Knight Gui Sol vs. Savant Sa Ool

Knight Gui Sol

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Kiffar, Jedi, Techweaver
vs.

Savant Sa Ool

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Kel Dor, Force Disciple, Seeker, Sentinel
Comment

Thank you for completing this match, first of all, it was a fun read. A few things to cover. An ACC Judge works purely off the Character Sheets. Gui, if your character IS a hybrid, it should be mentioned in the Physical Description portion, as a 'Half-Kiffar'. On your sheet, it states Kiffar in that portion. I am assuming outside knowledge is why Sa Ool refers to him as a Half-Human, which cost Sa some points. Also, if you've got a nickname that's being tossed around capitalized such as The Kid, it should be in your Personality or General aspects somewhere, as it very much confuses a Judge when a random word such as that is given such emphasis, this can hurt your Story score.

Both of you took a Major hit on Realism for contradicting Force Power descriptions, so please be sure to read a power all the way through.
Sa Ool you suffered mostly on Syntax, if you're unsure of how a word is used or written, look it up on Google, I do it all the time. Also, slow down, get a proofing.

Gui Sol, your Story score suffered a bit for light God Modding when it came to the saber fighting. We don't like to crunch numbers too much, but when your opponent outranks your Primary Saber Form by a factor of 2 ranks, it is kind of hard to believe that Gui was never really in danger. A much more skilled practitioner would have likely taken Gui's arm off in your ending post.

That said, both of you wrote entertaining and coherent posts, they were not hard to follow, I knew what was going on the whole time, and they had conclusive endings! That's awesome! I look forward to both of you fighting more battles in the future!

With a score 3.5 of the winner is Gui Sol!

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Gui Sol, Savant Sa Ool
Winner Knight Gui Sol
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Gui Sol's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Savant Sa Ool's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Ilum: Crystal Cave
Last Post 10 February, 2020 8:32 PM UTC
Assigned Judge General Stres'tron'garmis
Syntax - 15%
Gui Sol Sa Ool
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: A handful of minor errors. Rationale: Lots of small errors, misspellings, and commas. Make sure you get proofed!
Story - 40%
Gui Sol Sa Ool
Score: 3 (Advantage) Score: 3
Rationale: Overall, Some god-modding slipped in here with the Whiptree and saber battling between both posts, the disparity in skill between Sa's +4 and Gui's +2 abilities shouldn't be ignored, yet Sa could never touch the 'Kid' and Gui wiped the floor with him. The 'speed' advantage noted in the first post helps, but considering how much they fought, something should have gave. You get the advantage for having a clear ending. Rationale: You had a solid core here that kept your score from dropping, but some things (noted in the post comments) kept your score from rising.
Realism - 25%
Gui Sol Sa Ool
Score: 2 Score: 2
Rationale: One Major detractor, one minor, as spelled out in post comments. Rationale: One Major detractor, one minor, as spelled out in post comments.
Continuity - 20%
Gui Sol Sa Ool
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues found Rationale: Two minor errors as noted in post comments.
Gui Sol's Score: 3.5 Sa Ool's Score: 2.95
Posts

Ilum Crystal Cave

On a planet of dangerous myths, shocking fables and unspoken legends, there is also beauty. Dispersed around the untamed world are flaws: cracks formed through thousands of years of glacial rivers rushing and destroying cliffs, scooping away the soil and digging crevices untouched by all but a handful of explorers from ages long past. Isolated at the southern tip of Ilum, this particular ravine is close to the planet’s core. No-one ever dared to dive directly down into the darkness of the ravine, instead opting for laser drills that bore a tunnel into the nearby glacier. Uncharted and unexplored, this passageway is a place of nightmares for those who venture to its depths. The half-eaten carcasses of explorers who have met an untimely end litter the ravine’s descent—a warning to those who might choose to venture too far. Whether these men and women fell to their deaths, or had been murdered remains lost to the long-forgotten histories of the ravine.

The antechamber of the Crystal Cave is wide and cavernous with a winding walkway carved out of the stone itself and smoothed over with glacial elegance. The pathway ascending upwards to the top of the cave where a resilient sheet of ancient stone weathers against the raging winds from Ilum’s winter skies. At the base of the walkway is a platform of old stone used for meditation in times past.

