Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight vs. Battlemaster Alaisy Tir’eivra

Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Force Disciple, Sorcerer, Mandalorian
vs.

Battlemaster Alaisy Tir’eivra

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Sith, Arcanist
Comment

First of all, thank you for completing and competing in the SARLACC!

This was an impressive and creative match, and not the easiest to grade because of it.

Both of you had technical competence in your writing, and, if your posts were closer to the average one thousand to twelve hundred word mark for posts, probably both would have pulled a four on Syntax. Neither of you had any super big syntax errors; a couple of missing words for both of you and a handful of commas.

Storywise you both rocked it! The orbalisk was an interesting idea, not a strict mutation on its own, but the changes to the venom and the incredible healing ability certainly upped the stakes. Alaisy, your ending was spine-shivering and a bit concerning as an ally! Appius, you had some creative ideas, though your opening post did drag on before getting to the actual match, which did keep you from a five here.

Realism-wise, we only really ran into the issue with the cryoban grenade in the starting post. While it does generate a lot of cold, it also states it's cold enough to damage/create shards of ice. It was felt that this was severely underplayed, even a comment about ‘hmm, a dud’ would have saved this.

While this was co-operative, every match must have a winner! And with a score of 4.77 Alaisy Tir’eivra takes it!

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight, Battlemaster Alaisy Tir’eivra
Winner Battlemaster Alaisy Tir’eivra
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlemaster Alaisy Tir’eivra's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [SCENARIO] SARLACC 2021, Round 2: Arx Colosseum
Last Post 27 February, 2021 11:23 PM UTC
Assigned Judge General Stres'tron'garmis
Syntax - 15%
Blade Mistress Alaisy "Aphotis" Tir'eivra High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 3 (Advantage) Score: 3
Rationale: Half a dozen minor issues between both posts. Rationale: Multiple errors of it/it's, some commas in both posts. Somehow one of the researchers was wearing an entire lab but no coat in your first post.
Story - 40%
Blade Mistress Alaisy "Aphotis" Tir'eivra High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: A lot of action, plot development, and a twist of an ending. Rationale: First post had some conflict, your second post had a lot more, as well as plot development.
Realism - 25%
Blade Mistress Alaisy "Aphotis" Tir'eivra High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues found! Rationale: The cryoban in your first post, as detailed there
Continuity - 20%
Blade Mistress Alaisy "Aphotis" Tir'eivra High Inquisitor Anderson
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues found! Rationale: The legs as detailed in your second post.
Blade Mistress Alaisy "Aphotis" Tir'eivra's Score: 4.77 High Inquisitor Anderson's Score: 3.85
Posts

colosseum

Arx’s Colosseum is a monument to the original Petranaki arena on Geonosis, the site where the Clone Wars began with an epic clash between Jedi and Sith. However, instead of confining itself to a decrepit ruin, the Colosseum stands as an example of what the Geonosian arena once was.

Walls tall enough to be unscalable for even the most practiced Force-user surround a theatre the size of a holoball field, floored with sandy soil. Above, rows of seats are packed together into sections for spectators to observe the carnage. The dignitaries who preside over the gladiator matches instead find themselves in an elongated platform “box”, with the large stone throne reserved for the most prestigious among them, flanked by smaller seats for their companions. Large holo-projection screens occupy each of the Colosseum’s walls, displaying images of the combat below streamed by the cam droids that circle the arena.

The arena floor itself is, naturally, more dangerous than it appears. A wide assortment of traps are concealed beneath the dirt and sand, including but not limited to: retractable fire-spewing nozzles, power coils firing bolts of lightning, electrified floor panels, deadfalls lined with spikes, and even obelisks that simply erupt from the ground. These traps are operated by sentient technicians in the Colosseum’s control room, well away from the fighting.

You and another member of the Brotherhood have been tasked by the Headmistress of the Shadow Academy with gathering research data on a wide variety of dangerous creatures. In addition to the normal raucous crowds, sophisticated scanning equipment has been set up around the Colosseum floor to monitor the creatures’ behavior and vital signs under a variety of circumstances—including combat and injury.

Your goal in this scenario is twofold: provoke the creatures and hold their attention for long enough that the Shadow Academy scanners can collect a wide variety of physiological data, and prevent the creatures from destroying the scanning equipment placed in the Colosseum by the Academy researchers. Once those tasks are complete, you will be free to leave the arena (if you can) and claim your reward.

The Headmistress would strongly prefer the creature be left alive and useful after the experiment is finished. She would also "prefer" that you not interfere with the research by attempting to rescue the creature, but you may do so at your own peril.

Roaring, thunderous clapping, and the incessant cheering of the crowd boomed across the Arx Colosseum. The bright sunlight beamed down from the clear sky above and heated the sand upon the arena. It was always hot on Uskil, especially around this time of year, but something about today just made it that little bit more intense.

A Mandalorian clad in bright red beskar armor waited patiently in the combatant's preparation area, arms folded and foot tapping on the floor. Beside him stood two Academy researchers finalizing the last load of equipment for the scheduled bout.

"Excuse me? Mr. Wight, sir? Are you sure your, ahem, partner is going to arrive?" the nasally words of the first professor timidly asked. He was a smaller Human in a bright white research lab with barely a speck of hair on top of his head. The moment he finished speaking, he was slapped across the back of his head by his colleague. A female Sakiyan, also wearing a pristine snow-white research lab. She had a glistening, hairless scalp, and a huge, bulging cranium that spoke of her intelligence.

