Savant Xolarin vs. Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight

Savant Xolarin

Equite, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Sentinel
vs.

Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight

Equite, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Force Disciple, Sorcerer, Mandalorian
Comment

First of all, thank you both so much for your extreme patience in the grading of this match -- life happens and we had to switch Judges midway through, and I took awhile to catch up. Your time is appreciated, and so is your participation in the 2021 SARLACC competition. Thank you so much.

Now, on to the meat of things. You both had strong combat and great Feat variety featured in your posts, but both also caught Story Detractors on account of one or the another character not fighting the sand-panthers in one each of your posts. Similarly, you both caught a Major Detractor in Realism for the use of Precognition directly contradicting the power description. These mirrored errors put you both on very even ground, and it took a lot of discussion to hammer out final details and points. I know these comments are long, and that you wrote a lot and waited a long time for this, and so they may seem harsh. Please do take them in the spirit of learning, and know that you are both strong writers that made this call a hard one.

That said, a winner must be declared, at it is Xolarin. Well done, both of you, and I look forward to seeing what you do (and zap) next in the ACC.

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Savant Xolarin, Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight
Winner Savant Xolarin
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Savant Xolarin's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [SCENARIO] SARLACC 2021, Round 2: Arx Colosseum
Last Post 21 February, 2021 9:00 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Syntax - 15%
Seer Xolarin High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 4 (Advantage) Score: 4
Rationale: A handful of errors throughout, more in second post. Rationale: A few errors throughout each post.
Story - 40%
Seer Xolarin High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: Lack of combat between characters and creatures in one post brought score down, but posts were otherwise solid. Nothing to really bring the score back up. Rationale: Lack of combat between characters and creatures in one post brought score down, and while clear effort was made to tell a larger story, the plot suffered from convenience.
Realism - 25%
Seer Xolarin High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: One Major Detractor concerning Precognition in first post. Rationale: One Major Detractor concerning Precognition in second post.
Continuity - 20%
Seer Xolarin High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues found. Rationale: No issues found.
Seer Xolarin's Score: 3.62 High Inquisitor Anderson's Score: 3.15
Posts

colosseum

Arx’s Colosseum is a monument to the original Petranaki arena on Geonosis, the site where the Clone Wars began with an epic clash between Jedi and Sith. However, instead of confining itself to a decrepit ruin, the Colosseum stands as an example of what the Geonosian arena once was.

Walls tall enough to be unscalable for even the most practiced Force-user surround a theatre the size of a holoball field, floored with sandy soil. Above, rows of seats are packed together into sections for spectators to observe the carnage. The dignitaries who preside over the gladiator matches instead find themselves in an elongated platform “box”, with the large stone throne reserved for the most prestigious among them, flanked by smaller seats for their companions. Large holo-projection screens occupy each of the Colosseum’s walls, displaying images of the combat below streamed by the cam droids that circle the arena.

The arena floor itself is, naturally, more dangerous than it appears. A wide assortment of traps are concealed beneath the dirt and sand, including but not limited to: retractable fire-spewing nozzles, power coils firing bolts of lightning, electrified floor panels, deadfalls lined with spikes, and even obelisks that simply erupt from the ground. These traps are operated by sentient technicians in the Colosseum’s control room, well away from the fighting.

You and another member of the Brotherhood have been tasked by the Headmistress of the Shadow Academy with gathering research data on a wide variety of dangerous creatures. In addition to the normal raucous crowds, sophisticated scanning equipment has been set up around the Colosseum floor to monitor the creatures’ behavior and vital signs under a variety of circumstances—including combat and injury.

Your goal in this scenario is twofold: provoke the creatures and hold their attention for long enough that the Shadow Academy scanners can collect a wide variety of physiological data, and prevent the creatures from destroying the scanning equipment placed in the Colosseum by the Academy researchers. Once those tasks are complete, you will be free to leave the arena (if you can) and claim your reward.

The Headmistress would strongly prefer the creature be left alive and useful after the experiment is finished. She would also "prefer" that you not interfere with the research by attempting to rescue the creature, but you may do so at your own peril.

The unlikely brothers of Taldrya had gathered once again. Xolarin and Appius did not necessarily care to be around one another - in fact a high degree of hate was palpable in the younger Sorcerer. The older Xolarin didn't completely understand, and tried to smooth things over when he could. After all, they served the same Consul on the same summit.

