Raider Kano Tor Tydex vs. Knight Appius Wight

Raider Kano Tor Tydex

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Vizsla
Male Human, Mercenary, Weapons Specialist, Mandalorian
vs.

Knight Appius Wight

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Vizsla
Male Human, Force Disciple, Sorcerer
Comment

Welcome, both of you, back to the ACC. I'm glad to see you here again and happy to judge this fight for you both. I think this is my first time judging for members of Clan Vizsla, and I was excited to see what the Mando clan could offer. Boy was it a close one!

Before I begin the Judgement proper, I've noticed that the two of you have written the exact same number of words in your posts. 654 for your first posts, and 666 for your second posts. Either this is spooky scary levels of coincidence, or some exceptional coordination. In either case, neither of you can complain that the other won just because they wrote more.

To begin with, Syntax was something of an issue for both of you. While neither post was unreadable of severely hurt by the errors, they were noticeable and annoying in places. Syntax may not count for much, but every single point counts for something!

You both also had some minor issues with realism and continuity. In general for continuity, make sure to carefully consider the already established facts of the match before writing your own posts. In terms of realism, Make sure to cover your bases in setting up plausible situations, and carefully think through the consequences of whatever your characters are doing in the setting.

Thus, with all else being nearly equal, the match came down to something as simple as assigning Story advantage. Both of you, i felt, had done a competent job on the story, but never really rose above to something exceptional or unique. Without anything I felt i could point to as really impressive or unique on either side, I came down in favor of consistency and awarded Appius Wight with advantage in story, securing him as the winner of the match. While I felt Kano's story was better in places, it also was much poorer in other places, while Appius remained consistently satisfying throughout.

As parting advice to both of you, I would focus on the ending of your posts. Both of you had great introductions and developments in the early part of the fight that could have built a very strong story, but even a good story can be ruined by a lackluster ending. It's the last impression a reader has of your writing, so it's the one they're most likely to remember.

Thank you both for participating in the ACC! Congratulations to both of you for the great fight.

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Raider Kano Tor Tydex, Knight Appius Wight
Winner Knight Appius Wight
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Raider Kano Tor Tydex's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Appius Wight's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Kamino: Landing Platform
Last Post 19 December, 2019 9:53 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Grot
Syntax - 15%
Kano Tor Tydex High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 3 Score: 3 (Advantage)
Rationale: Multiple syntax errors were noted. Rationale: Multiple syntax errors were noted.
Story - 40%
Kano Tor Tydex High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 3 Score: 3 (Advantage)
Rationale: The story starts out really strong, with a clear set-up and conflict between the characters. It's nothing particularly fancy, but was well on it's way to a great story. However, I think the ending in particular was fumbled, and wasn't entirely enjoyable for me. Rationale: You picked up the themes and conflicts set by your opponent and managed to not only run with them, but competently expand them. The ending was a little weak however, and while it gave a competent ending to the fight i didn't leave feeling like the central, underlying conflict had been addressed, or that the characters had substantially grown. I've awarded advantage as I feel the writing was, overall, more consistently enjoyable.
Realism - 25%
Kano Tor Tydex High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: A single error was noted. Rationale: Two minor errors were noted
Continuity - 20%
Kano Tor Tydex High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: A single error was noted. Rationale: A single error was noted.
Kano Tor Tydex's Score: 3.45 High Inquisitor Anderson's Score: 3.72
Posts

Kamino Landing Platform

Lightning shatters the sky and strikes the spire atop the cloning complex towering before anyone who steps off their ship and onto the rain-slick landing platform. Kamino, the Planet of Storms, is known for its roiling seas and constant torrential downpour. The fall of the Galactic Empire hit the planet’s primary export of military cloning projects extremely hard, but the Kaminoans remained afloat, both figuratively and literally with contracts to galactic warlords and the brilliant engineering of their iconic seaborne cities.

The initial landing pad is a wide circle designed to accommodate a variety of ships, and is connected to a series of other platforms as well. Every surface is slick with rain, but avoids flooding due to the sloped edges that allow the water to run off into the sea below and away from the center-point.

The cloning facility’s exterior is characterized by similar slopes, and raindrops rapidly transform into steam as they touch against the series of lightning rods around the platform, much like they would if they dripped onto a lightsaber blade.

History tells of the fateful encounter between Obi Wan Kenobi and renowned Bounty Hunter Jango Fett. The doors of the facility are sealed, which means that whatever challenge awaits will have to be faced in the heart of the omnipresent rainstorm.

