Mystic Xolarin vs. Mystic Appius Wight

Mystic Xolarin

Equite, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Sentinel
vs.

Mystic Appius Wight

Equite, Clan Vizsla
Male Human, Force Disciple, Sorcerer, Mandalorian
Comment

Thank you both for your participation in the ACC. Your match was a fantastic read!

Firstly, and this is to both of you, fantastic storytelling. Both characters had a lot of depth and emotion to them. It was great to read and really get a feel for their personalities and mindsets. The story, on both your parts, flowed very organically. One ending was definitely stronger than the other I feel, though marginally so and is reflected in the scoring.

You both suffered minor detractors in way of word choice and commas here and there (those commas I tell you…) To Appius specifically, you do have some cases where it felt like you were trying to break up what should have been a paragraph into smaller paragraphs where you would have been served better by just keeping them together.

His eyes shot open wide as panic filled him. He gazed up at the Sorcerer, who had his right hand in the air, fingers outstretched away from the hilt in his palm, with streaks of high voltage electricity dancing between them like a threatening storm about to strike.

Needless to say, Xolarin had a very bad feeling about this. Whether it was through skill or sheer force of will, his survival instinct kicked in and he suddenly rolled sideways out of the way of the lightning that burnt the durasteel he was laying on moments prior.

The above example highlights one such case where, it is the same thought, even the same character in question, why break it up? This did not affect your score mind you, but is more a suggestion and one I figured to point out here.

Xolarin. You had a minor Realism detractor that ultimately is what tipped the scale. Funny enough it is what got me thinking about a particular trend I’ve oddly noticed, not just in this battle.

"You are more resourceful than you appear, old man."

Xolarin is wearing a helmet (as is Appius), how is it that Appius knows Xolarin is an old man even though they’ve never met? Appius has obviously never even heard of Xolarin. The trend I noticed is for people to forget about the helmets and that they do mask things like facial features or even age.

Overall, some great scores. The story was engaging, the combat was spectacular and I am glad I got to grade this one!

Congratulations Appius on a well-fought win!

Thanks again for your participation and I look forward to your future battles!

~Mune Cinteroph

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Mystic Xolarin, Mystic Appius Wight
Winner Mystic Appius Wight
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Mystic Xolarin's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Mystic Appius Wight's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Godless Matron: Chute Town
Last Post 2 March, 2020 11:15 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Adept Mune Cinteroph
Syntax - 15%
Seer Xolarin High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 4 (Advantage) Score: 4
Rationale: Some word choices that were a bit off-putting in their context. Rationale: Some word choices that were a bit off-putting in their context.
Story - 40%
Seer Xolarin High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Fantastic opening. Your closing was not quite as strong but still well done! Rationale: You were on point with your storytelling! You remained strong throughout both posts.
Realism - 25%
Seer Xolarin High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Minor detractor. Rationale: Nothing of note.
Continuity - 20%
Seer Xolarin High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Nothing of note. Rationale: Nothing of note.
Seer Xolarin's Score: 4.27 High Inquisitor Anderson's Score: 4.85
Posts

Matron_ChuteTown

The Godless Matron is home to many, resembling a micro-society for those who wish to live outside the typical rule of the galaxy. The Lucrehulk-class battleship's massive hangers have been converted into dwellings as a result. Chute Town is the most notable of these makeshift towns. Many shops and storefronts have been constructed to take advantage of the higher volume of foot traffic. In addition, many ships and crews arrive into Chute Town to sell their "well-earned" commodities, weapons, or artifacts. It is commonplace to find the best and the worst gear the galaxy has to offer — it’s only a matter of how big your pocketbook is. The streets are patrolled regularly by the crew of the Matron itself, leaving would-be miscreants to be more wary, lest they find themselves on the receiving end of a pirate's sense of justice.

It is built mostly out of spare durasteel panels from derelict ships, dismantled machinery, or any other source or material the pirates could scavenge. It spans the length of the massive portside hangar of the Matron, reaching from its heavily protected reactor — hidden behind triple-reinforced blast doors and a guard retinue — all the way to the hangar entrance where the many incoming ships unload their cargo. It is more than a mile long, over five hundred feet wide and up to three stories tall, covering most of the floor. Chute Town's streets are a miniature maze, weaving in between buildings on several levels. Verticality is key for the masses of shops and bars to operate without interfering with one another. The main street is nicknamed Murder Alley, mostly because all the weapon shops are prominently opened there.

