Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj vs. Knight Dek Rott

Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Seeker, Imperial
vs.

Dark Jedi Knight Dek Rott

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Duros, Obelisk, Marauder
Comment

While I think both of you could have benefited from a more thorough proofing job, Andrelious' stuff was just delivered a lot better and didn't depend on questionable narrative techniques. While I normally like the idea of using non-combat skills to one's benefit in a fight, it just went too far in this case.

Hall Rivalries
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [ACC] Rivalries
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj, Knight Dek Rott
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Dek Rott's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nal Hutta: Winter Palace
Last Post 5 September, 2015 10:11 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Sage Enzo Dek
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Couple noticeable errors that a proofreader would have probably caught. Rationale: In addition to the obvious error pointed out in your second post, there was a fair bit of awkward word use and repetitive references (see comment above for an example).
Story - 40%
Deleted Sage Enzo Dek
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: While the story elements in your posts lacked originality, the delivery was a lot cleaner. Not quite a perfect score, but still respectable. Rationale: While I see that you made an effort to develop a reason for the fight, the delivery was disjointed. This seemed more of a stream of consciousness thing than a planned plot. While that can work in some settings, it just didn't here.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Sage Enzo Dek
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: See comment on second post re: stun setting. I also just assumed that this T/A was adapted for atmospheric landing. Rationale: As mentioned above, your use of turrets and such, to us, went to the point of altering the venue.
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Sage Enzo Dek
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: While you did do a bit of your own set up work in your first post that caused it to disjoint from where it was needed to make sense of things. Rationale: Beginning of your second post seems to repeat the last paragraph of your opponent's post. Really throws a reader for a moment.
Deleted's Score: 4.2 Sage Enzo Dek's Score: 3.2
Posts

Winter Palace

Seated within the Glorious Jewel of the Hutts, the Winter Palace is situated on a remote island near the planet’s equator. Although blanketed with the pollution from Hutt industry, its location makes the climate hot and humid. Surrounded with trees and vines, it could be considered to be a paradise, even among the barren wasteland of Nal Hutta. Outside of the Winter Palace, a network of sewer pipes transfer the waste from the palace to wherever seems far enough to dump into the oceans surrounding the island. Flora and fauna that have adapted to the Hutt’s environmental changes thrive in the polluted forests surrounding the Winter Palace.

Stepping through its gilded gates, the lavish interior greets your presence with the main audience chamber. Once belonging to the wealth of Jiliac Desilijic Tiron, the gleaming stone of the main aisle leads up to a Hutt’s dais lined with an expensive carpet. Beautiful tapestries line the high walls, telling of the sordid histories of those who woven them, awaiting execution in Jiliac’s dungeons.

Finally, the antechamber to the throne room is illuminated from above with high-skylighted ceilings. Constructed from lightly colored stone, the antechamber might have been where the late Hutt entertained his guests before an audience with spice and exotic dancers. In the hands of the Hutt Kajidics, however, these traditions have continued as the Winter Palace now serves as a front for criminal and business ventures.

The tapping of the keys is all that could be heard in the lone control room. Dek had to work fast. His opponent would soon arrive and he did not want to be in his vicinity when the time came. He knew next to nothing of this Andrelious character. The human was brutal in most things, and had a dark reputation. The Duros might have crossed him during a random Brotherhood piloting exercise.

No matter. He wasn't about to face the Warlord head on. Goading him from the temporary safety of circuit boards and other mechanical surprises was a better option in the long run. A few viruses here, a locator there, and of course a detailed layout of the area. Maybe a surprise defensive turret or two.

click

And just in time too. The Ex-Imperial strode through to the antechamber. Dek quickly uploaded the holo program which sent off a message to the antechamber, hopefully long enough to Dek to get to another location to "attack" from. Recording the overloading the holo matrix in the antechamber should allow Dek to see the primary tactics of this Sith.

