Adept Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz vs. Hunter Ellac Conrat

Adept Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz

Elder 1, Elder tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Sith, Seeker
vs.

Hunter Ellac Conrat

Journeyman 3, Journeyman tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Sith, Juggernaut
Comment

First of all, thank you for completing your match! I know this one started life as a SARLACC match but things happen, and you guys still stuck with it, so good job!

Secondly, an apology for how long this took to get graded, we’re swamped and we were giving event matches priority.

So, story-wise, realism-wise, this was leagues ahead of where you guys were in Phase One when I graded you, so that’s amazing!

Syntax-wise, you guys both had some issues. I detailed those out in the post notes. Keep getting proofed, and keep writing!

The interplay between Kamjin and Ellac was fun to see, and I like that Ellac seems to be growing as a character through these matches.

Both of you are showing great promise in the ACC, with a solid understanding of the mechanics, as reflected by your Realism scores here. Keep writing! And get proofed!

Finally, with a score of 4.3 to a very respectable 3.75, Kamjin pulls the win!

Hall Scenario Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Adept Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz, Hunter Ellac Conrat
Winner Adept Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Adept Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Hunter Ellac Conrat's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [SCENARIO] SARLACC 2021, Round 2: Arx Colosseum
Last Post 27 February, 2021 11:09 PM UTC
Assigned Judge General Stres'tron'garmis
Syntax - 15%
Master Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz Ellac Conrat
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: Minor spelling errors throughout, a few commas Rationale: Repeated and consistent errors concerning possessives, as well as spelling
Story - 40%
Master Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz Ellac Conrat
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Action-oriented, a bit of banter, and a lot of interaction. Rationale: Plenty of action and interaction, some of which were harder to follow than other bits.
Realism - 25%
Master Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz Ellac Conrat
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues found, good job! Rationale: No issues found!
Continuity - 20%
Master Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz Ellac Conrat
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues found! Rationale: No issues found!
Master Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz's Score: 4.3 Ellac Conrat's Score: 3.75
Posts

colosseum

Arx’s Colosseum is a monument to the original Petranaki arena on Geonosis, the site where the Clone Wars began with an epic clash between Jedi and Sith. However, instead of confining itself to a decrepit ruin, the Colosseum stands as an example of what the Geonosian arena once was.

Walls tall enough to be unscalable for even the most practiced Force-user surround a theatre the size of a holoball field, floored with sandy soil. Above, rows of seats are packed together into sections for spectators to observe the carnage. The dignitaries who preside over the gladiator matches instead find themselves in an elongated platform “box”, with the large stone throne reserved for the most prestigious among them, flanked by smaller seats for their companions. Large holo-projection screens occupy each of the Colosseum’s walls, displaying images of the combat below streamed by the cam droids that circle the arena.

The arena floor itself is, naturally, more dangerous than it appears. A wide assortment of traps are concealed beneath the dirt and sand, including but not limited to: retractable fire-spewing nozzles, power coils firing bolts of lightning, electrified floor panels, deadfalls lined with spikes, and even obelisks that simply erupt from the ground. These traps are operated by sentient technicians in the Colosseum’s control room, well away from the fighting.

You and another member of the Brotherhood have been tasked by the Headmistress of the Shadow Academy with gathering research data on a wide variety of dangerous creatures. In addition to the normal raucous crowds, sophisticated scanning equipment has been set up around the Colosseum floor to monitor the creatures’ behavior and vital signs under a variety of circumstances—including combat and injury.

Your goal in this scenario is twofold: provoke the creatures and hold their attention for long enough that the Shadow Academy scanners can collect a wide variety of physiological data, and prevent the creatures from destroying the scanning equipment placed in the Colosseum by the Academy researchers. Once those tasks are complete, you will be free to leave the arena (if you can) and claim your reward.

The Headmistress would strongly prefer the creature be left alive and useful after the experiment is finished. She would also "prefer" that you not interfere with the research by attempting to rescue the creature, but you may do so at your own peril.

