Adept Selika Roh vs. Master Darth Aeternus

Adept Selika Roh

Elder 1, Elder tier, The Council
Female Human, Sith, Seeker, Krath
vs.

Master Darth Aeternus

Elder 2, Elder tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Sith, Juggernaut, Obelisk
Comment

I'd like to thank both of you for participating in the Spring ACC Tournament, and I hope you've both had an amazing time participating in this event. Unfortunately the duty falls to me to have to send one of you home today, but know that you both put on a heated and competitive match today. Thank you, again, for participating.

To get the technical matters out of the way, both contestants did just fine. Syntax was right about where we hope for ACC participants, though Aeternus's posts were clearly a bit better proofed, and at no point was th econtinuity of the match broken.

Less technically, this match was something rare in the ACC, a match between Elders. In these sorts of matches we can see the limits of the ACC system pushed, and often, broken. Realism is often hard to balance in these sort of matches, more so than in lower-powered ones, as not only do you have the burden of not making your character too powerful ,you also have to worry about not making them too weak either. Both contestants made some noticeable mistakes in realism, through Aeternus's mistakes here stand out as more numerous and significant.

Story-wise both contestants put up an amazing fight. Aeternus's posts were shorter and more succint than his opponent, delivering a lot of energy in a short space, while Selika took the time to meander and more thoroughly describe every aspect of the narrative. In the end i found myself favoring the story in Selika's posts, as there were a number of missteps with regards to pacing and narrative that made in Aeternus's work that that ultimately gave her the edge.

All this taken into account, It's ,my pleasure to pronounce Selika Roh as the winner of this match. A solid story and a tighter control of realism ultimately winning her the day. I wish you the best of luck in the rest of the Tournament and thank the both of you, again, for participating.

Hall Spring 2019 ACC Championship
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Adept Selika Roh, Master Darth Aeternus
Winner Adept Selika Roh
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Adept Selika Roh's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Master Darth Aeternus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Godless Matron: Chute Town
Last Post 24 March, 2019 6:20 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Grot
Syntax - 15%
Master Selika Roh di Plagia Darth Aeternus
Score: 4 Score: 4 (Advantage)
Rationale: A number of small mistakes were noted. Rationale: Only a handful of mistakes were noted.
Story - 40%
Master Selika Roh di Plagia Darth Aeternus
Score: 4 (Advantage) Score: 4
Rationale: The descriptive writing, dialogue, and artistry of the post is on point. The narrative is extremely well paced and flows together seamlessly. Its clearly expertly crafted, but lacks any real amazing moments and has just enough missteps that it doesn't merit a higher score. Rationale: The story is action packed, dramatic, and highly kinetic. The combat writing is impactful and full of energy, the representation of the Force powers is clever and interesting to read, and the combat, for the most part, fully supports the narrative. However, it missteps in a number of places that drag the story back, placing it on the low side of a four.
Realism - 25%
Master Selika Roh di Plagia Darth Aeternus
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: A single error was noted. Rationale: Several noticeable errors hurt the score here.
Continuity - 20%
Master Selika Roh di Plagia Darth Aeternus
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors were noted Rationale: No errors were noted.
Master Selika Roh di Plagia's Score: 4.4 Darth Aeternus's Score: 4.02
Posts

Matron_ChuteTown

The Godless Matron is home to many, resembling a micro-society for those who wish to live outside the typical rule of the galaxy. The Lucrehulk-class battleship's massive hangers have been converted into dwellings as a result. Chute Town is the most notable of these makeshift towns. Many shops and storefronts have been constructed to take advantage of the higher volume of foot traffic. In addition, many ships and crews arrive into Chute Town to sell their "well-earned" commodities, weapons, or artifacts. It is commonplace to find the best and the worst gear the galaxy has to offer, it is only a matter of how big your pocketbook is. The streets are patrolled regularly by the crew of the Matron itself, leaving would-be miscreants to be more wary, lest they find themselves on the receiving end of a pirate's sense of justice.

It is built mostly out of spare durasteel panels from derelict ships, dismantled machinery, or any other source or material the pirates could scavenge. It spans the length of the massive portside hangar of the Matron, reaching from its heavily protected reactor — hidden behind triple-reinforced blast doors and a guard retinue — all the way to the hangar entrance where the many incoming ships unload their cargo. It is more than a mile long, over five hundred feet wide and up to three stories tall, covering most of the floor. Chute Town's streets are a miniature maze, weaving in between buildings on several levels. Verticality is key for the masses of shops and bars to operate without interfering with one another. The main street is nicknamed Murder alley, mostly because all the weapon shops are prominently opened there.

