Augur Cethgus Tiberius Entar vs. Neophyte Aexod Burgoo

Augur Cethgus Tiberius Entar

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Zabrak, Force Disciple, Marauder, Obelisk
vs.

Neophyte Aexod Burgoo

Journeyman 1, Journeyman tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Female Zabrak, Sith, Marauder
Comment

I would advise both of you to review the following link:

https://wiki.darkjedibrotherhood.com/view/ACC_Guide#Lightsabers_and_Lightsaber_Wounds

Lightsaber wounds are essentially match ending, and you both had characters deal lightsaber blows well before the end of the match, and then continue it as if nothing had occurred. Dealing lightsaber blows early in the match and then ignoring all damage that they caused are blows to story and realism, as well as some detraction from Continuity for ignoring the damage in later posts.

This one comes down to who made fewer errors. Cethgus, you made two major errors in that you dealt lightsaber damage to Aexod and then had him stay standing as if the damage never occured, and then followed Aexod in your final post, engaging in combat as if you hadn't been stabbed.

Aexod only made the second of those two errors, however, had Cethgus wielding both lightsabers as easily as prior to being stabbed, which affects his continuity score.

Congratulations, Aexod, on your victory.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Augur Cethgus Tiberius Entar, Neophyte Aexod Burgoo
Winner Neophyte Aexod Burgoo
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Augur Cethgus Tiberius Entar's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Neophyte Aexod Burgoo's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Oricon: Starship Graveyard
Last Post 10 October, 2015 11:34 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Adept Alaris Jinn
Syntax - 15%
Cethgus Tiberius Entar Evelynn Wyrm
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: There were a few commas missed, and the first sentence of your first post was clumsy and difficult to read. Rationale: You had a few missed commas, but nothing too egregious.
Story - 40%
Cethgus Tiberius Entar Evelynn Wyrm
Score: 2 Score: 3
Rationale: You didn't really give anything to set up this match in the way of reasoning. It seemed rushed and wasn't very interesting. Also, dinging your opponent with a lightsaber in the very first post didn't allow your opponent very much leeway here. Rationale: You provided some rationale for the fight and had very good descriptions, but having your character stab your opponent in the shoulder before the final post didn't give your opponent much leeway in his final post.
Realism - 25%
Cethgus Tiberius Entar Evelynn Wyrm
Score: 2 Score: 2
Rationale: A strike with a lightsaber, even one that only melts the skin a little, pretty much should have ended the match right there. The fact that you then had Cethgus continue the fight in your final post after taking a lightsaber wound to the shoulder brought down your realism score even more. Rationale: A piercing blow with a lightsaber should have ended this match. Instead, in your final post, you had Cethgus follow you and defeat you, something that should not have been possible. Cethgus is a Grey Jedi, not a dark side user strictly, so he'd have no impluse to urge you to seek out the dark side of the Force.
Continuity - 20%
Cethgus Tiberius Entar Evelynn Wyrm
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: You mentioned both combatants dueling with precision after both being inflicted lightsaber wounds, and then mentioned Cethgus being on the point of falling unconscious. It can't be both ways. Rationale: In your final post you completely ignored the damage you dealt to Cethgus in the 2nd post, in that Cethgus was able to use both lightsabers after taking a lightsaber stab wound directly to the shoulder.
Cethgus Tiberius Entar's Score: 2.7 Evelynn Wyrm's Score: 2.85
Posts

Starship Graveyard

Your senses are overwhelmed as you set foot on the planet [Oricon], the base of the ancient Dread Masters nearly lost to time. The landscape is an unforgiving nightmarescape of lava flows and volcanic rock dotted with strange plants and starship wrecks from a battle thousands of years ago. The smoky, sulfuric air of the surface nearly chokes you as your eyes struggle to adjust to the foggy haze illuminated by the soft glow of the lava flows. Tall, luminous blood ferns adorn the landscape, surrounded by vicious predators hardy enough to survive the intense conditions. Trenches and outcroppings formed from flowing lava serve to make footing uneven, adding yet another treacherous element to this already dangerous world. In the distance, the ruins of an ancient tower call to you - the fabled fortress of the Dread Masters. Remnants of ancient cults can be seen here and there, from wrecked huts to blood-stained altars and crumbling oubliettes.

The Dark Side is strong here, but somehow feels different from other Sith planets you have encountered. You are not alone on this ancient world of nightmares.