Ellac sputtered, spitting up the remaining bacta from his gut. The drained bacta tank was illuminated behind him as his master, Sykes, handed him a towel.

“You heard me correctly,” Sykes intoned. “Based upon your recent performance, the Summit has elevated you to the rank of Hunter.”

Ellac, suppressing another cough, stood proudly at hearing the acknowledgement from his master. He gingerly touched the patch covering his eye. He had learned some hard lessons from Kamjin during his last excursion into the swamps of Arx. They had been worth it, though. He felt stronger. More connected to the Force.

As he was delving into his newfound powers he felt a sudden chill, as if all the joy and warmth of the world had been evacuated through an airlock. Turning, with dread in his eye, he saw Kamjin strolling into the room in his cleanly-pressed uniform and command cloak.

Ellac’s eye widened as Kamjin grasped Sykes by the shoulder and whispered in his ear. Sykes nodded in agreement.

“Get dressed, Ellac, you’re coming with me,” Kamjin commanded.

“Dressed? Where are we going?” Ellac managed to stammer out.

“You’re coming with me. Is that a problem?”

“No...No problem.”

Ellac dressed quietly back into his body armor. As he began to equip his weapons Kamjin stepped over and put a hand forcefully on his shoulder. “You won’t be needing those where we’re going. Come along, we’re going to be late.”

As Kamjin briskly left the room, the newly promoted Hunter thought better of what Kamjin said and clipped his saber to his belt. He followed in silence behind the Elder for a while until they entered into a large colosseum. Ellac marveled at the massive arena and had a moment of vertigo from looking into its depths.

“Keep up, Ellac,” Kamjin said, opening a gate and stepping into a circular hovering platform. Ellac hesitated for a moment before stepping onto the platform with Kamjin. Just as Ellac’s feet touched the platform Kamjin was off.

“I spoke with the Headmistress and she was impressed with your previous performance,” Kamjin spoke over the whistling wind as the platform flew over the arena. Ellac looked around at the barren floor of the arena and wondered why his peers said it was a living death trap. “She indicated that we could be of further use to her in the future.”

“Kam, are you taking us lower?” It was slowly dawning on Ellac as the platform was arcing down to hover a mere four meters above the ground. Ellac felt Kamjin come up behind him but didn’t react quickly enough. Kamjin grabbed Ellac’s lightsaber and yanked it from his belt as he shoved him off of the platform.

Ellac tucked into the fall. Landing hard upon his shoulder, he rolled with the momentum before rotating to look up at the elder clansmen. Kamjin looked down with disdain in his eyes. Ellac heard the mechanical chains rattle to life as a distant door groaned open. Ellac’s lone eye seethed as he looked at the Elder. What is wrong with this guy, was the only raging thought running through his mind.

“The Summit may have seen fit to promote you to Hunter. But I have not!” Kamjin had the platform rotating in a lazy circle around Ellac. “You did well to survive the rancors, but you did not hunt them. They hunted you!”

Ellac turned to face the widening maw of the door as a heart-piercing roar echoed across the colosseum. I know that sound, he shuddered as his blood froze in recognition.

“So, Ellac, I’m giving you another chance,” Kamjin smirked. “The Headmistress has made some modifications to our friend. You’ll find that its spawn are born more rapidly now and emerge enraged and ready to attack.”

Ellac remained transfixed upon the door, nearly open to its fullest peak, as the mother rancor came storming out into the open. Dropping from her were newly spawned rancors, at least three, screeching and clawing their way towards Ellac’s position.

He was in trouble and he knew it. But before he could confront the rampaging wave of death heading towards him, he turned to face Kamjin. Reaching deep within his newfound powers he stretched out towards the Elder. Having found him, he closed his fists and pulled forward.

Kamjin, too distracted pontificating about how Ellac would need to prove himself, was caught unaware. He was pulled forward off the platform, careening down to the ground with a thud. Ellac’s lightsaber and Kamjin’s own were knocked loose and skittered across the floor.