"Wilshed! What did the Headmistress say about bothering the combatants!?" the Sakiyan scolded as Wilshed rubbed the back of his head. "I'm so sorry, Quaestor Wight."

"But Davina!" Wilshed exclaimed. "The experiment was supposed to begin fifteen minutes ago! The crowd is getting restless and…"

"Shut it!" Davina silenced him, despite the tone of her voice being much louder, shrill, and more irritating than her companion.

There was a measure of truth to the words Wilshed uttered. The longer they waited, the more and more the screaming and chanting of the crowd could be heard behind the Colosseum's thick walls. It wouldn't be long until they potentially broke out into a riot, or just flat out left from boredom. Neither was a pleasant result. This public exercise was a good chance to gain some credits and increase the Shadow Academy's reputation in the Brotherhood.

"She'll be here. The Headmistress requested her presence personally and she'd be insane not to take this chance. Oh, and call me Appius, no need to be so formal."

The Mandalorian gave them a thumbs up, and the two researchers were about to retort further until they saw the Taldryanite's head turn to face the nearby hallway. For a moment, there was nothing but the raucous natter of the crowds outside that could be heard. Slowly, however, the clanging and tapping of a pair of heel shoes could be heard echoing down the hallway.

What emerged was a Human woman so frightfully tall she could easily be mistaken for an Epicanthix. With a long black ponytail that stretched down to her hips and a pale skin complexion behind her respiratory helmet, it created an exotic, if not intimidating sight. It was a difficult combination to pull off, but she made it work. Even in the dimly lit preparation area, the light still glistened off of her latex suit, which clung to her body and showed off her natural bust and figure.

"And here she is!" the Mandalorian exclaimed excitedly as he clasped his hands together. "Are you always this late? Miss… Tir'eivra, was it?"

"Yes, but just Alaisy will do," the Shiny Sith replied with a smokey hint to her words. "And no. I'm not always late, but today is a special occasion."

It wasn't every day that a member of the Brotherhood received a personal request from a member of the Dark Council. Even as the Herald's Praetor, the Arconan was less than privy to the ruminations and happenings of those above her position. So when she received the holomessage from the Headmistress herself requesting her services, naturally, she was highly intrigued. So what if it took her a little extra time to prepare? Her appearance was exquisitely maintained and took a long time to perfect. It was more than worth it.

"Well, I'm Appius. I'm the Quaestor of House Ektrosis of Clan Taldryan, as well as one of Ciara's magistrates. Or lackeys if you prefer?"

The attempt at a light-hearted joke did not go over the Sith Battlemaster's head. She simply stared back at him, her breathing raspy through her mask. Appius feigned a cough and addressed the two researchers beside him.

"I think we are ready. Let the attendants know to raise the gate when we are inside the arena."

Davina instantly retreated to a nearby console to input the transmission through to the Colosseum's control centre. Wilshed, meanwhile, stood there gawking at the giant woman like she was a specimen he'd never gazed upon before. Alaisy could feel his stare and turned to face him, raising a single brow. This little act caused the Human to recoil and squeak as he fled out of sight and out of mind.

"The door is open, good luck," Davina said as the gate clicked and clanged. The chains and mechanisms worked to raise the durasteel to reveal the outside world. The harsh sunlight beamed into the preparation area and bounced off of Appius' armor. The Sorcerer gave a slight bow to the Arcanist and gestured for her to lead the way.

"Ladies first?" the Taldryanite suggested, getting an eye roll and deep sigh in response from the tall Arconan.


The crowd was deafening as the pair finally made their way out onto the dirt and sand. The natural light reflected off both the Mandalorian and the tall woman's armor, blinking into the eyes of members of the crowd that were unfortunate enough to be sitting in the wrong spots. Cam droids buzzed and whirred around the entire arena whilst scanning equipment dotted the walls of the circular venue.

"This should be fun," Appius commented, which earned him a dismissive glance from Alaisy.

"I'm only here as part of an arrangement with the Headmistress," the black-clad Sith retorted.

"Oh, I'm aware of the deal. So long as you identify what happened to the wyyyschokk and aid in this experiment of its capabilities, you will have unrestricted access to the Academy's artifact vault."

That seemed to appease the Arcanist for the moment when suddenly, a large set of doors opened on the far end of the Colosseum. What entered was perhaps the largest spider-esque creature either Force-user had ever seen. A large body was attached to several sets of legs that acted like daggers as they stomped into the sand. Black beady eyes glared back at the two Brotherhood members, and whilst its body was supposed to be a natural blue, it instead was covered in what appeared to be a golden carapace. The crowd erupted into thunderous applause at the sight of the unusual entity.

"Well, what do you think?" Appius questioned. Alaisy, on the other hand, hadn't taken her eyes off the golden shell the insectoid appeared to have covering its body.

It can't be. Alaisy thought to herself. Her curiosity got the better of her, and she retrieved her double-bladed lightsaber hilt, the Chromium Spine, and poured the power of the dark side through her body. She broke into an impressively fast sprint towards the beast, the sound of chains rattling, and latex snapping audible even over the cheering. The crowd ate it up, getting louder and louder as she got closer to the wyyyschokk. A warning from the Force flashed through the Sith's subconscious. A few heartbeats later, a sticky substance launched out of the giant spider's mandibles and raced towards her. Alaisy bent her knees and leapt several feet into the air, an act that elicited several gasps from the crowd. With an athleticism most could only be envious of, the Sith retrieved a baton-shaped object from her underbust belt with her left hand and threw it down. A blast of cold air detonated against the spider as it shook and shivered under the intense cold.