Kano stepped into the storm on the loading platform and his ears were immediately filled with the sounds of raindrops colliding with his beskar helmet. As he walked further out into the storm he noticed the ship he had borrowed from House Wren was no longer waiting for him. In its place there stood a figure against the dark sky. A flash of lightning showed the silhouette of a tall and slender man wearing heavily customized Mandalorian armor. The dark colors and lack of many protective plates contrast heavily against Kano’s own full Mandalorian armor that he had painted in a stunning orange and grey design.

“Where’s my ship Appius?” called out Kano as he stepped closer towards the figure.

“You did not have permission to take it Kano. That ship is property of House Wren. It isn't some toy you can use to go track bounties not given out by the Clan.”

Appius noticed something in Kano’s hands as he walked closer but could not yet make out what it was. Another flash of lightning lit the entire platform and a feeling of horror passed through the Force Disciple as he saw the severed head of a Kaminoan.

“You murdered an innocent while using Wren assets. This is unacceptable. You will face punishment...”

Kano cut Appius off before he could finish his statement.

“Unacceptable? You dare stand there as a Jetii (Jedi) with the symbol of the Kyr'tsad (Deathwatch) upon your chest?”

The Mandalorian dropped the severed head to the ground and pointed a finger at Appius as he continued shouting and walking closer to the Battleteam Leader.

“You wear OUR armor and yet do not know OUR ways. You are a fraud. An imposter in a costume. Aruetyc (not Mandalorian) garbage.”

“You misunderstand my intentions Kano. I am here to help Clan Vizsla and the Deathwatch any way I can. I am here to help you in any way I can.” said Appius as he tried to deescalate the situation.

The attempt failed as Kano quickly drew his Westar-35 from the holster on his hip and fired off several quick shots. The bright white bolts crossed the remaining distance of the landing platform to be met with the Force Disciple igniting the sapphire blade of his lightsaber. With several quick and efficient movements Appius knocked the blaster bolts to the side where they vanished into the raging storm.

As Appius focused his attention back to the Mandalorian he saw that the Raider was running full speed at him now and it was too late to try and block the hit. Kano’s shoulder slammed hard into the Knight's chest. The collision pushed Appius back several inches but before he could regain his footing Kano turned his left fist towards the Knight’s gut and fired off the repulsor in his vambraces. The shockwave caught the Knight off guard and sent him staggering back several feet.

Kano fired several more quick shots towards his opponent. With the Force aiding him Appius saw the attack coming and again deflected the shots safely away from himself. With a well timed movement the Force Disciple sent one of the blaster bolts right back at Kano.

The bolt tore through the air and hit Kano on his left shoulder. There was a klink and a flash of sparks as the blaster bolt dissipated upon contact with the pure beskar armor worn by the Mandalorian. Kano grinned under his helmet.

“Ya gotta do better than that aruetyc (not Mandalorian).”

The comment hit Appius harder than before and a small darkness began to take control of his actions. The Force Disciple quickly reached out with his hand not holding a lightsaber and drew upon the Force. A single and powerful bolt of lightning exited the Knight’s hand and struck Kano. The pain was immediate and brought back terrible memories. As the strength of the attack faded a rage grew within Kano.

Grot, 31 December, 2019 12:42 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Overall I really liked the set-up. It wasn't anything super fancy or complicated, just Kano stealing a ship to go run a bounty and Appius showing up to punish him. A clear-cut conflict that neatly establishes the reason for both of them to be there and fight each other.

The secondary conflict also really interests me. There's sort of a Mando culture war going on, where each side of the fight has a different idea of what it means to be Mandalorian. Personally I find that sort of ideological conflict fascinating.

Can be Improved

There were a bunch of minor, repeated syntax mistakes.

I appreciate the translations for the Mando words, but I'm not certain parentheses were the best way to work them into the story. Sort of broke up the flow of the dialogue. In any case, if you are going to do direct parenthetical translations, you should only provide the translation once to avoid repeating information and breaking up the story. You provide the translation for "aruetyc" twice.

One plot point that really puzzled me is what the heck happened to Kano's ship? Appius says that he took it back, and presumably he came alone to get Kano. So like an hour before the fight he would have had to break into the ship, fly it over to a different landing pad, then run back and wait in the rain for Kano to show up. A bit of a silly way to get a mysterious entrance. The ship could have easily been left on the pad, would have added a little color to the venue and something to fight around.