“I know more now,” Ellac huffed in anger. “So let’s see how you like one of your lessons.” With that, Ellac dashed off towards his fallen saber. Kamjin, recovering from the unexpected change of events, sprinted towards his own. Ellac tried to concentrate on his hilt to pull it towards him but failed to budge it more than a meter. Kamjin, on the other hand, had effortlessly pulled his two hilts back towards him. Grasping them mid-air, he ignited both blades in time to perform a crossing slash at the first rancor to reach them.

Ellac dove the remaining distance, clasping firmly onto his hilt and igniting the blade as he spun onto his back in time to slice off the clawed fingers of the other rancor. The rancor fell back, enraged and, for the moment, out of the fight.

Ellac stood apart from Kamjin. His fear of what happened last time outweighed the potential benefits of fighting together. As he focused on the mother rancor, already giving birth to another rancor, Kamjin was tormenting the final ‘baby’ rancor with illusions of predator birds trying to peck at it.

Ellac was in awe of the Elder’s abilities but then noticed they weren’t all birds. Some were hovering droids floating just outside the reach of the combat.

“Kamjin, watch out for the droids!” Ellac shouted.

Kamjin sighed as he lowered his illusion and, with a series of blows, hacked off the rancor’s arms before bringing both sabers together in a massive uppercut, eviscerating the beast.

“Clearly you weren’t listening to me earlier,” Kamjin shook his head as he closed the distance between the two of them. “They’re here to monitor and collect data regarding the latest experimentations.”

Kamjin pointed towards the mother rancor with his blue saber, “We have to keep her alive.” He then pointed at the injured rancor with his red blade, “Those we can do with as we please.”

General Stres'tron'garmis, 25 March, 2021 5:52 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Nice to see Kamjin get caught with his trousers down for monologuing (Ellac proving to be a sly dog). An interesting setup for the pair, made more amusing for me since I got to grade that match as well.

Good bit of action and interaction, and you kept the intro short and to the point!

Can Be Improved


Ya had one too many e's in acknowledgment, and perhaps something has changed since this match officially started, but on your snapshot for cosmetic for your saber, you have two red blades, not one blue and one red.

A pair of swiping claws snapped Ellac back to attention as he narrowly ducked the blow, bringing his crimson blade up through the infant’s arm, then into it’s side. The rancor howled in pain before slumping to the ground at his feet. Ellac turned back towards Kamjin, who was currently engaged with the mother and another of her spawn.

Kamjin rolled through the younger beast’ legs, flipping the hilts in his hands as he jumped onto it’s back. His lightsabers pierced deep through the rancor’s shoulders, causing the creature to wildly thrash about. As the rancor whipped around, Kamjin looked back at the mother experiment, who was swiping at the new probes that had replaced the earlier droids. Pulling his blades up through the young beast’s head, Kamjin leapt off the creature’s back, landing on the mother’s head as he deactivated his lightsabers, clipping them to his belt. “Remember me?,” he asked, a small burst of electricity shooting out from his hand. His question was met with bone-rattling roar as her attention turned to her new assailant. The Adept hopped back down to the ground, barely sliding past her claws as she swung at him.

As Ellac stepped forward to join the fight, the hairs on his neck stood tall in warning as the first rancor he ‘declawed’ barreled towards him from behind. Jumping to the side, he watched as the beast rushed past. Outstretching his hand, Ellac followed the infant’s movements for a moment before catching it’s foot with the Force, tripping it up. The beast crashed to the arena floor, sending a puff of sand flying into the air as Ellac leapt onto it’s back, sinking his blade into it’s skull. A roar erupted above the Hunter as the rancor’s body fell limp beneath him. He hadn’t noticed the audience in the stands encircling the arena before now. “So we’re performers now, huh?,” Ellac muttered to himself as he shook his head. He detested the idea of being an entertainer, but unfortunately, his survival meant they’d get their show. Ellac felt the ground shake below him as he drew his blade from the dead rancor’s head, whipping around to find the cause of the tremor.

