Peacekeeper Turel Sorenn vs. Battlemaster Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr

Guardian Duelist Turel Sorenn

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Human, Guardian, Seeker
vs.

Battlemaster Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Chiss, Sith, Marauder, Imperial
Comment

While you both added some interesting moments to the fight, it was Turel's overall cleanliness in execution that decided this battle. Both his grammar and story execution were smoother and thus made this an easy decision.

Hall Rivalries
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [ACC] Rivalries
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Peacekeeper Turel Sorenn, Battlemaster Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr
Winner Peacekeeper Turel Sorenn
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Peacekeeper Turel Sorenn's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlemaster Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Shili: Savannah
Last Post 7 September, 2015 1:05 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia
Syntax - 15%
Warlord Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 2 Score: 4
Rationale: I pointed out the most obvious errors in the comments, but there were a number beyond that. Really need to get someone reading your work. Rationale: Couple errors that stuck out, but overall fairly clean.
Story - 40%
Warlord Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: As noted in the first post comments, the set up was kind of rough. I couldn't tell what you were trying to do. Second got better, but it still seemed rather disjointed. Rationale: Did well with what was given, but there was still something lacking that kept me from giving a perfect score. You never quite recovered things from the disjointed story telling in Brim's second post.
Realism - 25%
Warlord Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Noted issues with the positioning of the two combatants. Turel was using a high powered rifle and probably would have had a shot from further away. Might also want to note, for the future, that your rifle has a scope since the Charric images I found don't feature one. Rationale: See comment on post 2.
Continuity - 20%
Warlord Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues Rationale: No issues
Warlord Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr's Score: 3.5 Champion Rajhin Cindertail's Score: 4.2
Posts

Savannah

When you are traversing the wild and untouched landscapes of the savannah, just remind yourself that you are never the apex predator. The vast and desolate area of sand, rocks, dead and ancient trees are all the same blood-orange color for a simple reason: to hide your worst nightmare from your sight, the Akul. A large, bipedal and orange furred mammal, the Akul are the top predators that hunt all sorts of bovine, dog, hooved and giant mammals. Using their extraordinary sense of smell, they can trace your scent from days long past and track you down without mercy.

Savannah

Throughout the Savannah, tall and wispy Turu-grass stretches out into long ranging fields. Watering holes are sparse and spread thin, and the terrain offers little safety from the blazing sun that hangs overhead. When the sun retreats and gives way to moonlight, the Savannah becomes almost chill, but the night is dark and full of wild creatures. In the Savannah, it’s hunt or be hunted.

Take out the target with extreme prejudice.

That was the last command he had heard before travelling to the planet of Shill. The planet from space was barren looking, but once upon arrival, it was pretty much just fields of Turu-grass and small tree-like vegetation.

Three days earlier was when he arrived and immediately, after getting info from some of the locals called Torgutas, he started his hunt. The beast was to be captured for two purposes. Its teeth were highly valued as a ceremonial piece in jewelry and the second purpose, they could be trained as a pet that could be also for protection. Akul were known to be extremely strong with their jaws, but the best feature was their tracking ability. They could find anyone or anything once they had its scent and find them days later, where other's would had given up.

Despite hunting the creature, he also detected that he wasn't the only one on the planet side that was Force sensitive. He picked him up upon his second day planet side. Who he was was a mystery as he was unsure if he was a darksider or lighty. but the tremor he felt told him enough that he was an equal, or close enough, to himself. On the second day, he thought he might had found him, but he was able to keep his presence hidden and leave, making his way to the savannah to get his prize. The Akul was an orange four-legged beast, but sometimes, they were also albino in their color scheme.

On day three, he found the creature he was searching for. As he prepared to snag and capture, he got his rifle ready and made sure his lightsaber was within reach just encase the beast didn't succumbed to the trap. But he could also feel the presence of the other quarry nearby. He knew that he was being tracked, but it was a risk he was going to take.

