Mystic Xolarin vs. Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Mystic Xolarin

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Sentinel
vs.

Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Human, Sith, Seeker, Imperial
Comment

I want to start off by saying, thank you both for being patient with the judging of this match, and sorry for it taking a bit. Some real life stuff kinda hit me and I needed to take care of it. I'm also glad that this match was reopened to be finished. Thank you Mav! It was a really fun match to read. Also thank you Kord for helping me.

Xolarin, you did well in starting the match and giving the reason for the characters to be meeting. There were just a few errors in Syntax, and no other real big errors. Again, your ending was a little rushed, but we all do that.

Andrelious, nice job on the plot twist and continuing the story. Great job on descriptions and the fighting. There were practically so few Syntax errors, that I had a hard time even finding the few I did. Great job!

You both did really well, and it was a really, really close match. Great job.

Congrats to the winner, Xolarin!

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Mystic Xolarin, Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj
Winner Mystic Xolarin
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Mystic Xolarin's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Mustafar: Mining Facility
Last Post 26 February, 2020 11:50 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Seer Xolarin
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: Only a few really minor errors through your posts. Nothing that warrents a 4 though. Rationale: There were some missing words, jarring text and some redundancy. Check in my notes for details.
Story - 40%
Deleted Seer Xolarin
Score: 3 Score: 3 (Advantage)
Rationale: The plot twist was an awesome element. You also did good in showing Force abilities. Your posts also kept all the right elements for a good story. Rationale: Your overall story was good. It had all the right elements, from venue description to fighting in every post. There was just enough to give advantage due to your posts being more coherent.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Seer Xolarin
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors. Rationale: No errors.
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Seer Xolarin
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors. Rationale: No errors.
Deleted's Score: 4.2 Seer Xolarin's Score: 4.25
Posts

Mustafar Mining Facility

Lava is mined as a precious natural resource on this volatile and volcanic world. The opposing gravitational forces of the twin gas giants closest to Mustafar tear apart the planet’s surface to reveal the mineral-rich lava flows underneath. Once serving as the capital world for the Confederacy of Independent Systems, remnants of their past influence still linger. Massive mining facilities—originally constructed by the Techno Union—are still maintained by the native Mustafarians, an egocentric people who would like nothing more than to squeeze minerals for the purposes of trade and commerce from their volcanic planet.

Other than in the pursuit of business interests, few arrive on Mustafar save for those needing to incinerate evidence in its vast expanses of magma. What little curiosity is given to the volcanic planet is thwarted by a natural scanning interference caused by intense geological activity. Pirates, smugglers, criminals and scum all value this world’s ability to dump bodies, tracked cargo shipments and other unwanted articles—the singular reason for the Black Sun’s interest in the Outer Rim world.

Droids, machines and conveyor belts create the workings of an efficient system to extract the minerals and have it prepared for refinement and transportation. Lacking a suitable surface, metal walkways are shielded against the heat to allow workers passage throughout the facilities. Even with the worst of the heat being shielded against, Mustafar’s temperature remains less than comfortable to most species lacking exoskeletons.

Beyond the blistering heat of the volcanic world, Mustafar served as the battlefield for the fabled final duel between Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker.

Sulfur. Burnt rock and ore. Smoke and fumes. These were normal for the surface of Mustafar. There were no structures around, other than a small branch of one of the mining facilities in the distance. One could hardly make it out through the smog and waves of heat that tricked the eyes. Of course this made it easier to conceal landing a small craft on the surface, even if looking for a safe space was tricky.

Xolarin had received a tip from his former clan of Plagueis about meeting for some information on the Collective. Naga Sadow and Plagueis had worked a planet for artifacts many moons ago, but the Mystic had otherwise no reason to trust the dark clan. Whether it was a tip, a ruse, a pure vendetta against Xolarin - he came prepared, and he definitely felt through the tremors of the Force, wriggling their way through the extremely hot atmosphere, that there was not a mere exchange of information going on here.

The archaeologist Aedile from the recently reclaimed Orian system of CNS slowed his pace as he felt the danger increase. Someone was coming, and it wasn't the waterboy for some sporting event.

Xolarin came to a stop, and drew his lightsaber, holding it in his hands. He'd left his goggles off so the hot wind bothered his eyes a tad, but his armored suit kept him mostly comfortable. "Who goes there?" he called out.

There was a silence as the figure came closer. It was almost comical that two older students of the dark side, weathered with age and power, were beckoned here this day. "Thank you for coming," came the voice, a bit hard to hear over the wind and distant rage of lava.

