Privateer Jon Silvon vs. Augur Kashiro

Privateer Jon Silvon

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Human, Mercenary, Director, Mandalorian
vs.

Augur Kashiro

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Barabel, Force Disciple, Juggernaut, Obelisk
Comment

First of all, thank you both for fighting a match to completion! And for both having clear, concise endings to your final post! Secondly, let me apologize for the delay in judgment. The world is a weird place right now and things happen, we’ll do our best to not let it happen again.

This was a very fun fight to judge, I have to say. The combat was quick, it was clear, it was concise.

Jon, do this more! And get proofed! Your biggest hurdle was comma splices, ie. inserting commas where they don’t belong. It is a hard habit to break but with a little reading up on it you should be able to figure it out, and with a good proofer to yell at you, well…

Kashiro, an interesting first outing for the new lizard man. Your combat is good, but your background and storytelling was a little light. Up until the end, anyway. Keep doing what you’re doing and just try to expand more on the banter or thoughts behind the character.

An excellent job on both fronts, but with a score of 4.25, Kashiro is the winner!

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Privateer Jon Silvon, Augur Kashiro
Winner Augur Kashiro
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Privateer Jon Silvon's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Augur Kashiro's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Godless Matron: Hangar Zerek
Last Post 16 April, 2020 2:13 AM UTC
Assigned Judge General Stres'tron'garmis
Syntax - 15%
Eminent Ikarri Itinen Major Jon Silvon
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: An error. Enough to cost you a perfect, but well done. Rationale: You suffer from comma splices, young padawan, make sure you get proofed!
Story - 40%
Eminent Ikarri Itinen Major Jon Silvon
Score: 3 (Advantage) Score: 3
Rationale: A solid example of combat, and just a touch of background. The ending amused me. Rationale: An amusing set of circumstances and descriptive combat.
Realism - 25%
Eminent Ikarri Itinen Major Jon Silvon
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues found. Rationale: You hit a snag in your ending, Barrier would keep the blaster shots from hitting him altogether, and coupled with Iron Skin means Kashiro shouldn't budge. Coupled with your error in your first post, this cost you a full point.
Continuity - 20%
Eminent Ikarri Itinen Major Jon Silvon
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues found. Rationale: No issues found.
Eminent Ikarri Itinen's Score: 4.25 Major Jon Silvon's Score: 3.65
Posts

Matron_HangarZerek

Pirates are a rowdy lot. It is a fact rarely questioned and merely accepted by those who deal with them regularly. While the Herald’s crew is no different, the band's leader has a different approach to facilitating their tendencies. To this end, one of the Matron's smaller hangars — designated Hangar Zerek — has been recommissioned as a combat arena... or execution chamber.

Once a dedicated repair bay, Hangar Zerek is still equipped with fabricator arms and an assortment of Trade Federation droid parts that have fallen into disrepair. A squared off section, including illumination banks at each corner, designates the intended arena. The section is denoted by active shock fences, run by nearby generators. It is here that the crew lets off steam, with the hangar bay sealed.

Matron_HangarZerek

The hangar itself still has a fully functioning force field that comes into play when matches are meant to become more interesting, or when it comes time to jettison troublesome captives. The hangar bay doors peel open, leaving only the active field to separate the arena from the vacuum of space. The control mechanisms for the hangar doors can be operated manually from the control booth or on a set timer, including the force field's toggle switch.

The control booth is the last segment of Hangar Zerek worth noting. Doubling as an observation deck, it is the only obvious entrance to the hangar. All maintenance hatches and access-ways have been sealed in advance, though the catwalks crisscrossing along the upper layers of the hangar remain. The booth itself is sealed, providing a safe haven for when the force field comes down.

And I was having such a nice night, too, Jon thought as his back slammed against the metal wall. The towering Barabel stalked across the room, a look of fury in his eyes.

“Ok, ok, I know we both said some things,” Jon said, climbing to his feet, “But I know if you look deep inside, you can find it in yourself to-” he was cut off by a right cross to the face.

He nearly was sent sprawling to the floor under the force of the blow, but kept his balance, then ducked under another swing. Coming up around his opponent, he took the opportunity to back up and try to put some distance between them.

“Trying to run,” Kashiro called out, pulling his knife from his belt. “I’m going to teach you a much needed lesson in respect, mercenary!”

Jon pulled Kuro from it’s holster on his left hip and fired off a volley, but they came up short against Kashiro’s barrier, even as the man was charging him at him like a furious gundark. Silvon had just enough time to swing around on a metal pillar to get out of the way.

Karabast, what did drunk-me say last night to set this guy off so badly? Jon drew his vibroswords from inside his coat, and pointed them both at his opponent.