Assuming a prone firing position, while trying to use the Turu-grass as cover, he looked through his scope and easily found the hulking beast approximately 250 meters away. It was "smelling" the ground in a tracking manner. Clearly it is on the hunt he thought to himself as he tracked it through his scope.

Taking a quick second, he decided to pan quickly for the other force-sensitive to see if he could find him. It didn't take long as he found him less than 50 meters in front of his Akul target. As he could see through his scope, the other individual was also using a rifle with a scope and looked like he was searching for him.

Panning up, the Akul was noticed to lift its head as if he found his prey. The creature had found it's prize on the unsuspecting player in the game. In a matter of seconds the creature dashed and leapt for the location of the unsuspected, prone rifleman.

I have you now! thought Brimstone and Turel at the exact time as they fired off their shots simultaneously at the Akul they had targeted.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 8 September, 2015 3:08 AM UTC

A few syntax notes here:

  • Planetside is generally one word
  • When you put a thought in a sentence, need a comma separating them.

*You use several different hyphenations and capitalizations of Force-sensitive (<< correct))

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 8 September, 2015 3:11 AM UTC

Not a big fan of how you set this up. Who sent you? Why exactly? Capture or kill (you seem to suggest both)? I'm left wondering what you're trying to accomplish.

“Finally!” Turel exclaimed to no one in particular as he celebrated his kill. A’lora had drug him to this Ashala forsaken backwater world for some kind of spiritual field trip. She had also sent the Human on a hunt across the savannah stalking this particular Akul. It was not clear whether the Seer sent him on a hunt to help him commune with nature or to get rid of him for a few days when he showed a clear lack of progress on spiritual matters - either way it gave him something tangible he could do. This Akul had been terrorizing a local village for weeks and their best hunters could not take it down. Protecting others was something the Human could get behind, he was a Guardian first and a Jedi second - that was his religion.

Turel stood up and wiped the sweat and mud from his brow. He had really gone all out for this hunt, and applied some of the stalking and camouflage techniques the village elders taught him. The children and warriors would giggle in passing as the full grown off-worlder got basic hunting lessons normally given to young boys. If only Vorsa could see me now, he thought as he slung his trusty Karpaki Fifty rifle over his bare shoulder and trotted over to examine his conquest. He had shed most of his outer layers of clothing in the first day of the hunt and now only wore his boots, pants, utility belt and a sleeveless undershirt which clung tightly to the curves of his toned torso.

The Human had of course sensed that he was not alone on the field this day and had seen the blaster bolt from his Force using rival. While the Force user’s presence alarmed Turel at first, it quickly became clear that they were after the same thing. The Jedi didn’t particularly mind another hunter on the trial of the beast, so long as it was dead and no longer a threat to the village at the end. After a few days worth of stalking and waiting in the muggy savannah sun, his pride took hold and he suddenly felt very possessive over the kill.

The Akul had two noticeable wounds, one slug entrance wound between the eyes and a blaster burn at the heart. Either could have caused the kill, though Turel was fairly certain he had fired first. He felt the Force user’s presence grow closer and turned around. He saw a male Chiss in a black combat outfit that had to be sweltering in this heat. He waved to his blue-skinned rival, “Nice shot, but mine was the killing blow. Maybe next time.”

The Chiss paused, sizing up his opponent with his glowing ruby eyes and a vacant expression. This close in proximity, he could sense Turel’s light side alignment in the Force. "I'm going to have to ask you to step away from my target, Jedi."

Turel took a deliberate step between the Akul and the Chiss. "I'm afraid I don't recognize you, but judging from the dark aura around you I'd say you're Sith right?" Brimstone nodded as there was no sense in hiding his sect affiliation. The Jedi tapped his lip. "Well, there's no need for us to fall back on ancient hatreds here." He bowed with a flourish. "Surely a Jedi and a Sith can reach a gentlemen's agreement." It took all the Human's self control to refer to himself as a gentleman without laughing.

