SWL Nadrin Erinos Arconae vs. GRD Kooks

Warlord Nadrin Erinos Arconae

Equite, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Sith, Sorcerer
vs.

Guardian Kooks

Journeyman, Clan Taldryan
Male Rattataki, Obelisk, Juggernaut
Comment

Nadrin and Kooks,

Thank you for competing in the ACC Fading Light Tournament. I appreciate both of your efforts and the time you spent to compete.

This battle goes to Nadrin.

Kooks, take a look at the comments provided and talk with your TAL Clan mates about the style and flow of ACC battles. Halc, Shad, Jack, Tarax, and Yacks are all extremely talented writers and veterans of the ACC. Their battles provide examples of style and story that will help you in the future.

Nadrin, solid stuff. Technically sound. The story flowed and your writing was clear. Good luck in the next round against your Consul :(

Hall Fading Light
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants SWL Nadrin Erinos Arconae, GRD Kooks
Winner SWL Nadrin Erinos Arconae
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
SWL Nadrin Erinos Arconae's Weapons See Character Sheet (Legacy)
GRD Kooks's Weapons See Character Sheet (Legacy)
Venue Begeren: Ancient Quarry
Last Post 22 May, 2014 7:57 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Grand Master Darth Pravus
Syntax - 15%
Warlord Umbra Knight Kooks
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: No major issues. Rationale: "Kooks feels Clan Taldryan’s quest for dark side-infused artefacts more important and great chance to impress his superiors, he leaves the water testing to follow." The sentence above is an example of several throughout your submission. The sentence structure is challenging for the reader to understand. Writing in the present tense made the entire piece difficult to decipher. Take a look at several other TAL battles for examples of how to approach the ACC (Jac, Shad, Yacko, Tarax, ect).
Story - 40%
Warlord Umbra Knight Kooks
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: Nice work. Rationale: Your story comes off in a narrator or game master style tone (It might be the present tense). You explain each and every step as you conduct them, in a similar vein to how a DnD dungeon master would explain a story to players. This is effective in DnD, but it hurts the entertainment value of your story. Once again, I'd look to other members of TAL and their posts in this tournament for examples.
Realism - 25%
Warlord Umbra Knight Kooks
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues Rationale: Force based abilities become increasingly difficult to conduct once you have been injured or injured several times. Creating a barrier around your body, after being shot multiple times, to deflect incoming blaster fire would be exceptionally difficult. Heroic moments can occur, but keep in mind the situation you have written for your character and how their injuries may/may not impact force usage.
Continuity - 20%
Warlord Umbra Knight Kooks
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues Rationale: No major issues.
Warlord Umbra's Score: 4.45 Knight Kooks's Score: 3.1
Posts

Begeren. Once a prosperous Sith world, it has been the site of numerous battles throughout the millennia. Grand halls and monuments were torn down and re-purposed by looting Republic forces thousands of years ago, before they were driven from the planet. Isolated settlements still dot the planet's surface, but the inhospitable, craggy, and desert-like terrain, along with the beasts common to many desert and Sith worlds, have kept most humanoids from colonizing. Occasional skirmishes have left debris scattered throughout the desert, and battles were fought here as recently as the Galactic Civil War. The planet is now under the control of the One Sith and is rumored to be full of all manner of priceless, ancient Sith artifacts.

The Dark Council has pushed forth to Begeren and the Grand Master, on his quest for ever more powerful items, has decreed the Clans and Houses seize anything of value. The unity shown by the Brotherhood during the beginning of this Crusade is fracturing, with the Clans and Houses growing tired and frustrated with the seemingly endless succession of battles. Tempers are flaring between former allies, with outright aggression no longer uncommon. Despite this, you have responded to the Grand Master's call—though whether it's to actually seize the items for the Brotherhood, destroy them, or use them for your own purposes, only you know. One such item, a Sith talisman, said to be inlaid with a dark side-infused gemstone, was lost in the quarries of Begeren during the liberation of the planet from Old Republic looters thousands of years ago.

The Force has drawn you here, to an abandoned quarry, in a mountainous region west of an expansive desert. Any mining equipment once used here is long gone, but the landscape itself remains surprisingly preserved from the days of the Old Republic's strip mining. Scrub brush, the only foliage present on this part of the planet, has taken root all along the sides of the quarry. The ledge overlooks a one-hundred meter drop into a crystal-clear basin of water; opposite the ledge is a more gradual, step-wise decline. The basin itself is peculiar, as no plants are growing in or around it, despite being one of the few bodies of liquid you have seen in the nearby area. A long, snaking ramp meanders down through the steps of the quarry towards the water below, beginning at the northward edge of the cliff you now find yourself on. You notice shards of gemstones crunch underfoot as you move, a hint as to the use of this quarry in ages past.

