Hunter Alishu vs. Acolyte Abadeer Taasii

Acolyte Alishu

Journeyman 2, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Sullustan, Sith, Arcanist
vs.

Acolyte Abadeer Taasii

Journeyman 2, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Togruta, Sith, Marauder
Comment

First off, let me congratulate both of you on your first complete ACC match! You both show great potential, and I hope to see a lot more of each of you.

I strongly suggest that every ACCer get their work proofread by people they trust and respect to clean up typos and check for other errors before posting. Your Summit can help you find some people if you don't know any off the top of your head.

Ultimately, this was a very close match, but the winner is Alishu. Both of you had some problems in your Syntax and a few issues with Realism, but and both of you wrote your character's Aspects well. In the end, though, I think Alishu was more daring in where he tried to take his posts. While his efforts weren't perfect, they make this match stand out.

Congratulations, Alishu! And good luck in the Journeyman Tournament, Abadeer!

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Hunter Alishu, Acolyte Abadeer Taasii
Winner Hunter Alishu
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Hunter Alishu's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Acolyte Abadeer Taasii's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Arx: Combat Training Center
Last Post 13 April, 2016 3:56 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Headmistress Alethia Archenksova
Syntax - 15%
Alishu Abadeer Taasii
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: A few typos, but the bigger issue was distracting formatting. Rationale: Several typos. Be sure to add commas in appropriate places to break up long sentences and make them easier to read.
Story - 40%
Alishu Abadeer Taasii
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: The flashback was a good instinct, but you didn't make any use of it in your ending post. The difference between a 3 and 4 in Story largely comes down to whether your match was especially memorable among the dozens in the ACC. Your narration and unusual (but true to Aspect) ending gave you the edge here. Rationale: An average match.
Realism - 25%
Alishu Abadeer Taasii
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: I'd hit you much harder for using a vibroblade against a lightsaber, but a) you acknowledged your weapon's fragility in the final post, and b) your opponent didn't emphasize it either. Rationale: Dinging you slightly for jumping on a bad leg to avoid a weapon you could easily have destroyed. Additionally, when you hit someone with a lightsaber they stay down. Good work with Force Lightning, though.
Continuity - 20%
Alishu Abadeer Taasii
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors spotted. Rationale: No errors spotted.
Alishu's Score: 4.05 Abadeer Taasii's Score: 3.65
Posts

cc

Two towering, tinted, transparisteel doors slide open to grant you access to the central chamber of the Combat Training Halls. The main room is wide and open and as large as as a holoball field. Tall walls stretch towards a domed ceiling that is made up of rows of ambient lights that spread out and fill the room with soft even lighting that eliminates any shades or shadows. Those same walls are lined around the perimeter with racks and stacks of varied weaponry: everything from swords and polearms to rifles and flamethrowers.

There are two signs that hover over each weapon rack to create an alternating motif in the Combat Training Hall: “No Explosions” and “Accorded Neutral Territory”. While the first is fairly obvious, the second speaks to the single law of the Training Halls: all members of the Brotherhood are welcome, and no member is to be killed or maimed without incurring the wrath of the Grand Master and the Inquisitori.

A trio of training dummies are statically set up and spread out in a line, each made out of a blend of alloys and padding that can withstand blows from any standard weaponry with the exception of lightsaber blades. To the side of the dummies, a large sparring matt has been stretched out to create a larger footprint than the typical Shock-Boxing ring. The padding is good for helping teach new combat students how to take a fall without injury and offers firm footing, but the hard durarubber mat is hardly forgiving.

Behind the sparring area is a door that leads to a small archives that combat students can use to view holorecordings of fights and duels from the past as well as relevant information on combat tactics, techniques, and forms. On the opposite side of the archives at the far end of central room is the locker room that members can safely store their equipment.

The final and probably most important element of the Combat Training Hall is the onsite Med Ward. The maglock door is sealed off and can only be opened by an attending Medic. The Medical facilities feature state of the art bacta tanks for recovery and aftercare. A combination of observation and waiting room rests adjacent to the recovery center and features two large monitors that display a live feed of the central room.