"So," replied Xolarin, unsure of how to proceed. "You have something to share?" It was right then that Xolarin realized the sheer power of who was standing not far from him. They were similar in a way, but this one, who he might recognize at closer quarters, had a potency Xolarin sensed. As if to prove the point, there was a tug at his lightsaber, nudging at first, but then forcing the hilt from Xolarin's hand and dropping it to the ground off to the side.

"Yes," answered the figure eventually. "But more of a demonstration." The soft response was clear to Xolarin now, as Andrelious reached out his hands and cast out his dark energies in the form of lightning bolts. They sparkled bluish-purple and targeted the area Xolarin was standing.

The Markosian had just enough of a sense of what was coming to double-roll out of the way, grabbing his ligthsaber as he stopped. The ground singed his outer robe a tad, the heat pressed against his face, and several tendrils of the lightning caught him on his torso and left arm. All told, the pain was harsh, but not debilitating. He found a nearby chunk of black rock and, using his connection to the Force, hurled the object towards Andrelious with the attempt of stopping the Plagueian's attack momentarily.

Xolarin's orange blade came to life as he breathed in and exhaled to calm himself. "Perhaps we can both share."

Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae, 10 March, 2020 7:12 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Good job setting the scene, and for providing a good reason for Xolarin and Andrelious to be meeting. You also provided a bit of history between their clans, but even with that showing there is still some mistrust. Great for the conflict to happen.

Can be Improved

Look out for reduntancy:

“Xolarin came to a stop, and drew his lightsaber, “holding it in his hands”.”

Xolarin already drew his saber, so the reader automatically thinks that it's in his hand, so the last part of this sentence is unnessassary.

This sentence was kind of jarring to read. Use of slightly different descriptors would help, like what is a “double-roll”?

”The Markosian had just enough of a sense of what was coming to double-roll out of the way, grabbing his ligthsaber as he stopped.”

Andrelious was not in the mood for a long conversation. On hearing that Clan Naga Sadow had information on the Collective, the Sith had quickly volunteered for the rendezvous, but he had his own, far simpler motive for wanting the information: the Collective had Kooki.

“You’re going to tell me everything that you know about the Collective,” Andrelious declared.

Xolarin frowned. “That wasn’t what was agreed,” he replied.

“It’s not up for discussion. You see, I have three young children. And they would really quite like to get their mother back. Would you not do everything in your power if you were in the same position?” Mimosa-Inahj explained

“And you would risk dragging our two Clans into war over this?” The Sadowan shot back.

“I’d burn every single planet in the galaxy if that’s what it took. Now, judging by that lightsaber, it’s clear that you don’t intend to volunteer what you know. Seems I’ll have to take it,” Andrelious hissed, his silver hilted lightsaber suddenly in his hand.

The Force screamed a warning at Xolarin as the Plagueian approached. He raised his blade just in time to prevent Andrelious from removing his right arm at the shoulder, but was surprised by just how powerful the shorter Human’s attack was. Andrelious, his feet already moving into the stance he favoured as a seasoned Djem So practitioner, was rapidly seizing the momentum. Xolarin would need to think fast if he was going to come out unscathed.

Andrelious continued to try to batter his way past Xolarin’s defences, but the Arcanist held firm, his mind constantly analysing everything. The Force continued to assist him with exactly how to keep up his defence, and in between attacks, the Sadowan saw his chance, taking a single step back. As he moved, he tried to use his foot to flick a small clod of hot dirt towards Andrelious’ face.

The Sith ducked, allowing the flicked dirt to sail harmlessly over his head. Xolarin saw his chance and attacked, trying to stab his new enemy in the stomach, but Andrelious was too fast and parried the attack.

“Just for that, you’re not getting out of this one alive!” Andrelious bellowed, his eyes glinting yellow as he allowed his emotions to take over.

“Then you will never know what I came here to tell you!” Xolarin shouted back.

For a few moments, Andrelious’ anger seemed to subside. The Sith even managed a wry smile, but gave Xolarin such an icy stare that the Arcanist felt as though he were on Hoth.

“That is where you are wrong, Sadowan. Speech will not be necessary,”

Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae, 10 March, 2020 7:24 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Well done in continuing the story line, and putting a plot twist to it. I knew that there was information to be gained possibly by both sides, but introducing a personal element to it. Nicely done.