And that rage was what fueled his next action. As the sparks simmered into nothingness the Weapons Specialist let out an unholy roar and activated the Imperial Super Commando Jetpack strapped to his back. He soared towards the Force Disciple with the anger of a hungry rancor.

The Force whispered it's warnings to the Battleteam Leader and just before Kano had the chance to collide with him he sheathed his lightsaber, activated his own jetpack and leapt fifteen feet above him and hovered to the other side where Kano was moments prior. From his elevated position he withdrew Oppression, gripped his blaster rifle in both hands and began to release a clip of laser fire at his Deathwatch insubordinate who spun to face him from the landing platform below.

However, the harsh weather and storms of Kamino made it difficult to aim his weapon, especially in mid air. He landed after only a few moments and continued to fire his weapon, though due to a combination of his poor accuracy as a result of the rough weather he was finding it difficult to strike him. What few blows did land were simply shrugged off by the natural strength and durability of Kano's Beskar armor.

The pure Beskar wearing Mandalorian began to approach the Force Disciple, he reached within just a few short metres of Appius, caring very little for the blaster fire the Sorcerer was attempting to hit him with. He drew upon Merciless Glory once again and aimed his weapon straight at the Force Disciples Mandalorian visor.

Though as quickly as he did that the weapon was knocked directly out of his hand by what felt like a strong cross punch to his wrist. Pain entered the joint, making it limp and numb for a few moments before feeling returned to it again. In front of him stood Appius with an outstretched palm aimed exactly where his blaster was in his hand only a second prior.

"You call me a Jetii. (Jedi) Aruetyc. (Not Mandalorian) Well, I say you are the real Aruetyc here." This time it was Appius' turn to point at Kano. His tone of voice had suddenly become very confrontational.

"You take a ship without permission and go off to hunt a bounty not approved by House Wren or Clan Vizsla. Why? Because you are adenn (merciless), a demagolka (monster), hurnami. (honourless) You preach to me saying I wear our armor and yet do not know our ways? You couldn't be more wrong!" Lightning struck and thundered around them as Appius' voice pierced through it.

"I'm proud of where I've come from, both sides of it. Manda'yaim (Mandalore) and the Living Force flow through my veins. But what about you? What honour do you have? I adhere to the Resol'nare (Six actions) and you clearly don't." Appius looked back at the decapitated and mutilated head of the Kaminoan Kano walked out with before their confrontation started.

"I wonder what Mirdala would think of you right now…"

One would not have to be Force sensitive to feel the atmosphere on the landing platform thicken in an instant. Kano's hands twitched at his side and his breathing became deep and faint growls could be heard coming from behind his visor.

"Kano… I."

Appius never finished his sentence. Kano's arms flung forward and the Mandalorian Vambrace on his right arm activated to release a thin graphing line. It whirled around and tightened around his lower body before Kano pulled with all his might. Appius landed on his back, his jetpack doing very little to cushion his fall.

"You… laosr! (scum!) You dare mention her in front of me!" Kano spat with venom as he pulled the Sorcerer closer to him. He raised his right boot, intending to stomp it into the Sorcerer's solar plexus but in response Appius activated his own Mandalorian Vambrace and a flamethrower emerged, engulfing the standing Mandalorian almost entirely.

Grot, 31 December, 2019 6:32 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

I love how you've continued the culture conflict and personal animosity between the two characters and expanded on it. Seeing how their different views on what it means to be mando interact is fascinating and really gives some weight to drive the story forward. The hint of some sort of personal tragedy with the mention of Mirdala is great as well, beginning to transition the conflict to something more deeply emotional.

Can be Improved

A number of syntax mistakes were noticed.

In general the combat writing feels bland and straightforward. Instead of showing what's going on or making a visual for the reader to imagine it just tells it to the reader. I'll use one passage in particular as an example.

"What few blows did land were simply shrugged off by the natural strength and durability of Kano's Beskar armor."

On the surface this is a very dramatic scene. Kano is charging across a landing pad in the rain, blaster bolts pinging and sparking off his armor, trying to get in range for a shot. But instead of describing this hail of fire and the strength of Kano’s armor to us its reduced to a simple, bland statement to move the story forward.