Snap-hiss!

Twin crimson blades erupted out of her lightsaber, and Alaisy used her opportunity to land a fury-filled strike against the spider's golden shell. Under most circumstances, the strike from a lightsaber would have torn through most sentient creatures, but as her lightsaber clanged and bounced off against it, the creature remained unharmed.

It is! Alaisy's eyes widened as she leapt back away from the wyyyschokk. Orbalisks!

As it recovered from the frozen blast, the beast readied to pounce at the Battlemaster when a sudden jolt of lightning shot it from above and staggered it back. The Mandalorian landed beside her as his jetpack kicked up a cloud of dust.

"So, you had your fun. Do you know what that shell is?" the Sorcerer inquired.

"Yes, I do. They are orbalisks. Creatures that feed on the dark side. They are powerful parasites that attach to a host to feed and grow."

The irony was not lost on Arcona's mistress of rituals as the symbiote in her suit reacted to the dark side within her.

"Ok, so you know what it is. Now how do we beat it?" Appius prodded further as the wyyyschokk focused its attention on them again.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 8 March, 2021 10:59 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


A bit of interesting back and forth between Appius and Alaisy, a setup to an additional premise beyond just the competition's prompt.

Can Be Improved


This post could have used more action, you spent about three-quarters of it just setting up, with a lot of extraneous chatting with characters that have no bearing on the fight. Background NPCS and additional character motivations can add flavor to a match, but too much can really slow down the story and can muddle the focus.

Also, make sure you fully read an item's description, a cryoban grenade does more than just make the area a bit chilly, where were the shards of ice, the 'damaging' levels of cold that can even cause harm to droids, much less a spider?

“You just flung a jolt of electricity at it. It responded in a satisfactory manner, no? You have to hit it where the gold does not shine. Now, less chat, more splat!” Tir’eivra’s modulated voice seemed to have a sarcastic tone to it, coupled with a sense of eagerness. She tapped her own chest and pointed to the right of the giant arachnid. With a snap of her fingers at the Taldryan, she directed him to the left by stretching out her palm and fingers.

“Let’s dance!” Appius said with enthusiasm, inclining his head.

The monster shook its many-eyed head and made its own assessments. It didn’t like being out in the open like this, so it slowly retreated, tapping across arena sand with its sharp legs.

Both Force users ran separate ways around the creature, dividing its attention and looking for its natural, softer blue tissue. It seemed the search was in vain, however. The wyyyschokk must’ve been infected for a very long time, as it was completely covered in strips of armor-like parasites.

How is it still breathing? Alaisy recalled that these parasites gradually suffocated their host. This spider was far gone—carrying that many orbalisks must’ve been taking a toll.

The tall Sith took long, calculated strides around its spiky legs in a wide circle, staying at a safe distance while she scanned for any traps that she or the wyyyschokk could trigger. The Mandalorian Sorcerer took a different approach as he ran the other way. He was trying to find out if there were any weak spots between its joints or underbelly that they could take advantage of.

Meanwhile, the arachnid had already considered which target it wanted to sink its fangs into first. Its eight eyes were set on the tall, black-clad, clickity-clackity danger-noodle—the one that so boldly attacked its golden shell. It appeared so deliciously soft, so much more tender than the metal-clad, nasty spark-fingers. It fluttered its chelicerae, venom dripping from the tips. It already wanted its prey separated and they had done that all by themselves. Now it just needed to keep the red one busy.

Its abdomen began to vibrate as Appius Wight approached the wyyyschokk from behind. Hindlegs began to scratch at its underbelly, droplets of fluid that were previously present on the back legs now disappearing. The Savant slowed down as he swore he saw something small skittering over the arachnid’s body. Then he noticed it, throughout all of the information that his H.U.D. was displaying: hundreds of spiderlings were crawling down onto the hot sand.

They were as ravenous as their parent, and had just had their nourishing fluid taken away. The nearest one spat at the Taldryan. A tiny webstrand adhered to his beskar’gam. The rest of the horde followed the little one’s lead, spitting their silk strings at him.

For a moment, Appius contemplated using his jetpack, but then he saw the mother-beast turn towards the latex-clad woman. Instead, he took on a defensive stance, turning his dominant side away from the cluster of spiders, spinning his Ner Ara and simultaneously activating its blades. The twin emerald blades caught all of the spittle they fired at him. With every pause in combat, he lifted his lightsaber as high as he could and pushed forward, keeping up a guarding and reactive posture. Quick twirls of blazing hot plasma snagged away at the arachnidian younglings as they curled up and burned.

The crowd absolutely roared as they saw the red beskar-clad Quaestor chop away at the baby spiders.

Meaning to add another layer of danger to the battle—for science, entertainment and survival statistics—a group of scientists decided to put some of the more lethal mechanisms of the colosseum to use. A depraved individual in a white lab coat observed just how close the Arconan came to the see-through wall and flicked a switch with the intent of harming her.

Alaisy, meanwhile, realized that the golden wyyyschokk had turned towards her when the Force decided to scream at her. It’s a trap! it seemed to be saying. Sure enough, a large conductive coil sprung up from the arena floor. The Sith pivoted her frame mid-run, sliding down on the sand with her platformed boots until she came to a full standstill. She activated and held her Chromium Spine in front of her. An oscillator shot out a burst of electricity aimed towards the Battlemaster. Tir’eivra held the crimson blades upwards, grounding them and catching the high voltage current with the lightsaber.