Dek sent a message to his fighter to remotely prep it in case of an emergency escape. However, there seemed to be a malfunction. The fighter wasn't responding. It's as if...

"Huh..." Dek realized the Sith probably did something to it. Hopefully it isn't beyond repair. The maze of sewers or the jungle outside would provide enough maze-like attributes for a confusing escape route.

========================

whoooosssssshhh

The Warlord flew down from the empty void of space. Knowing to never approach directly above your target (unless it is a surprise attack), he decided to take in the view of the decrepit Hutt ocean and fly a bit below the radar. He reached out with his sense into the battle ahead. It would only be a few minutes until he could see the Winter Palace itself on the orange horizon. The Ex-Imperial saw something flair in his mind. A Duros getting into a cockpit and leaving the planet?

Andrelious landed on a landing pad in the frontal area of the palace. Only moments ago had the Warlord blown up the fighter with his starship. Maybe the most brutal punishment for cowardice would be abandonment. He hadn't decided yet.

The Human walked quietly up to the palace, stretching out with the force along the way. He could sense his opponent within the palace somewhere and almost touch the remains of the Duros' secrecy. Finally inside the antechamber, he hadn't noticed much difference...

"Hello, Andre." The hologram buzzed to life. Andrelious turned around to look at the hologram of what looked to be his opponent. "I am hoping to meet you on the battlefield soon enough, but I need you to know something first." The hologram trailed off on a diatribe that both Andrelious and Dek could care less about.

Suddenly, Andrelious felt a flicker of danger. The 40 year old veteran briskly walked away from the hologram, turned around, and ran into a side corridor.

BOOOM!

Andrelious smirked. The hunt was on. He wouldn't be so easily tricked by electronic devices.

Andrelious was beginning to enjoy his role as part of Clan Taldryan. The constant flow of work, from Clan and House summit alike kept him busy, but the Warlord had found the assignments were often fairly easy for a man of his talents. Some would have grown bored, but Mimosa-Inahj was happy to carry out what was asked of him. He reasoned that every success gave him more prestige, and more leverage. Leverage he would need when his nominal superiors would begin to disappear around him.

This particular mission had sent Andrelious to the winter palace, his orders being to find and deal with the individual who had attempted to hack into Taldryan’s databanks. Unfortunately for the slicer, Andrelious’ eldest daughter, Saskia, had proven more able with computers and had not only prevented the attack, but found its origin in the Judecca system. After some further digging, the trail ended not in Scholae space, but on Nal Hutta.

The hologram trap had clearly been set up by whoever was to be his quarry. Andrelious still hadn’t recognised the Duros, even as he’d had a chance to study the hologram, but gave chase anyway, focusing on his target’s Force imprint. He followed his senses, choosing a left turn as he reached a dead end, before turning right almost immediately afterwards. He noticed a movement in the shadows at the far end of the corridor, one that was a little too fast to be a patrolling guard.

Continuing to pursue his supposed target, Andrelious rounded a corner to come face to face with one of the palace’s janitor droids. With a frown of contempt, the Warlord destroyed the droid with his lightsaber, before resuming his chase, noticing that he was closing in.

Meanwhile, Dek Rott hid in the corner of a small alcove. He heard a mechanical scream nearby, his knowledge of droids allowing him to infer that the cleaning droid he had hacked to distract Andrelious had been caught. With a determined sigh, Dek slipped out of his hiding place. Moments later, the Knight heard the sound of a blaster discharging, and turned to see a bolt of supercharged red plasma heading straight for him. With little time to do much else, the Duros reached for his lightsaber and awkwardly blocked the blaster bolt, before seeing the short, chubby figure of Andrelious approaching. He too was armed with a lightsaber, having changed weapons immediately after firing his E-11.

“I am sure you know why I have been asked to deal with you, Duros. You had something to do with that attempt to slice into Taldryan’s private records. So, are you from Scholae? That particular attack came from their space,” Mimosa-Inahj declared.