The Combat Halls are staffed around the clock, allowing combat students and mentors alike to come and go as they please at odd or regular hours. It also reserved for members looking to prove their worth to compete in the Antei Combat Center.

map

[Venue Note: Weapons incorporated into your match are allowed to be used, even if not listed on your Weapon Load Out for the match itself. Skill usage and all other ACC rules and guidelines still applies.]

The Training Center’s bright flare lights were becoming very familiar to Abadeer Taasii. Many hours had been spent in this room, practicing combat techniques and combinations. Taasii came here for his own pride. Since becoming a Sith in the Brotherhood he hadn’t been able to defeat a single opponent in battle. Although it had been his own folly for battling opponents whose prowess were well and above his own. This time the young Acolyte felt confident he would not be overcome.

Abadeer arrived early to the Training Center as he often tried to, extracting his weapon from his side. The crimson blade ignited with a familiar hum, it’s deadly capabilities disguised by its entrancing light. The Togruta stared deeply into the blade’s lethal plasma, letting himself be pulled into the hypnotic glow while also channeling all of his focus to the weapon.

“Am I late?” the voice ripped Taasii out of his trance into his saber. He turned to see his opponent. This young alien was short, very short, only coming up to the Togruta’s waist. As he walked gracefully across the length of the Training Center, the Acolyte began analyzing his opponent in preparation for combat. There wasn’t any skin showing on the Hunter. He wore a heavy cloak, with bandages and goggles covering the rest of his body. Taasii scanned over for weapons and all he could see was a high tech looking sword, probably a vibroblade. These weapons were dangerous to the average person, but as a lightsaber duelist Abadeer felt confident he wouldn’t be touched by the sword. Continuing his scan of the Sullustan, Taasii didn’t see any other weapons.

“Not at all. Though maybe a little underprepared for combat? All I see you have there is a vibrosword. You do know that won’t be able to block any incoming attacks from my saber, don’t you?” Abadeer looked questioningly at Alishu. There wasn’t any way for the Togruta to tell what was going on behind all of the wraps. No facial expressions could be seen, even his eyes were difficult to read behind the large, faintly glowing goggles.

“Of course, but let us find out if that matters.” the Sullustan’s voice came out muffled from under the layers. Abadeer narrowed his eyes, feeling that his skills were being challenged. There were few things that made the Acolyte ready to destroy an opponent more than this. He would attempt to restrain himself from killing the young man, as they were Clan mates, but a good beating and a few wounds would teach him respect.

Taasii lit his lightsaber again, this time the hypnotic hum of the blade would not distract him. His focus was fully on his opponent now. The short little alien would not enjoy this experience. Waiting only a moment for Alishu’s sword to be totally drawn from its sheath, Taasii then sprang into action. He flew toward his opponent with a heavy overhand chop. Abadeer had miscalculated, his opponent was faster than he looked. The Hunter had nimbly sidestepped the crushing blow, and quickly slashed up with his blade at the Togruta’s right leg. Taasii attempted to dodge equally effectively, but felt his muscles slowed by some power. He wasn’t nearly fast enough to evade the blow entirely. The blade cut easily through his leggings and flesh. Glancing down, there was a bleeding gash on the his leg. Anger surged up inside the Togruta, he’d not been wounded this deep in a long time. Letting the anger consume him he charged back to the Hunter, forcing himself to move past the wound and through the pain. Taasii wouldn’t be caught underestimating this foe again, he’d figured out his opponents distance and he’d easily be able to stay right outside of it. Abadeer saw only the red of rage as he charged the Sullustan again.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 14 April, 2016 7:57 PM UTC

Syntax

[I]t had been his own folly for battling opponents whose prowess were well and above his own.

You don't want "Although" here, since it's used to join clauses together within one sentence. I think it's better for flow to just ditch it, although you could just tack this sentence on to the preceding on if you like. Not really dinging you for this, just offering it as advice.

Abadeer arrived early to the Training Center as he often tried to, extracting his weapon from his side.