The crowds were unusually loud for this match, cheers and clanging coming from all directions. Many of the beasts in the Headmistress's cabal would have been distracted or irritated into a heightened state of fury. But what was calmly walking out of one of the cages inset into walls of the Colosseum seemed to pay no attention to the noises around them.

Them. Yes, there were multiple. A small pack of sand-panthers strode a few meters out from their release and stood mostly still. They snarled, drooling a bit, each of them. There was no beastmaster with them and presumably they were chipped to be controlled as well as they were now. But that was a worry for another time, as the cage gates all closed and the combatants were locked in.

"Ready?" Xolarin looked over at Appius, who was flexing his hands in the gloves of his armor with a leathery, squeaky sound.

"Pfft," he scoffed back at Xolarin. "I'm always ready." It was a silly, arrogant response, but it was how he felt. And from what Xolarin had seen, it was not really a lie. The Quaestor was an energy-packed individual, especially in combat.

"Are you?" Appius asked back, with a noted chortle in the question.

Xolarin was looking back at the sand-panthers and merely nodded, not really caring if Appius saw the motion.

Soon enough a buzzer gave way to alert everyone in the Colosseum that the fun was beginning. The panthers immediately leapt into a fast run, the slobber and snarling still snapping from their snouts. They crawled across the floor of the arena in seconds and gave the two Dark Jedi no time to prepare any longer.

Appius jumped up as flames burst from his jetpack's boosters, keeping him aloft for a bit. It was almost a cheat, but it was an advantage they had agreed upon in the few words they exchanged to plan for the event. He had no blaster, but did have his lightsaber hilt in hand.

Xolarin began a slight jog to the side of the panthers, not drawing a weapon yet, with a few of them changing their angle of approach slightly. And within seconds, they were on the spot the two Taldryanites had begun. Xolarin leaped up and back, leaving a space between them, thrusting his hands out towards the three sand-panthers that were gaining on him. The Force flowed out fast and hard and slammed into the beasts. They smashed into the invisible onslaught and fell down on the ground.

Xolarin landed and grinned at his initial attack, only to see one of the panthers shrug it off and run at him again. And in that same glance, he marveled at two panthers launching into the air and snapping their toothed jaws at Appius's levitated feet.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 26 March, 2021 3:38 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The panthers immediately leapt into a fast run, the slobber and snarling still snapping from their snouts.

You did well introducing very clearly both your pack of beasties for the fight and both characters, adding in some personality with how Appius apparently really doesn't care for Xolarin. The occasional dash of alliteration was a nice touch, and your post was fairly clean, only quibbling with a comma or two. I particularly liked the fact that Appius used his jetpack only to turn into a cat toy.


Can Be Improved

Unfortunately, this post lacked any combat against the creatures from Appius as a character, which is a Story Detractor for the ACC Rubric when we're dealing with a "scenario" like this competition. Combat rules in the ACC, and while in Duelist Hall it's required between the opponent characters, in the context of the SARLACC competition, it's required between the characters and the animals.

That aside, as mentioned, a few minor Syntax things: Taldryan as their Clan that they're brothers of, not Taldrya, the Clan title, a missing "the," a missing comma after "in fact." While it's no detractor, I did kind of expect to see your Wait, Ok Now Aspect used for Xolarin, given it's your Custom one and focuses on awareness before the onset of battle, but it didn't seem to show up — you might consider if it's something you intend to use on your Sheet or not, or perhaps mind writing to the Aspects on your Sheet by which a Judge will grade, and not just your own knowledge of your character (I have referred to this to Appi before as "knowing your own character too well.")

This is all Xolarin's fault!

Erinyes either had some vendetta against Appius, or she thoroughly enjoyed the fact that the Quaestor didn't want to be in the same space as Xolarin for any amount of time. The Arcanist just had to kill the jotaz in the Corrino Lab, didn't he? The Headmistress was far from pleased with their efforts. Incompetent, she'd called the Quaestor, questioning if hiring Appius on Erinyes' recommendation was a good idea. So, to make up for their mistake, the Taldryan Consul offered their services again with a bit of an added warning behind closed doors.

Mess this up, and no amount of beskar is going to save you from what I will do.