“Now, I’m sure we can work this out like civilized - oh Force!” Jon dodged out of the way of a shipping crate that telekinetically flew in his direction. Before he’d even recovered from that, his opponent was bearing down on him again.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 1 May, 2020 12:05 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Well you certainly started with a bang here, right to the fighting!

Can Be Improved


You had a few comma issues, ones that plague me all too well myself, with putting them where they didn't need to be. Sometimes you have to speak things aloud to figure out where the space might need to be.

He nearly was sent sprawling to the floor under the force of the blow, but kept his balance, then ducked under another swing.

The first one being here, after blow, was unnecessary. The second came when Jon drew his vibroswords, this statement didn't require a comma either.

Your other minor syntax issue was its vs it's, its being the possessive in this case (opposite of almost the entirety of the English language, I know), for drawing 'Kuro from its holster'.

Finally, you got a Realism hit here as well, for writing Kashiro 'charging in' while using Barrier, which is a power that specifies that the User must be stationary to use.

Jon backed away, raising both of his blades in a guarded position as the Barabel charged across the distance between them. The Mercenary didn’t give up much in height or weight to his opponent, but the two had very different builds, and as Kashiro grew closer the Odanite felt a sense of worry creeping in despite having the reach advantage with his vibroblades. A cocky smile spread across his face as he put on a mask of confidence.

“You think you’re gonna teach me something, huh? Fine, give me your best shot!” Shouting, the Mercenary ducked aside as Kashiro launched the shiv he was holding. The throw was clumsy but did what it was intended in throwing Jon’s stance off. The Human stepped back, bringing one of the two blades he held in a wide arc as the two closed.

Despite his massive physique, Kashiro moved like a striking snake, avoiding the blow and entering Jon’s guard. The second vibroblade darted forward in a straight lunge towards the Barabel’s midsection. The Odanite knew the blow would land, anticipating the minor resistance he would feel as the blade separated the flesh and dug into the ribs of his opponent. And yet, his opponent shifted as if he knew the blade's path, his torso moving just out of the way.

Jon felt the wind rush out of his lungs as the Barabel’s fist connected with his solar plexus, pain flaring through his body. Cursing, he tried to create distance between them, his vision swimming as he coughed and gasped for breath.

“Your choice to insult this one was a poor decision,” Kashiro hissed.

Jon drew a shuddering breath, glancing around him to get his bearings as he backed away, placing a stack of crates between the two men. Kashiro stalked after him, the Mercenary breathing heavily and the Arconan seemingly unphased, methodical in his approach.

Screw this, I’m not dying today to some freaking lizard for something I don’t even remember! The Odanite reversed and pressed forward, his blades weaving in wide arcs, forcing the Barabel back as he focused on not providing any opening. Jon knew he didn’t hold a candle to the strength of the Arconan but he also knew he didn’t need to; if either of his vibroblades made contact they’d cut right through the Barabel’s armor.

Jon let his pace slow, watching his enemy and waiting, giving the impression he was growing exhausted and knowing Kashiro would see it. Without a moment's hesitation, the feint worked. Kashiro stepped forward, planting his foot and preparing to strike. Jon’s second blade came upward in an arc intending to catch his opponent in the side. A smile crossed the Mercenary's face and faded just as quickly as he felt the weapon suddenly stop, heard the whine of the vibroblade as it struck something solid.

Glancing down, his mind paused as he saw the impossible. Kashiro had caught the blade. Where he should be seeing the man's hand severed clean. Instead, a translucent glow surrounded the sword and the Barabel’s body, a line of blood dripped down the blade. He felt a wrenching pull and the sword skittered away as the larger man yanked it from his grasp and sent it skittering across the hangar floor.

Oh, screw this The Human reached to his belt and only had a moment to think before a large boot connected with his chest, Kashiro’s thrust kick throwing him backwards. The Mercenary rolled away with the momentum, creating as much distance as he could, a metal clink hitting the floor where the man had stood a few moments before. The C-10 stun grenade that Jon dropped burst with a ring of blue light, exploding into a ball of brilliant energy.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 1 May, 2020 12:21 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways


A lot of descriptive, engaging combat here. Inventive usage of what appears to be Barrier as well.

Can Be Improved


I find myself at a rare loss, there's not much here that could have been improved on combat wise. You took control of the fighting but not the narrative, no explanation still of what Jon set you up for in the 'what did I do to piss off the lizard man' scenario. Also, if you’re going to do something as technical with a power as you did with Barrier, you may want to explain how its working a bit better in the future.

Jon cautiously opened his eyes, and took stock of his condition. He was not dead. He considered that an unqualified success. The matter of how long he would remain that way however…

Jon glanced across the room, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw his Barabel friend lying imobile on the ground. Luckily Jon himself managed to roll just clear of the grenade’s stun radius. He hauled himself to his feet, and quickly recovered his weapons.