Also not dinging you here, but the word choice is a bit off. "Extracting" sounds like you've got the weapon embedded in your side and you're pulling it out. "Retrieving" might be better here.

The crimson blade ignited with a familiar hum, [its] deadly capabilities disguised by its entrancing light.

Its = belonging to it. It's = it is.

There wasn’t any way for the Togruta to tell what was going on behind all of the wraps. No facial expressions could be seen, even his eyes were difficult to read behind the large, faintly glowing goggles.

I liked this description.

“Of course, but let us find out if that matters[,]” the Sullustan’s voice came out muffled from under the layers.

Glancing down, there was a bleeding gash on []his leg.

Taasii wouldn’t be caught underestimating this foe again[. H]e’d figured out his opponent[']s distance and he’d easily be able to stay right outside of it.

Story

Remember, with the other categories, you start at 5 and just have to avoid making mistakes to score well. With Story, you start at 3 and really have to work your way up. Two ways to do that in an opening post are to avoid cliches and to give us a real reason to care about the conflict between these two characters. "Hey, I'm here, you're here, let's train" makes it really hard to rise above a 3. I know it can be really hard to build a meaningful conflict when you're tossed into a match with a character you don't know very well, but if you can find the right hook you've got a great advantage in the match.

Realism

No errors.

Continuity

No errors.

Alishu was trembling.

He had never fought a Sith before, and it was frightening. The Sullustan was usually calm, at peace on the battlefield, and he more or less expected to see the same peace from those he fought, such was the Obelisk way. In-fact, it was because of this peace of mind that Alishu had moved so fluidly, acting almost purely on instinct as he struck out in a perfect concert of Force and Physical ability, slowing his opponent to land a wicked cut on his leg. But whatever confidence was gained from that moment of serendipity was quickly lost, scared witless in the face of the way of the Sith, Abadeer's way, where passion and rage are merged in a terrifying, ever-increasing channel that brought greater dexterity and power to each of the Togruta's moves.

A mix of fear and anger hung heavily in the air, sensed even by those outside of the training center, as their battle dance whirled across the duracrete and a deepening pool of blood.

Each of their skills was being pushed to the absolute limit, their entire beings willed to their chosen purpose. For Abadeer, that purpose was to regain his pride by defeating his opponent in the combat center, and it expressed itself in blinding rage. For Alishu, that purpose was a driving need to survive another day, and it expressed itself in a fearful calmness that caused him to tremble. Yet as the fight dragged on, neither seemed to have an advantage over the other, for as the two equally aggressive combatants threw themselves at their adversary, ground was neither taken nor given, and so they merely circled around the same, bloody spot on the floor.

In such a melee, one might determine that reach would be the deciding factor, but Abadeer's superior height was negated by Alishu's superior weight control and the aggressive nature of their fighting styles, keeping them at a close range, where longer reach had no bearing. The key then, seemed to lie in the difference between a lightsaber and a sword, a difference that was excitingly more complex than what might be assumed, enhanced by each of the combatants unique traits.

It was true that the metal used in the construction of a vibroblade could not withstand the sheer cutting power of plasma, and it was true that Abadeer's lightsaber was as much as an extension of himself as the sword was for Alishu, and that he should have no trouble destroying the Hunter's weapon. However, be that as it may, Alishu was a student of Shyarn-ado and Stava, wielding them together as a single art, and these forms did not rely on using the blade itself for defense, instead focusing on evasive, body-weaving techniques. This unorthodox style protected Alishu's weapon, and his mastery of these arts gave him an edge over Abadeer's Form Zero, which was hardly a martial art as much as it was 'How to Hold Your Lightsaber 101'. Still, Acolyte Taasii was a brilliant fighter in his own right, and even though some of his Force-enhanced speed was being spent to dull the pain in his leg, he grew faster with each deadly exchange, as his mind sank deeper into the battle and his emotions drove him onward. It would only be a matter of time before Alishu would find his sword, and perhaps himself, sliced in two. Even now he could sense Abadeer watching his every movement, probing for a single weakness that he could pounce upon.