So here the Mandalorian was, floating in mid-air within the Arx Colosseum with a pair of sand panthers literally nipping at his heels. He clenched his fists out of frustration and levitated just out of their reach. At least Xolarin was busy with his own set of problems. Considered to be amongst the quietest species in the galaxy, sand panthers were relentless hunters and highly dangerous. Their beige coats of fur almost blended in with the sand that covered the Colosseum floor and their claws held a paralyzing venom, of which could prove fatal if either of them got scratched.

The Sorcerer was highly tempted to just let the older man get eaten. It would certainly solve a lot of his problems. Alas, their Zeltron Consul would likely be displeased with having to search for another Proconsul so soon and could take it out on someone he cared for, like Dasha. So, once again, he was stuck helping Xolarin whether he liked it or not.

Luckily, both men were heavily armoured, so at least there was that. But there was only so long that their equipment would protect them until the beasts found their opening. Xolarin wasn't much when it came to athletic ability. His armor, whilst protective, heavily weighed him down, and it showed against the three panthers as they circled the Proconsul. With nowhere to go, all the Arcanist could do was await the inevitable attack from the snarling creatures.

Suddenly, the Force went off like a klaxon in the back of Xolarin's mind. All three tensed and lowered their heads before they pounced all at once. Thanks to the ample warning, Xolarin was able to concentrate a small bubble of energy into the palm of his right hand and slam into the ground. A pulse of energy detonated from the epicentre and knocked the three panthers back and staggered them. Seeing his opportunity, the Arcanist raised a hand and shut his eyes as blinding flash of light hit the retinas of all three sand panthers. With their pupils shrunk, they roared at the pain, but it gave the Taldryan Proconsul the means to make a quick getaway.

Meanwhile, Appius was sick of acting like a ball of yarn dangling just out of reach of some desperate cats. The plan was to divide and conquer, and there was definitely dividing, but not much conquering involved. The Ektrosis Quaestor saw an opening away from the sand panthers clawing at him from beneath. He landed and spun to face the prowling felines that approached with drool dripping from their jaws.

Snap-hiss!

Twin emerald blades shot out of the hilt of his right hand, and he spun the blades in front of him to attempt to intimidate the big cats and force them to back away.

It didn't work. They were feral, with crisp, red eyes that made them look possessed. Instead, Appius summoned the power of the Dark Side through his body, bending that power to his will and driving it to the tips of his fingers. Sparks jittered from one finger to the other as the Sorcerer let loose a torrent of lightning like a violent storm from his left hand. It crashed into the first panther and caused it to shriek and howl in pain before dispersing to the second.

The crowd went wild at the sudden bright display of the lightning. It was exactly what they paid to see, a pair of Force wielders doing exactly what they could do. The remaining panthers, however, were unperturbed by the roaring of the crowd around them. Xolarin was pressed on the back foot as he grabbed his lightsaber hilt and pressed the ignition switch.

Snap-hiss!

A green blade ruptured out of the hilt. The Arcanist carefully spun the weapon in his hand until he held it in a basic, low guard stance, ready to get the jump on them before the panthers could to him. However, the sand panthers that stalked him instantly snapped their heads around to where Appius was and their zapped companions. They snarled and roared before sprinting off in the direction of the Mandalorian.

"What?" Xolarin mused. Sand panthers were normally solitary animals and prioritized self-survival over anything else. They might have been a family unit, but each panther had a distinct feature that made them stand out from the other. Darker skin here, scars over there, some taller, and some with more defined facial features and body structures. The Taldryan Proconsul deduced they were not from the same unit, but that was when the realisation hit him. The Grand Master's ritual must have affected these beasts too, just like it did with the jotaz! The Dark Side connected the beasts like a pack and made them dependant on each other. They were about to assault the Ektrosis Quaestor like a gang of thugs for causing pain to their kind.

"Appius! Behind you!" Xolarin called out above the cheering of the crowd, hoping to warn the Sorcerer before it was too late.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 26 March, 2021 3:39 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The Sorcerer was highly tempted to just let the older man get eaten. It would certainly solve a lot of his problems. Alas, their Zeltron Consul would likely be displeased with having to search for another Proconsul so soon and could take it out on someone he cared for, like Dasha. So, once again, he was stuck helping Xolarin whether he liked it or not.

This post was packed with solid action, several plot points, and exemplary use of Feats from both characters. It's very evident you brought as much of their Character Sheets into play as you could. I compliment adding the mutation to help take over and steer the story.


