Knight Gui Sol vs. Adept Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir

Knight Gui Sol

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Kiffar, Jedi, Techweaver
vs.

Adept Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir

Elder 1, Elder tier, Unaffiliated
Male Mirialan, Sith, Juggernaut
Comment

First, thank you both for completing this match! This one had an interesting premise of possession and just a bit of murderous intent. You both wrote very well, grammatically, and both of you had some story beat issues that kept you from the vaunted five-point finish. I went into detail on these in the individual post notes.

Other than a few commas here and there and some misspellings (bad, Atty, bad :P), you both wrote a solid story! Please be aware of the comments left on your posts, and if you have any questions concerning the final score, I’ll be happy to help.

With a score of 4.525, the winner is Ruka!

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Gui Sol, Adept Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Winner Adept Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Gui Sol's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Adept Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Jakku: Fallen Starship
Last Post 29 April, 2020 5:57 AM UTC
Assigned Judge General Stres'tron'garmis
Syntax - 15%
Gui Sol Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Score: 4 Score: 4 (Advantage)
Rationale: Minor issues throughout both posts involving commas, missing a closing quotation mark in your ending post when calling out to Barry. Rationale: A few errors in both posts, all very minor.
Story - 40%
Gui Sol Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Your first post set the scene, and both posts had combat, but your Story overall suffered largely from your ending. Rationale: The clever resolution to the setup brought this up, as well as the character interactions.
Realism - 25%
Gui Sol Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Score: 3 Score: 5
Rationale: One Major, one Minor detractor in your first post, refer to the notes for more in-depth information, please. Rationale: No issues found
Continuity - 20%
Gui Sol Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Barry suddenly teleporting from one location to another without instruction/interaction/explanation cost you a point. Rationale: No issues found
Gui Sol's Score: 3.35 Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir's Score: 4.52
Posts

Jakku Fallen Starship

A year after the destruction of the second Death Star in the celebrated Battle of Endor, another war was waged between the New Republic and Galactic Empire. Basking beneath the desert sun of Jakku rests the remnants of this hostility. Shifting sands have since buried and uncovered countless treasures and relics—to the delight of scavengers eager who hope to recover tokens from either side of the conflict!

The harsh desert offers little shelter from the elements, remaining barren and flat against the imposing backdrop of a fallen Star Destroyer that was left uncovered after the famed Battle of Jakku. Rather than allowing the vessel to fall into the hands of the Republic after the self-destruct had been sabotaged, Captain Ciena Ree ordered the Inflictor evacuated and sent it crashing to the planet’s surface. Sunken into the shifting desert sea, the upper portion of the Inflictor’s hull and exhaust ports remain otherwise intact, preserved amidst the rubble of untold casualties that had once occurred on both sides. Although it has been scoured by the passing of several sandstorms, it still displays the former power and might of the Galactic Empire.

Fallen Starship

Countless scraps of metal and machines of war share the same grave, echoing the lives of those who fought and died among the perilous wastes. Hundreds of these relics sit untouched, lingering amidst the ghosts that tend and reside in Jakku’s graveyard.

Gui's eyes were wide with excitement as his vessel, better known as the Treasure-Hunter, descended, creasing the orbit of Jakku. The little PIT droid at the yoke angled the nose upward and leveled out, following a routine landing sequence.

"Barry, take us down," Gui's palms flattened against the viewport, "To that!" He grinned, eyeballing a downed Star Destroyer resting in its grave. A compliant whistle followed Gui's command and a distinct hiss could be heard as the thrusters of the vessel calmed its descent long enough for the sand to cradle its landing gear. "Nice and smooth, eh buddy?" Gui chuckled and spun, clapping the droid on the back as he hastily made his way off the ship.