Alishu didn't see any need to prolong the inevitable. With the last of his Force-fueled adrenaline, the Hunter stumbled quickly backwards, his footwraps, soaked in Abadeer's blood, leaving a trail of crimson footprints. Both men stood at attention, for the first time in the bout, someone had given ground. Alishu had stopped shaking.

"I give up."

"You what?" Abadeer's features twisted, his anger flaring despite his own adrenaline subsiding. As if the challenge wasn't insulting enough, now the Sullustan was insulting him again. "[Like hell you are!]" He cursed at Alishu, temporarily reverting to his native tongue, Togruti. Taasii wasn't finished yet, and while he was originally content to knock his clanmate around a bit, he figured now that a more severe punishment was in order. Perhaps an arm or a leg would suffice, or both, screw the "Accorded Neutral Territory" sign. He would push past the fatigue, the bloodloss, and the widening hole in his leg. Abadeer wouldn't stop until he paid his wounds back in full, and not just his physical wound, but the wounds to his pride as well. Bounding forward in a Force-assisted leap, the Togruta waved his hand in a focusing gesture, causing a blackness to fall over the small Sullustan, dark enough that even the entrancing light of the crimson lightsaber blade was no longer visible. The Hunter was now the hunted, unable to see.

Crimson.

What happened next happened with such alacrity that it can scarcely be described. The last thought on Alishu's mind before all went dark, now racing at a hundred miles an hour, was the sight of the red Togruta and lightsaber coming towards him. In that instant he wondered if he had somehow been knocked out or even killed, but this was quickly disproved, as both his physical and Force senses were still in place, the very same senses that were now screaming at him to move. Lurching to the side in a duck, Alishu could feel the blade of the lightsaber pass over him, the crimson color of the plasma strongly reminding him of the sensation of the wet, crimson blood on his feet.

Alishu focused hard on that feeling, until the hazy image of his adversary appeared before him, catching it as it moved out of the corner of his vision.

The Obelisk's hands seemed to move on their own against the Sith, turning the blade and thrusting it at the image poised behind him. Abadeer might have been run through right then and there, were it not for the passive echolocation ability that all Togruta possessed, alerting him to the sharp, pointy object headed his way, allowing him to twist his body and swing out with his saber at the last second.

Alishu had no idea what hit him.


###3 Hours before the match; Shadow Academy, VSDII Paladin

Alishu worked quietly in his quarters on the Paladin, typing away on a console as he made the final edits to one of the professor's history lessons. It had been just under two months since he had rejoined the Brotherhood and been assigned Magistrate to the Headmaster, and it was hard to believe how far he had come in such a short time. In a way, it was even harder to believe how much had changed since he had first gone rogue.

"You're going to be a Knight soon." Lost in thought and the darkness of his own mind, Alishu didn't notice as his master, Kul'tak, made his way into the room. The Hunter didn't reply, instead swiveling in his chair and listening intently, he had come to learn that whenever his master mentioned a coming promotion like this, it was because he had some sort of advice to give. "I heard you're going to be fighting in the combat center, against an Apostle of Syn. You should be careful, their function is different than that of the Disciples of Dreypa, but they are just as well-trained. I saw that first hand, during my time in both Battle Teams."

The Sullustan stayed silent, knowing that Kul'tak wasn't quite finished, observing as the Zabrak walked to the opposite side of the room, his footfalls nearly silent as he picked up the armory vibrosword that Alishu had wielded since he first returned to the Brotherhood.

"I trust this will be your weapon of choice?" There was a hint of a smile in his voice, an approving one, but undetectable under the recesses of his hood. "That's commendable of you, few have the courage to wield a sword in this day and age. However, I don't believe that bladework alone will carry you to victory." Kul'tak set the sword down, pivoting on his heels to face Alishu. **"You told me once that the dark side has stained your mind and that you suffer from confusion and constant mental agony. I have often sensed this pain within you, and truthfully there was a time where I thought you mad, but I see now and I tell you..."

"Let your despair fuel your anger. Then shall you eradicate your enemies."