Can Be Improved

Thanks to the ample warning, Xolarin was able to concentrate a small bubble of energy into the palm of his right hand and slam into the ground. A pulse of energy detonated from the epicentre and knocked the three panthers back and staggered them. Seeing his opportunity, the Arcanist raised a hand and shut his eyes as blinding flash of light hit the retinas of all three sand panthers

You caught a Minor detractor on your use of Blinding without any concentration, when at +3 it still needs at least "half-concentration" in combat.

The Taldryan Proconsul deduced they were not from the same unit, but that was when the realisation hit him. The Grand Master's ritual must have affected these beasts too, just like it did with the jotaz! The Dark Side connected the beasts like a pack and made them dependant on each other. They were about to assault the Ektrosis Quaestor like a gang of thugs for causing pain to their kind.

Realism aside, your biggest pain point here was in the plot contrivances delivered for the Story. I found myself going, "what and how?" concerning the leaps of logic made and the sheer amount each of them knows about their beasts. If it had been mentioned that they both very thoroughly researched sand-panthers beforehand, or something like that, I could have seen this making more sense. As it was, it was very sudden and convenient, and the reader has no context about how this information was come by.

The pack immediately went after Appius, cautiously yet ferociously snapping and snarling at him, avoiding the warning swipes and jabs from his twin blades. With as many as there were, they would get to him eventually. Or he would be forced to kill them, which would be most displeasing to the Headmistress. That displeasure might result in pain worse than being eaten alive by these things.

Thankfully, Xolarin's shout gave his companion enough warning to get himself in a better position. Appius' athletic prowess allowed him to stay in a position that had the cats mostly in front of him and not encircling him.

Xolarin took a few "jogged" steps towards the cluster and reached out immediately with his off-hand, focusing the Force into an almost physical hammer of a weapon. He slammed it into one of the sand-panthers and then did it again into another. It winded him a tad, to do it back to back, but the effort accomplished what he was after. The two hit panthers and one other separated from Appius and slowly came over to Xolarin. Now there were two groups of beasts, one on each of the Taldryanites.

The older man looked over to his Quaestor friend, both of them slashing and taunting to try to keep the beasts at bay. The effort bought them a moment, which is all they were after - time. Well, that and not-death.

"How often can you spark out at them like you did?" The crowd was not shouting hysterically at this point, allowing them to communicate a bit easier.

Appius slashed down at one of the cats' paws as it swiped at his legs. He made slight contact and the panther growled and slinked away for a few seconds. It did not persuade them at all.

"I can't do it forever, but what'd you have in mind?"

Xolarin started to make his way over to Appius. "Can we keep this defensive stance up for a bit, with you zapping them as needed?"

The voices in the crowd started to change to shouts of "Come on" and "Kill them", likely cheering on both the Dark Jedi and the sand-panthers from all corners. It was not the most exciting part of the day, but the two were still alive. And so were the cats.

Before Appius could reply, one of the cats on Xolarin went for his legs while another swiped a claw up top. The Sorcerer saw the double-move, almost a planned attack, in his mind but was not quite fast enough. He blocked the attack at his face, slicing and burning into the paw of one of the animals, but the other connected with his knee and cut right through the gap in armor and his bodysuit. Xolarin cringed at the injury, and instantly worried about the poison that would likely follow.

Xolarin moved quickly, in the chaos, pain searing as he did, and got to Appius' back. As the two faced the beasts away from each other, the crowd cheered and hollered at the sudden action. Perhaps they couldn't hold them as long as Xolarin had thought.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 26 March, 2021 3:39 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Your second post delivered a nice, solid march of combat from both characters this time, all the way through. I really appreciated the teamwork shown here, and that they are taking the time to talk and plotting together, as one may have to in this situation.

I also just really liked that Xolarin's narration terms Appius as his friend, while in Appius' point of view, Xolarin is just all around a terrible horrible no good pain in the beskar. It was just one word, but it's what leapt out to me and invested me the most out of anything in this match. Contrast like that is good.


Can Be Improved

We had some more Syntax hiccups here, but readability wasn't affected for those errors. What DID throw you (or rather, your readers) for a massive loop was this:

Before Appius could reply, one of the cats on Xolarin went for his legs while another swiped a claw up top. The Sorcerer saw the double-move, almost a planned attack, in his mind but was not quite fast enough. He blocked the attack at his face, slicing and burning into the paw of one of the animals, but the other connected with his knee and cut right through the gap in armor and his bodysuit. Xolarin cringed at the injury, and instantly worried about the poison that would likely follow.