The constant battling has meant supplies are running thin, water is rare on this desert planet. Guardian Kooks is on a mission to test the quality of the water below, he starts his way slowly down the stoned steps. Kooks is wearing a cloak on top of this plated battle suit, the cloak has a pocket on the inside carrying the testing equipment. The wind is blowing strong, he uses the bottom end of the cloak to cover his mouth and nose from the flying sand and rock. The howl of the wind makes it hard to sense the surroundings, although he can feel the force active in the basin below.

The journey down to the bottom is long and slow but Kooks finally reaches the waters edge. The wind is less fierce at water level but the settling sand makes visibility low. Kooks removes his cloak and prepares to take his first sample. When he notices weak foot prints heading to the west. He takes a moment, his not yet fully trained in the force but can sense some disturbance to the west.

Kooks feels Clan Taldryan’s quest for dark side-infused artefacts more important and great chance to impress his superiors, he leaves the water testing to follow. The foot prints led to large opening in the rock floor. He immediately jumps in, all the dust outside has made the entrance very dark. He drawers and activates his lightsaber using it as a torch, he moves slowly down a slight slope of what looks like a mine shaft. The walls are very uniform and old mining equipment lay on floor. It looks like whoever was mining here left in a hurry.

The force is very strong now, but it’s a blur. Kooks can’t work out what form he is sensing. He continues slowly through the mine, his lightsaber only allows him to see a few meters in front. He comes to what looks like an old mess hall, rows of old tables and chairs. He moves his lightsaber over all the tables to inspect the room. One table has a newly used holopad and backpack. Suddenly aloud motor starts and whole cave begins to shake, small rocks start to fall from the roof. Kooks can sense its origin and without a thought, moves quickly onward.

Kooks comes to end of the tunnel, where a large mining laser takes up the whole back wall. Off to the side is a console. The large console lights up the room, a robed man is standing in front. Kooks sheaths his lightsaber and yells above the machinery “Stop, the whole place is going to come down”.

The man stops the laser, the room goes silent. He turns towards Kooks. Kooks is instantly drawn to the man’s red lining and markings on his front.

Nadrin suppressed the desire to snarl back at whoever was trying to lecture him as he deactivated the mining laser and turned around, seeing the purple-skinned individual standing a handful of metres away. From his stance, the Warlord assumed that this man prided himself on being a warrior: the prototypical height and build combining with the haughty look in his eyes to paint the picture of someone who knew how to fight.

Not Arconan; he can go to hell.

Bringing his attention back to the mining laser, Nadrin turned the machine back on without a word and feigned ignoring the new arrival, whoever they were, and stretched out with the Force instead to watch to see what this warrior would do. Seconds slipped by as the Sith imagined his opponent agonising over what to do next, before the other Dark Jedi brought his lightsaber out and ignited it. As Nadrin sensed the movement, the Warlord turned around and threw out a telekinetic punch that collided solidly with the other man's sternum, pushing him back a few steps. The Sith spoke, his voice raised to carry over the sound of the mining laser that shuddered beside him.

“I've got a job to do. Get in my way or try to stop me and I will kill you. You are not my ally, you are my enemy, so measure your next move very carefully.”

Shorter, slighter and with his face covered by a deathmask, Nadrin knew that he hardly projected himself as someone to be feared or obeyed and that in itself was part of how he fought; he came in under the radar. Very few people really knew what he could do, and that air of mystery meant that while he would have to stand up for himself more than someone who flaunted their power and reputation, he could keep the true depths of his ability untapped until they were absolutely necessary. He glared through the slits in his mask as his opponent pointed his lightsaber like an accusatory finger at the Arconan, speaking as he did so.

“I am Guardian Kooks, here on behalf of Clan Taldryan to claim this artefact, so walk away or fight.”

A feral grin spread across Nadrin's face, unseen beneath his mask as his hand slowly dropped to the blaster holstered at his hip.

“Very well then, on behalf of Clan Arcona I sentence you to death. Let's see if you can outrun a blaster bolt.”

Hauling his Westar-34 from its holster, the Sith opened fire and spewed crimson fury at the rapidly evading Taldryan member, the errant bolts chewing into the rock that surrounded them, sending superheated dust into the air. A laugh burst from Nadrin's mouth as he paused firing for a moment, his opponent hiding behind a rock outcropping that a mining laser would take time to get through.

“Oh, come on, really? Didn't they teach you how to use that lightsaber or do you just swing it around and hope that it makes whoever you're fighting mess up their pants?”

Reaching out with the Force, Nadrin decided to bring a mental assault into play as he implanted the image of his opponent lying on the floor a few metres away from Kooks’ hiding spot, blood dribbling from countless wounds and an ashen pallor to his purple features. The Arconae wrapped the illusion around as many of his opponent's senses as he could before finishing it with a flourish as the spectral image groaned a single word.

“Help...”