Matron_HangarZerek

Illumination banks are staggered along the walkways and buildings to provide enough light for the society to function. Still, the streets are left dim with a low hanging fog built up from the collective humidity of so many people in one space. For those calling it their home, there is no such thing as off hours. A large crowd bustles along at all hours, an exotic assortment of individuals from countless planets and the warring gangs that divvy up the territory within. It's the perfect place for those looking to disappear in the crowd.

Movement. Finally, after nearly six hours of waiting in the alleyway off the main drag of Chute Town, the door opened and produced the figure Xolarin was after. The man had eluded him and several others from Naga Sadow, and the Markosian Aedile was determined to figure out this mystery. The ironic thing was that the target was not exactly hiding anything about himself.

In fact, there was not all that much mystery on the outside. Xolarin and others knew who he was, or at least one of his names, and what he looked like. That was the easy part. But why he was a threat to the Sadowans and others in the Brotherhood was the mystery. The why was compounded with who he really was.

Xolarin began to follow, after Appius headed out into the main Chute. It appeared as though he was meandering back to his ship or perhaps another location, and that was what Xolarin needed. He needed to intercept him in some innocuous way without starting anything or alerting Appius.

The Markosian got out his scanner and tried to subtly capture any readings coming from the man. There were strong energy readings from the suit, helmet, and the loadout on his back, as well as at his hips.

As Appius clanked along the main passage, Xolarin picked up his pace to stay in range. They didn't get too far as a pair before something shot out from behind Appius and slammed into Xolarin - it was some knick-knack from one of the stalls nearby. Xolarin squinted as he tried to replay the action in his hand, just as his target stopped and turned. Xolarin rubbed his shoulder, barely still holding onto the scanner which he put back into place.

"You're not on my list," came a voice through the Mandalorian helmet. "I advise you stay off it."

Xolarin cocked his head and looked at the man. A few of the standers-by began to creep a way from the two, tension in the thick smoggy air thickening palpably. Xolarin didn't move, and instead stood up a little straighter. "Wight?" he asked almost rhetorically, mostly thinking of the color white.

As if out of no where, just like before, several other trinkets and smalls suddenly and quickly shot out from a couple vendor stalls, most smacking into Xolarin's torso and arms, one slapping him in the neck before continuing on. And by reaction, Xolarin pushed out with his hand and used the energies flowing around him to slam into Appius, shoving the man back and perhaps off balance a tad.

"I just have questions," explained Xolarin, most likely in futility. He didn't grab his lightsaber, although the crowd was starting to dissipate as the commotion got worse.

Appius maintained his gaze on the fellow Mystic. Behind the mask would be a sense of desire to oust Xolarin, to prove his earlier warning. "Must I show you your answers, Sith?"

Xolarin was no Sith, but the intent was understood. Xolarin grabbed his saber hilt at this point. "Just words, my friend... Words will do." Again, it was a futile effort, but he had to try, if anything to save more bruises and cuts like he just got.

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 6 March, 2020 2:28 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Fantastic opening. Could perhaps use a little more in way of describing the surroundings but you do touch upon them, and even make use of them in quite an amusing way.

As if out of no where, just like before, several other trinkets and smalls suddenly and quickly shot out from a couple vendor stalls, most smacking into Xolarin's torso and arms, one slapping him in the neck before continuing on.

It comes across so benign as to be a subtle jab that added an entertaining note.

You likewise make great use of dialogue.


Needs Improvement

Perhaps a little more fighting. It is one of the main things to the ACC is that combat must occur in every post. In the case of this particular post, I do consider the flinging of small objects as a good prelude to the combat to come and, why not? As benign as it is, Appius IS still throwing small items at his opponent. It counts.

Appius simply observed as the Sadowan Arcanist gripped his lightsaber loosely in his right hand and turned his body to the side, giving the Mandalorian a smaller target area in which to strike.