Feeling the shuttle rock slightly as it entered the treacherous space of Oricon, the Iridonian turned his head from looking at the pilots who were hard at work to make sure the shuttle landed in the correct location and to the Neophyte who sat quietly in the transport seats. Glancing at the man he studied his fellow Iridonian. A small sigh came to his lips as he pondered why the Neophyte decided to challenge the Proconsul. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was to better himself, but at this point that didn’t matter, the result of this match was going to be the same anyway.

“We are five minutes out, lord.” came a voice from the cockpit of the shuttle as it began to activate its landing routine and make the approach to the clearing.

The shuttle landed on the open ground, scattering ancient battered armour and bleached bones out of the way of its wake. The ramp door opened to reveal the rock which had been designated as the fighting ground. It gave a great view of the surrounding area, the height of it was enough to make anyone think twice about jumping, and a small stream of lava passed near the back of it, trickling over the sides and off the cliff edge into a pool of lava at the bottom. It was in one word, Oricon, the place that nightmares had been forged on, this now hellish waste would be their field of war.

As both combatants left the shuttle the pilot wasted no time in taking it off, leaving them for when pick up was requested. Turning to face the Journeyman the Proconsul nodded slowly before stepping back a few seconds, he allowed his right hand to unclip one of the blades. The green blade hissed into life as his piercing eyes searched Aexod's soul.

Reacting to the perceived threat, the Ragnosian ignited his well used armoury saber, holding it firm and steady before him as taught by his combat professor. A split second passed before the Augur attacked, aiming to teach his fellow Iridonian a lesson in lightsaber combat. The attack came slashing down towards Aexod's head, forcing the Neophyte to desperately swing his saber up to block the attack. Pain reverberated through his arms as he fought against the strength of the Proconsul’s attack.

Following the familiar pattern of Djem So, the Obelisk unleashed a torrent of slashes and swings at his opponent to force him on the back foot. Aexod could barely keep up the attacks, feeling himself losing ground. He doubled over due to the sudden knee in his gut, the wind rushing from his lungs. Drawing upon the power stored within him, the Augur instantly moved behind the Journeyman, his saber slashing out to catch the male across his back. The blade burned through the robes and melted flesh, Cethgus pulled back the strike at the last minute, using it as a warning strike instead of one aimed to kill. The all pervading stench of burning flesh filled the air as a cry of anguished pain erupted from Aexod's mouth as he stumbled forward. Despite the pain, the Neophyte's grasp on his lightsaber was firm, fiery determination and anger pushing him towards mastering the pain.

“Do you still wish to fight or have you learned your place yet, Journeyman?” the cold, calculating voice of Cethgus echoed around the battlefield.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 19 October, 2015 8:28 PM UTC

“We are five minutes out, lord.”

  • Lord should be captialized when it is a title.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 19 October, 2015 8:27 PM UTC

"Feeling the shuttle rock slightly as it entered the treacherous space of Oricon, the Iridonian turned his head from looking at the pilots who were hard at work to make sure the shuttle landed in the correct location and to the Neophyte who sat quietly in the transport seats."

  • There's a lot happening in this first sentence. Consider breaking it up to make it easier to read.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 19 October, 2015 8:29 PM UTC

"The shuttle landed on the open ground, scattering ancient battered armour and bleached bones out of the way of its wake."

  • Awesome imagery is awesome.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 19 October, 2015 8:31 PM UTC

"Following the familiar pattern of Djem So..."

  • Don't tell me what lightsaber form you're using. Describe what it looks like. Show, don't tell.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 19 October, 2015 8:41 PM UTC

"The blade burned through the robes and melted flesh..."

  • If you're melting flesh, this fight should be over at that point. This is both not setting up your opponent well in his next post, but it's also a pretty major realism knock, even with Control Self and the Zabrak feat.

Pain. The sensation that distinguished the weak from the true warriors. Iridonians were natural born fighters, taught from their earliest childhood days to withstand pain, accept it and use that strength to overwhelm their foes. This is exactly the reason Aexod chose his Proconsul for this practice session. Both of the Zabrak grew up learning the same combat techniques, putting in the same diligent effort to outsmart their opponent, and frankly, Aexod was a bit nostalgic. He craved to feel the emotions that he once felt back on his home planet, battling and training with his fellow Zabrak.

"You know I won't back down, jhere," the Neophyte said in their native tongue, regaining his posture and holding his armory lightsaber high.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t,” Cethgus replied, with a satisfied smirk on his face. His left hand reached for his belt, toward the hilt of his offhand lightsaber.

“Don’t you think that’s a bit of an unfair advantage? Taking it out on a lowly Journeyman, I see,” Burgoo said, catching his rival by surprise. “I bet you’ll be all proud when you come home knowing you managed to kill someone almost half your age.”