So, let's break this down. Appius is the Sorcerer. Xolarin is an Arcanist. The panther attacks Xolarin, and because it says "the Sorcerer," there, it is Appius who is seeing the attack coming. Mind you, Precognition does not include visual manifestations or visions of seeing the future but is only sensing danger, so that was a Minor Detractor for Realism. Then, Appius, having this precog-vision, cannot react fast enough. Xolarin though is the one being attacked, the one blocking one of the attacks that Appius saw coming but not both, and he is the one getting injured.

You probably see where this is going. Reading this, it seems like you just meant it to be Xolarin's Precognition, but the one word swap on their Disciplines cost you dearly. It sucks, but it's what's written, and we have to go by that. If that wasn't the case, and Sorcerer was intended, then the ruling is the same, because Precognition only detects immediate and intended harm to the user, not to the guy next to him.

As a final note, there was some discussion about your use of Hammer Time repeatedly one after another. As nowhere is it explicitly stated that you cannot do this — just that, "while arguably the most common power of the Force User, Telekinesis is an advanced power that requires concentration to maintain; and while short uses of the power come easily to most Force User, the more effort spent on the power, the longer it will take to recover" — I didn't mark it as a detractor, but as a reader and a Judge I absolutely feel like it should be, because that's just...not how it seems it should work. It's that having to actively suspend my disbelief.

At first, there was next to nothing. The injury burned like a hot knife that sliced through his skin. It was far from the deepest cut the Arcanist had ever received. The Sorcerer at his back had done far worse to him in their battle on board the Godless Matron. Despite this, the pain persisted and Xolarin could feel his heart pound like a hammer against his ribcage. Adrenaline flowed through the Proconsul's bloodstream, but he felt his body begin to weaken just as one of the panthers took the opportunity to lunge at him. Given his injury, he was not able to restrain himself as much as he usually could. His lightsaber haphazardly cut through the beast through its midsection, and the panther's body dropped to the ground beside him.

Xolarin didn't have a chance to process what he had just done. The Headmistress would not be happy, but that was a consequence he could deal with later. Suddenly, his arms relaxed against his will and his legs buckled under his own weight. The older Human couldn't maintain his grip on his weapon as it slipped through his fingers and onto the sand below.

"Appius, zap…"

Xolarin never finished his sentence before he dropped onto his knees and hands, barely keeping himself up on all fours. The Arcanist lightly twitched upon the surface as Appius' head snapped to fellow Taldryanite behind him. Xolarin weakly raised one hand to slowly remove his helmet. Sweat poured down his face, his eyes were bloodshot, his heart felt like it was running a thousand miles an hour, and his head pounded behind his eyes just as fast.

"Xolarin!?" Appius exclaimed. They gravely underestimated the poison the sand panthers carried within their claws. Under normal circumstances, the toxins were paralytic. They slowed down bodily functions, making everything numb and delaying reactions. It was normally not that potent until a few repeated scratches made contact with bare skin, yet the Taldryan Proconsul went down just after one, and with barely any exposure!

Appius wanted nothing more than to think that his fellow Taldryanite was weak, pathetic, and simply couldn't hold his own in a fight. However, deep down he knew that wasn't true. Despite their differences, Xolarin proved to be more than capable in a fight. From fighting against Appius on the Godless Matron, to fighting with him against a dark side corrupted jotaz, to fighting here and now with the Quaestor against a pack of ravenous sand panthers. As much as the younger man hated to admit it, Xolarin was a capable warrior, and Appius' Mandalorian side respected that. This was more likely the work of the Grand Master's ritual. The dark side was present in each of the sand panthers and mutated the poison within their claws, and the consequences of getting cut were severe.

"Kriffing haar'chak, Xolarin!" Appius cried out. His saberstaff twirled in his hands as the panthers surrounded them and acted as a threatening display to hold them at bay. It did nothing to intimidate them. The felines smelt blood in the air and their hunger drove the one closest to the Proconsul to lash out at the man's throat. Luckily for him, Appius sensed it coming and quickly severed the big cat's head before it had a chance to inflict any further damage. Its body dropped to a clump in two pieces upon the sand.

The crowd elicited roars of approval at the display of violence. They were finally getting to see the violence they so desperately craved.

