‘duelling’ lightsaber to his hand, quickly activating it. He did not, however, immediately move into a fighting stance, choosing instead to wait for a move from the Dark Jedi Knight. The ex-Imperial’s suspicions were confirmed as the Dark Forge leader activated his own weapon.

“Ah. So you’re with your Master. I can’t say I’m surprised.” Andrelious stated stoically. The Togruta had been placed under the mentorship of Qel-Droma Quaestor Nikola Valtiere, who had been an ally of Andrelious, but now they opposed each other. Inahj considered the possibility that the Knight had been sent by his Master to ‘get rid’ of Andrelious.

Lexiconus did not charge straight for his new opponent. Instead, he stepped away from the Sith, keeping his lightsaber in a defensive position. Inahj moved towards the retreating Journeyman, trying to pin him down. As he approached, he called forth a burst of Force-generated electricity, aiming it directly at the Knight. Lexiconus was at first caught out by the attack, but was able to sweep his lightsaber in the air, absorbing and dissipating the electricity. He countered with an attack of his own, trying to push the relatively small Sith away with the help of the Force. Andrelious pushed back, the two Force users finding their efforts cancelling each other out.

He’s a Krath. If I can get through his damn Force defences and get him to duel me, he won’t last. Inahj pondered, continuing to observe his opponent’s evasive style. Another burst of electricity was blocked, but Andrelious had prepared for that. Tossing his lightsaber in the general direction of his opponent, the Warlord steered the weapon around Lexiconus’ parry, manipulating it into circling the Togruta before returning it to his hand. As he did so, he stepped within duelling range of the Knight. With a quick upward slash, Andrelious managed to initiate a duel.

Lexiconus’ training in the art of lightsaber combat soon proved a little inadequate against the swordsmanship of the Rollmaster. Andrelious took great pride in his own ability with a saber, and quickly forced his opponent onto the backfoot with a series of probing attacks. The younger Arconan defended desperately, finding what few counter attacks he could manage easily answered. Andrelious even appeared to be enjoying the alien’s discomfort, smirking as he pressed on with his determined duelling. Each series of aggressive moves from the Warlord was blocked with increasing discomfort on the part of Lexiconus.

As Andrelious swung his lightsaber back, his opponent concentrated deeply, using the momentary respite to his advantage. The Rollmaster felt his arms slow down a little, allowing Lexiconus to easily step away from the next attack. The Togruta turned and ran. Inahj stopped, apparently considering his next move.

What? Oh, yes. Where did that alien go? Andrelious thought, quickly sensing that his antagonist was rushing towards the far side of the room.

“A good move, Knight. Valtiere has taught you well!” the Warlord spat, deactivating his lightsaber. Arming himself with one his E-11s, he started to pace towards the general direction of Lexiconus. The chase was on.

The blanket of red mist trapped the Battle Team Leader in fatigue and fear. With sweat pouring and soaking his robes as he sprinted for cover. Lexiconus truly felt that his life was going to end; like a vulture spotting it’s prey from high up, Lex evaded the aim of the Sith Warlord’s E-11 Blaster marginally. His cloak tore and burned to shreds as the blaster bolts narrowly missed Lex.

Lex sprinted further across the throne room and rolled behind one of the thick, rounded pillars. He grunted half-heartedly and ripped the top of his robe off, then threw the cloak and shirt on the floor next to him.

“Next time I will not miss, beast!” Claimed Andrelious as he strode closer to the pillar.

The Sith Warlord began to step sideways to cover himself against an adjacent pillar, and kept his good eye and blaster pointed directly at Lex’s position.

I have to be ready, the Krath are a deceptive group. He mentally noted. With a sharp grin, Andrelious unclipped an empty ammo vial then rolled it across the floor and towards the pillar.

“Grenade!” The Sith Lord shouted, as he gripped his blaster with both hands, several seconds pass as nothing happened. The Rollmaster stepped out slowly to look around the pillar’s curve, when the senses in the back of his mind warned him and he quickly retreated, slamming his back onto the pillar he came from.

With seconds to spare, the hard rock of the pillar was blasted with a sheer force, cracks began to splinter and crumble at Andrelious’ feet. A second, weaker blast whipped against the pillar and shoved the Sith Warlord into the open. He took a quick peek around his shoulder to see the impressive Krath clamped high on the stone, right near the roof.

That cocky Knight can climb? He asked rhetorically as the Ex-Imperial swung his blaster around to aim up. The Togruta jumped and glided down, as his green blade sparked and hissed to life.

With relative ease, Andrelious shot at the Togruta and cut through his already scarred left shoulder. The blast caused the Krath to slam into the floor and tumble away, he shrieked in agony.

