Warlord Quejo Xyler vs. Knight Khryso Mallus

Warlord Quejo Xyler

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Defender, Imperial
vs.

Knight Khryso Mallus

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Chiss, Sith, Defender
Comment

First off, thank you both for your participation in the Antei Combat Centre. What a battle it was too. This match was incredibly close pointwise with amazing writing done by both of you.

Khryso, of note, you started off so strong with an incredible opening post. You were a little light on combat in your intro but, you know, it worked because of your fantastic setting of the scene. You do great in tying them into the setting, they are not just there, but are there for a reason, a specific purpose, and intent. We then get to your Final Post and… well… it is definitely final, raw, and intense. You write the rawness of the character’s emotions and last breath so powerfully that one can nearly overlook the shortness of the post. Nearly. We go from very little combat in the initial post to once more, not really any combat in your second post so I cannot say I’ve seen any quality combat writing on your part. I have however seen some very raw, very emotional and heated writing that makes me wonder just what your combat writing would look like if you were to turn that intense writing to that particular aspect of your posts.

Quejo, of note, your combat writing is phenomenal. You paint your scenes with great imagery that adds to the intensity of the ensuing battle. As a reader, I feel compelled to take in every word, from one maneuver to the next, blow for blow. I can picture this is an epic battle in a Star Wars movie. The things I’ve noted in the scoring as well as in my comments for the posts themselves was the use of certain Force powers. We need to keep in mind the level at which the power is being used. In the case of Healing +3, and, I imagine combined with his Accelerated Healing, it would make instant work of any minor wound. Lightsaber wounds, for all intents and purposes, are not minor wounds but major wounds and doubtfully could they be healed instantly as was done in your first post. Khryso’s use of Suppression in your final post is not so serious a detractor but, in his character’s position of being choked, I doubt he’d have enough concentration to use the power efficiently. I did absolutely love how it was used though, as just the right amount of disruption to shake Quejo’s hold. You make great use of character Aspects that really bespeak of (especially Quejo’s) nature. Fantastic. Just be careful with your realism.

Overall. You both did great and I absolutely enjoyed reading this battle! Congratulations to Khryso on the win! Thank you again for your participation in the ACC and I look forward to your future battles in our amazing venues!

-- Augur Mune Cinteroph

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Warlord Quejo Xyler, Knight Khryso Mallus
Winner Knight Khryso Mallus
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Warlord Quejo Xyler's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Khryso Mallus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Ahch-To: Ancient Islands
Last Post 26 November, 2019 3:52 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Adept Mune Cinteroph
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Warlord Khryso Mallus
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Minor things like word choice, sentence structure, and verb tenses. Rationale: Minor things like some missing words in some cases.
Story - 40%
Deleted Warlord Khryso Mallus
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Nothing of note. Rationale: As much as your introduction was incredible, your final post really hurt you here, felt somewhat rushed as if you went for the bare minimum and left it at that. It really impacted the story at least for me.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Warlord Khryso Mallus
Score: 3 Score: 5
Rationale: Instantaneous healing of lightsaber wound was a major detractor. Minor detractor is Suppression +1 used with insufficient concentration and Khryso’s quick recovery after getting free of the Force choke. Rationale: Nothing of note.
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Warlord Khryso Mallus
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Nothing of note. Rationale: Nothing of note.
Deleted's Score: 3.8 Warlord Khryso Mallus's Score: 4.05
Posts

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The ocean world of Ahch-To looks to be nothing but blue seas from the distance of space. Dotting the oceans, however, are chains of rocky island that jut upwards to form shallow, sloping mountain ranges with small, flattened plateaus. Rich green trees and other small flora grow along the sedimentary stone, untouched by anything more than small avian creatures looking for a place to nest. Carved into the stones of the various islands are sets of winding, ascending and man-made pathways.

The crisp, clean air that wisps off the ocean helps maintain a fairly mild temperature during the day, with a healthy chill at sunset. Storms have been reported to flare up from time to time, leaving only the highest points of the islands safe from a rising tide. Porgs litter the islands, the oceans teem with a wide variety of fish, and large, docile Thala-sirens loiter on the rocky shores.

Although better known as the legendary home of the Jedi Order, a species of small-statured amphibious natives live simple lives as caretakers of the Jedi ruins. The ruins themselves are primarily small collections of stone huts, although numerous hidden caves dot the islands. Some contain evidence of previous habitation; many more house strong Force auras with mysterious effects on sentient beings, particularly Force-sensitives.