Brimstone slung his blaster and unclipped his saber from his belt. "A duel then, the winner of which claims the kill as his own."

The Human cocked an eyebrow and unclipped his own saber. His mission was complete, the beat was dead, but he couldn't pass up a chance to best a dark sider at a duel. "I can't say no to that, you're on!" He held his hilt in a two-handed ready position, yet left it unignited. "You're honorable for a dark sider, most would have just tried to shoot me as I crossed the field."

The Chiss ignited his own ruby saber. "The thought may have crossed my mind, but you piqued my curiosity."

Turel ignited his azure blade in turn. "I'm curious about you as well and why a Sith of your level of training would be all the way out here. I'm Turel of Odan-Urr."

Brimstone could feel the Human probing his mind through the Force, there was no need or point in lying to his opponent. "I am Seabr'imsto'nedansr, but amoung you Humans I am simply known as Brimstone."

"Ah, I've heard of you. Clan Plagueis right?" The Human inquired.

"One and the same." The Chiss confirmed with a flourish of his sword. "Shall we begin?"

The Sith and Jedi bowed respectfully to one another before resuming their respective ready positions; Turel with a low two-handed grip and Brimstone with a high one handed grip with his body angled toward his opponent. The Chiss bolted forward and launched himself into the air for a high vertical strike aimed at the Human's head. The strike was quickly parried and the Sith landed on his opponent's right flank and launched a series of quick slashes to probe his opponent's defenses.

Turel remained on the defensive, keeping his saber close to his center and deflecting only with minimal saber orbits as he gauged his opponent's form and technique. Clearly, the Chiss had a significant level of training with the blade, well beyond that of a normal Journeymen or Knight. He continued to hold his ground while expending as little energy as possible for the long hunt and heat of the day had depleted a noticeable amount of his stamina. If his opponent wanted to keep jumping and dancing around him, more power to him.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 8 September, 2015 3:17 AM UTC
  • ". His mission was complete, the beat was dead, "

Awww, I was hoping for a dance battle =)

Two Styles. Soresu vs Vaapad. The two styles contradicted each other to the fullest extent. One built for minimal dueling, yet great defense against those with blasters, the other a wild and controlled frenzy that makes one a unaccountable moving, flowing attacker.

Two Mindsets. Jedi vs Sith. The two ancient enemies of long ago that have done everything to eradicate each other. The Force was their's to wield. To control. To use. Their epic wars told over the thousands of years that always ended in the same stalemate aftermath....that no one would win.

Two Races. Human vs Chiss. Both feature similarities and same builds in make-up of their organic shells. The Human was common looking and easily blended in with others of his stature. The Chiss was the one that stood out in a crowd. Unmistakable blue skin made him easily identifiable. And the solid, piercing, red blood eyes that would give even the weakest Rancor shivers when they stared them down.

Turel was completely on the defense as Brimstone channeled his hatred through his body. Vaapad was more of an extension of the man than a style to the Dark Side. And Brimstone took his time to find a way to break through the defense the Jedi had built. The Chiss kept the assault and what a normal practitioner would had yield to the strenuous discipline, he was more relaxed as he let the hate flow.

Turel tried a sweep at his opponent's legs, but was easily countered when the Chiss changed his tactics to a Shii-Cho stance and blocked what would had been a severed leg. The move caught the Jedi off balance and as he stumbled, Brimstone grabbed his weapon arm and fluidly, without hesitation, hurling him off to the side. Turel hit the ground on his chest and rolled over, spitting out grass and dirt that penetrated his opened mouth.

"Very nice, good sir. I wasn't expecting that" he exclaimed as he watched the Chiss returned to the familiar stance he started with.

Brimstone smiled at him and pointed his lightsaber behind Turel's position. Hoping it wasn't a trick, Turel made a quick glance at where he was earlier, to see that there was another carcass of a Akul. "I guess we were actually hunting different Akul" he smiled.

