Warlord Rajhin vs. Augur Toribota, Hashi

Warlord Rajhin

Equite 4, Equite tier, Unaffiliated
Male Togorian, Sith, Shadow
vs.

Augur Toribota, Hashi

Equite 4, Equite tier, Unaffiliated
Male Human, Force Disciple, Marauder
Comment

Thank you both for your participation in the ACC.

This battle was a lot of fun to read. Let us go over a few notes I would like to highlight. First, Turel, in both of your posts you make a fantastic effort to really tie in the venue into what is going on. Your opening post does splendidly for setting the scene, creating the feel for the atmosphere. You carry this over into your final post when pandemonium breaks out. Here though, I feel you could have played around a bit more with said chaos to keep that feeling going.

Uji, you do a great job creating a sense of the cinematic. Your combat writing conjures up some really cool images that make for an amazing fight scene. Hashi took a few steps and was already at the upturned sabacc table. One foot contacted the edge as the Force coursed through his every movement and he leapt, clearing the distance between them. Despite his speed, by the time he landed the Torgorian simply wasn’t there. Even this simple section right here in your first post, though not even the most action-packed example of your writing was enough to be just a really neat image in the reader’s head that worked to create excitement and colour.

You both did fantastic at keeping consistent with the story set in the introduction post. Here, however, Uji, your closing post seemed rather rushed. You kept up the fast-paced action, and another absolutely cinematic bit in the slaying of Crev but then it just feels like it all stops. Game over. Hashi bolts from the scene and all is said and done. It felt kind of unfinished to me as a reader. This hurts your Story score in the end.

Realism for you both was quite solid. Your Syntax, again, not bad with the usual comma use issues, a minimal amount of typos, good overall. Uji, you did have a little bit of a more serious Syntax issue in your final post where one of your sentences kind of fell apart. Hashi shifted forward, as his foot pushed chips, credits and sabacc cards littering the floor were pushed aside. A proofreader will catch this stuff, or should.

Great Continuity on both sides. Just a note for Uji to remember to keep the damage in mind from post to post.

Such an exciting match. You both create quite the amazing scene. Uji, I do love the cinematic quality your combat writing has, keep it up, just remember not to rush your final post or you lose that quality you’ve worked to achieve in your writing. Turel, your use of the venue and use of detail is always awesome, look for opportunities to bring it that little bit further.

Great match. Thank you both again for participating in the ACC and I look forward to seeing more matches from the two of you!

The winner is Turel Sorenn! Congratulations.

-- Mune Cinteroph

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Warlord Rajhin, Augur Toribota, Hashi
Winner Warlord Rajhin
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Warlord Rajhin's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Augur Toribota, Hashi's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nar Shaddaa: Club Vertica
Last Post 25 April, 2019 12:49 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Adept Mune Cinteroph
Syntax - 15%
Eminent Ikarri Itinen Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 4 Score: 4 (Advantage)
Rationale: Minor typos and comma overuse. Misspelling of Rajhin’s name the most prominent. A badly written sentence in the final post noted in closing comments. Rationale: Minor typos. Repeated misspelling of Sabacc. Nothing too big.
Story - 40%
Eminent Ikarri Itinen Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: The first post was fantastic, The final post seemed rushed, as compared to the preceding post. The end was abrupt. Final post needed some more substance. Rationale: Great opening post, Your final post, however, missed some opportunities to really shine. Overall, well done.
Realism - 25%
Eminent Ikarri Itinen Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Nothing of note. Rationale: Nothing of note.
Continuity - 20%
Eminent Ikarri Itinen Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Minor, damage from the second post seems neglected altogether in the final post. Rationale: Nothing of note.
Eminent Ikarri Itinen's Score: 3.85 Champion Rajhin Cindertail's Score: 4.52
Posts

Nar Shaddaa Club Vertica

A gambler’s den of the Vertical City’s greatest bettors, Club Vertica is a casino reserved for the wealthiest of Nar Shaddaa. Cardshark droids are used exclusively to deal hands to those willing to risk their credits at the sabacc tables. Cheating is rendered near impossible under the surveillance of the droid's six photoreceptors. That, of course, does not stop the downtrodden from accusing others of being a fraud, which can often happen before someone receives a blaster bolt between the eyes. The few that have been able to use skiffers undetected are counted as some of the best swindlers in the Galaxy.