With the recent discovery of Ahch-To's location, it wasn't uncommon to see members of the Brotherhood investigating the planet. Occasionally, the Grand Master's Royal Guard would dispatch an agent to ensure that there wasn't an enclave of Jedi being formed there. Clan Odan-Urr was already under the Brotherhood's thumb, but if another Jedi Order rose to prominence in the galactic stage, they risked Odan-Urr defecting and causing a major conflict. As such, ensuring the Jedi remained scattered and weak was important. A few days ago, Warlord Quejo Xyler had arrived on Ahch-To at the behest of the Grand Master's Royal Guard and had been scouring the planet's various archipelagos for any sign of the Jedi. His investigation was nearly at an end, having borne little fruit.

The human now stood at the peak of a small mountain, scowling down at the small village of natives that sat on the cliff's edge at the foot of the mountain. He had avoided interacting with the creatures for the entire mission; thankfully, his ability in the Force was potent enough for him to gather information on them from a distance.

Quejo's attention was drawn to the sky as a small fighter approached the island. An ARC-170, painted in gaudy gold and purple, set down at the far-side of the island, the only flat area nearby. Reaching out with the Force, Quejo was able to identify the individual that was leaving the speeder, a Chiss, as a Force-sensitive. However, the new arrival didn't seem to be a Jedi, as their connection with the Force seemed steeped in the Dark Side. Settling into a stony grimace, Quejo quickly descended the mountain, intending to intercept the Chiss before he reached the village.

Knight Khryso Mallus had come across reports of Ahch-To while perusing the Shadow Academy archives. While he had no formal mission to investigate the planet, the Chiss had decided to visit the place himself when he had some free time. It definitely seemed like the type of place that could house ancient artifacts of power, and Jedi artifacts in particular were something missing from his collection. However, as he neared the village he'd spotted from the sky, Khryso noticed a figure approaching from the island's sole mountain. He paused, recognizing the man's armor as the armor worn by the elites of the Grand Master's Royal Guard. This should make them allies, but nonetheless, Khryso was wary, his hand moving to hover over the lightsaber at his side.

"Can I help you with something, Sir Guardsman?" Khryso inquired, raising his voice so it could be heard across the distance between them and the ambient noise of the island.

"Your presence here is distracting," Quejo said, crossing his arms as he approached, fixing the full power of his gaze on Khryso. "I'm in the middle of an assignment. I don't require your interference."

Khryso frowned. "I didn't see any cordon on this planet's files."

"I'm the cordon," Quejo said, finally coming within a few meters of Khryso. "Now frack off."

Khryso's eyes narrowed. Both individuals were already sizing each other up as the stand off grew even more tense with silence. Khryso began to form a hypothesis, assuming that the adamant human's demands to leave must be because something important was here. If that were the case, the Chiss couldn't just leave. "I think I'll take a look around first." Khryso said, placing his hand on his lightsaber hilt, hoping to make the human back down.

Quejo only sneered as his own lightsaber appeared in his hand, igniting. "You deaf or something, blue?"

Khryso paused for a moment before igniting his own lightsaber. He'd never fought someone so high-ranking in the Brotherhood before. This could prove a valuable chance to test his skills. If things got ugly, he could always make a break for it. From what he'd seen so far, this human didn't seem highly mobile. Khryso began to move forward, feinting a clumsy charging strike before falling back into a measured defensive stance with his blade in a high guard. He'd been hoping to bait the man into a counter-attack, but the human had seen through the feint. Quejo stepped forward as well, throwing his blade into a quick flourish before settling into a mid-guard position with his lightsaber pointed directly at Khryso. "You're out of your league." Quejo said, keeping his scowling visage fixed on Khryso. With that, he thrust forward, forcing Khryso to respond with a quick parry. The thrust quickly transitioned into three fast slashes, hitting a low-right, mid-left, low-right pattern. Khryso deflected all three attacks, but was forced to give ground as Quejo continued to advance.

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 29 November, 2019 4:18 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

You’ve done a wonderful job setting the scene. You touch just enough on some of the planet lore to add flavour, while applying lightly some of the physical appearance of the environment they find themselves in and their interactions (namely of Quejo in this case) with that environment. You give a purpose for how and why they came to be on Ahch-To (and it is not just to lay the beat down on each other.)

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Things To Think About

You were admittedly light on the combat side of things, though understandably so. On the plus, there was combat and it did fit well with the flow of your writing that it did not feel like an afterthought. There could have been more of it is all.

The grizzled Veteran's steely gaze rendered his emotions null and void as he shunned them from existence. He was pacing himself, not necessarily going in for the kill but measuring. Gauging the Knight's knowledge and form. Many claim that the eyes are the windows to the soul but nothing seemed to be more revealing to the Warlord than physicality.

