Savant Kylex Sanguris vs. Proselyte Kadrol Hauen

Savant Kylex Sanguris

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Force Disciple, Juggernaut, Mandalorian
vs.

Proselyte Kadrol Hauen

Novitiate 4, Novitiate tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Zabrak, Force Disciple, Marauder
Comment

Thank you for participating in the ACC and seeing this match to the conclusion. At its heart, the ‘Master training the Apprentice’ storyline is a staple within the ACC, and I enjoyed reading about this training session between Kylex and Kadrol. It was especially interesting because both characters are influenced by their respective pasts, and I enjoyed how it affected their motivations.

Matches like these can be difficult, particularly when it comes to the disparity in power levels between two characters. After all, it does not make for a very interesting fight if the Master simply murders the Apprentice. Both of you had trouble with this, and it is reflected in how you concluded the combat. Please keep in mind the rule regarding final posts: “A fight does not need to end in death, but there needs to be a clear and definitive victor—meaning one of the characters is either down, injured beyond continuing the fight, or rendered unconscious. The final post(s) must wrap up the fight between the two characters and offer a satisfying and climactic ending.”

Kylex, you skirted this rule by indicating that Kadrol was exhausted from the fight, but there was little evidence of his exhaustion in the actions leading up to the ending. Kadrol, though your character ran away, there was little to stop Kylex from offering pursuit. Both of the endings seemed abrupt, and this affected your Story scores.

Both of you had very clean posts from a syntax standpoint. Kylex, I want to commend you in particular, as your syntax demonstrated a marked improvement from previous matches. Keep up the excellent work!

This was a close match, with a tied score of 4.05. In the case, the match goes to Kylex Sanguris for most closely following the ACC rule regarding the final posts. Well done, and I look forward to seeing more matches from both of you!

Hall Duelist Hall
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Savant Kylex Sanguris, Proselyte Kadrol Hauen
Winner Savant Kylex Sanguris
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Savant Kylex Sanguris's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Proselyte Kadrol Hauen's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Arx: Combat Training Center
Last Post 14 May, 2018 3:01 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Lucine Vasano
Syntax - 15%
Kylex Sanguris Dr. Kadrol Hauen
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: A marked improvement from previous matches, but there were still a few small errors noted. However, none detracted from the reading. Rationale: Some repetitive language noted, but it did not detract from the overall reading.
Story - 40%
Kylex Sanguris Dr. Kadrol Hauen
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: The overall story suffered from a lack of detail in combat. Furthermore, the ending seemed quite abrupt. Rationale: There were some interesting allusions to character motivations. However, the lack of a definitive victor kept the Story score at a 3.
Realism - 25%
Kylex Sanguris Dr. Kadrol Hauen
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues noted. Rationale: No issues noted.
Continuity - 20%
Kylex Sanguris Dr. Kadrol Hauen
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues noted. Rationale: No issues noted.
Kylex Sanguris's Score: 4.05 Dr. Kadrol Hauen's Score: 4.05
Posts

Combat Training Center

Two towering, tinted, transparisteel doors slide open to grant you access to the central chamber of the Combat Training Halls. The main room is wide and open and as large as as a holoball field. Tall walls stretch towards a domed ceiling that is made up of rows of ambient lights that spread out and fill the room with soft even lighting that eliminates any shades or shadows. Those same walls are lined around the perimeter with racks and stacks of varied weaponry: everything from swords and polearms to rifles and flamethrowers.

There are two signs that hover over each weapon rack to create an alternating motif in the Combat Training Hall: “No Explosions” and “Accorded Neutral Territory”. While the first is fairly obvious, the second speaks to the single law of the Training Halls: all members of the Brotherhood are welcome, and no member is to be killed or maimed without incurring the wrath of the Grand Master and the Inquisitorius.

Combat Training Center

A trio of training dummies are statically set up and spread out in a line, each made out of a blend of alloys and padding that can withstand blows from any standard weaponry with the exception of lightsaber blades. To the side of the dummies, a large sparring mat has been stretched out to create a larger footprint than the typical shockboxing ring. The padding is good for helping teach new combat students how to take a fall without injury and offers firm footing, but the hard rubber mat is hardly forgiving.

Behind the sparring area is a door that leads to a small archives that combat students can use to view holorecordings of fights and duels from the past as well as relevant information on combat tactics, techniques, and forms. On the opposite side of the archives at the far end of central room is the locker room that members can safely store their equipment.