Matron_HangarZerek

Illumination banks are staggered along the walkways and buildings to provide enough light for the society to function. Still, the streets are left dim with a low hanging fog built up from the collective humidity of so many people in one space. For those calling it their home, there is no such thing as off hours. A large crowd bustles along at all hours, an exotic assortment of individuals from countless planets and the warring gangs that divvy up the territory within. It's the perfect place for those looking to disappear in the crowd.

The massive converted bay that housed Chute Town was large enough to have its own eddies and flows of air, as warm air from furnaces and kitchens rose through the colder air above and swirled through the space. The air processing units, long past their recommended design life, weren't quite up to the task of filtering out the various smells from the sentients and refuse packed together and so the entire space was filled with warring stenches, all of which seemed to be assaulting Selika's senses at once. Her eyes and nose began to burn as she strode past a particularly fragrant cantina, spices and sweat mixing together to form a particularly pungent brew. As oppressive as all of that was, it still wasn't enough to dull her senses to the threat that she had felt ever since the ship from Seraph had come aboard.

Leave it to the self styled Imperials to cause trouble, Selika thought.

Each of the clans was always trying to test the limits of the Dark Council at nearly every opportunity, and the Palatainaens were no different. Since she had assumed the position of Herald a year ago Selika had faced all manner of challenges, ranging from the overly confident journeyman to the more cautious equite. At no time before now, however, had she had to deal with anything on this level. The holofeeds had offered only a view of a figure clothed in a hooded robe, and what laughably passed for customs aboard the old battleship had not taken any names. But, the level of power the intruder possessed radiated out from them in the Force like a beacon. There were only a few within the ranks of the Imperial clan who could wield power such as what she felt. Whomever it was, the only person Selika could trust to handle such a threat was herself.

Maybe it's Kaeth. This sort of arrogance would be in line with the former Plagueian. Or maybe a more reclusive Palpatine, Natth or Arania perhaps, Selika mused.

The presence seemed to stop just beyond the next makeshift building, as if they had finally realized that they were being followed. Rounding the corner, Selika saw the same figure she had seen on the holofeeds in the control center.

"So, I take it you were never taught to greet your host when you arrive?" Selika playfully challenged.

Turning, the cloaked form before replied in a deep, male voice. "Of course, but that usually doesn't apply when one is certain that their host isn't going to welcome them."

Pulling down his hood, the figure was revealed to be Darth Aeternus. The fact that it was a Sith Lord as opposed to just any of the elders of Scholae Palatinae was enough to give Selika momentary pause, but she was quick to recover her composure before it could show on her face.

"Perhaps," she responded, not trusting herself to say more.

"My business here is nothing you should be concerned with," Aeternus said spreading his hands, his tone bordering on deference. "I'm her to secure a shipment for the Empress, nothing more."

Selika almost missed the subtle press on her mind exerted by the former councilor as he tried to disarm her with more than his charms.

"Come now, what kind of rube do you take me for Korras?" Selika snarked back at him, putting a special emphasis on the name he carried before he attained the status of Darth. "Do you think I couldn't hear the jangle of the near-armory you have concealed beneath your robe?"

The brown haired man shrugged. "It was worth a try," he said with a smile.

Raising his hand out in front of him, Aeternus made a subtle gesture. His saber drifted out from under his robes, the cyan blade springing to life as it bathed the alley in harsh shadows. The weapon drifted forward slowly, but with purpose, toward its intended target. Selika centered herself, her eyes focused intently on the weapon yet making no move to raise her own. As the blade was about to surge forward and slash down through her Selika reached out toward the jagged hilt, wrapping tendrils of Force energy around it, and stopped it cold. She could feel her opponent straining to push the blade forward, sweat beading on his forehead under the exertion. Selika's breathing remained even as she focused all her energy on keeping the lightsaber from moving forward.

"Is it still worth a try, Korras?" Selika asked softly.