The mother stood hunched with her fists on the ground, a cloud of sand hovering in the air around her. Underneath her fists, Ellac noticed a corner of Kamjin’s command cloak poking out from under her claws. “Did- Did you just…,” he chuckled as he stared at the rancor. “You killed him.”

Behind Ellac, a panel in the floor beneath the sand slid open, revealing Kamjin as he climbed out of the hole. Dusting off his otherwise clean Imperial uniform, he strode up beside Ellac, slapping him upside the head. “Hate to disappoint, but I’m still very much alive.” Kamjin continued on towards the beast without looking back.

“How did you-?” Ellac began, only to be cut off by Kamjin’s raised hand, his back still turned to him as he walked on.

“If you would pay more attention to your surroundings, you’d be able to answer that question yourself, but now is neither the time nor the place to discuss disappearing acts. We still have a job to do, and you have yet to prove yourself. Show me that you understand what it means to be a Hunter. What it means to be Sith. Any half-wit can survive. I want to know if you can thrive,” Kamjin said, allowing his hand to fall as he unclipped his lightsabers from his belt, the light from his red and blue blades springing to life with a hiss.

The mother rancor popped out four more children, enraged and bloodthirsty, just as Kamjin said. Ellac clutched his lightsaber tighter as he looked back towards the Adept with equal parts respect and loathing. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew Kamjin was right. If he wanted to become stronger, he’d have to stop acting like a sith and start being one. Ellac hopped off the rancor carcass beneath him, flourishing his blade as his boots met the sand. “I guess it’s time I go hunting then.”

General Stres'tron'garmis, 25 March, 2021 5:52 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


That poor mother, I can't even imagine what popping out that many kids in a short amount of time is like. Do rancor lay eggs? Uggggh

The 'Oh no he got crushed how horrible' scene legitimately got a laugh out of me.

You had a lot of action here, and no apparent realism issues, so well done! You also kept to continuity.

Can Be Improved


“Remember me?,”

You don't need to denote a comma after a question mark to modify dialogue, it's assumed that anything coming AFTER the question mark in the same sentence is from the speaker, but I like that you're more aware of the need!

Remember! Its is the possessive, it's is it is, you got this mixed up for most of your post (at least five counts of it), you also forget the s after beast' with an apostrophe, and while you capitalized Sith when Kamjin was ranting at Ellac, you didn't right at the end. Sith and Jedi are always capped.

Ellac tried to keep count of the spawned rancors. Even while fighting with Kamjin the mother continued to give birth and, more daunting than before, it seemed to be birthing multiple rancors now. He looked enviously at how effortless the Elder Sith cut down the rancors. Here I thought I was trapping him with me and he’s acting like it’s another day in the training room. he thought as the twirling dual blades dissected another rancor.

I need to embrace the Sith way, Ellac closed his eye. Forcing himself to peer through the veil of reality the Dark Side gave him new sight. His body was a swirling mass of dark shapes against a ruby red frame. His body glowed slightly compared to Kamjin’s blazing dark light ahead of him. The distractions of the audience faded into an empty arena.

And there before him, he saw clearly the rancors. There were six. Four were trying to surround Kamjin to no avail and the two newly spawned ones.

Ellac walked towards the new beasts. His earlier fear at the arrival of the mother rancor washed away as she roared. Her new children raced towards Ellac. Ellac met the first twisted shape of a creature with his blade. The crimson blade sliced effortlessly through the shadowed form as its various appendages were separated from its body and then disappeared in the Force.

Throwing his body into a cartwheel jump he allowed his blade to sweep through the head of the other rancor. As he landed the shadowed head evaporated moments before the rest of the body was lost to the ether of the Dark Side.

Elsewhere, Kamjin smirked to himself, having sensed Ellac embracing the Dark Side. He let himself enjoy the moment of another soul feeding the dark energies of the universe. As the four rancors began to approach him he thought to himself, they really are adept at pack hunting so early after birth. Ciara should be proud.