The Arconan let out a drawn-out sigh as the sparks died out and turned back towards Appius Wight and the wyyyschokk.

Alaisy!!” a familiar voice shouted out. The sound of a jetpack igniting could be heard in the distance.

Eight beady eyes stared back at her, less than a meter away. A chill ran over her spine. Her argent eyes widened behind the visor. She froze and her heart sank. The arachnid leaped on top of her, smashing her to the ground. Giant chelicerae were snatching at her hands. The Sith yanked them away, causing the wyyyschokk to clutch at her saber-hilt. It tossed the Chromium Spine aside with a swift flick of its head, dimming the crimson light with a hiss.

Both of Alaisy’s hands were desperately holding back the spider’s jaw-parts. It was strong. Too strong. It smartly retreated its head, ripping its chelicerae out of the woman’s grip, only to launch both pincer-like claws towards her waist, just as rapidly, right under her belt.

Needles penetrated the alchemical suit with ease, injecting venom as it followed through and pierced the Arconan’s porcelain skin underneath. The lightning-fast jab hurt like a thousand cuts. She screamed through her facemask and jabbed back in a frenzy at the wyyyschokk with her vibroclaw. In total agony and not knowing what she was punching at, the Sith could still feel something pop. Her razor-sharp, durasteel nails tore into one of the arachnid’s many eyes.

Both Sith and wyyyschokk were reeling. The monster wanted to launch another attack—to finish her off and prepare its meal for the day by liquifying her insides with an enzyme. But Alaisy refused and riposted by way of puncturing one of its black eyeballs. Alaisy’s vision began to blur as venom seeped through her bloodstream. Before the creature could retaliate, she continued blindly bashing at its beady orbs. She managed to take out another, and then one more, before the beast retreated.

As the arachnid tried to escape, it was hit by a devastating surge of electricity pouring out of the Mandalorian’s hands. He was channelling all of his anger and regret from the Force into the monster. The beast’s exoskeleton muscles spasmed and sizzled, prompting it to pull its head away from its prey. Each of the orbalisks felt the same pain as their host. Spiked legs stomped on the ground in jagged, uncontrolled movements.

Alaisy rolled to her side, limbs feeling weak, trying to avoid getting trampled. She stretched out her arms and searched for a connection with the Force. The only response was a wave of nausea. Her stomach felt wretched—perhaps it was a good thing that she hadn’t eaten before the fight. For some reason, her suit tightened up around her, transmitting a sensation of hunger. She gave it another attempt, compelling the Force to answer her.

Nothing.

For the first time she felt emotions of hate, sadness and fear ebb away.

“Get away from me!” she shrieked in desperation at the creature. Tears welled in her silvery eyes, but inside she felt nothing.

The venom, she realized. It must’ve been affecting her connection.

With a gasp and a loud hiss the Battlemaster’s lungs were filled with compressed air. She had instinctually activated her air supply, reaching for a dioxis grenade on her belt with a clawed hand. With a twist at the top of the cylinder and a flick of the wrist she tossed the canister in front of her.

The greenish gas spooked the gold-carapaced wyyyschokk. It already had trouble breathing with all the parasites choking it. Dioxis could very well kill it.

With a thud Appius landed nearby. He finished off the remaining baby spiders that were still brave enough to attack. He would’ve run over to the Sith, but he would rather avoid the coughing fits that the gas would cause.

Instead, he saw Tir’eivra slither and drag herself away from the wyyyschokk, which was fleeing to the opposite side of the arena. She managed to regain her bearings once she crawled beyond the cloud of vapors.

The Taldryan ran up to her, offering her a hand in kindness. He could hear the mutter in annoyance, before she slapped his palm away. With a huff she raised herself up to her knees and pushed herself onto her towering heels.

“You do seem rather fond of summoning electricity out of your fingertips,” Alaisy’s voice was judgemental and smoky, even between her short hissing breaths and modulator. Her sight seemed to be returning back to normal, but she still felt woozy and hollow.

“That’s right! Lightning solves many problems.” He seemed to be panting after the exertion himself.

“That nasty arachnid bit into my flesh,” Alaisy hissed. "I am unsure what the venom is doing to me, but I have not been able to get the Force to answer my will.”

“Let’s hope for your sake it has an antidote, or that its effects are at least temporary. Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” he answered jokingly through his helmet. But deep down he was worried, not for the Sith, but for fear that if he would get bitten that he might lose his connection to the Force in a similar manner. He could not think of anything worse, it would throw everything he knew and cared for into doubt.

Between newly-erected pedestals, on the opposite side of the colosseum, the arachnid had been spinning giant webs. Scanning droids were being attacked and destroyed on sight. It seemed to be digging itself into the sand, but kept finding out that the sand wouldn’t reach deep enough.

“I really wish I brought a flamethrower with me right about now,” Appius commented as he readied himself for another bout.

The latex-clad woman retrieved her Chromium Spine from where it had landed and rolled her shoulders, feeling strength returning to her limbs. Her alchemical suit was making it difficult to breathe. It needed its sustenance.

“I think the venom might be receding, but it seems like our friendly neighborhood wyyyschokk has been making itself comfortable in the meantime,” Alaisy said through gritted teeth.

“This might be the tough part; they are ambush predators after all. It’s kind of cute in the way it’s trying to cover itself with the sand, though,” the Mandalorian quipped.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 8 March, 2021 11:00 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


friendly neighborhood wyyyschokk

Alright, that got a chuckle. There was a ton of action in this post, and an interesting division of labor. There was a tangible tenseness to the entire situation of Alaisy getting stabbed through the gut, as well.