The hatch opened up to Jakku's fiery Sun and the Kid could literally feel the moisture being sucked out of his pores with each determined step. The dormant Star Destroyer sprawled out before him had to be filled with unfound treasures and was undoubtedly ripe with memories for the Kiffar to harvest. His steel capped boots sunk into the grains of the planet as Barry clamored behind him, desperately trying to keep up with the Jedi's hurried pace. Impatient, sometimes dangerously so, he didn't care about expending energy, he merely focused on the end-game. It mattered little how he got there. Even if taking his time was clearly the better option.

Ignoring the binary pleas of his tiny friend, Gui pressed on until he reached the enormous relic. He was but a speck in comparison to its size, just another grain of sand.

"Odd," Gui stopped, reaching the thick skin of the towering behemoth. A sharp whistle responded but the Jedi brushed it off. "It's probably nothing, come on."

The droid's drawn out cry was one of worry as it peeked into the black maw its Master slipped into. The edges were riddled with carbon scoring, evidence of a rather large explosion that punched a hole large enough to fly a starfighter into; the wound, now a doorway to the secrets locked inside.

Finding comfort in solid footing, Gui gripped the wall in front of him. It was once a grated floor that withstood the heavy footsteps of many Imperials. Now it was just a way up.

"Wait here, Barry," Gui spoke, "I'll be back for you. Try not to worry so much." The droid rocked back and forth in disapproval, according to it, the odds were not in the Knight's favor. "You underestimate me, buddy." Gui smiled, pulling himself up the steep incline. The ascent seemed to take forever. If it wasn't for the Force fuelling his muscles, the climb would've been a foolish undertaking.

Just above, his gloved finger-tips wrapped around the edge of a damaged makeshift platform and his arms trembled as he pulled himself up. He rolled onto his back as he crested the ledge and sucked in air, gripping his cuirass. "Why did I wear this?" he thought, as the sweltering heat of Jakku radiated from the metal.

"Gah, there it is again," he winced. "I get the feeling I'm not alone."

A heavy feeling washed over him in that moment and a tug in the Force caused him to shift his attention upward. As he did, a red blade streaked to life in midair and crashed down upon him.

"Oh poo-" was all Gui could get out as he stumbled back towards the ledge and leapt to a low hanging cable, avoiding certain death; clinging to the veins of the ship which once pulsed with power like the blood of a body.

The red blade melted into the grating with ease and Gui could see that kneeling above it was a young man, his skin an olive tone and his eyes possessed by a burning anger that could be seen when he looking up. Gui was a trespasser and obviously not welcome.

"Where are you going?" The stranger spoke, "Come to Ruka," he said with a bitter tone and reached out with the Force, pulling Gui, still dangling from the cable, towards him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Gui murmured before focusing on a different cluster of wires which were positioned just above the Sith. Using the Force for a propulsary push, he launched himself towards it, swinging up and over the now standing threat. As he clung to the deadened strand, he ignited his own blade and dropped, rotating his saber into a reverse grip, striking back to show that he was unwilling to stand down or become just a notch on a belt. The two blades collided with determination from both sides but the Kiffar was left humbled by the Mirialan when he was able to catch Gui's blade with his own, a one handed display of power to drive home the message that the Adept was superior in every way.

Always the under-dog, Gui was used to being mocked and underestimated. In fact, he often used the confidence of his opponents against them. Spry and youthful, he enjoyed playing games. However, this Sith, the first Gui had ever faced, wasn't playing. If the Knight were to escape with his life, he would need to, for once, focus and throw all of his puerility down the shaft he just climbed up, metaphorically of course.

But there was something strange about this being. Gui felt the power within him, surging like a swirling current. He knew that if the Mirialan wanted to end him, he could. He was strong, but intricate, like his facial markings.

With a growl, Ruka shoved Gui forward, that latter planting his back foot. The Kiffar's arms trembled under the weight of the applied leverage but the Knight, rather than press back, ducked and unlocked his blade from his opponent's. As he did so, he angled his hilt and stabbed vertically with his golden blade only to miss his mark.

Ruka actually cast a smirk as he rolled his weapon and smacked away Gui's blade with ease. The resounding snaps of energy, music to their ears.