The fellow elder set his jaw in determination, and suddenly the weapon flew back into his outstretched hand. Before Selika could refocus herself, he was charging forward with Force-aided speed. It was all Selika could do to raise and activate her own weapon to catch Aeternus's blade, but force of the blow drove her down and left the taller man looming above her. The realization that facing the Sith Lord directly might have been an error began to creep into Selika's mind.

"It just might be," Aeternus said with a sneer.

Grot, 2 April, 2019 2:19 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The opening and the set-up are expertly crafted, and you easily fit the story into the setting without missing beat. The narrative proceeds at a great pace and never feels slow or rushed, but just that perfect balance. Very well done.

Can be Improved

A few minor syntax mistakes but nothing that ruined the post.

As a general not the descriptions in the beginning paragraph were a bit repetitive. There were a lot of repeated words and phrases that could have been changed up to add more variety to the text. A good thing to look out for when writing in the future.

Driving his blade down further, Aeternus ignited his other saber. The twin blades hissed from their mount on his left wrist, their UV light barely visible. As he drove it forward, Selika was forced to jump back to prevent being stabbed in the guts.

With his opponent now on the back foot, he drove forward with several aggressive strikes, forcing the Herald to block again and again in quick succession, with the few counterstrikes she did manage turned away easily. Several cuts had left her robes slashed in places, but Aeternus had not yet found an opening for a killing blow.

He felt more than saw the presence of others around them. A quick glance told him that this was more than mere bystanders coming to watch the fight. It seemed that a small group of whatever passed for a security force had come to assist their commander, but they were reluctant to fire into the swirling melee that the two elders were engaged in.

The moment’s distraction gave Selika the opening she needed. Aeternus felt her powers closing on his mind, not unlike a razorcat’s claw closing on their prey. He saw a small smile creep on her lips but answered that in kind.

Where most in his situation would try to resist her, Aeternus knew his skill of the mind was not even near enough to attempt that. Instead, he opened his mind to her entirely: his anger, his fury, his rage, normally tightly contained and tapped into, washed out at her. Her eyes widening, a gasp escaped her lips as she attempted to overcome the mental feedback.

The Sith Lord was not one to relent. His strikes kept coming, with the raw emotions flowing from him even making the security troops around them nervous.

“You can call me whatever you like. You will find it won’t manage to anger me even more.”

The next strike was enough to drive Selika to her knees. Keeping his lightsaber aimed at her, he mentally grasped the tendrils of the force around them. Raising his left hand at the nearest security guard who was ready to fire, he released the full power of the dark side. Tendrils of eldritch energy flowing from him, the guard was killed almost instantly as lightning enveloped him. From him, it flowed to the next, and others around him, until only those who had not raised their weapons were left standing.

With that taken care off, he turned back to Selika. “Now.. about those weapons?”

Grot, 2 April, 2019 2:20 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The post is very clean and clearly written. The technical aspects of the writing have clearly been mastered, and the post benefits greatly from it.

The representation of the Force powers is very interesting, and I loved reading the descriptions of them. A lot of effort has clearly been put into making the fight dramatic and tense to read.

Can be Improved

The appearance of Selika’s henchman feels a bit pointless narratively. I’m not sure why the were even included. They show up, fumble with their guns and stare at the fight, then promptly get stomped to death by Aeturnus without doing anything. They may as well have not been included at all.

The biggest weakness of the post is in the depiction of the battle. Darth Aeturnus begins the fight absolutely destroying Selika, which I felt wasn’t really giving her some respect as a fellow Elder. Aeternus goes this entire exchange without a single set-back, effortlessly throwing off Selika’s attempts at counter-attack and killing a score of her henchmen without breaking a sweat. Unfortunately this just doesn’t make for a very interesting, self-contained scene, as there wasn’t any proper build-up to this sort of destruction. These sort of scenes usually work best as part of a larger narrative, with other, more hard-fought battles to contrast them against, rather than as a story meant to stand on its own

Within this battle scene, there was also a clear breach of realism when Aeternus threw off Selika’s force powers by “opening his mind to her”. He throws off the power almost instantly, despite having only a Resolve of +2 against Selika’s abilities, and doesn’t feel any of the effects from whatever Selika was attempting. Additional, after easily throwing off her attempt, the sheer power of his rage is enough to stun her in place. Aside from normal resolve to throw off the power, he doesn’t have any Force powers which might justify this either. His Telepathy isn’t near strong enough to contest her invasion of his mind, and he doesn’t have the Terrify or Slow power, nor the feats for those that might allow him to stun her. In short, simply being angry enough isn’t enough to have this effect on a skilled practitioner.