Can Be Improved


You had a few commas here and there that you didn’t need, and a few you could have used. Beyond that, it is unclear if the wyyyschokk’s venom has been altered by its mutation as well, as the aspect concerning it denotes the venom can immobilize a target almost instantly. That it is instead suppressing Alaisy’s connection to the Force implies an alteration.

I want to be clear that due to neither character having a lore related to creatures such as this (I think we can lump orbalisks under Sith Alchemy and Rituals) neither combatant probably even knows that this is an alteration, so this isn’t a detractor per say, just something that could possibly be better conveyed. Maybe make a note of the science types screwing with you from the sidelines nodding knowingly or something. Again, not a detractor, just a note for the future to help improve Story.

Alaisy slowly turned her head to the side and raised a brow at the Mandalorian.

"Cute? Really?" the Arconan voiced through raspy gasps for air.

The pair of dark side users were treated to the sound of an unholy shriek that pierced the air from the massive arachnid. With its many legs, the creature rapidly kept brushing sand from one side to the other until a small clearing could be seen below. Sunlight beamed upon the beige rock as the giant spider loomed over it. Sudden squelching could be heard through the air, as one by one, large oval objects dropped out of the back of its body and onto the ground.

"Ugh! I changed my mind. That is disgusting!" Appius shuddered at the sight of the wyyyschokk's egg-laying process.

Even the bloodthirsty crowd were audibly disturbed at the sudden display by the creature. Six eggs filled the space that the gold-carapaced spider created. To protect its young, the wyyyschokk covered the eggs in a mixture of webbing, saliva, and secretion that spewed out from under its legs. A foul aroma wafted throughout the Colosseum as many onlookers covered up their nostrils from the ungodly smell.

Luckily for Arcona's queen of terror, her suit, which included her visor, was pressure sealed and protected her from the stench. Appius, on the other hand, was not so fortunate and recoiled slightly.

"Are they going to be a problem?" Alaisy inquired.

Information immediately flooded Appius' H.U.D. he scanned the information he could collect linked to his datapad and sighed in relief.

"No. When they hatch, it takes five days for them to break through the sacs."

That was when the Battlemaster noticed flakes of the golden shell drop onto the eggs below. It seemed that not only the host to the orbalisks was infused with the dark side of the Force, but so was its young. A small number of the golden-coloured parasites scurried over the eggs and waited for their new hosts to hatch from their slumber.

They will make interesting specimens to test.

The thought pierced the Arcanist's consciousness. Perhaps she could take an orbalisk back with her to Selen for further experimentation? Such parasites were incredibly rare, and only the stories of Darth Bane held any knowledge to their potential.

But what about the eggs? The parasites took over an adult wyyyschokk host. Who knew what would happen to the spiderlings that hatched? Alaisy was not the type that stopped to wonder if she should when it was more a matter of if she could. This was one of those times her morbid curiosity got the better of her.

The humongous woman took a single stride forward, her heel dug into the sand and Alaisy felt herself wobble from one side to the other. The venom may have been receding, but it still coursed through her bloodstream, and she was nowhere near one-hundred percent.

"Stop. You are in no condition to fight," Appius noticed the lack of balance in the black-clad woman's step and decided to intervene before she could get herself killed. Alaisy's head snapped to his, her eyes hard and intense, like a supernova erupting in the Arconan's soul. The Arcanist's clawed grip on her saberstaff hilt tightened as frustration seeped like fire from within her core.

The Mandalorian was right. It pained Alaisy to admit it, and it left a sour taste in her mouth, but she couldn't fight the wyyyschokk in her current state. She just needed a little bit of time.

"I'll be fine, I just need a minute."

Arcona's mistress of rituals placed her spare hand on the wound by her waist. If the giant woman could stay clear of the combat for a short amount of time, she could rid herself of the poison and heal her injury. That, however, was going to be easier said than done.

"I've got it covered," Appius confidently claimed, much to Alaisy's confusion. The Mandalorian Sorcerer took a few casual steps in front of the Arconan. Her eyes traced his movements as she wondered what he could have planned. "Your minute, I've got it covered. I'll keep it distracted, you do whatever you've got to do. We need each other for this. There are too many unknowns and going at it alone is going to get one of us or both of us killed. Just, uh… don't take too long, ok?"

After giving Alaisy a thumbs up, Appius casually strolled towards the giant spider as it tried pitifully to cover its eggs in the sand. Unfortunately, it was nowhere near deep enough and they stuck out obviously to everyone in the arena. The giant arachnid's remaining eyes locked onto the heavy armoured man that approached. It seemed too easy. Sure, the other Human might have been the more satisfying meal, and certainly easier to sink its mandibles into, but this one was a potential snack for its young AND it's walking right towards them. How could it refuse?

The corrupted spider stabbed it's thin, dagger-like legs into the sand in a threatening display. The Mandalorian remained unperturbed, taking a few deep breaths to steady his breathing.

Snap-hiss!

Twin emerald blades ruptured out of Ner Ara. The Sorcerer held his saberstaff back in a one-handed grip with its blade pointed towards the beast. Appius' other arm was held parallel in a challenge with two fingers pointed at the wyyyschokk, like he dared it to make a move. His dominant foot was placed back, and the Mandalorian braced himself for the parasite-ridden spider's attack.

Considering the wyyyschokk failed to disguise itself or its eggs in the sand, its instincts forced it to do the next best thing and attack the heavily armoured man directly. Appius wiggled his fingers at it, beckoning it to do so, and the creature lunged at the Mandalorian in response. Saliva dripped from its mandibles as it attempted to ensnare the Sorcerer in its grasp.