Ilum Crystal Cave

Leaving the main antechamber leads to other tunnels carved and abandoned by miners and treasure hunters. Glinting like candlelight against the unforgiving darkness of the deep and untrodden cave, translucent clusters of kyber crystals crystals reflect the light. Untouched for decades, this place was once a common destination for Jedi Padawans seeking to build their first lightsabers. The sides of the cavern stretch vertically, terminating in a vaulted arch that was carved with embellishments some time ago. On each side of the walls, various ports and alcoves distinguish in the light. Some are known to be rivers of purified water, as displayed by the translucent sheets of ice glistening along the alcove walls.

"WoOoHoOo!" Exclaimed Gui as he slid down one of Illum's many icy shafts. A child at heart, he threw caution to the wind for moments such as these. Exhilaration and adrenaline were definitely food for his restless spirit.

"I have to find it, Barry," said Gui as he threw out his hands for balance and banked to the left, descending into an even deeper chasm. The tunnel was lit by luminescent rock as the borehole twisted and turned. The treasure hunters that dug them were indecisive, Gui thought as his hand briefly traced the smooth wall. His psychometry kicked in and he could see the search play out in his mind.

"Hold on buddy!" Gui shouted to the little PIT Droid clinging to his patchwork poncho, as the tunnel opened up at the end and seemingly spit them out. He spun for flair as the Force watched over him, ensuring a safe landing. He rolled upon making contact with the floor and ancient dust that had been resting for centuries became airborne.

"Well, that was fun, eh?" Gui chuckled, seeing his droid kicking its legs, hoping to free its head from the hole it had gotten stuck in.

The Knight laughed and raised his off-hand, using the surrounding Force energies to pull the droid free. Little arms and legs flailed as it floated upside down, before being righted and lowered to the ground. It shook its head, tapping its foot and folding its arms.

"Don't give me that look," Gui grinned. "Wait," he added, feeling a tugging in the Force. "Its this way. The crystal has to be there, I can hear it."

Sol entered a jog in the direction he felt the most pull. The Force whispered within his mind as he entered the large open space. The cave had an iridescent glow and he could feel a familiar presence which seemed unusual so deep below Illum's surface. Gui, sought the presence as well as the whisper as he rounded a large stalagmite. To find the source of one but not the other was discouraging to the Knight as he ventured into the glowing maw. He could see an altar, carved out of stone with elaborate statues standing behind it. Kneeling before it was a cloaked figure. It sat motionless, only rising as Gui drew closer. As the figure turned, the Kid could make out a Kel-Dor silhouette and he instantly recognized the presence.

"Sa?!" Gui was puzzled "Wha, how did, where did-"

"Ahh, young Gui. A being of many words." He greeted sarcastically. "I was told I would find you here."

"Why were you looking for me to begin with?" Gui barked, "I told the Council I was goi-"

Sa cut him off with an elevated hand. "I'm here to give you one last test." He added as a violet blade hissed to life from a shadowy grip.

"Ah, cripes, another test?!" Gui, quibbled. "Have it your way."

His left hand whipped out to the side as he saw Sa Ool launch himself upwards. The lightsaber which clung to his belt rattled to his waiting palm and, as Sa rained down with an overhead slice, Gui thumbed the switch. Nothing happened. He never listened to the Masters of his Order when they spoke of patience, and taking your time when constructing a Lightsaber. In that moment he knew why it was of utmost importance. Forced to abandon his plan, he rolled away as Sa landed but redirected his blade into a slice. It clipped the end of a long dreadlock.

Momentum carried the Knight forward and back to his feet as the Kel-Dor, with smooth transitions, spun into another slice. This time, the Kiffar's yellow blade crackled to life just in time to catch the purple fury.

"Average," sneered the Kel-Dor.

"Thank you," Gui smirked and flipped his hilt into a reverse grip in order to drive the tip towards the Savant's belly. He knew the attack would never make it through the veteran Jedi's guard, but it was enough to make Sa retaliate in the way Gui had hoped. As the grumpy Alien hammered away the attack, Gui fanned his blade around Sa's follow-through and clipped his robes.