Can be Improved

There were no errors or anything of real note to improve upon. The only thing I would suggest is that to add a little more of the venue into your post next time, help remind the reader where they’re at and for flavor, so to speak.

No one needed to die - especially Xolarin. Their brief sparring thus far had proven to be a good exercise in futility, and more would have to be done to get what either of them came for. Xolarin came skeptically for information on the Collective, but he had some information as well.

As if their minds were synchronized in some way, they both began to fling things at the other, their lightsabers lit but hanging to the side. The Force flowed through each of them easily, bending to their will, crushing clumps of dirt, rock, and even recently-cooled lava bits into each other. They were both able to also fling most of the bigger pieces away, but chunks and sweeps of debris pegged them both. Xolarin eventually planted a foot back and, keeping his off hand extended, started to thwart the incoming attack.

The last of Xolarin's thrown objects made their way to Andrelious's body, while most of those coming at Xolarin dissolved or dropped in front of his out-stretched hand. And then at once, the barrages stopped.

"You know, it doesn't have to be so absolute," Xolarin spat at his foe, bring his off hand down and resting for a few seconds.

Andrelious seethed with disgust at the suggestion, cocking his head slightly and shooting that icy stare again. He wanted to shout back; he wanted to laugh; he wanted to kill his enemy even more. A barely-audible "pfft" came from his lips, but the gesture was clear to Xolarin.

The Plagueian reach out his arms, wanting to place his hatred and rage right into the heart of the Sadowan. The lightning flickered in his hands as he prepared. Before the arc of electricity could shotgun out, Xolarin shot up his left hand and a bright light shone between the two. Xolarin closed his eyes while he did this, Andrelious having to look away and end his attack to recover his sight.

It was only a couple seconds, but it was what Xolarin needed. The former-Jedi launched at Andrelious his lightsaber extended. As he got closer though he swept his lightsaber to the side as he slammed his fist into the ground near his opponent, launching a wave of energy that rippled across the crispy surface. Andrelious was shaken for sure and was put off-balance for a moment. Xolarin was hoping the man would fall, but it was not quite enough.

"You fool!" shrieked Andrelious, striking out his hands to project the lightning he wanted to go forth from before. Only this time it was one single strike that landed right on Xolarin's torso, flinging him back a dozen meters and onto the ground. Xolarin coughed as the other approached, not saying a word. Speech would not be necessary, it would seem.

Xolarin had one last bite in him, though, and extended his hand again, thrusting the might of the Force at Andrelious, sending him through the air and onto his backside a dozen meters away as well. They both sat in their places of rest and breathed quick breaths.

"You're the fool," Xolarin shouted in a raspy voice. He reached into his pocket and grabbed a datachip, and now gently sent the small object towards Andrelious. It floated near the man and dropped right by him. "Take this, and live another day."

Indeed no one had to die. There was plenty of anger and frustration - Andrelious towards losing the chance for a kill, Xolarin for being attacked without reason. But they would both have to store up that emotion for another time. For now, it was time to leave.

Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae, 10 March, 2020 8:04 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

I have to give you props for making it an interesting fight, and yet both combatants came out pretty well unscathed. Though both are going to be really sore the next morning.

Can be Improved

There were a few instances missing endings to words, like ed and ing. I had to reread this a few times to figureout what was going on. I think where you said “shotgun”, you meant “shoot out”. Then change shot to thrust, for a better effect.

“Before the arc of electricity could shotgun (shoot out) out, Xolarin shot (thrust) up his left hand and a bright light shone between the two.”

Last thing is that your ending felt a bit rushed. If you had added a little more of a tension filled ending, you could still have written them leaving alive. Say a blast of magma distracted Andrelious, letting Xolarin get away. Or even an incoming message from a summit member ended the battle. Either way if the post feels rushed to you, try adding a little more or an element of the venue to help finish the battle.

Xolarin was a little puzzled by Andrelious’ statement, but the Plagueian was clearly in no mood for explanations.

Andrelious, sensing victory, moved forwards, his lightsaber held in a manner that suggested the moment of surrender was upon Xolarin, but the Arcanist held firm. As Mimosa-Inahj stepped into range, Xolarin’s gaze moved to the ground. A split-second later, a shockwave knocked Andrelious backwards several feet, the force of the blast enough to send the Seeker sprawling dangerously near a lava flow.

Andrelious quickly scrambled to his feet, feeling the searing heat of the molten rock starting to singe his trousers. Xolarin, able to claim the initiative as his opponent gathered himself, moved towards Andrelious.