The attempt at deception was showing its effect. As Cethgus was pondering his next move, thinking he would have to continue these mind games, Aexod tapped into the Force to enhance his speed as he leapt forward, trying to catching the Equite off guard, and heard the familiar snap-hiss that signaled the ignition his opponent’s red blade. The speed at which the Proconsul reacted was amazing, but wasn’t fast enough. Cethgus raised his arm in attempt to parry the strike, and a loud spark was heard as the Neophyte’s lightsaber grazed the side of the Augur’s offhand saber driving directly at his chest. The contact was enough to take the blow off it’s course, and into the grey skinned Zabrak’s right shoulder.

Cethgus let out a sharp low-pitched scream of pain as his lightsaber left his hand and dropped to the debris covered floor with a clunk. Blood rushed out of the deformed shoulder, flowing down his arm and drenching the palm of his paralyzed hand. He fell to his knees, feeling the blood loss affect his balance and sight.

“Seems you’re not untouchable,” Aexod said, retracting his lightsaber and lowering his hand. It was never his plan to kill the Proconsul, nor did he ever, in his wildest dreams, think he was capable of doing it. He just wanted recognition, as he believed his performance in the Brotherhood was overwhelming considering his time spent here.

“Seems so,” Cethgus replied, focusing all his energy and using the Force to dull the pain and close his wound. A few seconds later, the shoulder looked as if nothing ever happened to it. Aexod was foolish to think an injury like that would present a problem to an Augur. Head to head combat wasn’t his strongest side, and he had to think of another way to defeat his opponent. Catching a glimpse of Cethgus concentrating on mitigating the pain in his shoulder, the Neophyte decided it was time to play his game instead of the Equite’s. He jumped behind the wing of a ship desecrated in some battle Aexod had no knowledge about, and went out of sight. He loved these games, and was finally feeling right at home.

Pain screamed into the body of the Proconsul, his right hand useless and limp, ligaments scorched apart and tendons unable to contract as the arm hung down at his side unable to obey its owner's commands. Hauling himself to his feet, the anger that coursed through the veins of the Augur was incredible, war had taught the Iridonian how to survive and he would take vengeance for this defiant act by the Journeyman. Searching the ground he soon found the hilt of his saber, the blade now motionless on the floor as he reached down and scooped the weapon up, instantly thumbing the activation button on the blade.

Advancing into the scraps of war he was determined to find his opponent and end this duel once and for all. Trying to be unheard, Aexod shuffled around the wreckage as he saw the dark outline of the Inquisitor skulking around in search for him. Hearing the snap of old decade armour under his feet, fear suddenly filled his body as his eyes darted down then back up noticing the figure of the Augur had disappeared completely. Scrambling quickly from cover he knew he had given his position away, the terrain had so much debris scattered around it, moving silently was something that was not achieved easily.

“Running into cover so easily? You cannot hide from me, Journeyman.” his voice quaked with the finely tuned anger that echoed throughout his body.

As Aexod stumbled backwards over debris, the white blade of the Proconsul slammed into the Journeyman's own red blade. The strength behind the blow forced him to stagger slightly backwards. Focus flashed through the eyes of the war experienced member of Naga Sadow, the two sent blows back and forth with terrifying precision, the Journeyman feeling the heat of the lava and the constant upkeep of battle taking its toll on his body quickly.

Pain continued to threaten the consciousness of the Obelisk as he hammered blows down against the Journeymen. Dragging the Journeyman's guard down he enhanced his speed with the Force, spinning around. His limp arm came out and smashed into the younger warrior's face, sending him stumbling backwards. Blood trickled from his lip from the unexpected blow as Aexod spat it onto the forsaken land to clear the copper taste from his mouth. Cethgus howled in pain, the agony overcoming his iron will. The shock reverberating throughout his nerves made him stagger as he landed on the ground, his body tricking his mind into thinking that there was an earth tremor.

Both Sadowans were determined to keep fighting, using their reserves of energy to continue their battle. Aexod slashed out, bringing his blade up against the white weapon hurtling back down, it was clear the Proconsul was losing his strength pushing his body to the extreme he darted out, his saber catching the Iridonian under his guard, as his flesh burned from the slash that rippled across his chest. Letting a gasp of pain come out Aexod stumbled backwards as a swift kick send his back into the metal hull of a scrapped fighter.

With the last bit of energy Ceth launched a large part of shrapnel from the floor. It flew through the air, slamming into the Journeyman’s gut. A gasp of pain echoed out from Aexod's lips, blood flowed freely out and dripped down onto the floor. His knees slumped as he doubled over, blood dripping from the wound and soaking the Neophyte’s robes.