Best get out of here while he’s still-

“Graahhh,” the Barabel groaned. Jon froze in place, not daring to look over his shoulder.

No. Now way. No kriffing way! He thought frantically. That should’ve easily knocked him out for another hour at least!

“Now… this one… is angry,” the monster of a man huffed. Jon turned, and sure enough, the brute was somehow still moving. Sluggishly and slow, yes, but he was standing and the look in his eyes promised pain.

He took one staggering step forward, and Jon reacted on reflex, drawing his blasters and firing a volley of searing plasma at his target.

The same glowing barrier as before covered his skin, and the blaster bolts collided with it. With each collision, there was hiss of heat, and the Barabel seemed to stagger a little more each time, but it wasn’t enough to stop him.

Ok, no! I’m out!

Jon began backing towards the door, still firing off as many rounds as he could manage from the barrels of Shiro and Kuro. Some met their mark, others the Barabel began to dodge, apparently regaining some degree of motor control. Jon was nearly at the door.

Three more steps, and I’m home- there was a high pitched sound like tearing metal. Free?

Jon just barely had the reflexes to dodge out of the way of the metal pillar that crashed into the ground where he’d just been. The same pillar that was now blocking his exit. But how had it-?

“You don’t get away that easily,” the Barabel hissed. Jon looked and saw his opponent, his hand outstretched. Ah, of course. More krayth-spit space magic.

Slowly, the Barabel continued his advance. Jon no longer had anywhere to run.

“I uh, don’t suppose I can talk you out if this?” Jon asked as he was backed into a corner. “I mean, really, what are a few little jabs and, uh, an attempted murder or two between friends, right?”

The Barabel wrapped one large hand around Jon’s throat, and raised the other in a fist.

“It was just a joke,” Jon was able to gasp out before the massive fist collided with his face, and his vision went black.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 1 May, 2020 12:21 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways


A concise (and jaw shattering) ending! An excellent display of 'oh crap oh no', takes after my own heart.

Can Be Improved


You may want to look a bit more closely at Barrier, as between that and the Juggernaut feat Iron Skin, Kashiro ain't budging under a blaster barrage. Also, while it was a minor cut, was your sword not poisoned when Kashiro caught it? You never explored that avenue of ‘slowing him down’.
And what did Jon do to deserve this beating anyway!? We never found out!

Kashiro hissed, instinctively raising his arms to shield his face even as he steeled himself. The Force drew around him again, shielding him partially from the effects of the grenade. The concussive blast struck him with immense force, and his barrier cracked and shattered under the pressure. His endurance and training kept him on his feet but he was still disoriented from the blast.

Lowering his arms, he saw the Human Mercenary standing again, a blaster in each hand and an arrogant grin on his lips. The smile faltered for only a moment as the man struggled to breathe through injured ribs.

“You pack a hell of a punch. Sorry to say though I’m leaving, and we’re going to forget this ever happened, yeah?” Flexing his wrists in a mocking firing movement, the man began backing away towards the hangar exit.

“You have no shame,” Kashiro hissed, anger flaring again at the Human's words. The Barabel didn’t move yet, giving himself time to recover from the blast, feeling his weariness dim and slowly fade though he knew he couldn’t wait much longer.

“Listen, I don’t have any desire to have to leave a corpse behind here. Just be a good boy and stay there or Kuro and Shiro here will take you down. You’ll wake up to the Matron’s security staff if you’re lucky.” Jon took another step, glancing towards the exit for whether he could make a break for it or not.

The instant he felt the Human's gaze shift, Kashiro burst forward, sprinting towards the man. He watched as Jon mouthed another curse and began firing. The brilliant bolts struck him, barely slowing him. The Human’s eyes widened in confusion and in that instant of hesitation before his fingers flicked to the selector, shifting the blasters from stun to lethal, it was too late.

Kashiro grabbed the man’s wrists, twisting hard enough to force the blasters from his hands and sending pain shooting through the man's arms. Jon cried out and found himself slammed against the hangar wall just a few feet from the exit he had been seeking.

“Man, this is not how I wanted to die…” Jon said in a frustrated wheeze.

“I have no intention of killing you, but you should know, if you ever insult me by apologizing for beating me at cards again, I’ll rip your arms off and beat you to death with them.” Kashiro drew closer, hissing in frustration before dropping the man and turning toward the exit.

“What!?” the Human shouted in incredulous shock as he watched the Arconan leave.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 1 May, 2020 12:23 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Well, this could have had more combat, but I do like the explanation for why Kashiro was trying to pummel Jon. A good use of the Barabel species feat about social misunderstandings.

Can Be Improved


Again, could have used some more fighting, but a well-written post either way.

Lowering his arms, he saw the Human Mercenary standing again, a blaster in each hand and an arrogant grin on his lips.

Your one and only syntax error I could find in this match, was lacking a comma before that last 'and'