"All of this for ruining my meditation," Ruka, spoke, his words were smooth and flowed from the tongue.

"Meditate on this!" Gui shouted and charged in, only to be cast aside with the Force as Ruka thrust his off-hand forward.

The knight flew back, and as he did, Ruka swirled his finger and the cables Gui was previously hanging from wrapped around him.

"Too easy," Ruka spat, eyeing the ensnared Knight.

The more Gui struggled, the tighter his bonds became. He could feel his strength dwindling and panic washed over him, especially when he saw the expression of Ruka change. In an instant, tendrils of electricity snaked from the Adept's fingertips and breathed life back into the deadened strands. Gui screamed out in agony as the current began to sizzle his flesh.

The Sith paused, only to utter a phrase Gui never wanted to hear.

"Now, you die.."

General Stres'tron'garmis, 30 April, 2020 4:06 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


You set the Jakku scene well and had a decent amount of combat, well done.

Can Be Improved


You had a few extra/missing commas (like three total, that’s it, not bad!), and propulsary hurt your syntax because it isn’t a word. Propulsory is, but it doesn’t mean anything close to what you were doing. This didn’t hurt your Story score because what you meant was clear.

The big hit you took in this post was in Realism, as stated in the rubric: “A character acts in a manner that directly contradicts their aspects.” I’m not sure how Ruka became a murderous, cookie-cutter Sith in this post, as his personality and general aspects both outline him as being more of an antihero than a psychopath. Please in the future be more mindful of your opponent’s character sheet. You also took a Minor hit for describing Ruka’s saber as Red, rather than its listed Blue.

But I don't want to die!

It was the only thought that screeched through Gui's panicking mind, screaming right along with his nerves and his hoarse throat at the agony of his seared flesh. Fear and pain were a fire in him, and he burned with them, and his instincts burned too.

I don't want to die, I don't want to die, Idontwanttodie, dontdiedontdiedontdie! his whole being shrieked, and the Force answered him.

He wasn't thinking; he just pulled, and metal shrieked, and a rusted piece of plating ripped off its crumbling bolts and streaked towards the Mirialan's head. The Sith leapt easily away as if warned, but the lapse was enough; the wires binding Gui slackened, and he tore free and fell with desperate thrashing. He hit the grating a meter below him without his usual feline grace, but did manage to push himself back up and grab his lightsaber, every one of his muscles wobbling and aching.

Still, the Knight of Urr grit his teeth and looked up, tensing in preparation as the Mirialan leapt into the air and landed on the platform across from him. He wasn't dead yet, and he wouldn't let this Sith be the one that ended him.

The Sith paused, staring at him as if conflicted for a moment, then charged, streaking forward like lightning. That pause was plenty for the Kid though. Concentrating, the Jedi threw out a hand and willed his attacker to slow, warping the very space between atoms, the electric leap between synapses, the jolt between nerve and muscle. The Mirialan staggered, stunned, and his arrested momentum surely would have toppled him were Gui not holding him in place.

It would only last a moment, he knew. His only chance. Gui had just a second to feel monumentally reckless and just as proud as he spun on his heel and ran. Just ran. Whether it was down a maintenance shaft or between engine turbines he didn't know, but it was somewhere the Sith wasn't, so he kept going, quickly jumping through the first vent he saw and sliding down it with a barely-contained whoop. It spat him out several levels down into some more inner workings of the destroyer and he wriggled past some long-dead fans and carried on.

He didn't know what was going on, didn't have any idea who this man was or what he had done to deserve his deadly ire beyond the claim of an interrupted meditation, didn't even know how to begin to find out— but his senses were telling him something. It wasn't just callous or arrogant anger from the Sith out there, no. There was fear there, more than anything. The man was scared. Of Gui himself? That seemed off, given the sheer power he could perceive off the Mirialan. But definitely of something! His senses hadn't failed him before, and something was wrong here. Layers to be peeled back.