“I serve the Emperor, if that’s what you’re saying,” Dek answered.

“That’ll make things a little easier. You’re aware that my daughter stopped your pathetic little imitation Empire and its sad little scheme?” Andrelious added. “She even found you trying to lay low here on this Hutt infested hell hole.”

Before the Duros could offer another reply, the Warlord attacked, thrusting forward with his lightsaber in a single smooth motion that left Dek wondering why Andrelious was feared only behind a flight stick. The Knight shielded himself, but the Taldryanite continued to attack, moving his crimson blade rapidly. Rott’s parries were desperate in nature, as if he had only learned to handle his lightsaber days before. Fighting as he was against a veteran who had slain dozens, the smart money wasn’t on him.

He needed a plan, and fast.

"I serve the Emperor, if that's what you're saying." Yes, this story seems like one to go along with. Dek had heard about this obsession that many older members had with Clan loyalty. Many times it would extend not towards their own Clan. In other times it would be a reaction of negativity towards other Clans. In this moment, however, Dek needed an escape. He heard the Human mumbling about Hutts and daughters.

Dek did not suspect the swift attack of Andrelious. Caught off guard, he parried the next few attacks, attempting to find an alternate route out of the Winter Palace. Luckily, he had chosen to go this direction for a reason. It would ultimately be a great defensive spot in the long run. The Knight needed to pull in his strength and make a quick defensive getaway into the connected hallway.

Dek spat out some basic attacks, not knowing the true nature of his form, but knowing enough to eagerly defend. His drew up on the force to increase his strength and speed. Starting to move towards the edge of the room. On one of the Warlord's attack, Dek had used a Dulon move to dodge and use his opponent's lightsaber attack in a momentous deflect unexpected by the Warlord. The large figure of the Human would weigh down his fall. At this moment, Dek immediately telekinetically opened the door and ran a few meters, feeling the slight singe of lightning behind him as he turned the corner.

Knowing his opponent was going to be quick on his tail, he immediately activated the two turrets at the end of the hallway. Luckily, earlier that day, Dek had created a harmonic differentiation device that allowed the turrets not to target a specific programmer, such as Dek Rott. Bolts whizzed past the Knight towards an angered Warlord. Andrelious deflected the bolts well, but the form of a duelist was not one meant for fighting turrets. As Dek opened the strong door Andrelious cast out a thundering blast of lightning. The lightning spearheaded the electronics of the turret, and burst through, ever so more empowered by the device, to the other turret. Both lay collapsed on the floor as the door closed, shutting off Andrelious from his foe once again.

Dek immediately got to work on the door, focusing entirely on the circuit board of the door. First closing the blast door, and then forcing a command regression of the door that wouldn't allow the door to be opened through the circuits or command functions within the door command console.

From this point on, the hacker knew that Andrelious would always be on his Force scent. Dek definitely needed some form of information in the Taldryan databases. Maybe Imperial Scholae Intelligence had put him up to something unknowingly. His distrust within Clan Scholae Palatinae was thorough, mostly because of his hacking and slicing abilities, and he'd even been tricked once before by the Empire itself. A "Test of Loyalty" they called it. When your career involves mechanics and trickery, I guess there is little else people expect from one's self.

Maybe Dek could escape this hell hole with something of value though. The Knight quickly brought out his pad, looking for an escape to the front area of the palace. He was currently in a bedroom of sorts. Maybe for visiting dignitaries? No doubt it would have a trap door somewhere for their potential escape.

