Knight Kul'tak Drol vs. Battlemaster Taranae Rhode

Knight Kul'tak Drol

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Zabrak, Sith, Shadow
vs.

Battlemaster Taranae Rhode

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Female Human, Sith, Juggernaut
Comment

One key thing to remember about good ACC matches is that they're not fight scenes, they're stories. Kul'tak laid some good groundwork in his first post: this was going to be a story about Kul'tak's unwavering loyalty to his master, Taranae's equally zealous desire for more power in the Force, and how those conflicting priorities pried the two friends apart. Ultimately, neither of you delivered on that promise, instead falling into the normal ACC routine of "fight scene then stop." It wasn't a bad match by any means, but keep in mind that ACC posts are every bit as good an opportunity for character development as any other fiction.

You're both solid writers, but one area that cost both of you points was Realism regarding Force Powers. Be sure to read the whole power description in the Force Powers guide. There's a lot of information to process and sometimes (especially with Telekinesis and Lightning) there are also several Feats to keep in mind as well. If you're really not sure if something is possible for a given character, don't hesitate to contact Wally or one of the ACC judges to ask for clarification. You can find all of us on the DC roster at the bottom, and we're all active on email and Telegram.

The winner is: Kul'tak Drol

Both of you fought well and provided us with a respectable battle. I look forward to seeing more from each of you, and perhaps even a rematch one day.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Kul'tak Drol, Battlemaster Taranae Rhode
Winner Knight Kul'tak Drol
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Kul'tak Drol's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlemaster Taranae Rhode's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Karufr - Massassi Temple Training Grounds
Last Post 11 March, 2016 5:32 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Headmistress Alethia Archenksova
Syntax - 15%
Envoy Taranae Rhode Kul'tak Drol
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: A couple of typos and issues capitalizing the words 'master' and 'apprentice.' Otherwise not bad. Rationale: Accidentally ending the post in a cliffhanger is a pretty big problem. Otherwise, you have a solid handle on Syntax.
Story - 40%
Envoy Taranae Rhode Kul'tak Drol
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Solid but not special; see the General Comments section. Rationale: You did your homework in setting this battle up. We know what Taranae's doing on Karufr and why, and the same for Kul'tak. The fight is based on the characters' Aspects and history together, and you made good use of the venue description. Unfortunately, the second post didn't carry that forward as much as I'd have liked. See the General Comments section.
Realism - 25%
Envoy Taranae Rhode Kul'tak Drol
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: A major detractor with Telekinesis in your first post, and some less serious detractors with other powers in that same post. Your final was fine, though. Rationale: You overstated your abilities with Cloak and the Ghosting Feat in the first post, but otherwise you made good use of Feats and other abilities when writing both characters.
Continuity - 20%
Envoy Taranae Rhode Kul'tak Drol
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues found. Rationale: No issues found.
Envoy Taranae Rhode's Score: 3.55 Kul'tak Drol's Score: 4.05
Posts

Deep within the jungles of Karufr lies a massive temple built from stone blocks, hand-carved by the builders of the Massassi. The ancient race made its home on the planet after joining forces with Clan Taldryan, having been freed from stasis years ago. Now, an entire civilization exists, hidden far from the prying eyes of Karufr's citizenry. As a Jedi, you are one of the few to have access to their secret base.

You step onto the temple grounds and watch the fearsome warriors train in small regiments with their crude weapons. The entire temple is in a state of anticipation as the Massassi know they will soon be called on once more to aid the Dark Jedi of Taldryan in battle. The temple is shaped like a giant pyramid, towering into the sky, and serves as a backdrop to the training ground.

The War Chief notices you and gestures you forward. He clears the area around you with a bellowing command, and the Massassi warriors present form a wide circle with you at the center. A moment later, you realize you're not the only Jedi to visit the temple—the crowd parts slightly to allow the newcomer to enter the ring. The gathered Massassi holler in good cheer. They want to see a fight.

The Chief raises his weapon to the sky and barks a command. The Massassi begin to stamp their feet against the ground, creating a loud, steady beat that seems to get your blood pumping. With little choice left, you lock eyes with your opponent and ready yourself for a fight.