As they pounced Kamjin hurled his blades outwards. As they flew straight through the air they passed effortless through the rancors. As the rancors collapsed he recalled the two blades to his outstretched hands.

Clipping them back to his hips he turned to look at Ellac. Oh no…

Ellac, reveling in the Dark Side, was facing off against the mother rancor. Kamjin reached his hand up and adjusted his comlink to the Shadow Academy observation channel. As the static cleared he heard, “...test subjects continue to spawn at increased rates. Data analysis is 74% complete.”

As three more rancors were birthed Ellac began to dance between their striking claws and snapping mouths. At least he’s learned to stay out of the way.

Kamjin strolled towards the action, impressed with Ellac’s improved control over his blade and the budding use of Form VII. The fierceness of the blows sent limbs careening off their previous owners.

Kamjin sensed it before Ellac did as he snapped his blade from his hip igniting the blood red blade. Out of the ground pillars sprang up. Sudden arcs of electricity shot out. Kamjin blocked them with his blade but Ellac, too focused on the rancor, was caught unaware. He should have been able to dodge that. He’s not paying attention.

Ellac’s body shook as the electricity coursed through his nervous system. As the blast subsided Ellac’s vision returned to normal just in time to duck the swiping claw of the mother rancor.

Oh no...oh no…, Ellac though as he dove over another swiping claw. As he tumbled he rolled under a burst of flame before coming back to his feet. His cloak smouldered from the flame. Like a deathstick user, Ellac was feeling withdrawal from being snapped out of his Force vision. This time he felt the extension of the claw hand before it happened and he rushed to ducked behind a column.

Kamjin shook his head at the error in judgement. As Ellac dove behind the column the mother rancor’s clawed hand collided with it. The column shattered into pieces of permacrete and parasteel. As the dust billowed up the rancor was momentarily distracted and sauntered off, birthing more rancors.

Kamjin arrived at the pile of rubble to find Ellac’s leg pinned. Ellac, blooded by the debris, looked up at Kamjin. “Help me free my leg,” he pleaded.

Kamjin sneered back at him, “Help yourself.”

General Stres'tron'garmis, 25 March, 2021 5:52 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Data analysis is 74% complete.”

This made me chuckle more than it should have. As the third post of a singular battle, it can be difficult to keep the story going.

You did this just fine, with plenty of action to boot.

Can Be Improved


You toed the edges of Telekinetic combat without any feats (like TK Mastery/Combat or Saber Throw) but since you didn't really get into 'what' Kamjin did, you didn't get a detractor. Not really getting into what he did, though, also didn't help the story score greatly, it was more like you hand waved four rancor away from the equation with a single sentence.

You had a few very odd spelling errors, effortlessly instead of effortless would have been right, thought where you wrote though, and 'rushed to ducked behind a column' should have been dove.

“Kamjin!,” Ellac growled as the Adept turned his back, pursuing the mother as she continued to drop even more of her spawn. His knee laid twisted underneath one of the larger pieces of the column, yelping as the blinding pain shot through his leg, drawing the attention of multiple newborn rancors. ‘You’ve got to be **kidding* me!’* Ellac pat the sand around him, frantically searching for his lightsaber as they charged towards him. “Dank Farrik! Come on, come on!,” He spat, his heart beating violently inside his chest as adrenaline threw his focus into overdrive. “Alright… Calm down, calm down. Think!” The thumps in the ground grew stronger as the creature’s stomped towards him, now nearly on top of him. An image of Kamjin’s cape in the sand flashed into his mind, and Ellac pushed his hands through the sand, a slight smirk creeping onto his face as his hands met the solid surface beneath. The rancors slammed their fists down at Ellac, causing the deadfall beneath both the Hunter and the beasts to give way to the spikes below. The rubble fell away from Ellac’s leg as he grabbed the rim of the pit, his knee still throbbing as pulled himself up. Another roar erupted from the crowds above as the rancors plummeted to their deaths.