The Kiffar huffed in agitation, heart rife with adrenaline and muscles aching to spring into action, to lay down and curl up. Trying to analyze too much would be useless. He didn't really need to figure out what was up with the Sith. He just needed to deal with it. Beat the other and get out of here. That simple.

Plus, he thought, as he ducked under piping again and skittered deftly up a hatch and crawled over a fallen piece of plating, this is a challenge! He hadn't been this excited since the last time another racer had nearly exploded into his swoop on the track, not since the last war, diving head first out of a transport far above the ground.

There was, possibly, something wrong with him.


Kill them. Kill them. Kill them all.

No….no…

Order must be maintained. We are superior. We are the Empire. We are eternal and they defy us! Kill them! Kill the rebels, kill the Jedi, snuff out every one!

No, no, no no….stop...stop…

Even if it takes every last one of us! Kill them! For the Empire! For victory!

N...n-n...o…

Ruka shook his head again, grip tightening on the saber in his hand, knuckles white and teeth bared in righteous rage. His blood pounded in his ears. He was angry. So, so angry. So much war, so much chaos, and— this was the answer. Kill the Jedi, kill them, end it.

The crystal in his blade keened, like a sob, but he couldn't hear it. The Sith just kept on, following the whispers of shadows that told him where his enemy was.

Up above him, there was a thud through the deck plating. His head cocked like a beast's, body tensing. His grimace twisted to an expression that wasn't a smile. Without a blink, he ripped off the blast door of the nearby turbolift tunnel, telekinetically tossing it aside, and leapt into the darkness.


I am so not small enough for this kark, Gui thought tiredly as he jammed forward one shoulder, then the other, inching the last foot or so past a bend in the vent he'd been climbing towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Literally. The grating there was his goal. Unable to turn around to kick at it, he shuffled around until he could get an arm sort-of up by his chin and jerked his fingers, shoving the plate out with an invisible hand. It clanged, and he wiggled to freedom, gasping in fresher air.

The Kiffar managed to drop noisily from the vent and not land on his face, pushing himself back up to stumble into the hallway he'd found himself in. Taking a knee for a second, he focused inward for a long few moments, willing the Light to soothe some of his pain and his wounds. He watched the burns scab over a bit, but that was all, and it was too exhausting to continue, so the Jedi stopped with a sigh.

His impatience really would be the death of him, huh? Between his saber and his lack of healing skills, his rushing into places…

But nope! He was gonna be fine. Maybe jury-rig some trap? The Jedi-mechanic flashed his trademark smirk to himself and breathed, stretching out both all his cramped limbs and his senses. The Mirialan's presence was so strong, it seemed everywhere. Still close.

Too close, really…

The Force rang a warning klaxon in his mind, and Gui ducked.

A riptide of lightning exploded over his shoulder from behind, right where his head had been. The Kiffar screeched and stumbled as the heat streaked by, stinking, the air ionized and popping where the tendrils passed. Metal scorched and flashed inches ahead of him. He pivoted around to see a dark figure lean out from a set of open turbolift doors, the shaft empty behind him.

"Found you," hissed the Mirialan, advancing on him with red saber unfurled and burning.

"What are you, an akk dog?!" Gui snapped, keeping his smile in place. "Well guess what, I've fought akul and lived, so come on!"

The Sith leapt at him, fast. The Jedi let him come, not moving until the other was all but on top of him. Then, as that blade sliced over his head, he dipped quickly under his opponent's extended arm, grabbed the limb, pivoted on one foot and yanked as hard as he could.

The Mirialan's momentum was his own enemy, making Gui's grappling throw child's play. The Sith's feet left the ground and his shoulders impacted instead with a crash as he went tumbling end over end into the wall.

The so-called Kid didn't waste his opportunity. He pulled his stun gun off his belt and fired at the green-skinned man climbing back to his feet, just to be sure.