Ool growled as he spun away from the close-call and tilted his head.

"You've gotten better since the last time we met, boy. But you're still outclassed." Ool taunted, pressing the attack.

Yellow and purple erupted with vibrant energy as they screamed upon contact, popping and crackling as the elegant dance caused them to reacquaint every few seconds.

Slightly faster than his elder, what Gui couldn't block, he avoided. He was hardly a match for Sa, but what he lacked in skill, he made up for with moxy. While the Kel-Dor worked his blade with lethal precision, Gui sensed each sequence and had a reverse grip response for each segment. Frustration was beginning to work on Sa as his speed increased, but as did his eagerness. One thing Gui learned from experience, eagerness could lead to mistakes.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 15 February, 2020 11:25 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Very well written from a technical standpoint, you had very, very few errors. Your introduction was amusing and helped set some of the tone for Gui as a character, especially for a first-time reader of the character.

Can Be Improved


You had a few odd choices in wording that made me pause, but no major errors.

Yellow and purple erupted with vibrant energy as they screamed upon contact, popping and crackling as the elegant dance caused them to reacquaint every few seconds.

For example, you could have highly benefitted from the word saber or blade or the like in the above, because without it, assumptions have to be made. Pretty easy to infer its a lightsaber clash, but you want to avoid the need for a judge/grader to make leaps of logic, they don’t always go the way you like and could cost you on your score.

"Ah, cripes, another test?!" Gui, quibbled.

This should really read ‘quibbled Gui’ and I’m not sure why there’s a comma in the middle, but its an incredibly awkward read.

Remembering Gui who Sa always called a kid, from when he was a Padawan learner made Sa very eager to be testing the younger Jedi. The Kel Dor had high hopes for the Half-Kiffar until the glassing of New Tython; Gui took it hard on the mental aspect and went to become an inactive Jedi. For Gui to be fighting and dawning his yellow saber again made Sa happy for his comrade. As a part-time instructor, the Savant knew for someone like the Kid he needed to push him a little bit to get the rust off his skills and for him to hone them even more.

Gui's fighting style of Shien has always frustrated Sa simply because he viewed it as un-orthadox. The Kel Dor Jedi preferred styles like the two he mainly use called Makashi and Djem So. Also known as forms two and five. Why Gui wanted to learn and be a practitioner of his lightsaber style Sa will never know. He also knew that the Shien Form was the offensive form of Form V, but it was not the strongest against one-on-one.

All these and more thoughts went through the Kel Dor's mind while he pressed his attack on the younger opponent. Purple and yellow blades collided with each other with several snaps and hiss sounds coming from the contact. Deactivating his purple blade Sa watched the Half-Kiffar stumble a bit, only for Gui to jump to the side to get away from the small bit of lightning that came towards him thanks to his older mentor.

"Come on Kid, is this the best you can do? How did you become a Knight when you still fight like a Padawan?" Came the mechanic voice of the Kel Dor.

Before Gui could answer his friend and opponent, the Grey Jedi disappeared right before his eyes, blending in with the shadows of cavern walls. Small to medium sized stones started to fly towards the Half-Kiffar Jedi fast enough for him to only dodge or slice the stones.

"This is your test Gui. Show me what you can do... or is your disgusting human half preventing you from coming at me? Trust me your junk you collect will not help you much here." Came the metallic voice while he was still sending rocks while hiding in the shadows.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 15 February, 2020 11:25 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


A lot of combat in here for such a short post, and some insight into the characters’ relationship, nicely done.

Can Be Improved


Going into a paragraph long diatribe about lightsabers styles, I assume in Sa’s own head, brought the flow of this fight to a grinding halt and did nothing to help your Story score. Gui gave you an opening post that was action-oriented and you just stopped it all.

Realism wise, you referred to Gui as a Half-Kiffar, nowhere on his sheet is it said that he’s a hybrid of any kind. You also used Force Cloak, a power you have at +2, in a manner consistent with +3 or higher, in the manner that you ‘vanished’. At +1 it is a slow creep, at +2 it is faster and you can choose which part of yourself disappears first, and it still requires significant concentration to maintain, making the use of focused and multiple Telekinesis applications unlikely.