The final and probably most important element of the Combat Training Hall is the onsite Med Ward. The maglock door is sealed off and can only be opened by an attending Medic. The Medical facilities feature state of the art bacta tanks for recovery and aftercare. A combination of observation and waiting room rests adjacent to the recovery center and features two large monitors that display a live feed of the central room.

The Combat Halls are staffed around the clock, allowing combat students and mentors alike to come and go as they please at odd or regular hours. It also reserved for members looking to prove their worth to compete in the Antei Combat Center.

[Venue Note: Weapons incorporated into your match are allowed to be used, even if not listed on your Weapon Load Out for the match itself. Skill usage and all other ACC rules and guidelines still applies.]

“How far are we from Arx?” asked Kylex Sanguris, looming over the pilot seat of the Star Courier.

“We’ll be there shortly, Mr Impatient,” replied the young Chiss pilot with a hint of sass. “Why are you so nervous? It’s just training.”

Kylex placed his right hand on the woman’s shoulder, letting out a sigh.

“I know that Sarix… but I’m just afraid I’ll mess up,” he said. With a quick glance past the pilot seat, Kylex watched as the stars materialized as they left hyperspace. The Human moved for the ship’s exit, but was quickly stopped by a blue hand coiling around his neck.

“Try not to hurt him badly,” said Sarix, releasing her bind. She stood straight, giving a mocking salute to the Juggernaut. “I’ll drop you at the training centre, message me when you are done.”

Kylex nodded with a grin, double checking his things before vanishing down to the ship’s second level.


Kylex sat in the middle of the training centre, legs folded, eating a sandwich while he waited. He looked around, surprised at the cleanliness of the building. One would have thought with rigorous training exercises being held almost every day, there would be a few more scorch marks.

“It’s just like when I first faced Rosh…” he spoke aloud. The Mandalorian’s mind drifted to a different time, when he had faced his master in a battle. Now he was the master. He let out a chuckle, before crushing the wrapping paper of his meal and tossing it to one side.

They have janitors for a reason.

Kylex peered up from where he sat, looking directly at the entrance of the combat centre. The great doors heaved, opening up wide to reveal a figure. The person advanced, removing his outer cloak, and dropping it into a pile beside the entrance. Kylex looked him up and down, noting the Jedi armour he wore, emblazoned with the Scholae Palatinae crest.

“You’re late, apprentice,” boomed the Juggernaut, standing up. He gestured to the sparring mats beside him, and unhooked his lightsaber. The deep crimson blade sprung from the hilt, its lower than normal hum catching his apprentice off guard.

“I’m sorry Master Kylex, I missed my stop.” said the young Zabrak, igniting his own lightsaber with a snap-hiss

“First impressions always count, Kadrol,” replied the Mandalorian. He raised his lightsaber, pointing it towards his apprentice’s chest. “Now, don’t disappoint me again.”

Without a moment's hesitation, the young Zabrak shot forward. He held the lightsaber close to his chest, running as fast as he could towards his awaiting master. The moment Kylex was in range, Kadrol’s lightsaber shot forward like a spring loaded blade, straight for the Savant’s chest.

“Take this!” yelled the Proselyte.

Kylex laughed, quickly raising his lightsaber. The two blades collided, showering the two in red sparks. The Juggernaut looked down through the blades at his apprentice, a menacing smile forming on his face.

“Good. Now show me what you can really do!”

Lucine Vasano, 17 May, 2018 10:09 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

This is a great first post! You provided a reason for combat, as well as some underlying motivation for Kylex. I was also pleased to note just how clean this post was from a syntax standpoint. I do not know who you got to proof this for you, but you should definitely use them again!

Can Be Improved

There is not much that needs to be improved upon in this post. The only thing I can comment on is the single syntax error I found:

“I’m sorry Master Kylex, I missed my stop[,]” said the young Zabrak,

If you are using an attribution in dialogue, like you did above, there needs to be a comma before the quotes instead of a period.

The two pushed hard on their blades.

“Yes, young one, draw upon your emotions. Fuel your hatred!” His master boomed.

Thoughts of Kadrol’s most painful memories filled his mind: his conviction of betraying the Brotherhood; letting down his former master, Brimstone, in this very room, and his narrow escape on the frozen tundra after a frost bitten battle against Captain Blair Dearg. Kadrol found himself filled with immense anger and determination.