The Sith went boneless and flopped back down. Gui cheered, maybe a little hysterical, "Hah! See, Barry, I handled it!"

Of course, no worried beeps responded to him. He holstered his blaster and peered at the downed Mirialan, stepping over to kick at him lightly. Still nothing. Yup, down and out.

"Not so easy, huh?" the Kiffar asked, looking briefly over the Sith and wondering at all the things on his person — the saber, the blades, a ring, oooh, surely that would hold interesting memories — before he decided against it. Who knew what sort of Sithy things could be in those? "Well, see ya, killer…"

Gui turned to go. Made it one step. And then a clumsy hand shot out and latched around his ankle.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 30 April, 2020 4:07 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Solid use of Story to explain away the mischaracterizations in the first post for Ruka. Particularly enjoyed the description of lightning and what it did to the area.

Can Be Improved


More combat/conflict, this post was a ton of introspection and wordy(descriptive) details, but it didn’t have a lot of action to offset the post length.

Then, as that blade sliced over his head, he dipped quickly under his opponent's extended arm, grabbed the limb, pivoted on one foot , and yanked as hard as he could.

You were lacking a comma in this one after 'foot'

Gui yelped and tugged his leg away, high-stepping to create a little bit of distance.

"Whoa-ahh!" burst from his adolescent mouth as a shiver ran up his spine. It was almost as if he'd seen a snake—he hated those, even more than the jolting pain of electrocution.

Ruka would be his reckoning and had been pushing himself to his feet, grumbling, reaching for the hilt of his lightsaber.

"You don't have to do this, Ruka," the Sentinel pleaded. "I sense kindness."

Ruka roared like a Terentetek and sent his lightsaber flying towards the Knight before making that final push, rising to his feet like a seething titan.

Gui groaned as he fell back into a bridge, watching the searing projectile pass by; it rotated like a great turbine. A roll was Gui's follow through as the blade reached its limit, hovering briefly in place before changing paths. It nearly caught him again as it snapped back to its disappointed master's eager palm.

A low hum grew louder as Gui pushed himself to his feet and spun around, just in time to thumb the activation switch of his weapon in anticipation of Ruka's falling blade. But it failed him, yet again. Accompanied by a shriek and a pop was a blood curdling scream as Gui looked down at his smoldering wound; his arm was flayed open but cauterized and his lightsaber rattled somewhere in the deep.

The Knight stumbled back and begged for the Force to heal his wounds but immediately felt abandoned as his pain faded but the charred flesh remained.

"Barry, the Tech-weaver whispered, reaching out to his idled friend. "I need you."

==========

The tiny droid whistled in compliance, programmed to obey as Gui's words echoed in the Treasure-Hunter's belly. The engines were already up and running, so streaking to the rescue would only take seconds, not minutes.

Barry's metallic fingers dialed and flicked switches as it activated the ship's scanners and locked on to Gui's life signature. The rumble of the engines wound up as the vessel hovered and twisted, the nose aimed in the direction of the conflict, sweeping around the large Star Destroyer's lifeless husk.

A sharp whistle erupted from Barry as a large panel exploded from the vessel with Gui in tow. The Force was calm and subtle but could also be a battering ram as Ruka blasted the kid through the rusted carapace. Falling for what seemed to be an eternity, Gui rolled through the sand and looked up at the Mirialan descending upon him like a Hawk-Bat would its prey. The swirling crimson beam violently lashed out at the Rollmaster below but the wily Knight had enough sense to evade rather than fight back. The droid needed to act fast.

============

Gui growled and begged for mercy as he ducked. The blade traveled overhead but was redirected; he rolled. Again the blade changed its course, this time falling, he leapt away, landing on a large slab of durasteel.

"I'm finished toying with you," Ruka growled, his anger welling up from deep within.

Gui flashed a smirk as he saw his saving grace slip out from behind the Star Destroyer and closed his eyes.