Your Syntax and spelling were a bit off in this post, some strange word choices (‘dawning his blade’ should have been donning, un-orthodax is unorthodox, Grey is Gray (no that didn’t cost you any points but it bugs me :P) mechanic voice rather than mechanical). You also ran into the problem of modifying previous dialogue bits with another statement, for example:

Trust me your junk you collect will not help you much here." Came the metallic voice

When you do this, the dialogue should end with a comma, and the next bit starts lower-case, so as to denote that what follows DOES modify what came before.

The earth moved, literally, as chunks of rubble streaked past the Kiffar; only visible as they traveled through the glow of the cavern.

"Master Ool!" Gui shouted as one of the fragmented shards nearly clipped his cranium. Hawk-bats tangled in your hair was one thing, but a large piece of unforgiving mineral was something else entirely. "You could've killed me!" he continued as he straightened himself from the duck and leered into the black veil.

Fluttering robes caught the light as Sa navigated the darkness, using it to cover his movement as would a mysterious phantom.

"Whoa," Gui shouted as another rock whizzed by. His already impatient mind started to elevate beyond frustration and teetered dangerously close to anger.

"What's the matter, Gui," the Kel Dor mused. "Upset?" came a chuckle. "Anger is a pathway to the darksi-" but his words were stifled as one of the projectiles froze in place and came crashing back towards him. Gui had managed to quell his inner rage and found the focus his master's spoke of, albeit briefly.

Not bad, thought the Kel Dor, careful not to deliver a compliment out loud. Gui smiled within as he concentrated and wrapped the Force around Sa's presence, tugging whatever he could latch on to, managing to pull a sliver of robe just enough into the light to pinpoint a location.

"Gotcha," Gui smirked as he slithered forward, rotating his blade in a flourish that lead to him slicing into the shadow. Sa would either reveal his position or withstand an injury as he caused his violet blade to streak upward into a block upon activation. The blades sizzled as they met once more, again and again, as Gui pressed his offense, showing just what Shien could do with an unorthodox orchestrator.

Sa fought back and it appeared to be effortless until Sol ducked his blade and reached in with his right arm. Whiptree was a friend the Knight could depend on as his gloved hand clenched down on Sa's tunic and tugged back. The Kiffar rolled his hips and with the momentum of Sa's forward stumble, tossed him to the dirt.

Ool hit the ground with a thud that rattled his head as he rolled into a kneel and shook away his daze. The Force raged within, fueled by embarrassment as it filled his muscles. From that same kneel, he once again launched into the air and came crashing down like a turbulent wave. Gui remained patient, which was difficult for him to do as Sa landed before him and swept his blade downward, typical of a Djem So adherent. The Kiffar was steadfast as he watched the blade fall. Time seemingly slowed as he shifted his feet and could feel the heat of the blade as it traveled perilously close to his face.

With an outstretched hand, the woven Force ensnared Barry and with the precision of a trained Sniper, Gui sent the droid crashing into the back of Ool's head. The Seer stumbled forward, blind to the deceit as blood oozed from his head. The same anger Gui had felt prior, now swelled up within Sa as he spun around but froze, his goggles shifting downward to the yellow blade aligned with his throat.

Gui shrugged and flashed a grin. Sa disengaged his blade and his rebreather wheezed as it drew in a deep breath.

"Very good!" he spoke, in fact it was the first sincere compliment he had ever delivered to the young Knight. "A fine Jedi you've become, the Kiffar half of you anyway," he added, sliding in an insult for old times sake.

"Just when I thought you were coming around." Gui chuckled and disengaged his blade.

"Go find your crystal, Gui, you've earned it. As for me?" The Kel Dor growled and rubbed his head. "I've got a splitting headache."

General Stres'tron'garmis, 15 February, 2020 11:25 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


You had a clear, concise conclusion, thank you for that! You had a lot of action, and a bit of character interaction, all of this is solid.