Kadrol moved his offhand to draw his dagger from his belt. As a result, Kadrol was forced into a backwards roll by Kylex’s push against the Zabrak’s lightsaber, landing on one knee with his lightsaber in his right hand, and his dagger concealed within the long sleeves of his garments. Kadrol charged once more. He knew he wouldn’t be able to beat his master with brute force.

As their blades locked once more, Kadrol manipulated his dagger into his palm using sleight of hand. He reached up toward Kylex’s arm, leaving a streak of blood along the most of the length of his arm. Kadrol disengaged with a spin, and looked around desperately for cover. The sparring mat he was on currently didn’t offer any cover.

Kadrol’s hesitation gave Kylex the opportunity to strike. The Mandalorian unleashed a wave of crackling blue lightning from his fingertips, catching his apprentice completely off guard. Kadrol screamed in agony as the tendrils of raw force energy embraced him.

The young Zabrak managed to reach the edge of the sparring mat before falling to his knees. He made his way behind the cover of a sparring dummy as quickly as he could, deactivating his lightsaber as he caught his breath.

Lucine Vasano, 17 May, 2018 10:11 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Overall, this was a solid post. Your description of combat is very straightforward in that the reader has a clear idea of what is going on in the combat. I also particularly enjoyed the brief description of the memories that Kadrol used to fuel his anger.

Can Be Improved

While your post was technically correct and had no errors, I did find it to be a bit on the repetitive side. For example:

Kadrol moved his offhand to draw his dagger from his belt. As a result, Kadrol was forced into a backwards roll by Kylex’s push against the Zabrak’s lightsaber, landing on one knee with his lightsaber in his right hand,

In the future, it might help to utilize more descriptors, instead of just the character’s name. The Zabrak, the Proselyte, the Marauder, using any of these in place of Kadrol would still make it clear who is taking action while minimizing repetition. It might also help to use different types of sentence structures within a paragraph. Again, this is not enough to ding you for Syntax or Story, it’s just a general writing tip.

“You show skill, my apprentice.” shouted Kylex. He looked at the gash in his left arm, inspecting the damage. The cut was deep, crimson blood dripping down onto the mat. Then he felt it. The cocktail of painkillers from his implant had finally kicked in, suppressing the pain while the Force began to mend the wound. “I’ve got to admit, you caught me off guard. Just know that won’t happen again.”

“I doubt I’m doing to live long enough for a second chance,” replied Kadrol from behind the training dummy.

“Perhaps so.” Kylex said coldly. He had no intention of actually killing the young Zabrak, but Kadrol didn’t know that.

This’ll scare him.

Without a moment of warning, the Savant hurled his lightsaber towards the dummy his apprentice hid behind. The blade cleaved through the dummy, sending the top half towards the floor. The lightsaber then stopped before hitting the next dummy, and flew back to its master. Kylex advanced towards the dummies, each of his steps surprisingly quiet for such a heavy man. He stopped a few meters short of the dummy, and while he couldn’t see Kadrol, he could sense him.

“You have two options now apprentice. You can either run, or you can fi-“ the sentence was cut short by a sudden ignition of a lightsaber. Kadrol leapt from his cover toward Kylex. The Savant quickly thrust his lightsaber into the ground, blocking a low sweep at his legs.

“I’m not going to embarrass myself again!” yelled the Proselyte. “Not again, not here!”

The Zabrak’s eyes were ablaze with determination, he knew he couldn’t let his new master down like he had Brimstone. With all his might, the young Zabrak charged towards Kylex, lightsaber raised.

“That’s the fire I want to see!” yelled the Mandalorian in a mix of pride and excitement. “Don’t hold back!”

As the young Zabrak continued his barrage of strikes, Kylex couldn’t help but remember when he was in the same situation as his apprentice. It was right here, in the same spot that he now stood, facing the same fire he once had blazing within him. He chuckled to himself. Back when things weren’t so confusing… Kylex’s attention quickly snapped back to his apprentice. He could see that the young man was tired, evidenced by his lack of experience fighting for so long. He looked his apprentice in the eye, and spoke.

“You can stop now. You’ve shown me all I need to know.”

Kadrol froze, puzzled by his masters decision to cease the fight. “Are you serious?

Kylex smiled, deactivating his lightsaber and turning.

“You’ve pushed yourself hard today. Lie down and rest before the exhaustion hits you like a runaway speeder.” The Savant turned to leave, probing the fresh wound in his arm.

