GRD Taysar vs. DJK Tevarias

Guardian Taysar

Journeyman 2, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Wookiee, Obelisk, Juggernaut
vs.

Dark Jedi Knight Tevarias

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Bpfasshi, Obelisk, Juggernaut
Comment

In the end, this came down to who made fewer mistakes, even though both sides made a fair number. In the end, Taysar's writing was just that much more believable, despite being sloppier.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants GRD Taysar, DJK Tevarias
Winner GRD Taysar
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
GRD Taysar's Character Snapshot Snapshot
DJK Tevarias's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Begeren - The Obelisk, Co-Op
Last Post 18 May, 2015 12:45 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang Keiji Suoh
Score: 2 Score: 1
Rationale: Similar to opponent, just a bit less of it. Rationale: Lots of noticeable mistakes that run the gambit from capitalization to sentence structure.
Story - 40%
Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang Keiji Suoh
Score: 2 Score: 2
Rationale: Similar to opponent. Rationale: Everything seems forced and undeveloped and just not entertaining. This reads like a really bad kung fu movie, but I don't even know why that guy is beating up that other guy.
Realism - 25%
Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang Keiji Suoh
Score: 1 Score: 2
Rationale: Same as your opponent, but even more mistakes. Rationale: While I buy the way you killed Necren a bit better than your opponent did, overall you made a lot of the same mistakes. This didn't feel like you were fighting a vastly superior opponent. She never used any of the abilities she had at full strength.
Continuity - 20%
Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang Keiji Suoh
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: General ignorance of damage. Rationale: General ignorance of damage.
Grand Inquisitor Tisto Kingang's Score: 1.95 Keiji Suoh's Score: 2.05
Posts

Combat Master’s Note: Because you are matched against a member of your Clan, this battle takes on a unique format. You will be encountering Darth Necren with an ally. Treat Necren as you would any other ACC opponent. In addition, note that your character, unless he or she has a specific reason for not knowing, should recognize the name and likely the unique weapon of Necren, as she is a rogue Dark Jedi frequently in service to a variety of Dark Councilors. She has made a reputation for herself for her brutal efficiency in fulfilling her missions. Darth Necren is aligned strongly with the Brotherhood and to the Dark Council. You WILL be judged using the ACC rubric, so the person posting the best story will move on to subsequent rounds. If you wish to fight your Clanmate as well, you may, but this is not in any way a requirement.

Begeren. Once a prosperous Sith world, it has been the site of numerous battles throughout the millennia. Grand halls and monuments were torn down and re-purposed by looting Republic forces thousands of years ago, before they were driven from the planet. Isolated settlements still dot the planet's surface, but the inhospitable, craggy, and desert-like terrain, along with the beasts common to many desert and Sith worlds, have kept most humanoids from colonizing. The One Sith’s hold on Begeren is all but broken, though a few small pockets of resistance remain. The Clans and Houses of the Brotherhood now swarm the planet to defeat them, but attention has returned to plunder. Roaming bands of Jedi, adherents to light and dark alike, claim—or destroy—priceless artifacts at every turn. One of the few remaining untouched areas on the entire planet is the Valley of Monuments, so named for its glorious architecture.

The area is impossibly quiet, the air itself seemingly dead. Though you have taken different routes, you find yourself now with an ally from your Clan approaching a massive monument. Both of your perilous treks have lead you to the heart of the Valley of Monuments and to the foot of a massive obsidian obelisk, rising maybe a hundred meters into the sky, each side perhaps ten meters wide. The obelisk is bound by ancient Sith symbols rising more than half way up the ancient monument. Not too far in the distance sits an ancient palace, impressive towers and terraces rising high into the sky. Weapons bristle from the superstructure of the palace far in the distance, large turbolaser batteries easily visible. Yet here, in the courtyard at the foot of this massive monument, the One Sith are nowhere to be seen. To either side of you, a ways in the distance, are impressive cliff walls, faces of long-gone Sith warlords and heretics alike etched into the canyon, preserved in near-pristine condition.

Beneath your feet, the ever-present sands have gradually given way to fine polished granite blocks, some up to a meter in length and width. These blocks form a large pathway leading towards and around the obelisk, then to the palace proper. Both you and your ally are drawn towards the obelisk, your gazes briefly locked on the monument.