The Mirialan could taste the blood in the water as he ran forward and used the Force to fuel his body, ascending with a giant leap; however, distracted by the kill, he failed to realize that his own life was just as fragile as the Knight's.

With a little bit of luck and impeccable timing, just before Ruka went airborne, Barry punched the throttle, leading his shot. Confidence clouded the Elder's vision as he propelled himself through the air, reaching his peak before Barry flew the shuttle up his rear. The graceful predator became a glow-fly as he was rocked by the mass of metal.

Bones splintered throughout his body as he rebounded off the nose and got clipped by the wing. Like a Hutt-ball, he was sent into a violent tumble before crashing into the sand like a meteor strike.

Gui opened his eyes and looked over to see the gurgling mass of flesh staining the sand an eerie crimson. His battered body throbbed with a pain that even a calm mind couldn't nullify. Barry circled around and pulled back on the throttle until the ship hovered above.

"It’s about time you showed up," the Knight chuckled. "Ow—"

General Stres'tron'garmis, 30 April, 2020 4:08 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


A lot of combat, some good descriptions of the injuries Gui sustained.

Can Be Improved


How did Gui suddenly know Ruka's name? He didn't grab any of his stuff to do his Kiffar thing.

How did Barry, who Gui left sitting outside the crashed Destroyer, suddenly find itself inside the depths of your ship?
The big one, however, is how you chose to end this match. Starships are not on ACC loadouts. They're a narrative device, sure, but they are not a weapon. This isn't quite a deus ex ending but it is very close.

Gui kicked him in the face.

There was no finesse, no thinking, just that. The Sith reeled back, releasing his hold, grasping blindly at his bloodied nose and teeth, and Gui planted his foot again and stumbled two steps back.

But Ruka was still getting up, reaching for him again, and Gui was very much not okay with that. Crying out, he grabbed his weighted baton off his hip, swung his arm back to extend it, and slammed it down as hard as he could into the Mirialan's calf. A muffled, meaty crunch answered, drowned out by the Sith's scream of pain.

"Stay. Down!" the Kiffar yelled, and turned to run. A glance over his shoulder revealed the Mirialan trying to drag himself up against the wall, braced on one leg, the other limp, expression a rictus or rage and agony.

By the Force, what would it take to keep the guy down? A stun shot, a broken leg, and he was still moving?

What is going on? he thought, reaching an intersection of the hallway and swerving down it. He ran, muscles and lungs burning, a fierce, stabbing pain tight in his side, under his ribs, steps slow. He'd done so much today already, and by the Force, he couldn't take much more, but if he stopped now—

Something closed around his ankle yet again and yanked.

Gui managed to catch himself when he hit the floor, losing grip of his weapons in the process. It didn't seem to matter though. Seconds later he was being dragged backwards, skin pulling uncomfortably along his palms and stomach against the metal where his robes rode up. His steel-capped boots squealed as he flailed, trying to dig in, resist the pull.

Thrashing, the Kiffar called his saber to hand and rolled onto his back, looking down the hall. The Sith hunched there at the juncture, leaning all his weight to one side, hand out and beckoning. His other still held onto that red blade.

"Take this!" the Jedi hissed, and lifted his own empty hand, staring at his palm hard in concentration. He stopped fighting, letting himself be reeled in, stopped paying attention to the Sith. He was solely focused on his hand, and on manifesting the light in his palm.

The Kid was close enough to hear the hum of his enemy's saber when he clenched his eyes shut and let the blinding radiance building up between his fingers loose. The Mirialan yelled again. There were stumbling steps. A crash. Gui got his feet under him and stood up, stance wide, saber held out in a reverse grip, ready.

He opened his eyes to see the dazed Sith still on the floor, glaring gold through tear-stained, reddened eyes, lips peeled back in a snarl. His opponent tried to stand and faltered on the knee Gui had cracked, fumbling back down. But still, still he tried to stand again, lightsaber poised.