Lastly there's a realism issue with Kano's injuries sustained by Force lightning. In this post it's simply not mentioned at all beyond the first sentences, and doesn't affect him in any real way besides making him angrier. From what we've seen in the movies and other canon media, Force lightning is an intensely powerful attack, which brings people to their knees and almost cripples them with pain. While Kano is definitely capable of fighting through this, he's gonna feel it, and isn't gonna do so at full capability.

Kano saw the flames coming at him and his reflexes kicked in. As the warmth of the flames began to nip at the open spaces between the armor plates Kano dove to his left. As he landed shoulder first onto the wet platform his jetpack fired back to life. The thrusters sent Kano sliding across the metal landing platform with a trail of sparks behind him. The grappling line tightened up and with a sudden jerking motion Appius was drug across the platform. Kano quickly reversed his direction and in a whip move he sent the Force Disciple sliding past him. The line came loose from Appius’s body and he was left sliding over the edge of the landing platform.

Thinking quickly the Knight fired his own wrist mounted grappling line and stopped himself just before reaching the sloped edge of the platform. He climbed back up to the main platform and was greeted by the Mandalorian standing over him.

Kano reached down and grabbed Appius by the bottom of his helmet and jerked him over the ledge. Appius slid across the wet ground when Kano let go. The knight went to draw his lightsaber once again but before it could be ignited Kano jumped onto the Battleteam leader. The Raider grabbed the hand with the hilt in it and slammed it multiple times onto the ground.

As bones began to fracture the Knight lost his grip and the hilt dropped. Kano quickly grabbed the lightsaber hilt and nonchalantly tossed it over the edge of the platform and to the waters below.

The Mandalorian then began to pummel the Force Disciple with punch after punch.

Appius reached down into the Force with everything he had and conjured a blinding light. Kano lost sight of everything around him and his next punch connected with the metal platform.

Appius used this moment to wiggle himself into position to place a foot on Kano’s shoulder and push himself away and the Mandalorian backwards.

Appius tried to get back to his feet and gain some distance between himself and the raging Mandalorian but was stopped as Kano blindly fired towards him with his vambrace mounted blasters. Six bolts left the barrels on the vambraces and 3 caught the Knight in the back of his right leg.

The Battleteam leader screamed as the bolts burned through his flesh and dropped him to the ground. Appius began to crawl towards the door Kano had initially came out of. As he slid across the wet platform he drew upon the Force once more and attempted to heal the wounds preventing him from moving his leg.

Kano then began to regain his vision and stood tall while unsheathing the Mandalorian Murder Axe from his hip. As he walked slowly towards Appius the Knight looked back. Kano was already standing directly over him.

Appius tried to aim the blaster from his Mandalorian vambraces at the Raider but was stopped as his arm was severed at the elbow with the axe in Kano’s hand. Almost in shock the Knight just looked at the crimson soaked stub where his forearm once was.

Kano grabbed Appius by the base of his helmet once again and this time ripped it from its place to reveal the Knights deep blue eyes filled with pure terror. Kano raised the axe high into the air and sent it crashing down into the Knights head. The skull shattered under the force of the blow and Appuis’s body violently jerked several times and then went limp. Kano struck his deceased opponents skull several more times with the axe until there was absolutely no way to identify the corpse from appearance alone.

Kano then place the axe back into the sheath. Walked across the platform to retrieve his Westar-35 and the severed head of his bounty then called out over the comms to the ship he arrived in.

“Mission complete. Bounty retrieved and the aruetyc (not Mandalorian) has been eliminated. Get me off this gorram planet.”

Grot, 31 December, 2019 6:37 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The combat is very kinetic and energetic. Whipping people around with grappling hooks, wildly firing blasters, out of the whole it’s perhaps the most cinematic and exciting fighting.

Can be Improved

There's a continuity issue early on with the flamethrower. In the previous post Kano was almost fully engulfed by the flamethrower, yet in this post he was barely singed, and got out of the way before taking any damage.

After a certain point, this ending just comes off as a murder-fantasy than an actual fight. Appius just kind of struggles pitifully but isn't able to get in any meaningful damage, which is rather unsatisfying to me.

After some conferring with the other judges, there was also a noted realism issue. Specifically, when Kano fires his blasters blindly towards Appius he still manages to hit half of his shots. While firing blind. Appius is a trained Jedi with Precog +2, actively trying to get away and avoid fire in the middle of a rainstorm. The luck on this is simply beyond the realm of belief.