The symbols on the obelisk periodically pulse a faint red, all but invisible against the obsidian stone. As they do, power washes out from the obelisk, bathing any nearby with the dark side. You know that on the other side of the obelisk in front of you is a small chamber holding an impressive six inch red crystal, and if intelligence reports are correct, that crystal is likely the source of the energy bound within the obelisk. Some within the Dark Council are desperate for the artifact. It was once a prized possession of Lord Tytonus, though what purpose the crystal held to her is unknown; it was recovered from her fallen corpse after the Sith Empire put her rebellion to rest ages ago.

Before you can even reach the crystal, footsteps upon granite stone tell you that you two are not alone, and you realize that whatever you two were going to do with the crystal, it would have to wait. Someone else has come for the precious artifact.

You turn towards the origin of the sounds and notice a hooded figure wielding a long-handled lightsaber several meters in the distance. Both you and your companion can feel the weight of the her power through the Force, and know you both now stand between her and her likely objective.

Tevrais and Taysar approached the Obelisk. The two looked at each other as they felt their opponent arrive. Tevarias looked at his wookie friend. The two meter tall walking carpet could take on many foes, but the power Tevarias felt was… beyond what he has anticipated.

Taysar looked down to his Bpfasshi companion. “Raggh Raa Rarrg” he said in shiiriwook.

Tevarias nodded in agreement. “Yes this is someone powerful big guy. I think your lord death would be pleased as well. But I don’t think we have enough power to fight her. We will try, but we must be ready for a worst case scenario here.”

Taysar, normally calm under all conditions, nodded with a small hint of fear and anticipation. The two approached the obelisk. Tevarias held out the hilt of his lightsaber, ready for a fight. Taysar pulled his riot sheild from his back and ignited his crimson blade.

From behind them came the buzz of a lightsaber igniting. The two warriors turned, and Taysar put up his shield quick enough to block the incoming saber strike. The two warriors stared at their opponent for a brief second. They recognized the iktotchi as Darth Necren. There could be no one else, especially based on her elongated saberhilt.Taysar returned the strike with a deliberate uppercut, aiming for the Iktotchi head. While the saber passed to the side, Darth Necren took several steps back, re analyzing her foes.

Tevarias took the opportunity to seize the initiative and get her talking. “Darth Necren I presume?” he stated. “There is no need to come to violence. We can all walk away without any need to die.”

The Iktotachi looked at the Bpfasshi. She leaped past Taysar quicker than the wookie could move, and sent a strike at the man with the purple blade. Tevarias ignited his saber at the last second and lazily pushed the strike aside. He followed with another lazy movement, a short stab at the Iktotachi’s right leg, an attack that was foiled easily. The Iktotachi backed off again, reassesing the skill of her opponents, wanting to get the fight done correctly.

Tevarias lowered his blade, and said nervously “Don’t waste energy. We plan to survive. Taysar, lets end this.”

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 18 May, 2015 8:38 PM UTC

Notes on this post: 1) Languages are generally capitalized. Also, it's better if you also provide a translation.

2) Deific figures should also be capitalized

3) Species names are generally capitalized (human is debatable)

Bunch of other proofing mistakes. Finding it interesting there's no dialogue from the NPC.

Taysar shouted in agreement. This fight would have to end fast, if they were to have any chance of beating her. Taysar rushed at Necren, his opaque black shield in front, and his red lightsaber following behind him, and with his lifeless expression on his face. Necren leaped over Taysar and started to bring her saber down upon his back. Taysar blocked this blow by using the Force to see around him. Taysar turned around quickly to face his opponent.

He saw Necren ducking under Tevarias’s thrown lightsaber, and watched as the blade returned to his hand as he also followed in. Necren quickly started to attack Taysar. Taysar blocked her flurry of blows with his shield, hardly having to move it. She then jumped away from Taysar and started to attack Tevarias.

She started to do another string of attacks, while circling Tevarias. Tevarias had to put up more of a fight to block her attacks, and eventually jumped next to Taysar, but still showed little effort. Together Taysar and Tevarias charged at Necren. They both attacked her from each side. She dodged Tevarias’s attack and managed to get a cut on his arm and leg, but Taysar managed to get one blow on her. His armory lightsaber cut her side leaving a few, very painful looking burns. She jumped away, and then charged at Taysar. She did her same move as before, jumping over him. This time when Taysar went to block, she changed the direction of the attack at the last second, cutting him on his back horizontal. She smiled, knowing that she hit her mark, but knew the fight wasn’t over yet.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 18 May, 2015 8:44 PM UTC

Middle paragraph doesn't sound at all like a Vapaad/Ataru user, They're all about movement.