Cerulean lights illuminate the tables, making concealment during a game difficult. Seated around most of the oval tables are a mix of gamblers from different species, succumbing to their addiction for the ultimate prize—the sabacc pot. Credits are tossed onto the tables forming mountains that draw in fierce competitors with deeper pockets and faster wit than the usual patrons.

Behind the games of sabacc, drinks are being served from the alcove of a small bar. Most of these are a shade of blue in color, expertly mixed to dull the senses of all but the hardiest individuals. Onstage, a local band sets the mood of the venue with an upbeat number that deafens out most conversations. The stakes are always high at Club Vertica.

A swinging Jizz number from the on-stage band echoed into the small storeroom behind the main bar of Club Vertica. Hashi tried to ignore the cacophony of music and dull roar of conversation happening outside as he drug the unconscious body of a Twi’lek server behind some crates of Corellian whiskey.

The human assassin mentally ran through the steps of his hasty plan while he finished moving the body. His target was local business owner named Crev Tyree, an Iktotchi with some very distinctive facial features and a notorious gambling habit. The contract issuer had remained anonymous but had offered an open bounty of 20,000 credits on Crev. Hashi didn’t usually take high profile contracts like this, but the money was too good to pass up. “Get in, get out,” the human muttered to himself like a prayer. His plan was simple, and the hard part of getting inside without having the means to dress like the club’s usual clientele or staff was over. The rest of the plan was to rush the pair of guards protecting the VIP lounge, dispatch the target with his trusty lightsaber and make for the garbage chute in the storeroom behind the bar.

Hashi unconsciously gripped the lightsaber attached to his hip as he inspected the garbage chute that would be his escape route. A hotwired speeder waited for him at street level; he didn’t mind getting a little filthy if it meant a 20,000 credit payout. Taking a deep breath to center himself, Hashi made for the door leading to the main club floor.

“Hey, Zana!” A Rodian bartender shouted without turning to face the open door. “Where have you been? Table 34 needs another Dac style martini.”

“Zana is on break,” Hashi quipped in a gruff voice as he slipped out from behind the bar to the club proper. The bartender turned around with a confused look on his face but then resumed filling orders.

The disheveled human drew some judgmental stares from patrons as he crossed the gaming floor toward the VIP lounge. He slowed his advance as he noticed a sizeable tiger-like sentient in a stylish black suit.

That’s a big kitty, Hashi thought as he tried to duck into a small group watching a high-stakes Sabaac game. Too big to be a Cathar, must be one of those…what are they called? Togorians.

The Togorian’s form-fitting suit highlighted his muscular build. He may have been dressed like a high roller, but he had the unmistakable body and posture of a warrior. Hashi made a mental note to watch this newcomer closely; he might be a rival bounty hunter out for the same bounty. The feline sentient was accompanied by a silver color protocol droid and currently had one of the male Twi’lek VIP lounge guards patting him down for weapons. The guard was quite thorough.

“I apologize for the inconvenience sir, but security is one of our primary concerns.”

The Togorian straightened his suit jacket when the guard had finished the security check. “Oh I fully understand, and you are doing fine work.”

The second Twi’lek guard seemed to be examining the protocol droid closely for any hidden compartments or weapons. “Sir, it’s against club policy to allow droids in the VIP lounge.”

The well-dressed gambler cocked an eyebrow, “but I paid the third party droid fee.”

“I understand that, but it’s for you and your fellow gambler’s safety.”

The Togorian nodded, “very well then, Macavity wait here.” The silver droid bowed profoundly and sank into a dimly lit corner near the lounge entrance.

The tiger man seemed affable enough and was clearly unarmed. Maybe Hashi’s first instincts were wrong about him. The assassin waited for the Togorian to enter the VIP lounge before resuming his approach. The Twi’leki guards kept blasters holstered on their belts, along with some stuncuffs and what appeared to be flashbangs.