Dek crossed his eyes all over the room, eventually noticing an inconsistency with the wall's orange coloring. He felt around the inconsistency and eventually tapped a button that slid the door open. The passage was dark, but nothing that a lightsaber couldn't ignite. Saber in one hand and pad in the other he made his way to an outer wall. His destination? The fighter Andrelious came in on. If he came through the front, then the ship may be on the front landing pad. It would be a golden thing to bring back to the Empire. It might dissolve some of the distrust ISI holds of him.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 8 September, 2015 12:24 AM UTC
  • "His drew up on the force to increase his strength and speed." - Force, not force.
Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 8 September, 2015 12:32 AM UTC

I noticed this in the first post too, but I'm going to mention it here. There seems to be a fair number of occasions where you're using repetitive references. For example: "Dek immediately got to work on the door, focusing entirely on the circuit board of the door." The second 'door' could easily be replaced by a pronoun or left off entirely.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 8 September, 2015 12:36 AM UTC

After some discussion with the staff, I have to say that I think you went a bit far with the turrets to the point you were altering the venue. There's no mention of defensive turrets, droids, or the like in the venue description. While I can see why you might extrapolate there were, it went beyond simple set dressing as they were actually part of the battle.

Andrelious had considered cutting his way through the blast door that Dek had closed and locked in his path. He abandoned that idea when he sensed that the Knight was moving away again in favour of continuing to slowly track the Duros. The Warlord was not a particularly patient man, but the potential rewards if he could bring Dek Rott to justice, either by his own blade, or by trial, were in his opinion more than worth the time wasted tracking him down.

As he approached a little closer to his opponent’s Force imprint, the Warlord briefly intercepted the Duros’ thoughts. Dek was trying to use an escape tunnel to get out, and had designs on Andrelious’ TIE Advanced starfighter, Sharpshoot.

Spinning around as fast as he could, Andrelious moved away from his target. He sprinted along several corridors, passing past the alcove that Dek had first hidden in. Soon, he was outside. His ship was a little distance away, so the Warlord continued on, determined to beat the Scholaean back to his TIE. Dek reached the end of the escape passage and clapped his eyes on the Warlord’s fighter. He had not been expecting an expert pilot of Andrelious to be flying such an old model of TIE, but that didn’t matter too much. So long as he could just get to it, its age would make it a little easier to hack into, even if its Imperial Navy lock codes were still active.

Readying his datapad as he got closer, Dek realised that TIE Advanced lacked a boarding ladder. To get in, he’d have to climb its fuselage. Easy enough, but he’d have to disarm himself. If Andrelious was anywhere nearby, he’d be open to almost anything that the Warlord dared try.

I must risk it, Dek thought, returning his lightsaber to its belt clip. He deactivated his datapad and put that away, too, but also grabbed his blaster pilot. The Force warned him that a dark presence was nearby. Time really wasn’t on his side.

Andrelious stood on his TIE’s roof, clutching his E-11. He had set it to the stun setting that he so rarely used. As Dek climbed into view, the Warlord pointed his blaster’s barrel directly at the Duros’ head, squeezing the trigger. Blue rings of energy shot from the weapon, easily engulfing their target.

Rott appeared to resist the stun setting’s effects, but Andrelious fired again, twice. Dek managed to resist the second shot, too, even firing a return shot of his own, but the third was too much. Out cold, the Knight fell several feet to the ground below, his head catching on a nearby rock. Mimosa-Inahj smirked. He knew that his blaster’s stun mode didn’t last long, but the extra blow from the local terrain would lengthen his opponent’s down period.

Heaving Dek into his TIE, Andrelious climbed in himself, closing the hatch. He was fortunate that his small stature allowed him to carry his prisoner without affecting his own comfort. After placing Dek’s weapons in Sharpshoot’s minute cargo area, the Warlord launched, punching in the coordinates back to Karufr even before he had left the atmosphere.

This Bounty Hunter thing isn’t for me, were his final thoughts as he flew away from Nal Hutta.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 8 September, 2015 12:42 AM UTC

*" He deactivated his datapad and put that away, too, but also grabbed his blaster pilot. ""

So there a little man that sits in our guns that makes us miss! That explains a lot :P

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 8 September, 2015 12:45 AM UTC

Three stun blasts for an Endurance 1 character? Seems a bit excessive.