The Massassi chanted their delight at the prospective sport as the Zabrak entered their reflexively formed circle. Standing in the center stood a smaller human female, her eyes glowing with the indomitable hatred that coursed through her. The orbs flickered over the intruder’s face as he approached and Kul could see the hunger behind them. His master was letting herself sink deeper into the Force each passing day, but it was beginning to affect her in other ways as well. The veil of dark energy clouded her inhibitions just enough for passing moments of confusion where she would forget even her own apprentice was an ally. It was times like these that Kul normally avoided her lest he be the recipient of her ire, but this time he had decided to follow her to wherever it was she secluded herself. He should have known it would be a place such as this.

He approached cautiously, slowly laying back the hood of his armored cloak. Placing two hands before him submissively, he called out to his master.

“Master Rhode? It is I, your apprentice, Kul. I’ve come to take you back to the Anchorage.”

A grim look crossed her smooth face, yet her eyes seemed to convalesce. “Apprentice. What have I told you about disturbing my training?”

Kul frowned. Surely his concern for his master was reason enough to inquire into her well-being. Training kicked in and he knelt before her, throwing a gauntlet to his chest plate. “Of course, Master, you told me to leave you to it, as distractions would impede your progress. But…”

Tendrils of electricity flickered into being as the energy around her grew with her anger. “Then why do you not listen!” The Zabrak’s head exploded with pain as he was launched sideways. He thought at first that he’d been sideblinded by one of the Massassi, but as his master placed a foot down realized he’d been struck by her boot. Surprise intermingled with fury arose in him, and he stood briskly ignoring the throbbing that caused in his head.

“Master, the Force is beginning to blind you. You must realize this. It is a dangerous path you walk. I understand the desire for power, I do, we all seek it. But is excess really the way if it destroys you in the process?” He purposely stayed back, lest he fall victim to another outburst. He wiggled his jaw bone. She certainly had feet of steel.

“Do not speak at me like a Jedi, Apprentice. The Force does not blind me, it shall free me. You would do well to remember your training.” He eyes flickered and Kul felt a pulsing emit from her presence. “Now leave me. Or I will remind you who is the master here.”

Kul felt torn as multiple emotions roiled inside him, loyalty to his master mixed with rage at her stubborn pride. He knew he could not just leave her here. It might already be too late, but he had to try. He knew his own strength was iron to her steel, but he had to get through. He looked her in the eyes, the very eyes who had (so long ago, he thought sullenly) looked up at him and said she would take him as her apprentice when no one else would.

“I’m afraid I cannot obey that command, Master.”

She tsked as her saberstaff appeared in her hands. She twirled it gently.

“So be it.”

Launching herself across the circle she attempted to cut him down as quickly as possible. Just before she landed, however, Kul cloaked himself. Stepping to the side, he dropped as Taranae swung her blade in a horizontal strike trying to catch him if he was still in range. Rolling on the ground he swung a leg, caught her heel and pulled it forward, unbalancing her. He bounced up and caught her with a cross hook, driving her back in a stumble. He made to press his advantage, but was unaware of the stance she’d caught herself in. Not quite settling one of her knees on the ground, Tara dropped her saber just long enough to catch the brunt of Kul’s stampede. Using his momentum she propelled him over her shoulder. He soared briefly before landing behind her with a crack! as his armour met stone. He stood slower this time and his cloak shimmered then broke. He took a few deep breaths as a bit of Force-fatigue swept over him.

He rolled his shoulders. “Alright. New plan.”

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 21 March, 2016 6:10 PM UTC

Two very minor Syntax issues in one spot: He[r] eyes flickered and Kul felt a pulsing emit from her presence. “Now leave me[, o]r I will remind you who is the master here.”

I'm also going to have to ding you on Realism for Force Cloak. The first issue is the activation time. While a time isn't specified in the Force Powers guide for +2, we can assume it's somewhere between +1's "over the course of about half a minute" and +3's "in the space of a few seconds." Kul'tak's bringing his Cloak up faster than he should really be able to.

The bigger issue with Cloak is that he keeps it up for that entire fight scene. He still needs a pretty significant degree of focus, and although his Ghosting I feat lets him move while Cloaked, it still specifies that he has to be moving "slowly and deliberately" and that he uncloaks during attacks or fast movements.

The way you have Kul'tak cloak to avoid the initial strike is ok (if too fast, see above), but he really should drop it permanently when he does that rolling kick from the ground.

Taranae watched with amusement as her apprentice lost his cloak. He stood up and shrugged and she noticed he looked tired. Grinning, she spun her saberstaff above her head and brought it down, holding it horizontally at arm’s length in front of her body.