Hashi approached the two guards, who instinctively reached back for the holsters of their respective blasters. “Hold it right there pal, this is for VIPs only,” the guard on the left commanded in a hushed tone as not to cause a scene immediately.

The human assassin called upon the Force to enhance his muscles as the nearest Twi’lek started to reach to subdue him physically. Tashi moved with almost supernatural speed as he ducked under the guard’s arm, grabbed the same arm with his left hand, twisted his torso counter-clockwise and brought his right hand up with Force-enhanced speed to his opponent’s trachea. The guard started to collapse, grasping at his now injured throat. The second thug started to pull his blaster out of its holster only to catch a translucent shove of Force energy knocking him off his feet.

Tashi moved quickly to the second guard, now on the ground, with a swift kick to the head. He pulled his saber hilt off his belt as he entered the lounge. So far things were going well; few had seen the scuffle with the VIP guards, and no blaster shots had been fired. Security staff were no doubt on their way to subdue him, but most of the club continued their regular business.


Rajhin sat at the VIP sabaac table directly to the left of his bounty target. The Iktotchi Crev Tyree had a chipped horn on the right side of his face that was hard not to stare at. The remaining four gamblers at the table were the usual suspects for a Nar Shaddaa high rollers room, including at least one Hutt. None of them posed any real threat to the Sith or his mission. He had planned on following Crev out of the VIP room to a more discrete location, but he needed neither privacy nor weapons to eliminate his target if push came to shove and Macavity was lurking outside, ready to blast any interlopers or rival bounty hunters if it came to that.

The Togorian secretly enjoyed living the high life in the VIP lounge, even if it was for a job. He had the situation well in hand so he could afford to mix business and pleasure a bit. All was going according to plan until a random human dressed as a beggar burst into the room. Rajhin immediately noticed the lightsaber hilt in the newcomer’s hand.

“Just who do you think you are? SECURITY!” Crev shouted in vain. The disheveled human jumped onto the sabaac table and ignited his lemon-colored blade. The rest of the gamblers began to panic and rush for the door. The Hutt screeched and started scooting like a slug behind his fellow patrons. The assailant pointed his saber at Crev who remained still and defiant in place.

Raj was angry. If this upstart thinks he can take my bounty he’s got another thing coming, he thought as he stood and began to search the room for anything he could use as a weapon. The padded wooden chair he had been sitting on was the only viable option.

The human interloper studied Raj with curiosity, most likely wondering why he hadn’t fled like the other patrons. The Torgorian turned to his Iktotchi bounty, “get behind me Crev!” The businessman complied and the human turned his saber toward the Sith. Raj smiled with a deep growl of satisfaction. He could use this to his advantage and gain his mark’s trust while dispatching a rival at the same time.

Rajhin swiftly grabbed the edge of the sabaac table with both hands and flipped the table up with all strength. The lightsaber-wielding assassin had little choice but to leap backward as cards and credit chips went flying. Raj wasted no time and picked up the chair behind him turning to throw it as the human came at him with a wide swing of his blazing saber. Now faced with a piece of flying furniture, the poorly dressed assassin had to adjust the swing of his blade to slice the chair in two.

While all this had been going on, Crev had started to creep around the edge of the round VIP lounge toward the only exit. The human eyes darted from the escaping target to the bold, yet unarmed, giant tiger standing before him. Rajhin called upon the Force, ready to evade his opponent’s next move. Within a few seconds, the assassin obliged and lunged at the Togorian with a vertical saber slash.

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 9 May, 2019 3:00 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Absolutely fantastic opening. You do an exceptional job setting the scene of the club, while at the same time giving a purpose to the presence of the two characters within the scene. They are not there by happenstance, nor are they necessarily there having sought one another out, their paths crossing are coincidental in that they share the same target in Crev thus creating a rather interesting case of two bounty hunters seeking to overcome an obstacle in one another to collect their bounty. You paint a fantastic image of the uncouth, straight for the kill, no time for words character of Hashi (touching on more than one aspect), and the fat cat character of Rajhin all in one broad stroke; setting up not just the scene but the characters all in one.