The mirage seemed to awaken something primal in his opponent, as the purple-hued Jedi let out a strangled warcry and seemed to fly around the corner of his makeshift cover faster than before and Nadrin felt that something about this man had changed. The Sith opened fire, blaster bolts spewing from his weapon and out towards the charging Taldrya who clumsily batted one aside by a combination of luck and adrenaline, and deflected another into the ceiling with the Force as he continued his charge. Nadrin channelled the Force into his muscles, speeding his actions up noticeably as he holstered his blaster with his right hand and plucked his lightsaber from the small of his back with his left. Bringing the weapon out in front of him, the Arconae ignited the crimson blade just in time to catch his opponent's charge with his own lightsaber, the impact shuddering through the Warlord's body and causing him to wince beneath his mask.

“Get. Out. Of. My. FACE!”

Rage arced through the Sith as he summoned the Force to himself and unleashed it at the inside of his opponent's right ankle like a battering ram, throwing Kooks off balance as his leg left the ground. Pushing against the saber lock, Nadrin gave himself enough to room to bound away with a Force-augmented jump, coming to land several metres away with his lightsaber held diagonally in front of him, adrenaline spreading through his body as he realised that this fight might not be as easy as he had first believed.

Kooks takes a quick breath in, then a long exhale. The force flows quickly through his body healing his wounds. He charges Nadrin, Kooks cannot take another ranged assault like that one. The two Jedi interweave in saber combat. All the while, the small rocks falling from the roof are growing in size. The ground tremors also increasing. The two lock lightsabers once again.

“You’re a fool, you’ll kill us both” grimaced Kooks.

A blinding light erupts from the shaft created by the laser, flooding the mine briefly. Kooks braces and closes his eyes for a second. Nadrin jumps back to safe distance again.

“No! I’m here to claim what’s mine”

In flash Nadrin has drawn his blaster and let fly a volley of fire. Kooks can hardly keep up, he can only deflect every second shot. He has taken too many hits and has multiple wounds. Kooks’ drops his lightsaber and holds his arms out his side, parallel to the ground. A shell of purple matter pulses around his body. The remaining blaster fire bounces off, protecting Kooks.

Nadrin grins lowering his blaster, he slowly walks up to Kooks.

“You have fought well Guardian. You’ve done your pitiful Clan proud. But its Arcona’s time now” proclaims Nadrin.

Nadrin tenses his arms, multiple large fallen rocks have come to life. They levitate for a second before rocketing towards Kooks. Blow after blow Kooks is knocked off balance and loses concentration. His shield disappears and he falls to the floor. Nadrin raises his lightsaber, Kooks has lost all hope. Kooks is dazed, has blood pooled in multiple places on his armor. Preparing to meet his end Kooks makes one final move.

“Taldr…”

Kooks stops mid breath. Using all his might, he summons enough force to snap the lasers rear supports. The laser beam instantly moves upward, cutting a hole through the roof. The mine is now shaking violently, Kooks vision fills with falling rocks and ends with a flash of red.

Nadrin, having extricated himself from the close combat that he so vehemently detested, watched as his opponent turned around and charged Anger was evident in Kooks' gaze as he charged forward, crimson lightsaber held to one side as he accelerated towards the Arconae.

No, that's not how this is going to go down.

Pulling his left hand from the hilt of the lightsaber that he held, Nadrin pointed his open palm at his opponent and channeled the Force through his outstretched appendage. A burst of telekinetic energy exploded outwards and slammed into the Guardian's stomach, folding him over and bringing his rapid approach to a stumbling, shambling halt.

The power of the strike was such that the purple-skinned Obelisk began to vomit, the splattering sound of his stomach reaching Nadrin and letting him know that he was in control of the fight now; the momentum had shifted. Rushing forward, the Warlord lashed out with a foot and kicked his opponent's weapon out of his hand before punching the other man in the nape of the neck as he was leant forwards. The blow wasn't overly powerful, but it still succeeded in driving Kooks to the ground and onto his newly regurgitated last meal. The Arconae danced backwards and turned off his lightsaber, and held the weapon idly in one hand as he dropped to his haunches in front of his disoriented opponent, his head cocked to one side as he tutted audibly.

“I must say, I expected better from your Clan. However, it looks as though Taldryan's recent resurgence was simply a flash in the pan. Disappointing.”

Standing back up, the Sith turned around and walked away, lightsaber still held dormant in his hand as he continued his ramblings.

“I really thought you would be a new threat, someone to be taken seriously. But really, I despair for your Clan if you're the best that Taldryan has-”

A warning from the Force sang within Nadrin's mind and he reacted instinctively, igniting the lightsaber and whipping it out as he turned around, the blade forming a scarlet arc of destructive energy. The strike caught the onrushing Obelisk cleanly through the neck, severing Kooks' head from the rest of his body and snuffing his life out instantaneously.

“...to offer.”

Once more he turned off his lightsaber, this time returning the weapon to his belt and looking down at his fallen foe with a blank expression beneath his mask. He knew that he was fortunate to have been given a warning from the Force in time for him to avoid the Guardian's last ditch charge, but he knew that he would have dropped his guard anyway, that's just who he was.

My arrogance will cost me eventually, but not today.

Turning away from the body on the ground, Nadrin made his way over to the mining laser that he had started before to see how his hunt for this mysterious artefact was progressing.