"The one you shot behind me, I felt him coming. Your shot did enough to distract it before I could roll over and hit it with my blaster" replied the Chiss as he tapped his side arm to the right. "You fight well, Jedi, but how fast are you really?" the question was rhetorical and answered with a quick snap and fire of the Charric blaster. Turel threw up a quick barrier to take the first few volleys of incoming fire, then went directly into using his blade to return some of the shots back.

Brimstone deflected them with his own barrier he drew upon himself. A couple ricocheted off and hit the grass, starting little piles of fire almost immediately. The Chiss stepped to the side to not get singed. Turel used the distraction to pop out his pistol and fire at the Chiss, but it was all for naught as Brimstone deflected the incoming slugs, while at the same time, reaching out with the Force and yanking the weapon from his submissive grasp. Knowing how the Jedi were coy, he just tossed it to the side. He then dropped both of his blasters to the ground.

"I knew you Chiss were honorable beings" remarked Turel, "I don't presume you would want to change your ways and come join my brethren in the Light?"

"While it is an intriguing offer, none the less, I feel more at home with Plagueis and the embrace of the Dark Side is much more to my liking, so I will decline" Brimstone casually remarked. "Shall we continue our sport, or do we work together to get some more of these Akul?"

Despite the offer he just gave the Jedi, Brimstone knew for a fact that in the end, someone was going to get hurt or dead. Their two views on the Force were too far apart to ever work in unison or in peace.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 8 September, 2015 3:28 AM UTC
  • No apostrophe in "Theirs"
  • Need commas when a quote carries into the remainder of a sentence

The Jedi pondered the Sith's offer of cooperation for a few moments as a torgu grass swayed in the afternoon breeze. He had no reason to trust the Sith, but no real reason to preemptively attack him either. Brimstone had been the first one to throw down his weapons after all. Turel's thoughts wandered to the village he was supposed to be protecting on this hunt; if this Chiss wanted to help him eliminate some of the fearsome predators terrorizing the populace then who was he to say no. He extended his arm to shake the Sith's hand, "Let's work together, we'll bag more as a pair than separate."

It was difficult to discern emotion in the Chiss' solid ruby eyes but he seemed genuinely surprised by the Human's acceptance. "Very well, we've got several hours of daylight left. Let's get to it!"

The pair collected their discarded weapons and set out toward a nearby watering hole where the Akul were known to hunt and drink. Turel let Brimstone lead the way partly because he seemed more competent as a hunter and partly because he wanted the Chiss in front of him at all times. For his part, the Sith did not seem to expect much treachery from an avowed member of the Jedi order. The watering hole in question was a solid two kilometers away across relatively open savannah. The approach to the target area passed in relative silence as the two men were focused on the task at hand.

Turel began to wonder how the Shili natives managed to navigate the waist high grass with such ease; his legs were starting to burn from having to lift them so high each step. The Human's stamina was wearing thin under the strain of the prior hunt, the brief fight and now the trek across the savannah. The Chiss tried to conceal it but judging from his heavy breathing he was feeling the effects of fatigue as well. The Jedi began to doubt if the pair would kill more than one Akul before the daylight was spent and they had to return to their respective encampments.

Brimstone held up his arm for Turel to halt. The Jedi was thoroughly confused as to what had the Sith's attention as the watering hole was another five hundred meters away and he did not sense anything of note nearby. The Chiss crouched down in a small clearing in the turu grass, intently focused on the ground in front of him. The telltale soft buzzing of several flies emanated from directly in front of Brimstone, which is all the Human needed to know. Whatever held the Sith's attention had to be repugnant to attract that many insects.