Keep him near the lava. Even he won’t be able to do anything about that! Xolarin thought to himself.

“Impressive,” Andrelious breathed. “I was starting to think that you would be a pushover,”

“You needed to see that I will not surrender so easily. Get it wrong again, and you’ll be having a very hot bath,” Xolarin responded, a hint of confidence in his tone.

“You’ve shown your trump card too early, Sadowan!” the Sith snarled, but he did not charge for Xolarin. Instead, he removed his left hand from the hilt of his lightsaber, summoning another wave of lightning.

The Sadowan held his hands in front of his body, his own prowess with the Force helping him both predict, and protect himself from the Sith’s attack. The incoming lightning smashed into a hastily erected invisible wall, before flickering harmlessly out of existence.

Andrelious tried twice more with fresh arcs of electric hatred, but the Arcanist’s shield held firm. The Plagueian started to realise that his favourite method of attack was simply not going to work in the face of such determined defence.

Feeling fatigue from his failed attempts at electrocuting his target, Mimosa-Inahj once again armed himself with his lightsaber, charging for Xolarin as fast as he could manage. This time, as the Force alerted him that the Sadowan was about to attempt to generate another shockwave, Andrelious nudged the ground underneath his opponent’s feet, enough to force Xolarin to adjust his feet and abandon his attempt to knock the Sith backwards.

Xolarin cursed under his breath; shielding himself from the Plagueian’s lightning had drained him, and the weight of his armour seemed to have increased tenfold. Even simple movements became more difficult, and Andrelious was far too close and dangerous to allow the slightly younger Human to tap into the Force and recover his energy. Instead, Xolarin readied himself for another lightsaber duel, willing his body to muster up one last effort at survival.

The two lightsaber blades collided with each other among a shower of sparks, Andrelious immediately probing for some kind of opening. Although stronger, and even a little more agile than his opponent, the Sith found Xolarin to be quite an effective practitioner of the Sokan form.

After parrying away a brief counter-attack involving an unorthodox sweeping slash, Andrelious chained a series of ever more aggressive moves, the last one finally bypassing Xolarin’s blade, allowing the Plagueian all the time he needed to remove his opponent’s right arm at the shoulder. As if to make sure, Andrelious followed up with another attack to sever the Arcanist’s left hand with a swift slash through the wrist. To add insult to injury, he gathered Xolarin’s lightsaber and threw it into the nearest pool of lava.

“And now, Sadowan, you’ll tell me what you know,” the Sith sneered.

Xolarin screamed in pain as Mimosa-Inahj aggressively probed through his mind, his memories suddenly opened up for examination.

Andrelious rifled through his opponent’s thoughts, looking desperately for any hint of the powerful woman with black and purple hair.

Kooki.

“You came here with the claim of information! All you have is a series of dossiers on members of the Collective, and a few schematics! Useless!” Andrelious bellowed. The information was, of course, new to him, and was probably of some use to Plagueis, but they weren’t going to help him find Kooki.

“I don’t even know who Kooki is!” Xolarin responded between cries of agony.

Before giving up and releasing the stricken Arcanist, Andrelious gleaned what information he could about Naga Sadow’s home system, its defences and key locations. Classified military data that would make a potential assault on the Orian system far easier.

“That will have to do!” Andrelious declared, releasing his defeated opponent from the vice-like grip of a Force interrogation. Xolarin immediately felt a surge of relief, but that was short lived as he noticed Andrelious swapping lightsabers. He now carried his black handled weapon.

He didn’t even get to question what the Plagueian was doing when he received a personal demonstration of the fact that Andrelious’ second lightsaber was used for one thing,

Killing.

Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae, 10 March, 2020 8:21 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Very interesting ending. You kept with the plot twist and turned it in a way that was really quite interesting and personal. You did really well in showing, not telling us the different Force abilities you two had, and remembered that with the power usage means fatigue.

Can be Improved

There were a few jarring places in this post that confused me. Rearranging the first few parts of this sentence and adding “As” helps it read a lot smoother.

“(As) Andrelious (moved forwards), sensing victory, moved forwards, his lightsaber held in a manner that suggested the moment of surrender was upon Xolarin, but the Arcanist held firm.”

This confused me a bit. Did Andrelious say Kooki’s name out loud? Or when Andrelious was looking through all his memories, did Xolarin somehow hearher name in his head?

“I don’t even know who Kooki is!” Xolarin responded between cries of agony.