“My aim is much quicker than your fastest sprint, please remember that next time.” Inahj threatened as he walked over to the Krath who held his torn shoulder in pain and anger. Before Andrelious could change the old cartridge from the blaster, Lex quickly moved his hand and blasted a wave of a mysterious Force at the Sith.

Andrelious rolled backwards only to misinterpret where the ground actually was. His vision slowly began to darken and fade to black. His arms and blaster seemed to disappear as did the struggling Togruta in his view. He lay on the floor in confusion, staring around to try and gather his balance in the darkness of his vision.

Striking his hand out to feel around using the Force, his senses fell on the warm skin of the standing Togruta and his arm pulsed an arc of transparent energy towards him which made Lex become useless without the Force. With the Sith Warlord’s vision coming back, he quickly stood to see the Krath charge and swoop his lightsaber down with his right hand, his left hand hanging back open palmed. Andrelious dropped his blaster and called his hilt to his hand, unleashing the infamous Sith red lightsaber to block the swipe. He held his scarlet lightsaber horizontally and began to enjoy his time in this more comfortable fight for him. With ease he pushed the weak green blade back and swung the red blade around and towards Lex’s left hip.

With mere milliseconds to jump, Lex leaped back to dodge the large arc of the blade then swung his left hand around to aim at Andrelious’ hands. A sense of numbness and increasing immobility filled his wrists as he clutched onto the absence of his lightsaber’s presence.

Why do they always have tricks to flash? He questioned himself as Lex stood forward to make his move. He swiped his green blade in a diagonal upper-left stroke and knocked the hilt of the red blade from his partially numb hands, which instantly came back into feeling. The Sith reached for his second hilt on his belt and sparked the auburn blade to life, then caught Lex’s swipe in mid air and swung the green blade away. This forced the lightsaber to shift and fly through the air with relative ease from the Togruta’s weak hand.

After Andrelious foresaw the attack, he aimed the red blade’s tip at the centre mass of Lexiconus, frowning grimmly.

“That was my good saber, and to think I was going to let you leave in less than three pieces.” Andrelious threatened at the panting Togruta.

The Rollmaster slowly placed his foot forward to initiate the red blade into the Togruta’s bare, sea-blue chest when he saw the Dark Jedi Knight’s hand open and his blaster latched within it now pointed at his groin, Andrelious took his step back.

Kooki would be furious if I lost these. He affirmed himself, as he kept his keen eyes on Lex’s arm.

“Now what, intelligence? Going to kill your Rollmaster?” Inahj said, keeping his right hand firmly on the red blade.

Andrelious and Lexiconus stared at each other. The Warlord was not certain as to how skilled his opponent was with blasters, especially a model that was already becoming outdated around the time of the Togruta’s birth. At a relatively close range, however, Inahj did not believe skill was relevant. With a quick forward slash of his lightsaber, the ex-Imperial cut through the barrel of the weapon, rendering it virtually useless. Lexiconus squeezed the trigger, but the damaged blaster did not respond.

“That blaster had been with me a very long time. But I’ll be able to get it repaired. Which is more than will be said for YOU when I’m finished, Knight!” the Rollmaster spat, lunging at his target. The Togruta managed to side-step, moving towards his dropped lightsaber. Using the Force as a giant lasso, Lexiconus summoned his weapon, activating it just in time to parry away another attempted execution.

“Make this easy. You’ve got excellent potential! Surrender to me. Like all loyal Arconans, I’ll probably be granted a better position. I can use that clout to ensure you can keep your command! And we’d be clear of the traitors and the useless!” Andrelious stated as he battled with the Togruta.

Lexiconus stated something in his native tongue, and continued to defend desperately, clearly not convinced by the Rollmaster’s offer.

“Very well. I offered you the chance to prove your loyalty to Arcona, but you chose to back Cethgus and his pathetic allies. I will slay you as my enemy, not as my ally.” Inahj continued coldly. As he finished speaking, the Warlord appeared to steel his resolve a little, apparently having been holding back before.

As skilled as he was, the Dark Forge leader found himself totally unable to match the increased determination that Andrelious was now exhibiting. In short order, the ex-Imperial broke through the Knight’s defences several times, inflicting multiple wounds onto his opponent. Lexiconus began to flail his lightsaber about, desperation beginning to overtake his training.

As he pressed home his ever growing advantage, Andrelious was distracted by a noise from the direction of the doors. Both fighters turned to see what exactly what was going on. As they watched, half a dozen men entered the room, sporting the uniform of the Arconan Armed Forces. The soldiers stopped in their tracks as they noticed Andrelious. Lexiconus made the most of this distraction, and backpedalled towards the exit, keeping his lightsaber ready to shield himself from further attacks from his Sith opponent. The injuries that Andrelious had exacted on the Togruta proved enough to force him to slow down, allowing the Warlord to keep the pressure up.