It had taken Selika a moment, but she had mentally steadied herself after being caught off guard by the Dark Lord. It was as if she had been ready to push against something with all of her strength, only to find that there was nothing to resist her. She had mentally flailed for balance as Aeternus's wrath had enveloped her at every turn. His choice to momentarily shift his focus away from her, however, had given Selika the opening she needed, especially as the man before her had laid himself bare and done nothing to close his mind to her.

"This is the only weapon I need," she hissed, conjuring illusory sensation across her opponent's nerve endings.

As pain danced throughout his body, Aeternus screamed and staggered backwards. Most Sith saw illusion as something to fool the eye or the ear and neglected the other senses, treating them almost as an afterthought. Selika had always found that tactile illusions could be the most powerful, and were something she took special pleasure in. Now, Aeternus was momentarily at her mercy.

"Do you feel that?" Selika asked, rising to her feet as Aeternus gritted his teeth and grasped blindly for the Force. "For someone to feel what you're feeling now, they would have to be on fire."

Selika knew, however, that her advantage could not last. The Sith Lord would either throw off her illusion by establishing his mental defences, or use the Force to control the sensation of pain and shut it away. She needed to concoct a plan, and do so quickly. The few bystanders who had remained standing after Aeternus's outburst were now quickly fleeing the vicinity, not that any of them had been capable of providing assistance in any event. It would be the Adept and the Master, just as it should have remained. Her mind working at a fevered pace, Selika realized there was likely only one way that she could stop a warrior such as Aeternus.

Finally regaining his mental balance, the former Master at Arms swept the pain away as if washing the dust of a long journey from his body. His senses clearing, Aeternus saw that his Force-called lightning had arced to several of the lights in the area, leaving only a few pools of light separated by darkness. The Herald was standing in a doorway framed in one such light, saber at the ready.

"And yet your attack was but a momentary distraction, offering no permanent wound," Korras chided her grimly, "whereas mine will draw real blood."

A flick of his wrist sent one of Aeternus's blades leaping out from his belt, whistling through the air towards the Herald. Before the emerald blade could find its mark Selika retreated into the interior, moving more quickly than Aeternus had thought her capable of. He moved to follow her, his sabers at the ready as he crossed the threshold. The interior was a tangle of junk stacked throughout, looking like the home of the galaxy's messiest hoarder lit with flickering, intermittent light. Low walls and narrow vertical beams framed the space, the violet of Selika's blade visible in between them as she moved.

Aeternus stalked her through the building, lashing out with his blade whenever she was in reach. No matter what, however, his blade never seemed to find its mark, instead tugging its way through metal or even seeming to almost shimmer through her as the tip would graze her body. Growing frustration bubbled up within the Sith, his normal grim demeanor in combat beginning to crack. Then, finally, just as he was nearly ready to yell out in anger, she was before him.

"You finally decided to stop trying to run," he said evenly, seeing that she had reached a dead end.

"You could say that," Selika replied with confidence and raised her blade into a classic guard position.

Aeternus slashed his blade down at hers, but instead of meeting a block his weapon simply passed through hers and then her body as well with a blue shimmer. The momentum of the strike carried him through her, his body passing through hers as she seemed to vanish. Whirling, the Sith Lord saw his real prey standing several meters away framed in the door through which he had entered.

Selika smiled as she watched the dawning realization spread across his face. "You never did manage to push me out, just clamp down on the pain."

With her concentration now freed from maintaining her influence on Aeternus's mind, Selika was free to reach out with the Force more directly. Pulling against a beam that her opponent's blade had nearly severed, Selika was able to shift it just enough that the remaining metal buckled under the weight it could now no longer support. Aeternus saw in his mind's eye what was about to happen mere heartbeats before it did and called a barrier into being around him.

Selika had lead him through the building with a purpose, guiding him to damage most of the load bearing members that comprised the structure. The failure of the last beam brought the entire place down atop Aeternus, the stories above collapsing one after another. His barrier held against the onslaught, but several tons of durasteel was now piled atop him. Selika, having backed away with haste as the collapse started, now shielded herself behind a barrier of her own as dust billowed outward. She could sense that her opponent still lived, but it would take him several hours at least to dig his way out.