"Just quit it already!" the Jedi Knight barked. He really didn't want to kill this man— didn't even know if, even now, he'd be able to. The Sith was so much more powerful. But if he had to fight to get out of here, since running kept failing, then...then…

The Mirialan lunged at him from the ground, surging up off his good leg and roaring, saber a blur. Gui swiped the cleave away in a wide arc as if batting aside a blaster bolt, sliding back as he did so. The Sith fell instead of landing, and snarled at him, shoving back up on his hands and knees like a man possessed. He dropped his weapon, and for one sweet, glorious moment, the Kiffar thought it was over.

But then Ruka lifted one hand, and the lightsaber lifted into the air with it, following the motion, blade reigniting. It hovered, menacing, for just a second before those inked hands jerked and the next strike came for Gui's arm.

The Jedi backpedalled again, dipped low, and then punched forward, another long, sweeping strike that tried to just batter the other weapon away. He realized too late that there wasn't a grip for him to batter it out of, not really, not like normally disarming someone. The reminder came with a burning sliver of pain as crimson plasma glanced down his overextended arm, smoking skin and cloth and muscle in a strip towards his shoulder and back. Gui choked on a scream and dropped down, rolled fully over, brought his blade up to catch the follow-up strike streaking for him.

Ever unreliable, his lightsaber stuttered, the core briefly fluctuating, but that was enough. The other blade passed right through, slicing at his throat—

—and jerked aside.

Gui gasped in a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and scrambled back, vaulting to his feet and bringing his guard back up as the Sith shook his head like a beast. He gripped at his hair and mumbled to himself, glaring over at the Knight.

"Nn...nno...no," he muttered.

"Uhh," Gui offered in reply. None of this made sense, and even he was beginning to notice a pattern, like a line of code repeating; despite all his ferocity, all the attacks, the other man had yet to kill him as promised. It was always a near thing. Shocking the wires, not him. Hesitating before attacking. Badly aimed strikes. Almost tossing him down a shaft. Almost frying him with electricity. Almost cutting him in two. But always not quite. Like a man possessed, echoed his earlier thought. "Do you...not want to kill me?"

"No!" the other roared, eyes flashing again, teeth bared. "Just— get— away from me! RUN! Please."

The Kiffar wasn't about to argue. He turned about and spirited away, teeth clenched against the pain of his wounds. He had to get away while he still had the chance.

...a chance he was being given…by someone who was in some kind of trouble.

His gut clenched, sour, because in his gut he knew it to be true, and that meant—

That meant he couldn't run away. Not if he was really going to call himself a Jedi, if he was more than a kid.

Gui skidded to a stop. Turned around. Fixed his gaze on the Sith who had stopped shaking and was trying to stand again, limping after him, blade dragging hungry tongues of molten flame along the floor.

He probably only had one chance at this, so he had to pick his target carefully. Thankfully, Gui had a lot of experience with people, with their sentiments and traditions, and he knew what his best bet was, spotting his saving grace quickly while he pulled off his gloves with his teeth.

It was probably a risky, terrible idea. Probably. But Gui had a feeling, and that was good enough.

The Kiffar sprinted forward and leaned into a slide, slipping under the Sith's guard and twisting back to his feet. The other man hissed and wrenched around, and Gui reached out and—

—and clasped the Mirialan's ring hand in his own.

A floodgate opened in his mind.

He knew what he had to do.

Ruka lifted his blade. Gui leaned forward until they were nearly nose to nose and shouted in the man's face.

"What about Corazon?!"

The Mirialan's scowl cracked and broke like the sun bursting behind storm clouds. All that struggle faded as he slumped back, grip loosening, and just as suddenly yet just as inevitably the bloody color of his lightsaber faded to a beautiful, brilliant blue.

"...Corazon?" he whispered, gaze fixed on the blue blue blue of the blade, his eyes fading to a pretty purple instead of corrupt gold.

And then those eyes rolled back and he damn well collapsed. Gui only barely managed to catch the man, bringing them both down to the deck under his bulk.