Kamjin sank his blade through the eye of a dismembered rancor, looking back at the Apprentice with mischievous glee, Ellac’s dark silhouette swelling in unfocused rage as he rose to his feet. ’Good man,’ Kamjin thought as he fed off young Sith’s energy, looking back at the beasts surrounding him. The mother had turned towards Kamjin, now actively trying to rip him apart while still birthing more of her children. His blades danced in a blur of red and blue light as he cut down the young surrounding him, while avoid their mother’s massive strikes. “Now we’re having fun!”

Finding his lightsaber in the sand, Ellac could sense the creature’s approaching him. “Come on then!” His shouts echoed off the arena walls as he ignited his scarlet blade. He slammed his dislocated knee with the butt of his hilt, screaming out as his knee popped back into place, a combination of adrenaline, a sharpened focus in the Force around him, and sheer stubbornness numbing the majority of the pain. The rancors shifted into shadows once more as every muscle in Ellac’s body coursed with power. To his side, a clawed hand swiped down at his head, meeting only the plasma of his lightsaber as Ellac dragged it through the length of the beasts arm and clean through it’s neck. Come on! Ellac’s mouth formed the words, unable to speak them as he lost himself in the Rage. One by one, Ellac carved his way through each rancor, and one by one they fell lifeless to the ground as suddenly as they were birthed. The dark shadows before him blurred together as his body seemingly moved of it’s own accord, his weapon slashing through their numbers.

A muffled shout tugged at Ellac’s mind as his red blade, which had met no prior resistance, slammed straight into one of the blurred figures, the sheer force knocking his assailant to the ground. The Hunter stumbled forward himself, dropping to his damaged knee, causing him to come-to. On the ground in front of him laid Kamjin, one of his lightsabers resting far to the side as if it had been knocked away. Ellac grimaced, his head thobbing as the abrupt drain of energy began to exact it’s vengeance on his body.

Seeing the Sith still on the ground, the mother stomped towards them, enraged and vicious as ever. Kamjin pushed himself to his feet, extending one hand towards his weapon, and his other at the charging beast. Lightning cracked at the rancor from his fingers as his lightsaber flew into the the other hand. The creature flinched with a growl as the energy hit her body, slowing only a little in her approach. “Dammit, Stop!,” he yelled extending both his hands as he shoved her backwards off her feet.

Ellac slumped to the ground beside him as Kamjin’s hand shot up to his comlink again. “…subject’s heightened neural activity is beginning to increase spawning rate. Data analysis is 100% percent complete. Test finalized.” Kamjin dropped his hand as he lightly kicked at Ellac’s limp body. “Good, you’re not dead. I haven’t had my fill with you yet,” he muttered, looking over at one of the gates as it creaked open. A line of rather beefy looking droids streamed out of the doors, followed by another hooded individual. The figure moved past the mother as the droids prodded her into the gate.

Removing her hood, the Sephi walked over to Kamjin as he stood over an unconscious Ellac. “What did you do to this one?,” she said.

“Come now, Ciara. Not everything that happens to these fresh bloods is my doing,” Kamjin sneered back, meeting only her raised brow and doubtful gaze.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 25 March, 2021 5:53 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


A good representation of Rage, not a power we see very often, though name-dropping the ability you're using is kinda questionable. While this isn’t a detractor, showing more than telling what you’re trying to do will in the long run benefit your Story score. Seeing it play out with exhaustion was a good touch!

Plenty of action in this one.

Can Be Improved


Some of that action was a bit hard to follow, trying to figure out how the rancor just...missed...Ellac when trying to pound him through the dirt with the pitfall was a bit mind-boggling.

On the syntax front, you continue to have an issue with possessives, not just its/it's but a few others being marked with apostrophes where they weren't appropriate. You also missed an r in throbbing and doubled up on the when talking about Kamjin summoning his lightsaber.