However, in response to this, Vizsla's first Knight simply tilted his head ever so slightly.

Sokan? He mused to himself.

The Sorcerer raised his right hand and focused the darkness within him to the tips of his fingers. Instantly a stream of blue and white lanced out of the tips of his fingers like deadly little arrows.

Danger flared through the Sadowan Aedile's senses, and he dodged out of the way before the electric attack could hit him. He pressed the on button of his lightsaber and a brilliant orange blade ruptured out the hilt.

Using his free hand, Xolarin extended it towards his opponent and called upon the Force to wrap it around the Mandalorian's throat like a vice grip. He lifted him a couple of feet into the air, straining as he did so.

Appius could feel his airways slowly tightening under the pressure, the bright neon lighting from the nearby illumination banks began to dim as the lack of oxygen began to make his ears ring and his muscles burn.

He then called upon the Force, and summoned a powerful pulse of energy to release him from Xolarin's grip. The sudden act surprised the former Odan Urr Clan member and as Appius' feet touched the ground, he felt his vision returned to normal and the ringing in his ears began to subside. The first breath he took of the humid, polluted air created from the overcrowded area was like sweet nectar to his lungs. Not wasting any time, he grabbed his lightsabers in his hands and lunged forward at his enemy.

The green emerald blades erupted out of the twin hilts simultaneously with a snap-hiss, and it was only thanks to an advanced warning from the Force that Xolarin was able to dodge out of the way of the deadly twin strike that aimed to slice him in twain.

Sensing an opening, the older Force Disciple used his orange blade and attempted to retaliate with a nimble and vertical strike of his own, though orange collided with green as Appius' raised Liberator to meet the strike. Then, using Redeemer, he slammed it into Xolarin's lightsaber and locked it in place like a pincer movement. The Marka Ragnos Aedile tried to pull his lightsaber free, and whilst he achieved slight movement, the Sorcerer's strength was such that he wasn't able to free his own blade from Appius' control.

"Sokan relies on complete mobility. As long as you can't go anywhere, you are no threat to me. Stop struggling and make this easy for yourself."

The Mandalorians words perforated through his helmet. though Appius' confidence created a spark of anger and hatred within the middle aged man. Much like when he was exiled and abandoned to an unknown planet in the Yridian system.

And much like back then, he festered those feelings, and drove them through his body into his hand. He then released his hold of his lightsaber and slammed his palm into the ground. The resulting shockwave staggered the Vizsla member back several paces and forced him to release his hold over the orange hued lightsaber.

Grabbing the dark coloured hilt before it hit the ground, Xolarin used the distance between himself and his opponent to his advantage, calling upon the Force to grab a loose durasteel panel from a nearby store. He flung it at the opposing Force Disciple with all his might.

Sensing and seeing the danger incoming, Appius used the Force to empower his legs and leapt to the side and could only watch as the panel impacted into a nearby weapons store, injuring and killing several bystanders as the store crumbled into a heap.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" The Sorcerer yelled, he wasn't about to let this Sith kill anyone else, he would make him pay!

His Imperial Super Commando Jetpack flared to life and he ascended into the air several feet, he cut the power and descended upon Xolarin who sidestepped out of the way of Appius' gravity enhanced swing. Upon landing, Appius knelt and, not letting himself slow, he rose quickly and spun his blades like a whirlwind in an overwhelming series of strikes towards the Naga Shadow member.

Xolarin parried and deflected strikes as they came, and after a moment of concentration in-between Appius' strikes, he even went as far as evading, leaping over Vizsla's first Knight with aid from the Force.

However, upon landing Appius struck with a haphazard strike with Redeemer and thrust forward with his left arm. A torrent of air knocked Xolarin off his feet, causing him to crash several metres behind into one of the illumination banks. He gasped and winced as he slumped down to the ground, his lightsaber hilt still in his hand. Even with his Dark Age Sith Armor, he hit the steel hard and felt some of the impact in his ribs. They weren't broken, but certainly bruised.

The Sadowan's attention was drawn to the Mandalorian as he heard the man's loud footsteps approach him, his twin emerald blades gleaming in his hands.