“Wait! Where are you going?” asked Kadrol, who was now lying down on the sparring mat. Kylex turned back to his apprentice and grinned.

“I’m going off to celebrate your victory.”

Lucine Vasano, 17 May, 2018 10:13 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

So I have judged a few Kylex matches at this point, and I have come to expect a certain flair from him. While I enjoy his quirks and unique dialogue, it was also nice to see the side of his character that was demonstrated in this match. While I would not call him a kinder, gentler Kylex (he did, after all, allow his apprentice to think that he wanted to kill him during a sparring match), I liked the fact that he admitted to a fear of ‘messing up’ in the first post. Character depth and nuance is a wonderful thing, and I like that it was demonstrated in this match.

Can Be Improved

Once again, there were a few issues with formatting dialogue; see my comments in the first post.

From a story standpoint, there was not much in the way of description of combat. The action goes from Kadrol running toward Kylex, brandishing his blade, to Kylex abruptly stopping the match and Kadrol simply lying down on the mat. While it is fine to leave some things to the reader’s imagination, I would have liked to have seen a bit more from the fight sequence.

Turning his head to peek around the dummy, Kadrol saw Kylex standing, smiling sadistically. The young Zabrak knew he was outmatched. After his initial burst of adrenaline wore off and the truth of the matter began to set in, Kadrol couldn’t rival his master any longer. ‘I could try to get some range,’ The Zabrak thought, ‘Kylex’s lack of ranged weapons could be to my benefit.

The Zabrak pulled out his sniper rifle and did a roll that a young Zabrak would call a “summersault” to get farther from his crazed master. Now behind the second dummy, the apprentice took the safety off and aimed down the sight at the Human. Only now, did the Savant realize that his apprentice wasn’t just trying to recover. His new apprentice was trying to kill him! Kylex reactivated his lightsaber and started charging his apprentice. It was now a kill or be killed situation. Kadrol, however, didn’t want to kill his master, but at the same time, he didn’t want to get killed himself. He noticed his master coming at him, and pulled the trigger, hitting Kylex just above the location of the appendix. Had the Savant not enhanced his robes to make them more resistant to blaster bolt impacts, he would have been knocked over by the force of the energy beam. Though his robes did lessen the impact, the fairly close range from the sniper rifle did injure the human.

Closing the distance between the two, Kylex raised his saber to strike down the Zabrak. Perceiving another shot coming, the Dark Jedi leapt, calling upon the Force to lift him higher than he otherwise could. Kadrol dropped his gun and pulled out his saber with an unworldly speed, rolling over to block the strike with absolutely no time to spare. Kadrol spun to his feet, as his martial arts teacher had taught him, tripping Kylex. This allowed time for Kadrol to get some space from his master as the Savant got back to his feet.

Kylex was done chasing after his cowardly apprentice. He raised his arm and released a single missile at Kadrol. The missile went wide, even though Kadrol had his back turned to his opponent. The explosive hit the wall, leaving a jagged black scorch mark around the spot it had hit.

“What the absolute fuck was that?” Kadrol asked angrily. “You of all people should know that explosives aren’t allowed here!” The Zabrak pointed his saber at the sign above the nearest rack of weapons, which read NO EXPLOSIONS!

“Yeah, so what?” Kylex said. The human clearly had no regards for the rules. Immediately following the reply, Kadrol realized he was only a few steps away from the exit. He stepped back and hit the button, opening the doors. With that he ran out.

A few hours later Kylex called up his apprentice to reach a mutual understanding of the “training” that had occurred not too long ago. Kadrol picked up the holocall, and the two talked for an hour, where they finally agreed to keep their master-apprentice relationship intact.

Lucine Vasano, 17 May, 2018 10:13 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

From a syntax standpoint, your post was quite clean, and there was a healthy amount of combat. You also did a good job of utilizing Kylex’s loadout, particularly with the rocket launcher and the robes.

Can Be Improved

Your Story score suffered in two areas in your post. The first is the abrupt conclusion to the combat. Certainly, Kylex ‘won’ in the fact that he made Kadrol run away, but there was nothing to stop Kylex from pursuing to finish the fight.

The second, and more minor of the two is related to Kadrol’s profanity. The Star Wars Universe has a wide variety of curse words, but alas, the word fuck is not one of them. Wookieepedia has a very complete list of profanity utilized in the Star Wars Universe, and I suggest that you check it out. At the very least, it makes for an entertaining read.