Something to Reflect On

Careful with the typos, specifically repeated ones. I admittedly did not catch it until I looked up in google how to spell it (since Grammarly does not recognize Sabacc as a word.)

Hashi took a few steps and was already at the upturned sabacc table. One foot contacted the edge as the Force coursed through his every movement and he leapt, clearing the distance between them. Despite his speed, by the time he landed the Torgorian simply wasn’t there. His form shifted out of the path of the strike and the large feline backed away. Without a moment's hesitation, Hashi followed the momentum forward.

The Sith was confused, as he expected another attack and instead only had a few breaths to react as—instead of following in pursuit—the Augur turned towards their target, Crev. His lightsaber was a blur as he brought the blade down towards the back of the fleeing man. A roar echoed as the Togorian’s palms slammed into the ground and, in response, a heavy whoomph was heard before every one of Hashi’s senses came alive, the Force warning him of the danger. He instinctively thumbed the lightsaber off.

Crev’s cry of surprise was audible even over the laughter of the Sith. The telekinetic pulse sent every sabacc card, chip, credit and spilt bottle flying towards both Crev and Hashi as the two men were propelled through the air. Crev’s shout was cut short as he impacted with the wall, the air driven from the man’s lungs. Hashi landed in a roll, coming back to his feet quickly, feeling the stinging impacts from the numerous projectiles.

A look almost like respect crossed the feline's features and a smile crept up, revealing the sharp, dangerous teeth hidden behind the thin facade he’d held around the other gamblers.

“Not how I expected this to turn out, but frankly I was here first and this one is mine,” the Sith growled, nodding towards Crev. His muscles bunched as he flexed his claws, a look of pure bloodlust in his amber eyes.

“Don’t.” The single word, barely above a whisper as it left the Human’s lips, stopped the lunge before it began. Hashi didn’t move, his body still as a statue, and yet his presence alone seemed to fill the room. Though he didn’t grow taller nor any larger, the room seemed to grow smaller around Rajhin as he locked eyes on the Human, a sense of cold dread filling him. The fire he felt moments before seemed to be smothered as ice ran through every nerve and muscle.

The moment passed, the spectre of terror vanished, and both men moved simultaneously. Hashi’s lightsaber flashed to life in a lunge, a perfect straight line towards the Sith. In answer, light flashed around Rhajin’s palms before exploding in a burst of crackling white power. In an instant, the yellow light of the saber caught the sparking electricity as a clash between the two men ensued, heartbeats turning into seconds as they struggled, step by step, towards each other.

The stalemate came to an end as they closed the distance between them. Rhajin’s power was released and in the short distance left the lightsaber plunged forward, the sudden lack of resistance, the sudden change, causing the attack to narrowly miss. Hashi disabled the blade in the same instant he felt the first impact of the larger man’s fist.

A flurry of blows were exchanged between them, the Sith’s hands a blur as strike after strike rained down. Hashi shifted his weight, backing away and absorbing each impact, his forearms bearing each of the strikes as he protected his face and core from the array of attacks. Then he stepped back, widening his stance and narrowly avoiding another blow. In that moment his foot came forward, the front kick carrying all the weight and momentum of the chambered strike.

His strike hit center mass, but barely drove the larger man back as it felt like kicking a wall. Though, he was satisfied to hear the grunt of pain as the Togorian gave ground. Stepping forward, keeping close to the larger man, Hashi followed the strike with a right uppercut, his hand—still clutching the weight of the lightsaber—cracking off his opponent's jaw. In the same instant, he felt a flash of pain across his abdomen as knuckles bounced off his ribs hard enough to drive the air from him.

Both stepped back, falling into neutral stances. Hashi’s right hand was held forward, clutching the lightsaber—still deactivated— with his left covering his ruised abdomen. Rhajin’s right hand remained in front of him protectively as his left nursed his jaw. A low groan came from Crev as the VIP began to slowly rise.