“It….seems that one of us came out on top today.” the panting voice of a drained Proconsul reached the ears of Aexod.

The Neophyte's eyes blurred as he made the form of the Proconsul walking towards him, his feet staggering across the floor as he made his way to the crippled Journeyman. In one last defiant act the younger warrior spat the blood from his mouth at his fellow Sadowan before the Proconsul’s boot came up, smashing the bit of shrapnel through the Night Raptors member’s spine. His lungs fought to hold his breath and cling to life, but his body failed him here on this forsaken planet. He had come with the intention of learning and would never leave this place, his vision blacked out as his two hearts failed him.

“Shame, he had potential.” the Iridonian stood still, looking at the kill he had made. He grabbed the comm device and signalled for the shuttle to make its landing. Looking at the body he sighed to himself wondering what possessed the man to challenge him in such a way. Watching the red streak that soured the sky he saw that the shuttle was making its approach, concluding the duel between two of them.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 19 October, 2015 8:49 PM UTC

"...came out on top today.” the panting voice of...

“Shame, he had potential.” the Iridonian stood still...

  • Comma needed, or Capitalization.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 19 October, 2015 9:13 PM UTC

"...the two sent blows back and forth with terrifying precision..."

  • How is this possible after both parties received what should be match ending lightsaber blows?

Aexod heard the infuriated Augur let out a bellowing roar, which brought a smile to his face. He'd managed to stay on par with a far superior duelist, and that was before he got into his area of expertise. Now he just had to concentrate on managing to stay out of sight long enough for Cethgus to lose his temper and concentration.

"Coward!" yelled the Proconsul, clearly frustrated that he let his guard down so easily, "Come and fight me like a man!"

Aexod knew better. He started to move through the debris field light-footed, not to be heard. Every once in a while he saw a fighter wing, or large chunks of debris fly into the air as Cethgus searched for his opponent. He could feel the rage piling up in his superior, and knew his time to act had come.

The Neophyte picked up a piece of debris and threw it to his side, watching it land with a loud clunk.

"Gotcha," the Equite screamed, concentrating on the spot he heard the sound originate from, "Enough of this charade, you're going to die, here and now."

But Aexod was prepared. He sat completely still, letting the Force flow through him as he disappeared from sight. He watched as the Proconsul jumped next to him, lightsabers ignited, and started looking around, only to find chunks of metal and empty air.

"Nice try, kid," his gaze fell upon the place Aexod previously occupied, "but you should have known better than to try that pathetic excuse for a tactic against an Equite. Get up, I want you looking at me when I slice you to pieces."

And at that point, Aexod knew it was over. He remained completely still, his facial expression changing from a smirk to a frightened stare.

“I said get up!” the Marauder yelled as he approached his rival. The look on his face suddenly changed, and he abruptly stopped all his movements. Behind him was Aexod, the real Aexod, pressing his Zhaboka to the Proconsul's back. His plan had worked. He managed to get Cethgus to lower his guard twice, using what he was best at to outsmart his opponent.

In a split second, Cethgus had managed to turn around, slice the Zhaboka in half, disarming the Journeyman, and place the other lightsaber at his throat.

“Enough,” said the Augur, looking deep into his rival’s eyes. He saw the same look of desperation that he felt the first time he was defeated in battle.

He’s just a kid, he thought, already knowing that he didn’t want to rid Aexod of his life here. He retracted his lightsaber and started moving toward the ship, using the Force to keep the Neophyte pinned in place.

“You did well, but your ego will be your downfall if it isn’t backed up by results. Dueling with your fellow Journeymen is not nearly the same as dueling an Equite. You need better understanding of the Force, more practice, and dedication. The only reason I am sparing your life right now is because I can see the determination and drive you have inside you. Next time you challenge me, I’m afraid I won’t be as generous”

“For now, you will remain here and continue your Force training. The dark side of the Force can be felt throughout the planet. Embrace it, master it, learn to channel it and look for me when you are ready. If you manage to reach me, I will know you were worth keeping alive,” Cethgus said, entering the ship and releasing Aexod from his stasis.

“Farewell.”

Adept Alaris Jinn, 19 October, 2015 9:31 PM UTC

"The dark side of the Force can be felt throughout the planet. Embrace it, master it..."

  • Cethgus is a Grey Jedi on the Grey Path. He wouldn't adhere to the dark side strictly.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 19 October, 2015 9:43 PM UTC

"In a split second, Cethgus had managed to turn around, slice the Zhaboka in half, disarming the Journeyman, and place the other lightsaber at his throat."

  • One of his lightsabers should not be in use, due to the damage caused in a previous post.