The sound was deafening, even over the snarls and growls of the panthers. Appius grimaced as he began to heavily pant for breath. Ciara and Erinyes were not going to be pleased with the loss of two of their 'pets', but the Quaestor knew that their Zeltron Consul would be more disappointed if he let Xolarin die. So in the Sorcerer's mind, he picked the lesser of two evils.

Suddenly, the ground shook between both Force Disciple's feet.

"Oh, great. What now!?" the Mandalorian exclaimed. His question was answered when a pillar sprung up from the ground lifting both himself and his fellow Taldryanite twenty feet into the air. In his weakened state, Xolarin almost slipped off with the sand and into the fury of the panthers below. Appius managed to grab him before his fatal fall and pulled him to the relative safety on top. The remaining panthers leapt into the air and clawed at the stone that stood between them and their prey. The pillar itself consisted of specialised scanning equipment that beeped and took readings of the panthers as they jumped. No doubt due to the boffins watching the fight from the safety of their control room.

Xolarin began to heave and spew his stomach contents as the effects of the poison got worse and worse. That was when a giant sense of déjà vu hit Appius like a proton torpedo. He'd seen this exact situation before in his meditations. The Force was a fantastic gift for those who could use it for divination, and for the Quaestor, he foresaw a perfect opportunity to end a part of his problems right here and now. Xolarin became Proconsul instead of him. Xolarin was in charge of the Sorcerer's apprentice in Ostara. Xolarin was the one that deemed Appius a threat on the Matron. All the Mandalorian had to do was repeat what he saw in his blurred images. Yes, some of the details were harder to figure out than others, but all he had to do was place a boot against the Arcanist's ribs, and push. The panthers would do the rest.

Appius placed one large boot against Xolarin's armor, and the older Taldryanite slowly turned his head to face him. A mixture of confusion, betrayal and defiance filled the older man's face. The crowd gasped, whilst some encouraged the Mandalorian to go through with what he was about to do.

"Appius, you… sack of Hutt slime!" Xolarin protested. He tried to muster the strength to fight back against the Sorcerer, but the effect of the poison on his body was too intense.

"Do you have any idea how easy this is, Xolarin? All I have to do is push. You'd be dead, and out of my life forever."

"Then why don't you?" the Arcanist challenged, knowing full well the hell that would wait for Appius if he did.

"Because I have a better idea. I want to make you a deal," Appius said. "Currently you lead the SRI with my apprentice under your command. I want you to assure her safety."

"What?" Xolarin asked in disbelief. "I can't… guarantee that."

"Yes, you can! You have too! You're the frakking Proconsul!" Appius retorted. "I still don't like you, but I at least see your value and respect your abilities. So I'm giving you one chance. Give me your word that Dasha will stay safe and unharmed from you, and whatever the hell Nihlus is doing. Because if you don't, I'll have no reason not to turn you into cat food."

Xolarin wanted to be defiant, but he was caught between a rock and a hard place. As such, he had no choice but to be obedient. For now.

"Yes, I… agree," Xolarin confirmed through pained gasps.

"Good, now as for this plan of yours. Zap them, was it? Seems easy enough. When the Headmistress and Erinyes ask why the cats are all dead, I'll just tell them you told me to do it!" the Quaestor stated with a casual thumbs up and a grin behind his helmet, causing some alarm in the older Taldryanite. The Sorcerer's jetpack roared to life and lifted him off the pillar and down to the ground below.

"Wait! Appius…"

The Mandalorian either didn't hear him or simply didn't care. All Xolarin could do was watch as Appius landed on the sand with a hard thud, ensnaring the attention of the remaining three felines. They snarled and hissed as they turned to face the heavily armoured Sorcerer. Appius could hear his heart in his ears, his use of the Force at this point had been more than liberal. He knew he had to end this quickly, otherwise, he might be in the same situation as his Proconsul.

The Quaestor only had a few shots left in him, so he had to make them count! The dark side surrounded him like he was the epicenter of a galaxy. He pulled the sensation of power through his body to the tips of his fingers. Electricity danced between them as the panthers prowled towards the red-clad Mandalorian. Appius launched the tendrils of electricity at the panther in the middle of the group of three. It slammed into it and dispersed into the felines beside them. The big cats roared in agony as their fur coats singed and burned under the power. The stench of their burning flesh filled the air around the Colosseum.

Appius wasn't done there. One last time, and through heavy, gasped breaths, he unleashed a volley of electricity that struck into the closest panther and dispersed again into all three panthers. All three dropped into the sand, singed, burned and no sign of life between them.