With deliberately placed jabs, the Knight's defensive response to them spoke volumes. Sanguine danced and played as the grace and mastery with which the Taldryanite evolved his form was astounding; even from a seemingly stationary posture and with minimal footwork. He bent at the knees and leaned, not always where he wanted his blade to go but sometimes in the opposite direction to disguise the reality of his strikes.

Blue lids narrowed with focus over red eyes as the Chiss caught each attempt, weaving his blade, constantly in motion as was the Force. Dipping into its current, the Imperial sloppily but purposefully lunged. As expected, Khryso flashed his violet blade to bat it down and in the process created an inward smirk as the Warlord redirected his blade and sent its tip into the Journeyman's thigh.

Khryso recoiled in pain and twisted his body away from the upward follow-up that was hellbent on ending him. Quejo broke character and grit his teeth into a smile, tasting the blood in the water, however it was short lived as the speed at which the Chiss recovered seemed supernatural and outside of the realm of his own skills. The only visible proof of his blade connecting with flesh was the singed trousers of where it struck. "Interesting," annoyance turned to slight admiration and the dance would continue as the Plagueian rolled his weapon and aggressively sliced.

The crackle of pure energy was heard over Ach-To's churning deep as the blades became locked in a struggle for dominance. "I can feel your anger, use it," The Imperial remembered, hearing the tales of those words being spoken in his past life.

Wind swept their hair and their eyes were locked as were their blades. The determination of both men was written on their faces but that determination would soon fade as Khryso's arms started to tremble beneath the weight of the Equite. Beads of sweat formed on his furrowed brow as he bit down on his lip and Quejo could feel the desperation rising.

The Warlord briefly closed his eyes and could hear the echoes of sentient life on Ach-To, whispering their secrets. He could even, with his mind's eye, picture the Jedi that once called this place home and their pathetic order. Yet, no matter how many distractions flooded his mind. The Force whirling around Khryso screamed to him. His eyes opened. His heels went into a pivot and like a psychic with a premonition rotated his blade downward to catch the next attack of his foe. He flicked it away with a parry and would retaliate by unleashing a powerful blow of his own; with but a snap of his fingers.

Khryso cringed and stumbled back as an invisible hammer smashed into his sternum. He gasped for air but those gasps were soon silenced as the Taldryanite rotated his hand and shaped it as if he were going to choke someone. The Chiss' blade lowered and his eyes were wide with terror as he clawed at his throat with his free hand and began to levitate.

The Force gnawed on Mallus' windpipe and constricted it, depriving his body of life giving oxygen. "Now you die,"

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 29 November, 2019 4:19 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

I do quite enjoy how you write combat, especially Quejo in combat. Your character’s Aspects are heavily slanted towards creating the image that Quejo is all about war, skills honed to perfection with the sole purpose of battle in mind… your writing of the character in combat reflects that extremely well.

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Things To Think About

You have a few instances where your word choice seems a little strange, nothing serious though it did cause a bit of a hiccup in the immersion of the reader (at least for me.) One example is the following: Blue lids narrowed with focus over red eyes as the Chiss caught each attempt, weaving his blade, constantly in motion as was the Force. Here, perhaps, it would have been better to end with constantly in motion **like* the Force*. It flows a little more eloquently while making the meaning a little more clear. Another thing of note was “the Imperial sloppily but purposefully lunged”. Quejo’s Makashi is at a +4, it is difficult to imagine him being “sloppy” in his attacks.

Khryso couldn't let it end like this. This fight had been entirely unnecessary and he had welcomed it happily, not taking the time properly consider what kind of repercussions it could have. He could feel his life slowly leaving him, the end was approaching. Everything he'd worked for, everything he'd wanted to accomplish would soon be out of his reach. The fear of death, anger at himself for getting caught up in this pointless battle, hatred for this man that was robbing him of his life, it all boiled to the surface in a last desperate bid for survival.

The Chiss' lightsaber fell from his hand as both hands clawed towards Quejo. Khryso's passion drove the Force out through his hands, erupting in a shower of lightning and sparks that spread quickly towards the human. Quejo's saber was already at the ready, however. One hand still driving the Force, it was simple for the Warlord to block the unfocused and imprecise lightning attack, catching the blue and purple arcs on the red blade of his sword.

With this energy expended, Khryso's body relaxed, his hands falling limply to his side. He wanted to keep fighting, but there was nothing left. It was only a few more seconds before Quejo released his grip, allowing the Chiss corpse to fall to the ground having breathed its last breath. Quejo deactivated his lightsaber, scowling at the alien body as he returned the weapon to its place. "Pitiful," he muttered, turning back towards the mountain. "Hardly worth the effort."