"I just want to talk." Blurted out Xolarin in-between pained breaths.

"You killed innocent people. I don't want to talk to scum like you!"

The Arcanist simply chuckled at the Sorcerer.

"Don't you think innocent is a bit of a loose term in Murder Alley?"

He received no response, but from tapping into the Force, he could sense a hot, rising feeling permeating from the Mandalorian's core. Like water coming to boil.

"Fine. In that case, you can start by telling me your name, what Clan you are in, and why you are following me. A word of caution, if I don't like your answers, I'll personally add you to the death toll you started."

Xolarin was fairly surprised at the harshness of the threat Appius presented to him. For someone reportedly aligned to the light side of the Force, this was unusually dark.

Still, he wasn't afraid, far from it. But he knew better than to smack the hornet's nest when he was close to it.

"My name is Xolarin, Aedile of House Marka Ragnos of Clan Naga Sadow. I was following you because my Clan wishes to know exactly who you are."

The dark side Force Disciple waited to see how the Vizsla Aedile would respond. A few moments passed until he connected to the Force to gauge Appius' emotional state. Compared to the pressure ready to blow a few moments ago, he felt cold. Like an eerie darkness had drained him of all life. Then, that sudden dormant Volcano? He felt it burst.

The Force alarmed him of the threat to his well-being, but because of the pain his ribs, he struggled to move out of the way of the Sorcerer gripping him around his throat and suspending him in the air like a ragdoll, before being pulled towards his fellow Force User, and into the incoming path of a pair of emerald coloured lightsabers.

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 6 March, 2020 2:28 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Great writing as always. I do so enjoy your use of detail to really invoke the visuals of the fight in your readers. Your combat writing flows well, broken up by just the right amount of dialogue that it never has a chance to harm the overall movement of the scene.


Needs Improvement

As noted in other fights of yours, you have a tendency to miss words now and then, and other times use words that don’t necessarily fit in the context you are using them.

The Force alarmed him of the threat to his well-being,

This is actually a very verbose example of that where the word just does not work the way you intended. Watch for these. They can sometimes be very subtle but in this case, it stuck out like a very sore thumb and I absolutely had to point it out.

Myriad thoughts ran through Xolarin's head in those crucial seconds of being lifted in the air and moved towards Appius. He was never one to choke people out, and he was rarely one to wantingly kill bystanders. But both had happened, and he would deal with those weaker emotions after he survived this encounter.

The emerald blades came quick, and Xolarin only had enough time to push out his hand and slammed energy at the Vizsla Knight. They were so close that it felt like he actually hit the warrior's armor. They were so close that he could feel the heat of the lightsabers near his outstretched arm. They were close enough that it broke the enemy's concentration enough to let Xolarin land, or rather flop to the ground. Appius was pushed back a tad and was able to keep his balance.

"You are more resourceful than you appear, old man." The Mandalorian stretched his arms and back and neck as his blades sizzled through the musky air, preparing himself for the next foray. "But you will still pay."

'Old?' thought Xolarin. It gave a perspective on the man behind the suit, for sure. Xolarin was allowed to get to his feet without conflict and re-ignited his saber after the tumble. "So Viszla has a strong Jedi, eh?" he spoke out loud, his voice gravelly and tired from the hard choke - he rubbed his neck with his off-hand. Some of the pieces were coming together, which would add to the intelligence the clan wanted. "I'm guessing there are more of you?" Both of the questions were rhetorical, and Xolarin expected nothing but action in return.

For a split second, waiting for the inevitable attack, Xolarin focused on his own energies, his own skills, his own abilities. The Force bent to his will, imbuing him with an amplified sense of combat prowess. He felt emboldened and in fact ready to take on the brunt of the dual sabers.

And just in time, as Wight came at him with gusto. With the two at a temporary even match, they danced through the Chute, their blades clashing with odd colors and flashes of orange, green, and something in between. They slashed the ground, other structures, and debris around them. Xolarin tried to direct the fight into a couple of the vendor stands, their weapons and small strikes with the Force bashing into the front of a couple of the buildings, knocking things down with a crash.