The Mandalorian Taldryanite collapsed onto his hands and knees. He gasped for air and sweat beneath his armor. The approval of the crowd thundered across the Colosseum. The pillar Xolarin was still on top of began to lower back into the ground. Medical personnel ran out to tend to the older man's wounds and to tend to the poison that lurked in his bloodstream.

Appius smirked behind his visor as a single, satisfying thought crossed his mind.

This is all Xolarin's fault.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 26 March, 2021 3:48 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

"Do you have any idea how easy this is, Xolarin? All I have to do is push. You'd be dead, and out of my life forever."

"Then why don't you?" the Arcanist challenged, knowing full well the hell that would wait for Appius if he did.

"Because I have a better idea. I want to make you a deal," Appius said.

You did a lot of leg work here to make a story out of this, which is commendable. I like circuitous endings/callbacks, so the repetition of, "this is all Xolarin's fault" but turned on its head to be more of a positive thought for Appius was highly amusing.


Can Be Improved

Xolarin began to heave and spew his stomach contents as the effects of the poison got worse and worse. That was when a giant sense of déjà vu hit Appius like a proton torpedo. He'd seen this exact situation before in his meditations. The Force was a fantastic gift for those who could use it for divination, and for the Quaestor, he foresaw a perfect opportunity to end a part of his problems right here and now. Xolarin became Proconsul instead of him. Xolarin was in charge of the Sorcerer's apprentice in Ostara. Xolarin was the one that deemed Appius a threat on the Matron. All the Mandalorian had to do was repeat what he saw in his blurred images. Yes, some of the details were harder to figure out than others, but all he had to do was place a boot against the Arcanist's ribs, and push. The panthers would do the rest.

That said...the story here got a little confusing around what I presume was Farsight usage reference, and a little overly convenient again in the "traps" or techs serving to save them, and then Appius suddenly blackmailing Xolarin with his life on the line. It was certainly ruthless, it just wasn't all what I expected, despite the fact that you briefly mention Dasha in your first post. It still felt like this came a little out of left field. I think all this is essentially due to all of it being packed into the final post and having little to do with Xolarin's posts outside continuity, rather than a thread carried and built on throughout the battle. I'd advise that if you feel like you need to tell more story, then to focus on the pieces you already have, rather than adding so much more to the point that you're essentially writing this plot by yourself in a cooperative setting.

Additionally, consequent to being poisoned super severely thanks to the mutagens, Xolarin did nothing in this post, and no combat from both characters against the creatures is a Story detractor. Even him trying to, say, throw a rock at them to buy Appius a second would have worked. Just remember the rule.

The next biggest thing next to the Story convenience was Realism. You kept toeing the line and then dancing right on top of it, mainly in areas like back to back Force Lightning + Chain It usage with no downtime whatsoever in between, much like Xolarin did with Telekinetic Hammer. You're getting the same comment. As nowhere is it explicitly stated that you cannot do this — just that, "Force Lightning is an advanced power that requires significant concentration to maintain. Even at higher levels, repeated use of the power over a short time period can leave the Force User physically drained" — I didn't mark it as a detractor, but as a reader and a Judge I absolutely feel like it should be, because that's just...not how it seems it should work. It's that having to actively suspend my disbelief.

It did nothing to intimidate them. The felines smelt blood in the air and their hunger drove the one closest to the Proconsul to lash out at the man's throat. Luckily for him, Appius sensed it coming and quickly severed the big cat's head before it had a chance to inflict any further damage. Its body dropped to a clump in two pieces upon the sand.

You did catch an actual Detractor for the same thing Xolarin did too: Precognition does not cover immediate intent to harm another person nearby. It only covers immediate and intended danger to the self.

I know this looks like a lot of critique, and that it might feel dispiriting, but please don't lose heart. I explain these things to help you improve in your ACC ambitions. As I mentioned earlier, you always do a lot of work to tell stories, and that's good. You can refine that. Your first post of any battle is always a great place to leave yourself some groundwork, if not one possible thread to run with, then multiple, sort of giving yourself and your opponent options to pick up and pull on. Then you focus on that, and on building it. You did some of that here, it just didn't stick the landing because of the many different things you were trying to wrap up as opposed to just Dasha or just the sand-panthers or just the Xolarin-Appius one-sided conflict (as Xolarin views Appius as his, "friend").