"Oof," grunted the Kiffar, struggling to drag himself out from under the Sith and then get the Mirialan onto his back, so he wasn't crushing his already injured leg. Then, he sat down against the wall and let out an enormous breath, wincing at his own hurts. "See, Barry? Told...told ya. I handled...it. For real...this time."


Many hours and some healing later, outside in the cold night of Jakku after the sun had set, a Sith Adept bowed to a new Jedi Knight.

"I'm really sorry I attacked you, ay. I didn't mean to, but that's no excuse. I... The Dark can be hard to keep in check, and sometimes things set it off, places strong in bad stuff like this... There's a lot of ghosts here, a lot of pain and death and anger. And it got to me. I'm really, so, so sorry." He bowed his head yet again. It was starting to get uncomfortable. Especially since the guy was only standing with the help of his own Security droid, whom Barry didn't like very much.

"Hey, don't worry, man," Gui replied. "I get that. Memories are living things, you know. They're everywhere. In everything. And they can be really intense. That's why I wear these." He held up his gloved hands. "And we didn't get hurt, uh, permanently, so... It all worked out! Besides, I had fun."

"Fun?" The Mirialan seemed aghast. "Ay, ay, no, no part of that was fun! Are you crazy?"

Gui only laughed. "Oh come on! Your telekinesis, your jumps, THAT was crazy! I bet you could go right off the top of the thruster there and be fine! That would be awesome! We could race. Oh, I'm Gui Sol, by the way. Jedi Knight of Alluis and Mechanic Extraordinaire. Came to find treasures!"

"...Ruka, Lotus," answered the Sith after a moment, still gaping. Then, he groaned. "Ay, why always do I get the crazies? Look, man, I like running around flying off stuff too and all, but not fighting, and this has been a kriffing awful day for me so— maybe, uh, next time?"

"You got it, Ruka!" The Jedi grinned. "But! You owe me. Since all this trouble, right? Don't forget. I want to make more memories."

"I won't forget," Ruka promised. He frowned a little, then reached into his robes. "Uh... If you were 'treasure hunting' then you might want this? I think it's what set me off. Bad frang. Ain't want nothing to do with it. You might though."

As if offering a live snake, the Mirialan offered him what appeared to be an old Imperial code cylinder, scuffed and stained brown, perhaps with very old blood. Gui's eyes lit with interest as he took it happily, careful not to let his skin touch; not yet anyway.

He could sense it, the negativity Ruka must have too, contained in the item. Who knew what stories it would have? Ones to read carefully, maybe. But read them he would.

"Thanks!" the Kiffar said brightly, and Ruka actually twitched a smirk at him instead of a frown.

"Sure," he said, and then, "you know... You remind me a bit of my husband. Excited and stuff. He's a Jedi too, just not with the Clan. I bet you do a lot of good when you grow up."

"I'm not a total kid, you know," Gui said, but not with much force, pocketing his new memory. "But thanks."

"No...you're not. My bad." Ruka nodded. "And thank you, for saving me. I don't know what'd've happened if you hadn't." He extended his hand. Gui took it, clasping firmly. "Until next time?"

The Kid — the Jedi — smiled.

"You got it."

General Stres'tron'garmis, 30 April, 2020 4:09 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Compelling scenes of combat and some TK Combat usage. An interesting ending to the conflict.

Can Be Improved


"Stay. Down!" the Kiffar yelled, and turned to run. A glance over his shoulder revealed the Mirialan trying to drag himself up against the wall, braced on one leg, the other limp, expression a rictus or rage and agony.

First, you had an extra comma after yelled, second the 'rictus OF rage.' You also randomly capitalized Security droid later, after the fighting ended.

Other than that, you had a full page after the match ended, which dragged the narrative for the match out. I'd suggest doing such follow-ups separately, as the match is over when the fight is. While there's nothing wrong with epilogues persay, this did go on for a while.