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 9 May, 2019 3:01 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Great combat writing. It has a great flow that is easy to follow and very exciting to read. Wonderful examples of action and reaction, attacks and counters. You keep the battle flowing and easy to picture as one reads along. The use of Telekinetic Wave in the second and third paragraph was rather cinematic in its execution and the reactions of Crev and Hashi are fantastic to the assault (Crev’s shock and Hashi’s nonchalance telling of a character well used to battle.)


Something to Reflect On

I would wonder at their Stamina as the fight progressed. This seems a very physically intense fight overall, with a couple of rather harsh blows. You do show this to an extent in expressing the injuries received. Overall, hard to find any fault in this post.

A tense moment passed between the three men as each waited to see who would make the first move. Hashi tightened his grip on the lightsaber and called on the Force to augment his leg muscles. The stunned Iktotchi could only flinch as the human launched into the air with his amber blade springing to life mid-swing for a killing blow.

Then nothing but the hum of the Force-wielder's weapon. Crev dared open his eyes to see the human seemingly suspended mid-air with the Torgorian behind him, hand outstretched as if grasping something invisible. The Iktotchi didn’t know what he was seeing, but he knew he needed to get out of that room and fled.

Hashi could feel the tendrils of the dark side arresting his momentum and holding him in place. With his prey getting away, he again called the Force to him and pushed it outward from his body in a surge of energy that broke the grip. Now free, he fell back to his feet and spun around to face Rajhin. The Togorian had been devoting his full concentration to maintaining the hold and was momentarily stunned to have had it forcibly broken. That was all the opening Hashi needed. The human reached out with his free hand, focused on a chair behind his Sith rival and willed the object to hurtle toward the Togorian’s back. Raj let out a growl of irritation as he was struck in the back of the head by a piece of furniture. Hashi raced out of the lounge after his target.

Crev hadn’t made it very far into the casino, he was struggling with a silver-colored droid that was attempting to place him in some kind of hold. Hashi didn’t recognize the droid model but surmised it belonged to the Togorian. The human rushed the pair with his saber still blazing, causing the casino patrons in the vicinity to panic. With a masterful stroke of the elegant weapon, Crev’s head had been separated from its body which now slumped in the droid’s arms. The droid stepped back as if its programming struggled to form the next course of action. Hashi wasted no time and deftly removed Crev’s ring, which would be necessary to claim the bounty.

“Macavity, engage!” Rajhin shouted through an injured jaw as he entered the casino in pursuit. He hunched over in the pain of the exertion for a moment after issuing the command.

The droid complied, and much to Hashi’s surprise seemed to transform into some sort of attack mode and start firing on him. With his saber still out, the human batted a series of blaster bolts away. By this point, the rest of the casino had erupted into pandemonium with the less than scrupulous patrons trying to secure credit chips in the chaos. The security guards who were starting to arrive on the scene were quickly overwhelmed by the stampede. Hashi knew that wouldn’t last and he needed to get out of here.

The human suddenly wished his master had taught him a lightsaber form that allowed for the redirection of blaster bolts back at the attacker, but he would make due. He steadily gained ground on the automaton within a matter of seconds and once within striking distance, he sliced the droid’s arms off.

Rajhin did not take kindly to the destruction of his property and before Hashi had even finished the stroke literally disarming the droid, the Togorian was on him in a blind rage. The human let out a yelp of pain and was forced to drop his saber as his opponent twisted his right wrist in an iron grip. Hashi tried to strike at the towering warrior with his free hand only to find himself taking a gut punch with Raj’s free right fist. Now released, he stumbled backward and did his best to take up a defensive stance. The Force-fueled bloodlust in the Togorian’s eyes chilled Hashi, he knew if the beast got his hands on him again, he would likely take a fatal beating.

Desperate, Hashi once again poured all his concentration into reaching through the currents of the Force to touch the Togorian’s mind with fear. “Stop or die,” he commanded in the most intimidating voice he could muster under the circumstances. It worked. Raj’s eyes flashed from anger to fear, and he hesitated. Hashi didn’t press his luck, willed his master’s lightsaber to his hand and took off running through the crowd toward the bar.