“So, would you like to answer me again, apprentice?” she asked. “Will you go and leave me be, or does this have to continue?” As she waited for his response, he could feel every pair of eyes around them flickering between the two combatants. There was a crackle of energy around the small arena that the Massassi had created and nerves were on edge as she and Kul’tak stared each other down. Her apprentice rolled his shoulders and muttered something about a plan under his breath .She steeled herself for what was about to come. Planting her feet firmly, a shoulders’ width apart, she braced as Kul’tak gestured and an invisible force barrelled into her. She shrugged it off but heard screams from behind her as the Massassi were not as fortunate, bearing the brunt of the wave of energy. Bodies flew backwards as they were pushed with force out of the makeshift circle by the attack that had been focused on Taranae.

As the attack hit, Kul leapt at his Master with his lightsaber drawn, ready to bring it down towards her head. The Zabrak channelled his anger into a swift, downward strike meant to incapacitate his foe. Taranae sensed the attack coming in the movements of the Force around her and was ready as Kul’tak reached her, swinging down with all his might. Quickly stepping to the side and twisting away from the blade, she brought her hand up and opened her palm. Kul’tak was caught by surprise at the swiftness of his Master’s movements and his blade came down striking the floor where she had previously stood. His back arched as his body was suddenly wracked with pain; he felt as if his blood was boiling in his veins and knew instantly that he had been attacked with one of his own techniques as Taranae stood, feeding tendrils of electrical energy into her apprentice. He knew he had only one option open to him and he wildly called on his skills, hoping it would work as his body felt as if the skin was being seared from his flesh.

Taranae was stunned to see Dracaryis stood behind a couple of the Massassi that were cheering her on. Her concentration wavered and her attack on Kul’tak ceased abruptly. He dropped to the ground, unmoving as Taranae stared at her Quaestor, wondering why he had accompanied Kul’tak to find her. Wondering what Dracaryis would say to her for doing such a thing to Kul’tak, she began to walk towards the edge of the circle. The Zabrak sensed his chance and dropped the illusion, cloaking himself as he did so. His brief respite had given him the chance to use what little energy he had left to hide from Taranae. He knew that she had become formidable, but never did he suspect that he would have been attacked by her as he had been just now. He quietly moved to the furthest point away from her to regain some composure and as he heard her growl, he knew that she had realised what he had done to fool her and wondered how he was going to make it out of this mess alive.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 21 March, 2016 6:37 PM UTC

A few Syntax issues:

answer me again, [A]pprentice?”

This is because she's using it as a title in direct address. But:

Kul leapt at his [m]aster

In a normal sentence like this, it's not capitalized. 'Master' and 'apprentice' work the same way in this regard.

his breath .She

The period got stuck after the space.

a shoulders’ width apart,

Should read "shoulder width apart" - remember, you're talking about the distance from one should to the other, not the width of one of them.

to see Dracaryis [standing] behind

For Realism, you generally made Kul'tak a lot tougher than he should be.

she braced as Kul’tak gestured and an invisible force barrelled into her. She shrugged it off but heard screams from behind her as the Massassi were not as fortunate, bearing the brunt of the wave of energy. Bodies flew backwards as they were pushed with force out of the makeshift circle by the attack that had been focused on Taranae.

That's way beyond what he's capable of, and really waves of force require a Feat like Telekinetic Wave anyway. If you look at the write-up for Telekinesis, at +1 Kul'tak is Luke struggling to stack rocks, not Vader ripping out chunks of the wall and tossing them around.

Taranae sensed the attack coming in the movements of the Force around her and was ready as Kul’tak reached her

This is really Precog +2, but honestly I don't think someone with Taranae's combat skills needs to Force to pick up on that attack.

as Taranae stood, feeding tendrils of electrical energy into her apprentice.

You're not getting dinged here, but do keep in mind that Force Lightning is used in short bursts unless you have the Stream It Feat.

Taranae was stunned to see Dracaryis stood behind a couple of the Massassi that were cheering her on.