Noticeable word choice and sentence structure issues as well.

Taysar and Tevarias shruged off their wounds with little complaint. Darth Necren smiled. These two journeymen would die. Then she saw Tevarias’s expression. He had two small cuts that from their positioning should bring waves of pain to the Bpfasshi, yet he stood their smiling. Necren lashed out at him with a telekinetic blast of the Force, slamming the Bpfasshi to the obelisk.

Tevarias laughed as he flew back, hardening his skin through the Force. When he hit the obelisk he feigned unconsciousness, and called the Force again to heal the two cuts. Necren jumped towards him, only to be bashed away by the wookies shield. The Iktotchi growled at the wookie. these two just refused to go down easily. Necren called upon the Force again, lightning flying from her fingertips as she blasted the wookie. Taysar was unable to get his shield around in time to save him from the energy, and crumpled to his knees under the seconds of lightning he was introduced to. The pain was enough to knock him unconsciousness, and Necren kept up with her assault, pushing the wookie near death.

Tevarias’s eyes opened up when he smelled singed hair. Scrambling up, he threw his lightsaber at the distracted Iktotachi, and severed her hand from her arm. as his lightsaber returned to his hand, he swung down and called upon the Force allowing his anger to control him. Necren got her unwieldy saber up in time, but had to augment her strength through the force barely able to keep her guard up, the Bpfasshi’s strength was beyond hers, even with her more advanced training. Tevarais followed his lightsaber strike with two short, quick punches under Necren’s saber and into her chest. Necren dropped the saber and fell to the ground winded. Tevarias raised his saber to strike, and was blasted by Darth Necren’s lightning. Pushing himself through the pain, he began to laugh, and swung the saber down, blocking the lightning. He then kicked Necren’s face, breaking her nose but barely avoiding putting himself in the lightning's path. He felt his anger slip away, and knew he had to finish the fight. He sent his saber down, killing her but was rewarded with her final blast of lightning that hit him in the chest.

Tevarias called upon the Force to heal himself again, coughing up blood. He struggled to his feet, and moved over to check on Taysar. The wookie was unconscious but alive. Tevarias nelt to the ground and called on the Force a final time to heal his wookiee companion.

As the wookie’s eyes opened up, Tevarias shook his head. “It is over my friend. We beat her. You're going to have a nice burn or scar from the lightning. I’m amazed we beat her.”

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 18 May, 2015 9:15 PM UTC

Whie Taysar might be able to shrug off wounds to some degree, you don't have that Force power (Control Self). Also, when you do the saber throw, Necren's precognition would have given her ample warning of the attack , so the damage doesn't seem realistic. You also seem to be utterly ignoring the damage from lightning.

Necren looked at the wookie. Although less powerful than the Bpfasshi, he was stronger in combat, and was more engaging. She blasted Taysar away, and for good measure, threw some Force lightning at him. She would deal with him later.

Taysar smashed into the walls, having his lightsaber roll away from him. His shield slumped slightly to catch some of the lightning, but most of it burned his right arm. Taysar struggled to stay awake. Necren was now engaging in combat with Tevarias. She pushed hard, giving everything. Tevarias tried to block, and managed to do so a few times, but was eventually thrown back, like Taysar. Tevarias managed to roll away from the first attack, but was pinned now. She was going to end him.

Taysar saw this. His friend, about to die. Taysar had given a life debt, and in no way was Tevarias going to die on his watch. Taysar let his long held back emotion come forth. He felt the anger fill his body, and empower him. Taysar charged forth at Necren, with only his shield, and released a rage filled roar. He tackled her, and while holding her down with his legs, started to bash her head in with his shield. Again and again the edge of his shield connected with her skull. Taysar’s gray-blue eyes seemed to swirl as the blood from her head splattered his shield. When Taysar deemed her dead, his rage went away. Taysar sat down to the former Darth Necren, though you wouldn’t know it was her. Her face was unidentifiable now, due to the terrible beating the wookie gave him. He breathed heavily from exhaustion.

“Ra Raggh Rgaagh rr Rraggah.” Taysar said. Tevarias walked over to Taysar, clutching his broken rib. He healed it slowly as he stood next to his friend.

“Ya saved me bud. Trust me, I’m sure your god is VERY happy with the result.” Tevarias said. Taysar only looked at him, his irises done spinning, and nodded. He had done his job of protecting Tevarias with his life. He doubted this would be the last time.