Not wanting to become a flame grilled Mandalorian, Kano had no choice but to disengage from the grappling line and release Appius from his grasp. His reflexes were on point as he backpedaled out of the radius of the snake like flame trying to engulf him. The weapons specialist was an intelligent man and even with Beskar armor he knew taking a face full of flame was not a good idea. The Sorcerer felt relief as the tightness around his lower body ceased but that relief was destroyed as quickly as it came when his eyes locked with Kano unsheathing his armory vibrodagger.

The older Mandalorian's jetpack erupted to life and he ascended thirty feet into the air. Appius knew he was in trouble. He didn't need the Force to tell him that. Before Kano had a chance to land his lethal strike Appius activated his own jetpack and skidded across the platform floor and only narrowly avoided the gravity amplified thrust of Kano's vibrodagger as it struck where he was only moments prior. Taking his opportunity, Appius activated his father's lightsaber and the blue humming blade cut him loose from the grappling line that kept him tangled. He spun to his feet and Kano immediately ran at him. Lethal intentions and Mandalore's warrior spirit still igniting him, refusing to let him back down. A succession of three shots flew out of Kano's Vambrace directly towards Appius. The Sorcerer barely managed to deflect them back. Two of the shots clanged against the chestplate of Kano's armor whilst the third crashed into the crown of his Beskar helmet. The resulting sound right next to his ear disorientated him briefly and staggered him back slightly giving the Force User the time he needed to act.

As Kano returned his gaze to Appius he was met by a blinding flash of light assaulting his retinas. This was not the result of the Kaminoan lightning, but rather Appius using the Force and with an outstretched hand he detonated controlled energy like a flashbang in Kano's face. The Weapon Specialist covered his visor with both arms to try and shield himself from whatever it was affecting his vision, but this simple act would prove to be his undoing.

Rage built within Appius. His anger at his Battleteam member was becoming insurmountable and he was determined to punish him for his crimes one way or another. He focused his feelings to the tips of his fingers and a vibrating sensation entered them as blue electricity sparked between them.

By the time Kano could look to his opponent he had already come face to face with his worst nightmare. From his left hand Appius conjured a blast of painful electricity that forced Kano down onto his knees. He gasped as he steeled himself against the agony he had become torment too. It streamed for several seconds and the pain lessened with each passing second until it stopped entirely only too start once again at maximum force.

Despite how sturdy and powerful Kano's beskar armor was, it unfortunately wasn't much use against this particular force power. With Kano being stunned and unable to move for the moment, Appius used his father's lightsaber to slice at the jetpack attached to Kano's back. It went through like a vibroknife through hot butter.

There was no escape for him now…

Appius sheathed his lightsaber and once again released a torrent of electricity at his Deathwatch member. To his credit, Kano never cried out in pain, his body twitched and he grunted but he refused to give Appius the pleasure of his cries of pain. He rolled onto his back moments later and laid motionless.

Appius gasped and wheezed. His fingertips burned and his heart raced in his chest. He gazed at Kano and whilst shallow, he could just make out the slight breathing coming from his chest. He would live. He activated his Brotherhood-issued Advanced Inquisitor Comlink.

"This is Appius, I've neutralised Kano. I request immediate assistance."

Grot, 31 December, 2019 6:57 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The descriptive writing has significantly improved here over the first post, and I'm left wondering why the level of description wasn't this high consistently throughout. Sparks flash, lightning flies, it's all very cinematic. Well done

Can be Improved

The ending is competent, but I'm left feeling like there was a lot unresolved. The underlying Mando culture-conflict still hangs in the air, without any last words to address it. There's no parting dialogue or final words between our two combatants, just a brutal and short fight scene to close things out. I didn't actively dislike it, but i still feel a lot more could have been done here with such a strong opening,

The a continuity error with the Flamethrower in the beginning of the post. In the previous post it's stated that Kano was already engulfed in "almost entirely" in flame, yet here it's barely nipping at his armor before he ducks away. Take care to remember what's already been established in previous posts.

After conferring with the other judges, the use of Force Powers here breaks the realism barrier a bit. Appius has been in a physically exhausting fight so far, and on top of that he's used Force lighting, blind, precog, Telekinesis, etc. etc. without breaking a sweat. While Appius shivers and shudders when the fights over and the exhaustion no longer matters to the story, he should have been feeling it well before then, and it would have added a nice note of tension to the story to see him struggle with it.