Sweat rolled off Turel's forehead as he tapped his foot impatiently for the Chiss to finish whatever it was he was doing down there. The heat and fatigue had taken their toll on the Jedi and his patience was wearing thin. After what felt like minutes he leaned over Brimstone's shoulder to see what he was studying so intently. The object of the Chiss' intense study appeared to be a rather generously sized pile of Akul dung.

"Look Brimstone, I'm sure that steaming pile of poop is positively fascinating to you but we need to move on." The Human remarked with exasperation.

"Just a moment, the temperature and composition of the droppings can give me an idea of how recently the beast was here and where his food source is." The Sith countered with an air of authority Turel was not about to challenge on matters of feces.

The Human sighed in resignation. "I'll be over here if you need me." As he turned to leave the immediate area, Turel was struck was a terrible yet extremely humorous idea. He took a deep breath and focused on the ambient currents of the Force. The Jedi raised his right hand and gave the Sith a telekinetic shove on the upper back to knock him off balance. Brimstone had already been leaning over so it didn't take much in the way of momentum to cause him to lose balance and fall face first into the dung pile.

Turel quickly turned around trying to feign like he didn't see what just happened, stifling a snicker as he started to walk in the opposite direction. Unable to contain himself, the Human turned around to see the Chiss lift his head out of the mass of feces and start to angrily regain his footing. The Jedi busted out into a hearty belly laugh as the Sith frantically sputtered between involuntary gag reflexes. In his haste, Brimstone wiped his mouth on his own sleeve which caused the Human to cackle even louder.

"Look, I know camouflage while hunting is important, but aren't you taking this a bit too far?" Turel jested as he gasped for breath between fits of laughter.

Whatever the Sith's original mission had been was now forgotten as a surge of anger overtook him. He didn't bother with reaching for a weapon and instead raised his right hand to unleash a bolt of purple lighting at the Jedi. The Chiss' huffing and puffing just before he unleashed the barrage of Force energy telegraphed his intent clearly enough for the Human to focus and prepare a defense. Turel raised his own right hand to counter and the lavender tendrils came to a halt against a translucent wall of Force energy. The invisible barricade held for the few second duration of the attack before shattering.

"Now that was uncalled for!" Turel exclaimed in a mocking manner. Brimstone gave no reply save for pulling out his saber hilt and igniting it. Yeah, no, the Jedi thought as he dove into the tall grass. He had no intention of continuing a fair fight. It was time to end this. The Human rolled to one side for a few meters, coming to a rest on his back. He took a deep breath and concentrated on the mind of his pursuer.

Brimstone began wildly slashing at the grass like he was running some kind of Sith lawn care business. Then he spotted his Jedi quarry leap out of the grass and charge directly at him before shifting to one side to attempt to slip past. The Chiss' ruby saber swung in a wide arc that should have taken Turel's right leg off. Somehow the blade had missed and the Human took off running away from Brimstone, disappearing into the grass on the other side of the clearing. Incensed and somewhat confused as to how he could have possibly missed, Brimstone spun around and tensed his leg muscles for a pursuit sprint.

The Chiss had not taken off when he felt a warning reverberate through the currents of the Force. Was Turel preparing for a counter attack? Before his mind had time to react or process where the threat was coming from, he felt the hard metallic butt of a pistol clock him on the back of the head. Brimstone's body went limp as he went down like a sac of Corellian potatoes chest first into the dung pile.

The Human couldn't have planned a better hit if he wanted to. Not only had the decoy worked, his attack from behind found its mark. He calmly picked up Brimstone's blasters and tossed them into the grass. "You won't be needing these," he remarked to his now unconscious foe. The Jedi paused to consider stripping the Chiss' lightsaber as well and reconsidered. He dusted himself off and started back toward the village, hoping he was off world before the Sith could track him down.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 8 September, 2015 3:50 AM UTC

IT's worth noting that you both have 0s in Survival. Which means that neither of you would know, well, s*** about tracking. Nor are there relevant Lore skills. While the result was a fun story moment, have to note for realism reasons.