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 29 November, 2019 4:19 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Exceptional job describing the inner thoughts and feelings of the character in the final moments of life. It was rather dramatic but, fitting of what was going on. The panic and desperation, the raw intensity, it all worked to create the image of someone on the precipice before being swallowed by the abyss.

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Things To Think About

As much as you wrote the rawness and intensity well in the final moments of Khryso… it was such a short post. Your introduction post had a nice comfortable length to it, weaving a fantastic story while this post seems to drop detail for the sake of raw emotion in those final moments. The Force choke being used by Quejo is not necessarily a fight ender and there are numerous creative ways (remember it is all in the writing) that you could have employed to add a bit more to your post and build up a more interesting post. It is great to get the minimum word count in there but… why stop there?

But he didn't, he merely closed his eyes and appeared to meditate in the midst of conflict, his panic began to fade away. Quejo's grip began to loosen. "Wha, what," thought the Warlord as he felt his command of the Force momentarily dwindle, enough for the Knight to escape his imminent fade to black. The Plagueian dropped, and like a cat, landed on his feet. The relief was written on his face as he took in air and looked up. His eyes burned with anger as the Warlord watched him tighten his cold blue grip on his Lightsaber.

"Too tight " the superior duelist observed as he loosened all but his index and middle fingers.

With uncanny speed, the Chiss bound forward clearly fueled by the Force as his blade whipped forward and lanced the Warlord's pauldron. The Count of Gothengromer growled as he rolled his wrist to pluck the saber from his Armor. Speed was not his strong suit, he knew this, surprise attacks could end his hunt for power and that was something that was simply unacceptable. He couldn't allow another strike to get through. He wouldn't, as the weapons staccato fury would crescendo with sound before pausing as they measured each other.

"I will not leave this place," Khryso spoke through clenched teeth. "I never expected you to, Knight,"

The battle took the two down a set of stone steps and with murderous intent they not only explored the landscape but each other. Quejo, so far able to leverage his opponent, manipulated the steps of his foe, pushing him where he wanted him to go. He anticipated each action with Force-fed wisdom and would provoke the response he wanted.

Khryso hopped down the last step and backed away, leveling his blade to maintain his defensive posture. The Taldryanite held the advantage as he angled his blade to press the attack, keeping the high ground throughout their descent. Still, the Knight was able to create a seemingly impenetrable barrier with varying Soresu techniques. On equal ground, as Quejo took his final step, they fought their way past a roost of hideous creatures. Bellows and grumbles of the Thala-sirens were in audible panic as they felt the heat of the energized Kyber Crystals crest past them. A screech of agony and the flailing of bulbous limbs signaled the danger that both men were in as Mallus' parried blade sunk into one of their fattened bellies. It was apparent that all it would take is a single mistake for one of the warriors to suffer the same fate as they watched the creature's elongated neck slump.

Khryso ripped his blade from the creature and the smell of charred flesh tickled their nostrils. It really didn't smell that bad but the green milky substance which poured from its belly made Quejo snarl.

"I detest these creatures," Quejo spat, "Almost as much as Chiss," the jibe had struck a nerve with Khryso as he roared and reared back to unleash a hellacious blow. It was truly unfortunate for the Knight that the Warlord had already seen what was about to unfold and shifted his weight. As the blade slipped past Quejo, the veteran would switch his form as he briefly feigned a block. As Khryso felt the connection, Quejo allowed the strike to drive his own weapon back. As it did, the Human rolled his wrist to unlock the blades and allowed Mallus' momentum to carry him forward. The Chiss' jaw dropped as he had been outclassed. His red eyes trailed the sanguine blade of the Warlord as it violently came crashing down into his clavicle and exited through the opposite hip. Two halves of his body peeled away from one another and thudded upon the ancient stone architecture. "I detest this Planet."

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 29 November, 2019 4:19 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Again, your writing of combat is absolutely fantastic. I do so love how you can detail each maneuver in such a way that is can be pictured in the imaginations of your readers. Neatly choreographed, the action did well in keeping the reader completely immersed and engaged. This post definitely avoided hiccups of your initial post and had me at the edge of my seat. Even the end bespoke a dark finality that was only fitting of the intensity you had built up throughout your writing.

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Things To Think About

Really, the only thing I can think to point out here is the use of the Force by Khryso when he is in your Force choke. I like the creative way with which you chose to use those powers on his character sheet to get free, though I question his ability to do so using Suppression +1 and Force Pulse 1. At a +1, Suppression would require no small amount of concentration, I do not believe him capable of such concentration when life is being choked out of him. I do love how you wrote him going about it though! The other bit is how quickly Khryso goes back into the offensive upon his release. He should be winded, and to go straight into using what I am reading as amplification to boost his speed to attack is a bit of a stretch.