Pulling a comlink from her belt, Selika thumbed the device on. "Get security down here immediately, all of them. Bring the heavy weapons. I want Korras thrown off this ship the instant he crawls out from under where I buried him. And tell him that he's no longer welcome aboard the Matron as long as I'm her master."

Grot, 2 April, 2019 2:26 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Syntax improved noticeably in this post, good job.

I felt the ending was clever and well handled, giving both characters the respect they were do and using them to the fullest of their capabilities. Aeternus is deservedly a monster in a close combat situation, and plays to those strengths just as Selika uses her more cerebral and underhanded methods to get the better of him.

Can be Improved

I was a little confused when you introduced the cut support beam into the equation near the end. There's no mention of it prior to that moment, and when Aeternusslashes through her illusion it seems like he just slashes through thin air. Make sure to mention this sort of narrative stuff before it becomes relevant. A single throwaway line as Aeternus attacked her illusion would have more clearly prepared the reader for the twist and not made it so jarring and confusing.

Speaking of the twist, realism wise, there’s no way a barrier in our system can sustain the strain of “several tons” of durasteel collapsing on top of it. Barriers in our system collapse after a couple repeated strikes, or a major explosion, and a collapsing building definitely qualifies as more powerful than those. While the collapsing building wouldn’t have necessarily killed him (people have survived worse) his barrier should have definitely shattered in the process.

Selika blinked in surprise. “weapons?”, she started angrily. “You come here, attack me, decimate my troops, and still ask for weapons?”

Aeternus shrugged. “I did ask.”, he answered. “I do not think you would have provided any to anyone who did not manage to handle themselves. Why do you think Elincia sent me?”

The herald sneered in anger. “I’ll send your corpse back to your so-called empress as an answer.”

foregoing any further niceties, Selika shot up from the ground, knocking Aeternus’ regular saber aside, and managed to get up before his saberclaw had activated again. Briefly caught off-guard, the sith lord had to take a few steps back before regaining the measure of his opponent. He sensed that she was using the force to further increase her speed, putting him at a slight disadvantage. However, unlike his own aggressive strikes, Selika focussed more on the defense. He expected it would just be a matter of time until he would find an opening.

After several strikes and counterstrikes, however, Selika suddenly turned off her saber in the middle of a strike. Not expecting this, Aeternus nearly lost his balance when the block he was making did not connect. As her saber re-activated, even a wild parry with his saberclaw was not enough to deflect it completely, and it cut deeply into his right shoulder, almost taking the limb of completely.

Her risky attack might have paid off, but it had left her overextended, and it cost her dearly. While his right arm flopping around uselessly might have been enough to leave most incapacitated, and easily dispatched, but Aeternus didn’t even seem to notice. His saberclaw came up again, and took her arm off at the elbow, causing the limb and lightsaber to fall on the ground. Unlike him, Selika did scream in surprise and pain.

Raising the flat of his hand at her, her sent her flying a few meters back, almost doubling her over with the strength of the force-punch to her gut. It landed her in the middle of a stall filled with explosives of some sort. Before she could even grab anything to throw at him, more lightning filled the air around her, cooking the grenades, and causing a chain reaction of explosions with her at the center of it.

“You should have listened when I asked.”

Grot, 2 April, 2019 2:37 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The combat was highly interesting and kinetic. You really get a complete picture of the force and power on display here that generates a genuine sense of excitement, like watching well-choreographed action scene in a movie.

Can be Improved

The syntax suffers a bit in the second post but is still a high level of quality.

The representation of Aeternus’s injury breaks realism. While he’d likely be strong enough to fight through an injury like that for one last blow, he should definitely have felt it. He’s had a chunk of crispy bacon removed from his shoulder, almost enough to lose the limb. He’s very shortly going into shock and will die without medical attention following the fight. Nobody can just ignore a wound like that, and some effort should have been made to represent the extreme severity of his injuries.

The appearance of the explosives stall is really odd, and feels like it was just put there out of pure whimsy. Her arm is already off, and she’ll be dead of shock in a few moments, but taking the effort to throw her into a literal pile of explosives and blow her up feels almost cartoonish in the context of the setting. It felt really jarring to me and threw off the ending.