Again, Kul'tak's only got +1 in an advanced power, so it requires his full attention to use. It's too much of a stretch for him to casually drop one while or immediately after getting fried with Force Lightning. From the guide, compare Kul'tak's +1 ("must devote their full concentration") to +2 ("if not engaged in direct combat or under too much duress") and +3 ("even while engaged in battle")

Concentrating only on maintaining his cloak, the Zabrak felt a brief glimmer go through his charade as the sight of his furious master briefly filled him with fear. She strode forward with a demonic gleam in her eye; her stance made it was obvious she wanted blood now. Trying to come up with a plan quickly, Kul backed up and bumped into one of the large Massassi behind him. Looking back he suddenly had an idea. He withdrew his saber and released his cloak just long enough to give Taranae a taunting grin, before re-cloaking and slipping into the ranks of the crowd. His master sliced the air where he'd just been, growling at losing him again. She attempted to scan for his presence, but the mass of warriors made it

The Battlemaster scanned the Massassi crowd as they too were interested to discover the Zabrak's location. All the while he was pacing slowly, weaving in and out of the spaces left between the eager warriors. Every step or so he would have to dodge the unwary swinging hand or a foot stuck out to stretch. This normally would not have been a problem for a Shadow, but he was a tired Shadow. When he realized how loud his breathing had gotten due to his exhaustion, one of the Massassi had noticed it, as well. The creature waved frantically, attracting the attention of the guarded Battlemaster. She smiled and took a running step forward, extending a hand palm outward. The Force did not just part the crowd; for the second time that day it scooped up a small patch of it, chewed them, and spit them back into ruined wall behind them.

Kul found himself lying on the concrete floor, swearing an oath to kill every last Massassi he saw from that day forward. He did not allow himself much time to doze as his eyes picked up a dark shadow cover him. He rolled just in time as his master crashed into the ground, carving up the ground beneath her. He stood in a defensive stance, awaiting her next move. He let his concentration go, dispelling the stealthy aura around himself. Better to conserve what energy he had left. Not that it was much to begin with. His hearts had already been complaining incessantly at the over-exertion he was being put through. How long before he collapsed? She scoffed at his apparent state of exhaustion.

“I’m still willing to forget your impertinence, Kul. But only if you bow before me and ask for forgiveness.” She watched his shoulders rise and fall, the signs he should surrender etched all over his face.

Instead he grinned. “Surely you know me better than that, Master. I never surrender.” He waved for her to come to him.

Her attack came swiftly, saber spinning in front of her to throw off Kul’s defense. But this played into his hands, quite literally as it turned out. Propelling himself to meet her, he thrust his own hands into the fray. Before she could react to stop him, the Zabrak had wrenched the blade away from her. He immediately backed off, sheathing half of the staff’s blade and drawing his own saber with his right hand. It whirred as the crimson blade slid forth, and Kul crouched into his true stance: Jar’kai, the art of dual wielding. Taranae cursed herself for not seeing it sooner. Her apprentice’s ploys had always been his trademark, often feigning cowardice for positioning. It had served him well in the dueling halls against his fellow trainees.

“Now I have the advantage, Master. Will you not come back with me so you can rethink this search for your own destruction?” He took a step closer and began circling her.

“And do what, my overly protective Apprentice? Succumb to your preachings of weakness? You have a stench of Light about you when you talk so.” She spat at the ground by her feet. Her hands slipped up her waist, resting on her hips.

As Kul was about to respond, his master whipped her hands up, now bearing two DL-44 pistols. Blaster bolts cascaded into his sphere of influence, forcing him to go defensive. His exhaustion caught up with him, however, and a bolt slipped through. It burst into his thigh, dropping him to one knee. But Taranae did not let up. Bolt after bolt came crashing into his body as he fell, sabers tumbling from his grasp. As his breaths grew ragged and his blood seeped into the temple’s foundation, his last vision was filled with the aura of his master. It was black, a pitch darkness of ore dust swirling about her. Then for him, everything was.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 21 March, 2016 7:01 PM UTC

I assume you're writing this in another window and then pasting it into an ACC post. That's a good idea, but you need to be sure you grab all of it! You're missing the ends of you first and last paragraphs.

She attempted to scan for his presence, but the mass of warriors made it

Then for him, everything was.

Two other Syntax issues (not really errors):

He stood in a defensive stance

Fun fact: every time someone writes "a defensive stance" or "an offensive stance," Wally goes all Kylo Ren on his computer while screaming "Show, don't tell!" repeatedly. Next time, mention that he dropped into a low, balanced stance, or that he instinctively brought his saber up across his body, or something that shows the reader how he's being defensive. It'll be more interesting to read than just telling us he was being defensive.

his sphere of influence

This is a weird use of that term. Not really wrong, but odd enough to give me pause while reading.