Appius felt the Force whisper it's warning to him several moments in advance. He bent the dark side to his whim. The instantly hot sensation of power burned from within him and filled his body. Then, with a sudden mobility no-one expected, the Ektrosis Quaestor bent his knees and leapt into the air above the wyyyschokk. As he spun in the air, the Mandalorian instinctively slashed at the golden carapace adorning the corrupted spider's body. However, just like Alaisy's before him, his lightsaber blade bounced harmlessly off against the orbalisks.

Appius landed with a hard thud behind the corrupted spider and activated his jetpack. Flames roared out of the thrusters as the beast spun to snap at the Humans leg, only to miss as the Force user rose into the air and landed on one of the newly erected pedestals.

Alaisy, meanwhile, dropped onto her knees and closed her eyes. The Arconan placed the Chromium Spine in the sand beside her and placed two gloved hands on her waist, right underneath her belt where the wyyyschokk had sunk its fangs into her earlier. Contrary to what most understood about the ability to heal with the Force, it wasn't always a smooth and soothing process when used with the dark side. Whereas a Jedi's use of Force Healing was often relaxing and pain-numbing, like a tub of bacta on raw flesh, the Sith's use of the technique was almost the opposite. It healed the wounds, and it wasn't necessarily faster or slower. However, the dark side created a searing pain unlike any Alaisy had ever felt previously as she forced her wound to seal shut. This was exactly the way the Herald's Praetor wanted it. Nothing in life was ever gained without overcoming the grief and agony that came with it. With that determination in hand, she continued to endure the pain.

Alaisy pushed the dark side through her body, and although the wound itself was not too life-threatening, it would take a few hours to fully seal the injury. Cleansing the venom itself was proving more difficult. The effect the poison had on the Arcanist made it so her draw on the Force was initially more like clutching at straws. Yet, with each passing second, Arcona's mistress of rituals was able to draw upon more and more of that mystical energy.

The wyyyschokk attempted to climb the pillar in order to reach the Mandalorian above it. The beast's monstrous frame hugged the circular structure as it slowly made its way up. A blackish-red liquid trickled out of its broken eyes, which gave it a more horrifying look than it already possessed. However, a jolt of electricity forced it to loosen its grip and fall back down to the Colosseum sand.

"Is that… the best… you can do?" Appius taunted like somehow the wyyyschokk could understand him. The Sorcerer's use of the Force was taking its toll on him. Sweat flowed from the face he hid behind his visor, though he could sense Alaisy's connection to the Force gradually returning to her at an increasing rate.

Good, it won't be long. The Taldryanite mused to himself.

The crowd thundered in approval as they focused on the conflict between man and beast. Although, when the wyyyschokk returned to a standing position. It decided a different approach was necessary. The giant spider slammed its body into the pillar and sent Appius tumbling down to the ground. However, the Mandalorian Sorcerer was caught and trapped in the webbing that the dark side infused spider created. The pillar crashed at his side, with the Sorcerer's lightsaber lost somewhere underneath it. Sand and debris kicked up into the air as Appius lay there, unable to free himself from the spider's silk.

When everything settled, the Mandalorian Force user was covered in a thin layer of sand and strong webbing with the wyyyschokk towering above him.

"Alaisy! Your minute's up! I need some assistance!" Appius yelled with evident panic.

The Arcanist's eyes shot open, a yellow-crimson glow perforating from them. Finally, the Arconan was ready to return to battle. Hate and rage-filled her body as she retrieved her saberstaff from the sand beside her and sprang to her feet. The dark side dictated her every action as she broke into a fast sprint towards the wyyyschokk. Her waist still hurt, and she could feel her breathing harden after the effort of healing herself. But with the venom expelled from her body, her connection to the Force had returned.

Twin crimson blades snapped out of the Chromium Spine and sliced through two of the spider's legs on its left side, just before it could dig its fangs into Appius' neck. After all, the Headmistress said she wanted it alive, though neglected to mention she wanted the monstrosity in one piece.

The wyyyschokk shrieked and howled in pain as it recoiled from the sudden burning where it's limbs used to be. Alaisy dropped to one knee beside Appius and gasped at the sudden need for air. The tall woman was getting tired. Though at least the Arconan wasn't caught in webbing.

"Thanks. Do you mind cutting me out?" Appius asked.

Alaisy, however, was more preoccupied with the six eggs that lay half burried in the sand just a few feet away. This was her opportunity to grab an orbalisk for herself, and perhaps take a closer look at the creatures inside.

Unfortunately for the black-clad woman, the wyyyschokk let out a blood-curdling cry of agony which drew both Force users’ attention to it instantly. Green liquid squirted out of the gaps where it's appendages used to be, and both Alaisy and Appius' hearts plummeted into their stomachs when two new legs grew to replace the old ones.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 8 March, 2021 11:00 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


A lot more action in this post, as well as adding yet another mutation with the sprouting of new legs! The stakes were upped considerably.

Can Be Improved


So you had a repeating issue of its/it's, its being the possessive version. You got this wrong about half a dozen times. Also some curious word choices, such as heavy armored man rather than heavily armored, in the context of the statement.

You pulled a continuity error with having Alaisy swiped the legs off the creature, as it was stated in the second post:

The wyyyschokk must’ve been infected for a very long time, as it was completely covered in strips of armor-like parasites.

Completely covered is the operative word here.

