His muscles spasmed, twitching reflexively as the electrical energy arched it's way through his body. His jaw clenched, his teeth creaking under the strain of contracting muscles. His hand's grip on his lightsaber tightened, the ceramic of his armored glove grinding against the ridges. But his eyes were open, and watching Lexiconus. One did not live to his age, nor rise through the ranks of an organization such as the Dark Brotherhood without being electrocuted a few times. He was by no means used to it, but it would take a lot more than a Battlemaster to overcome him with such an ability.
He lurched forward, starting to close the gap with the Quarren, whose electrical stream had now been diverted to the puddles on the ground. Despite the near constant acidic rainfall of the moon of Nar Shaddaa, the surface of the alley had only patches of water, and with a few steps, Archangel had made his way to the relative safety of one of these 'islands'. His muscles ached with the forced convulsions, but with a draw of energy from within, he suppressed the pain, ignoring it for now. It would return, eventually, but that price would be paid then. For now, murder was the only thing on his mind.
Lexiconus moved to the side, his electrical attack petering out as he began to tire. Archangel grinned, and leaped, not towards the Quarren Battlemaster, but up the wall, his hand grabbing at a heavy iron water pipe, secured to the wall with bolts. It shuddered menacingly, as if ready to dump him immediately, but it held against his weight. With another, Force-adjusted leap, he cleared the roof of the building across the alley, and disappeared into the darkness.
The Battlemaster's laughter, guttural and feral, pealed out in the dank darkness of the alley, echoing back and forth through the rain.
“Coward!” he shouted, his tentacles flicking back and forth with excitement, “You flee from battle! The mighty Bear of Ptolomea?! Ha!”
He goaded the huge Shaevalian, one of the war leaders of Clan Scholae Palatinae. He had sent the man running, tail tucked firmly between his legs. His lightsaber spun in a celebratory flourish. He slashed it through a pipe attached to the wall, allowing a plume of steam to escape. He didn't see the shadow on the building above him, nor did he hear the crunch of the gravel which made up the roof covering.
Warlord Archangel Palpatine dropped from the building's roof, landing directly on top of the Quarren, the alien collapsing bonelessly as the huge bulk of the Shaevalian slammed into him. The pair rolled a few times before Archangel came out on top, his massive frame easily overpowering the smaller Battlemaster. His right hand slammed into the Quarren's throat, and began to suffocate him.
“What's wrong, squid?” Archangel said, his teeth gritted with feral triumph, “You look shocked,”
With his hand holding Lexiconus by the neck, he rose, yanking the poor alien from the ground and holding him aloft. The Quarren's already rubbery skin was slick with water, damp, and perspiration. The electrical discharge Archangel emptied into his neck conducted beautifully through his body. Lexiconus let out a watery scream of pain, which slowly dilated away as Archangel threw him bodily across the alley into the opposite wall.
The Warlord drew his lightsaber, his blood pulsing with adrenaline. Rage welled up inside him, filling every corner of his being with it's crimson anger. He bared his teeth in a feral, wild gesture, and charged, roaring with animalistic fury. A few meters short of Lexiconus, he leaped, lightsaber above his head and striking down at the prone creature.
Syntax
I'm unclear what imagery you were going for with "A rash of metal on leather" here. It isn't a use of the word "rash" I'm familiar of, and discussed with other judges to find no other views here. As it stands it is confusing for the reader, as you possibly meant another word.
This reads like it should have been "air", which would make more sense with how it is used over "area".
Should be "into".
Story
While grammatically correct, the issue here is in how it confuses the reader with the imagery you are attempting. Both myself and another judge read this as Lexic performing the action before the context of the following paragraph. This affects the storytelling and overall enjoyment.
Realism
This title you used here isn't on your CS or on your Wiki, making this a realism issue. There is no way for the reader to know who you are referring to and they have to either make an educated guess