"Now who's the killer?" chided Xolarin. The buildings were empty or people were hiding in the backs of their stores at this point. Even whatever kind of guards were normally around... were not around. "It's not so black and white, my friend," he said, re-assuring himself of the blunder and death that he himself had caused just a moment ago.

They had stopped sparring and were now looking at each other, both breathing heavier than when they had come into this interaction. Appius merely shook his head at everything that had come out of the fallen Jedi's mouth, a despicable waste of the Force in his mind. He wanted to spew at his opponent, and show him what he was made of - he wanted to make him pay. But there was a slight tug on him. The Force. His past. His stress being taken out on the dark one. 'Is killing him the right answer?' he asked himself.

Xolarin worked what he could with the energy he had left. He could feel the conflict in Wight, but was unsure what was next. It felt like the surge from before, but reserved for some reason. The Markosian used this pause and tried to slow his opponent - he closed his eyes for a breath and tried to make the Mandalorian stop in his tracks.

Xolarin began to ran, but Appius was keen on what Xolarin was doing and swiped away the slowness with a physical swipe of one of his bladed hands. As Xolarin attempted to evade, a few simple bolts of lightning from the Viszla Knight's hands caught him in the torso, singing his robes and causing him to stumble to the ground on his knees once more.

As the First Knight approached, he prepared for a maiming that would be worse than death.

Xolarin used his wit for one last attempt to get away. There was a random grab for knowledge, although not really random with his connection to the Force and burying himself in tomes and data. But he did have a sudden idea that might just work. Xolarin turned and faced his opponent, slipping out his blaster. He aimed it dumbly at Wight first, but then aimed it up at some of the illumination banks, firing several bolts into them.

The Mando couldn't help but look up as sparks flew, a couple banks began to crash down, and the chaos of blinking and flashing lights spread around them. It was the break Xolarin needed, preparing a possible barrier with his remaining energy and focus to block any further lightning or perhaps blaster bolts, running away again into another alley. He would wind his way away from the main drag and then back, attempting to conceal himself physically and metaphysically in the crowds. It was all he could do to avoid eye contact with anyone who might notice and care about what he was, and it was all he could do to concentrate on remaining hidden to protect the information he had just gathered.

'Next time I'm hiring a Mandalorian to go after a Mandalorian,' he thought to himself as he fled.

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 6 March, 2020 2:28 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Once again you make great use of the surroundings, especially when we close in on the end of your post. It is so often forgotten that the environment the characters find themselves in can often play a part in the fight, even as a tool for the character to make use of such as you did. You also do a great job writing the desperation of the situation, the effects on the characters themselves, even touching upon some of the thought processes going on.

Fantastic depth.


Needs Improvement

Just a couple of word choices really threw me off and made for some difficult reading.

The emerald blades came quick, and Xolarin only had enough time to push out his hand and slammed energy at the Vizsla Knight.

Here, the first one I’ll point out is quick, which should be quickly, easy enough mistake. We then get to slammed energy at. This part especially threw me off in this sentence. There was another instance of this later in your post.

He wanted to spew at his opponent, and show him what he was made of - he wanted to make him pay. But there was a slight tug on him.

In this case, spew at his opponent. I can kind of guess where you were going with it but, the word spew did not work in this context. Did you mean to spew obscenities at his opponent or perhaps… to spit at his opponent? It leaves the reader kind of scratching their head a little confused about the intent. The best way to catch errors like these is a proofreader, honestly, if you do not catch it yourself.

Thankfully, Xolarin still had hold of his weapon, and as he soared through the air he held it close to his body as he managed to block the attempted strikes at his midsection, but he wasn't out of danger yet. By blocking Appius' attack, his momentum stopped almost entirely and he dropped unceremoniously to the ground, landing on his back with a hard thud and agitated his ribs even further.

Clearly, Appius wasn't a fan of his answers.

His eyes shot open wide as panic filled him. He gazed up at the Sorcerer, who had his right hand in the air, fingers outstretched away from the hilt in his palm, with streaks of high voltage electricity dancing between them like a threatening storm about to strike.