Spectators looked on without blinking—if their respective species even needed to. For the moment, there was a sense of quietude. Hushed voices whispered to each other, pondering how one would even begin to defeat a creature impervious to the legendary plasma blades of the Sith and Jedi. Even its vulnerable spots had been able to regenerate, and it did so at such an incredible rate. Its restorative powers must’ve allowed it to stave off death from the many orbalisks attached to the spider’s body. They would’ve smothered and asphyxiated any other creature. Most could only dream to possess such features. If it was possible to sign up for these induced mutations, then countless individuals would be more than happy to volunteer themselves.

This was all fuel for the Headmistress and her team of scientists. Nobody truly knew her motivations for this event. One could potentially make an entire army of nigh-invulnerable spiders. Clearly the monster was already profilerating; they just hadn’t expected the arachnid to place its egg sacs in the middle of the Colosseum. Scanning droids were floating around its many pointed legs, while more were making sure the silken cases were studied thoroughly.

The wyyyschokk, however, did not enjoy the exposure. It normally had its meals in private, nesting alone after consuming its mate, so it could care for its young and, eventually, make the ultimate sacrifice for them. Instead of caring for the creamy white capsules, it was now stabbing its pointy-tipped limbs at floating, little mechanical orbs. The mother-spider took its time to select its first target. There was the dangerous, black-clad Human and the annoying droids. Then there was also its crimson-armored prey that was dangling deliciously in its webbing.

The arachnid had expended a tremendous amount of energy regrowing its legs like it had. Hardening its exoskeleton in such a short time would require even more fuel. It had caught its prey—even if it was the hard-shelled, less appetizing one—and it was now incredibly hungry. All of the golden orbalisk parasites demanded sustenance from their host, leaving the wyyyschokk no choice but to feed first and take care of its spiderlings later.

The Quaestor of House Ektrosis was more than thankful for the distraction that the droids had provided him, though it was quite the humiliation being stuck in its web for everyone to witness. He had hoped that his Headmistress would send more of them over or announce the completion of their data collecting, thus ending the arena battle.

His heart leapt into his throat as the wyyyschokk turned away from the droids. Terror ran down to the soles of his boots as five black, ravenous eyes stared back at him. In a surge of panic he pulled at the proteinaceous silk webbing. Failing to disentangle himself, he turned his head towards the tall Sith and witnessed her taking the chance to gather a sample from the midmost egg sac.

Alaisy! Cut me loose! F-forget the orbalisks!” Appius screamed at her with a shakiness in his voice.

“I can practically taste your fear, love. It is exquisite,” her voice was as sultry as it had ever been. Tir’eivra was slicing through an egg sac with surgical precision, using only her vibroclaw to avoid catching the spider’s attention. Heavy breathing through her facemask almost a moaning, betrayed exhaustion, and a steadily growing appetite. Her Chromium Spine had been clipped back onto her belt, combat ignored as she intended to find the perfect specimen.

Wight’s stomach clenched as the wyyyschokk’s head darted from side to side with every micro-movement he made, fluttering its pedipalps. It was looking for a soft spot to sink its chelicerae into. The Magistrate felt anger boil inside of him as the horrid Arconan witch claimed her prize while he was at the mercy of this beast. His sense of time seemed to slow as his body pumped full of adrenaline.

Alaisy found dozens of spiderlings skittering around inside of the silken cocoon, several still eating through their eggshells while some cannibalized each other in frenzied craving. A few were already claimed by the orbalisks, having one, or more, tiny golden chips covering their bodies.

Her gloved fingers snatched one out of the cluster. She managed to catch one covered in the parasitic creatures, which was much more sluggish than the others as it had its life-force drained. She stuffed the critter inside one her repulsor belt’s attached pockets, securing it with a click. Then, she grabbed a handful more, turning on her heel and holding them out towards the mother spider.

The Taldryan called out all sorts of phrases in Basic and Mandalorian. He attempted to burn through the sticky silk with his jetpack, but the plume of fire didn’t reach it, nor did it give him enough of a lift to pull him out of it. The wyyyschokk answered by spitting two more blobs of webbing at his legs and held him down with its jaws pressing on beskar. That gave the arachnid a good sensation while it searched for softer spots. It slid its mouthparts over red metal, from his chest plates until it reached his side, just under his ribs. Appius’ eyes opened wide as he tried to roll away. He strained to lift his fingers, but they were too stuck to even make a gesture.

Part of the crowd had to look away in revulsion, whereas others were more than a little fascinated by the prospect of seeing one of the contestants being liquified and then slurped up. Especially the beskar’gam-clad Mandalorian, a Force-user at that. It was a unique spectacle. Most weren’t even aware of the Sith anymore.

Squish!” Alaisy amplified her voice with her modulator. It didn’t catch the attention from the spider, yet, until she clenched her palm into a fist. The younglings made an attempt at biting through her glove as they were being crushed to death. They hadn’t quite developed their venom yet and their fangs couldn’t penetrate the alchemical latex. Their death-screeches were high-pitched and loud, even for the Human’s ears. The arachnids were turned to goop with a prevalent crunch of their carapace, their orbalisks unable to save them.

The giant wyyyschokk recoiled as mother-instinct kicked in. It immediately dropped itself down from its web, ignoring its hunger, its parasite’s pleas, and Appius’ sigh of relief.

“About time! I was almost turned into a live cooking show!” he bellowed out. Sweat dripped off the Mandalorian’s forehead inside of his helmet. He then gulped as he realized that he had almost caught back its attention.