Continuing to back away, Lexiconus, too busy on keeping his eyes on the chasing Andrelious, stepped on some rubble, losing his footing a little. Inahj immediately capitalised, feinting right before suddenly turning left rapidly. His crimson blade, successfully clear of any opposition, cut deep into the younger Arconan’s body, nearly cutting him clean in half. Lexiconus fell to the ground, mortally wounded.

With the defeat of the Quaestor loyalist, the soldiers began to act, moving into position.

“Warlord Inahj, I’m going to have to ask you to stand down. In the name of Arcona, you are under arrest!” the lead soldier yelled, pointing a large blaster towards Andrelious.

“If you were here in the name of Arcona, Sergeant, you’d be arresting the traitor, not me. You gave up the right to represent the Clan when you chose to back Cethgus and Valtiere! I gave Lexiconus here one chance, he didn’t take it. You and your men? You’re all guilty of treason. Goodbye, Sergeant.” Inahj hissed.

The ex-Imperial began to slaughter the soldiers. He decapitated their leader first, moving quickly to despatch the next pair. The final trio scattered, with one man fleeing the combat area. Andrelious elected to let him go, deciding to focus on the remaining pair. With ease, he tossed his lightsaber almost casually at the first, before ordering the Force to lift the other high in the air, allowing gravity to take over and drop him into the flames that burned in the vicinity of the Serpentine throne.

“This is Inahj. Have just come under attack. Knight Lexiconus, and six enemy soldiers. Throne room is now insecure. Repeat, throne room is insecure.” Inahj broadcast, a little desperate. He gathered the broken blaster and his dropped lightsaber, returning both weapons to their usual stowings. As he went to take a drink, a familiar voice crackled over his comlink.

“Inahj. This is Nadrin. Teroch and I are en route. We will be with you shortly.”

Andrelious smiled. The big guns had made it to the Citadel.

The surge of heat and sweat cast a blanket around Lexiconus’ skin. He stared the old ex-Imperial with a pazaak-face, yet inside he felt sheer terror. The young Dark Jedi Knight gripped the blaster tightly, shifting it slightly as the sweat made his fingers uncomfortable on the weapon. With glory almost in sight and the Sith’s red lightsaber close to his sea-blue chest, Lex took another step back.

I cannot lose now, he is powerful but will tire soon Lex thought to himself.

With the pride of the Arconae fuelling his soul, Andrelious gripped the lightsaber tightly. A cheshire cat grin began to emerge. He followed Lex, stepping forward and keeping the lightsaber at a close proximity. The Inquisitor then tried the riskiest choice of his life, pumping the energy of the Force into his thighs, the Krath turned and sprinted immediately away from Sith. Whom with great haste followed him. The Krath panted and wheezed as he approached the furthest pillar. He haphazardly shooting the blaster towards Andrelious.

I’m going to collapse if this keeps persisting, I must resist The Togruta thought, as he wiped sweat from his vision.

Lex quickly turned, both hands on the blaster and aimed at Andrelious’ head. With a pull of the trigger, the blast soared at him, guiding itself to his stomach and as it made contact, the Sith Warlord dissipated. A sense of dread and shock filled the Dark Forge Leader’s body, he scanned the room with his eyes heavy to look for the Rollmaster.

No second notion was given, the crimson blade and low hum slowly descended close Lex’s shoulder, with tension rising.

“You have potential inside you beast, we want it,” Andrelious whispered.

Think, Lex. If you shoot him now, you will receive two blades with a swift kill. But if you surrender, he might let you leave without a limb. Or you could of angered him too far for redemption.

The frightened and shaking Togruta shook his head at the offer and slowly dropped his hands. He then clenched his fist, propped his elbow firmly and shoved it into Andrelious’ side.

A second rush of heat and light sparked its way from a lightsaber hilt, and the familiar green limelight shined between Lex’s legs.

“Wrong answer, filth,” The Rollmaster spat, with no conscience to hold him back Andrelious plunged the green blade into Lex’s back and it broke through out the front. The shrieking and squirming from Lex filled the entire throne room. To stop this noise, Andrelious proceeded to swipe the ruby blade and decapitate the Togruta. His head rolled away into the shadows and Andrelious proceeded to slice his torso in two, with Lex’s left arm accidently severing against the touch of the green blade.

“You were a fool to trust me. Valtiere failed you,” The Rollmaster spoke out, collecting his missing lightsaber and blaster. He placed them into the appropriate sheaths and left through the huge doors, playing about with Lex’s shining lightsaber hilt.