Needless to say, Xolarin had a very bad feeling about this. Whether it was through skill or sheer force of will, his survival instinct kicked in and he suddenly rolled sideways out of the way of the lightning that burnt the durasteel he was laying on moments prior.

The Aedile of Marka Ragnos panted heavily as sweat dripped down his forehead. He was physically exhausted, and his body begged for him to stop. His chest compressed and his every breath felt like hot agony. But he knew he couldn't. If he did then he'd be yet another corpse claimed in Chute Town's Murder Alley. The one solace he had was that his opponent seemed to be breathing heavily too. Though nowhere near as much as him.

As the Mandalorian approached him, the crowd of passer-by and spectator alike scurried away from him, out of fear of being on the receiving end of his blades. Fights down Murder Alley were, after all, a spectators sport.

"I'm getting really sick of this," the taller Sorcerer started. "First, there was everything in the Caelus System with Taldryan, then everything with Plagueis, and now Naga Sadow!?"

Appius stopped just inches from his target.

"I'm sick of the dark side, I'm sick of Sith, and most importantly, I'm sick of you!"

He raised both his lightsabers above his head and readied himself to finish this fight, but what he didn't realize was that in the lull in their fighting, Xolarin connected himself to the Force, calling upon the dark side to reinvigorate him. He was still exhausted physically, but the Force worked in mysterious ways and he could at least feel his power being restored. He stretched out his hand to a nearby weapons store and a small handful of sharp metal objects flew towards Appius at great speed.

The Sorcerer's senses kicked in and he managed to barely avoid the speeding projectiles as they zoomed by him. He turned and using his own control of the Force halted them before they could impact into the flesh of any more innocents.

Xolarin felt Appius' distraction and, fighting through his injury, he rose to his feet and attempted a quick stab at the Vizsla's members heart, only for the strike to be deflected by Liberator. The Naga Sadow clansman tried to fight back against the pain in his ribs, but ultimately couldn't escape the blast of lightning that struck him right in his solar plexus. The feeling was mortifying, like his insides were being cooked, like he was in surgery without anaesthetic, the agony was endless. He dropped to the floor and writhed for several seconds, unable to do anything but wait for the sparking torment to stop.

After a few minutes it became a bit more tolerable and he looked up to a green lightsaber that hovered dangerously above his head.

"A-Are you not… going to kill me?" He stuttered his words, every muscle in his body hurt and even talking was becoming difficult.

"I should, but I won't," replied Appius, deactivating his weapons and placing them back on his waist. "I'm better than you. But if I ever see you or any of your clansmen following me again, I'll send you and them back to your sector in a bodybag."

"Aren't… Aren't you at least a little curious? Why my Clan wants more information on you?"

Appius was about to turn and leave, until his curiosity got the better of him.

"I've seen it… through the Force. A man in Mandalorian armor, twin red blades, destroying settlements and cities across the Brotherhood… men, woman and children dead at your blades, the merciless cruelty, the agonizing hatred and fury you wage... You are following a dark path, Wight. You say you are better than me, but from what I've seen, you will be the worst of all of us. That's why my Clan wanted to know more about you, to prepare for the inevitable…"

"Thank you for the heads up. But I'm the one who will decide my future. Not your twisted visions caused by the dark side."

Xolarin's head lowered at Appius' response. He had done his part, there was no need for him to say anything more.

Not wanting to waste any more time with this man, Appius activated the jetpack strapped to his back and launched himself out of Chute Town, but as he soared through the giant vessel, at the back of his mind, he had to wonder if there was a degree of truth to Xolarin's words.

Adept Mune Cinteroph, 6 March, 2020 2:29 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Delightfully foreboding. Your storytelling does not fail you here and creates quite a fascinating end. You weave a sense of foreboding beautifully with the detail and the glimpses at the internal struggles Appius seems to express throughout the fight. It added a great dynamic to the character, one that made the reader keep guessing at what was driving him, and just where that ride was taking them.

I also took great delight in this line:

Clearly, Appius wasn't a fan of his answers.


Needs Improvement

Nothing major here to note upon, just a random tendency to throw the name of your weapons into a post at least once that seems out of place because it is so infrequent. It can be confusing with how random it comes across is all.