Behind the domed visor, Alaisy’s argent eyes glinted with malice as she let out a twisted, mocking laugh. She stuck her hand down the silken egg sac again. As it rose back up, one of the eggs had been skewered by her vibroclaw and her palm was full of wriggling baby spiders. The wyyyschokk took a step towards the Sith as she dropped them on the ground. Daringly she mashed them one by one with the tip of her platformed boot. The beast let out an agonizing yowl as it watched its legacy being destroyed.

Undeterred, Tir’eivra reached for a thermal detonator and activated it with a push of her thumb.

Oh no, what is that kriffing woman up to? This time, Appius decided against yelling as he recognized the distinct beeping from that palm-sized explosive.

The wyyyschokk understood the danger she posed to its children, bending its long legs as far as it could and pushing itself off the ground towards the black-clad woman.

Alaisy braced herself, widening her stance, and dropped the spherical device down into the cream-colored cocoon. With a metallic thud it ended up in the middle of all the spiderlings and eggs. A constant crimson and an alternating yellow light shone through the silken encasement as the grenade beeped.

Some spectators within the audience stood up, recognizing the device. As news travelled, so did enthusiasm. The crowd was roaring at the show. Research personnel, however, kept their hands over their mouths in worry. No one was looking at their datapads any longer.

The entirety of the spider’s body jumped into the Sith, flinging her several meters backwards. The arachnid landed on top of her with a with a muffled thump. Legs surrounded Tir’eivra, its body pushing the air out of her lungs. She raised her vibroclaw as its five-eyed head loomed above her, gesturing that she was about to poke them out again, just like before. Then she clicked her tongue at the wyyyschokk in the same rhythm of the thermal detonator, increasing the frequency as the explosive reached its ‘danger zone’.

BOOSH!” Alaisy mimicked the sound of an explosion, believing the creature to be intelligent enough to understand her mockery.

It reacted to both her claw and the mimicry. The mother-spider wanted to keep its eyesight working and protect its young. It spat out a blob of webbing right at her facemask and backed off. Its many legs tapped rapidly onto the arena floor, rushing towards the glowing egg sac.

The spherical weapon did start beeping more rapidly. The wyyyschokk peered into the cocoon, following the on and off light and trying to get close with its pedipalps. It was taking too long deciding whether to toss the whole egg sac away from the others, or save all of its young by fishing the device out.

A bright coral and crimson ball of fire with a short, self-contained explosion blasted the spider-mother in its face. Eggs, spiderlings, silk, cocoons, and even some orbalisks were instantly vaporized. Giant, sharp legs curled towards the wyyyschokk’s carapace as its body dropped to the ground lifelessly. Most of its head was, quite simply, gone. The rest of it was singed by the blaze.

“What the?! I can’t believe that happened.” Appius gawked at the corpse as the dust and smoke settled. The spectators were equally confused and somewhat disappointed that the creature was no longer moving. The lab technicians were updating their notes, some of them relieved to see there were still two egg sacs left standing.

Alaisy scraped the webbing away from her visor. The Sith had to peel it off with her vibronails, scratching the transparisteel lens in the process. She looked on as her ears still rang from the discharge. Her breaths were short and shallow, but at least the effect of the venom had almost completely ebbed away. It left her with a ravenous hunger. The pain in her waist swapped from throbbing to spiking and back again. The numbing effect must’ve gone away and made the torment of her wound so much worse to bear.

“You killed it, quite literally. Mind uh, getting me out of here, now?” the Quaestor requested with a hint of fear still lingering in his voice.

He watched as the black-clad woman pushed herself to her feet and made her way towards him. His sense of relief was short-lived once he saw her eyes behind the transparisteel visor as she prowled around him. They were no longer argent, but a deep yellow with a blood-red ring, filled with a sense of deep craving.

Why isn’t she cutting me loose already? he thought as he suddenly felt weighed down by dread. Webbing wobbled, but Appius could not see her. She must’ve been avoiding his peripheral view, yet he could feel a shiver running over his spine.

“What are you doing?!”

Vibronails embraced his helmet as her eyes suddenly met with his. He felt his heart pounding in his chest. The round metal piece on her facemask—her voice modulator—no longer appeared black as the void, but swirled with crimson, spiraling light.

Wight’s hearing muffled out, first filtering out ruckus from the crowds, then the rest of the ambiance fleeted away. The only thing he heard next was a smack of her lips.

Somehow, he felt warmer, comfortable. Worries seeped away. Terrors disappeared, replaced with affection and excitement. He no longer felt like struggling.

Vision blurred, he felt light as a feather, yet his eyes were so, so heavy.

He felt his life force being siphoned away from him and handed over to her.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 8 March, 2021 11:01 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


SLUUURRRP Looks like Alaisy got some sip on. Interesting taunting to draw spidey in, and ultimately, blow it to hell.

Can Be Improved


She stuffed the critter inside one her repulsor belt’s attached pockets

Lost a word in the mix there, an 'of' her belt's pockets.

The arachnid landed on top of her with a with a muffled thump

And here it seems you had some repetition.

The round metal piece on her facemask—her voice modulator—no longer appeared black as the void, but swirled with crimson, spiraling light.

Alright, so, this feels like Illusion but at no point does it look like you’re using anything but the Force Drain feat. This didn’t affect your story score enough to bring it down this time, as the story was excellent, but in the future try to make it clear how you’re doing things like this. Show, don’t tell, obviously, but clear enough for the graders to figure it out.

Also, your spelling of proliferating was a bit off.