Can Be Improved


You had a Major Realism detractor, a Major costs you Two overall points out of Five possible in the category. This detractor was ‘Force powers are used in a way that directly contradicts their description in the CS Guide’ in this case, Force Cloak. Unless Sa was a Shadow with the Ghosting Feat, he can not move while using Force Cloak. Be sure to read a Force Power in its entirety in the future, this really hurt your score.

You also had a minor.

The Seer stumbled forward, blind to the deceit as blood oozed from his head.

With Sa’s +3 Precognition, there’s no way he’d be ‘blind to the deceit’ as it were.

Gui knew in total he was out skilled battling his old part time mentor and comrade. Just because he was out skilled didn't mean he thought he would not survive. The teenage Half-Kiffar was a survivor and he had the skills taught to him to keep on surviving like he did after the glassing of New Tython. With all the rocks hurling at him, the Jedi Knight and his yellow lightsaber either hacked or he dodge all them. It helped give him some time to gather as much strength he could in the force for him to push back the rocks with his own telekinetic powers. Doing that gave him enough time to do a back flip and hide behind a stalagmite. After jumping away the rocks imploded on the spot that he was originally standing in.

"Good you are starting to show me what you can do." Sa exclaimed to the young Hal-Kiffar

Crouching behind the stalagmite, The Kid started to form a plan in his head to try and get one up on the Kel Dor. He reached behind him and from his back grabbed Barry. Barry was an interesting little droid of the DUM-series Pit Droid that was built by his Jedi Knight master. While forming a mental link with his droid to control him to do as he wanted Gui also handed the droid his A/KT Stun Gun. Sending the droid off to complete its mission with him controlling it Gui stood back up and walked calmly out from behind the stalagmite holding his saber in his traditional reverse grip in a defensive stance, while bringing his yellow blade back to life with a snap and a hiss.

Standing just a bit to the young Knights left, the Savant ignited his saber with a purple blade and came out of the shadows. Gui looked at his friend, using his free hand telling Sa to bring it. If the Kel Dor could smile he would be since this is the most fun he has had in a while and street an onslaught of blade strikes. During the onslaught Gui could only dodge or parry the other blade. With Gui also controlling Barry his mind was like split in two so dodging was the best he could do at the moment.

After about five minutes going on Barry finally made it slowly and as quietly it could behind the Dorin. Taking aim as best as it could the little droid started to fire bolts from the stun gun. Feeling something coming towards him Sa kicked at Gui to knock him off his feet while swiping his blade to deflect the incoming bolts. Thanks to his connection with the force, Sa summons Barry to him too fast for Gui to react. Out of the air the Kel Dor plucked the droid into his off hand. Holding his lightsaber to droids neck forcing Gui to back off a few steps.

"Enough! I have seen enough and I am impressed with your growth. I'll let the council know you are worthy enough to hold the title of Knight" came the pleased metallic voice.

With an end to their duel, Sa walked to Gui and handed back Barry to him. With slow steps the two combatants started to head out of the cavern and towards the shuttle that is waiting to take them home.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 15 February, 2020 11:26 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


While your ending had an issue, which I’ll detail below, it did have an ending. A good bit of combat was here as well.

Can Be Improved


Remember your tenses, if you write 'lightsaber hacked' followed by 'dodge' it should also be 'dodged', especially in the same sentence. This happened to you multiple times (summons vs summoned). Remember that the Force is a thing that is capitalized when referring to the actual Force. Scaling and time are things to take into account as well, aside from the cinematic duels in Episodes 1 and 3, five minutes is a loooong time for a fight to go on, especially without minor injuries. You also took a Minor Continuity hit for your ending, in which Sa and Gui just...leave. Gui was there for a crystal, not to be tested by Sa Ool.

Now, the big one.

It helped give him some time to gather as much strength he could in the force for him to push back the rocks with his own telekinetic powers.

Much like with Gui’s issue with Force Cloak, you ran into one here. At +3, Telekinesis can ‘be moved instantaneously’ but, that is only ‘so long as no opposing force is applied’. He is stopping objects Sa is throwing and directing through the Force, which is literally an opposing force, this was a Major Detractor for contradicting a Force Power as written.