His hearts

Nice attention to detail. It's the little things like this that help build immersion.

There's also a minor Realism issue:

She smiled and took a running step forward, extending a hand palm outward.

Per Telekinetic Wave, Taranae should really be slamming her fist into the ground. It's more important that you noticed she had the Feat and used it appropriately, but try to keep that detail in mind in the future.

Spinning on her heel as she turned, she growled as she noticed the circle was empty. Glancing to the Massassi, she noticed smiles from a lot of the onlookers and realised that Kul’tak must still be here under his cloak again. Grinning, she stretches her arm out wide to her sides and concentrated. The smiles of the spectators quickly faded as they felt the build-up in the energy around them and realised that Taranae was summoning something that was not worth waiting around to be in the centre of. There were screams as Massassi rose to their feet and turned, fleeing from the spectacle. The air crackled around the Aedile and her hair rose slightly as she brought her hands back in front of of her body, forming a fist with her free hand. Unexpectedly kneeling, she slammed it into the ground, breaking the hard floor and sending a huge wave of energy in all directions from her position. Screams of terror came from the panicked crowd as the wave spread, throwing up debris as it reached further outwards. Bodies were thrown all around as the wave hit and the ground shuddered, but the energy dissipated quickly towards the outer edge of the circle where the Massassi had recently sat, cheering.

Kul’tak found himself knocked backwards by the force of the blast, unable to steel himself against the onslaught and landed on his back as his cloak fell. He opened his eyes, winded, to see Taranae stood over him, grinning. He squeezed his eyes shut again, awaiting what was to come from his Master. A while passed as he sat there, wondering if he was already dead and didn’t know it yet. He slowly opened his eyes to see Taranae stood before him, offering her hand.

“Well Kul, it looks like I taught you well enough,” she said. “You may be a Knight now, but you still lack some discipline and training. No matter, your training isn’t my concern any more.”

She grasped Kul’s proffered hand and pulled him to his feet. Looking her up and down, Kul could see signs of fatigue in her stance. Whatever she had done just now had really taken the fight from her, but he was sure she could have ended this battle badly for him, had she decided to do so.

“Your powers have grown too, Master,” he commented. “But you are still easily fooled.” He said gave this last comment with a wry twist of his lips, showing he was impressed.

“We all learn, apprentice,” she replied. “As you will also.” She slapped him hard on the back as they turned and walked towards the temple at the back of the area they were in. “You really have improved, and I’m proud of you. But I still won’t come with you. I have matters to attend to here. So please inform Teylas that I will return as soon as I am finished.”

“Yes, Master,” replied Kul’tak, fingering the hilt of his lightsaber.

“And don’t do that. I know you were sent here for me but I won’t go. Don’t make me have to do this again and hurt you.” She turned to him with a slight smile on her face as her apprentice removed his hand from the weapon. They walked together, Master and Apprentice, across the yard through groaning, hardly moving bodies of the Massassi. Kul’tak glanced around and wondered what the next attack in her repertoire would have been if the fight had continued. He shuddered and followed his Master through the doors of the temple.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 21 March, 2016 7:19 PM UTC

A few more Syntax issues:

Grinning, she stretche[d] her arm out

I think this was just a typo, but remember to use the past tense for ACC battles.

He opened his eyes, winded, to see Taranae stood over him

Should be either "He opened his eyes, winded, to see Taranae standing over him" or "He opened his eyes, winded, to see that Taranae stood over him"

He said gave this last comment with a wry twist of his lips

Ditch either 'said' or 'gave' here.

When you're directly addressing someone as "Master" or "Apprentice," both words should be capitalized. When you're just using them a descriptive nouns, neither word should be capitalized. So:

“We all learn, [A]pprentice,” she replied.

“Yes, Master,” replied Kul’tak

They walked together, [m]aster and [m]pprentice, across the yard

He shuddered and followed his [m]aster

The air crackled around the Aedile and her hair rose slightly as she brought her hands back in front of of her body, forming a fist with her free hand. Unexpectedly kneeling, she slammed it into the ground, breaking the hard floor and sending a huge wave of energy in all directions from her position.

The description for this sounds a bit more like it's setting up for Force Lightning, but that's not something I would ding you on. Here, you're making use of the Feat and power level that Taranae has, so this is a big improvement over your earlier post.