He could feel Rajhin’s anger return and echo through the Force, but it was too late. Hashi had made it to the bar and leaped into the garbage chute. After a wild ride to the ground level and into a particularly smelly dumpster the human got up and examined his prize. Crev’s ring was still in his possession, that combined with the holo footage of him getting the kill was more than enough to claim the bounty. He had won today but feared what would happen when the Togorian eventually caught up with him. Hunters typically didn’t like getting their prey stolen out from under them.

That was a problem for another day.

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 9 May, 2019 3:01 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Fantastic use of the venue, the chaos breaking out was a great bit of imagery and added another dynamic to the fight.


Something to Reflect On

The above stated I do feel as though it could have been used to add that much more colour to the scene. I imagine all those people running in a frenzy to get out of there. The craziness ensuing would certainly force them to have to push through crowds I’d imagine? Just a slight miss of opportunity, that little bit more splash of colour on the canvas.

“Kill… kill him,” the Iktotchi sputtered as he sat up and leaned back against the wall, shaking his horned head as he tried to clear his mind. “Kill him and I’ll pay you anything you want!” the VIP shouted at Raj.

“Anything? That doesn’t sound too bad,” Raj responded with a grin.

A commotion outside the VIP lounge sounded as though time was beginning to run short. Security was gathering to rush the room and disable anyone left standing.

“Tick. Tock,” Raj muttered, his feline eyes glancing from his opponent to the doorway. Drawing his right hand back to his side the Togorian concentrated, focusing on drawing the Force into a tight coil around his fist.

Hashi shifted forward, as his foot pushed chips, credits and sabacc cards littering the floor were pushed aside. Raj lunged first, closing the distance as he extended his fist, launching a telekinetic blow. His opponent slipped aside, sensing the danger, and dodged. The sabacc table behind the target shifting from the force of the attack.

Raj cursed as he came up short, stopping suddenly as the brilliant glow of Hashi’s lightsaber came down in a powerful swing. Only his instincts saved him as he unconsciously summoned the Force to shield him. The brilliant blade came within millimeters of contact before the blow was shunted aside by the barrier.

Breath coming in short gasps, the Warlord was physically capable of continuing to fight, but knew he needed a few moments to recover before he could draw on the Force again. Raj’s eyes caught the glow of the lightsaber as it cut through the carpeting and floor where the blade sank in. As the Auger began to bring the weapon up into a backhanded swing, everything seemed to happen at once.

Raj threw himself backwards in an attempt to avoid the blade. Hashi growled as he began to lunge forward before stopping suddenly as one of the many stools that had surrounded the lounge’s table shattered against the Human’s back. Crev Tyree held the shattered remnants of the stool, shaking where he stood. The Iktotchi sputtered as Hashi turned without apparent reaction to look at him.

“No!” Raj shouted as he watched his cash cow die an unceremonious death, the Auger’s strike split the VIP from his groin, through his torso and out of the man’s shoulder. The two halfs shifted apart after a moment and slumped to the floor.

“Bastard! Do you know how much I could have gotten out of him?” the Togorian growled.

Booted footsteps could be heard from the casino lobby, charging the entrance to the lounge. Both men looked at one another, anger and frustration evident on their features before Rhajin hit the carpeted floor, holding his side as if injured. Hashi dived for the bar and the servant’s exit to flee as the casino’s security stormed the room and began chasing close behind.

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 9 May, 2019 3:02 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

I am a sucker for a great cinematic scene… as long as it falls within the realm of realism of course. I believe that applies here. A lightsaber is certainly capable of splitting someone in twain and, you did well in adding that little bit of dramatic effect.


Something to Reflect On

Lacked the same energy that was your preceding post, and even the end seemed slightly abrupt as though this final post had been rushed rather than taking the time to really hash it out. Sometimes it is worth getting those details in there and developing the post to fit with what you wrote previously, you do not want that energy dropping off so sharply.