The darkness faded away, revealing what had occurred. Abadeer's saber had struck home, impacting the side of Alishu's face, but not deep enough, separating his hood and destroying part of his goggles, but not hurting the Sullustan himself. Terrified and in shock, Alishu slowly ran his fingers over the damaged area, beginning to tremble once more. Even his knees began to shake and he swayed from side to side, barely able to keep himself upright. It all told of weakness, but this pain and sadness served as an emotional grounding that deeply strengthened his connection to the dark side, and he centered himself in it, drawing power from it. Instead of becoming weak, he became strong, renewed.

Lifting his sword once more, Alishu lunged at his opponent, swinging his sword with all the same rage as Abadeer in that initial charge.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 18 April, 2016 5:57 PM UTC

Syntax

The formatting on this post was a little off. Don't use Markdown quoting in ACC posts, and when you do quote in Markdown, only use one >, i.e. > "Let your despair fuel your anger. Then shall you eradicate your enemies." Boldface should be used sparingly, not to mark speech. Always use the preview button to make sure your Markdown is doing what you want it to. Anyway, onto specifics.

In[ ]fact, it was because of this peace of mind that Alishu had moved so fluidly, acting almost purely on instinct as he struck out in a perfect concert of Force and [p]hysical ability, slowing his opponent to land a wicked cut on his leg.

###3 Hours before the match; Shadow Academy, VSDII Paladin

Add a space between ### and the header text, though I would avoid headers in an ACC post. This is a good place to use bolded text.

Story

I really like that you experimented with a non-linear structure here, and I think Alishu popping out of the flashback is a natural turning point in the match.

The darkness faded away, revealing what had occurred. Abadeer's saber had struck home, impacting the side of Alishu's face, but not deep enough, separating his hood and destroying part of his goggles, but not hurting the Sullustan himself.

"Impacting the side of his face" makes it sound like the saber struck him square and just didn't penetrate, which isn't how lightsabers and faces interact. I'd say that it "grazed" or "nicked" Alishu instead.

Realism

Just to clarify, the only mechanical effects of a lightsaber or combat style are determining what grips and saber styles you can use and whether or not you can redirect blaster bolts at a specific target. Everythign else is flavor. So trash talking Form 0 is great, but keep in mind that someone with 3 in Form 0 will beat someone with 2 in Makashi if everything else is equal.

I mentioned that because you try to use styles to justify an extended fight without either weapon touching the other. I could maybe see someone pulling that off if they had a significant stat advantage, or if they were focusing solely on defense. But Alishu is evenly matched here, and if anything he's slightly slower since you write Abadeer using Amplification.

Alishu can bob and weave all he wants, but when he attacks Abadeer, eventually Abadeer will block and your blade is toast. Since Abadeer knows this, he'd probably going to be going out of his way to disarm you. The only way for Alishu to fight is either to avoid engaging, or to be so good that he can land blows without Abadeer intercepting any of them. You just don't have the stats to pull that latter option off.

Continuity

No errors.

The battle began to shift. Abadeer started out, as always, being super aggressive, but now Alishu was on the offensive. Taasii’s glancing blow had triggered something in Alishu. The feelings surrounding him had drastically changed, the Hunter was focused and going for the kill. Abadeer could now only see anger and rage in Alishu’s eyes.

The Acolyte would not let up his own offensive though. He’d lost quite a bit of blood already and the only thing keeping him conscious at this point was his Force enhanced rage. The Togruta lunged forward at his opponent aiming forAlishu’s leg. The Sullustan skipped his lower half back keeping his leg just out of range of the deadly saber, and countered with a stab from his own blade. Taasii jumped out of the way of the of the short strike just as quickly.

The two aliens circled each other, weapons at the ready. Alishu’s vibroblade hanging low near his side, Abadeer’s lightsaber held higher near his face. The Togruta was struggling, with a very pronounced limp from his early injury. With his reach advantage he should have been able to defeat his opponent easily, but the little Sullustan was very quick, and Abadeer had been slowed down signifcantly. He was always a step ahead of every strike. An idea came to Abadeer, a hastily planned strategy to outmaneuver his nimble little adversary.

Taasii jabbed his wounded leg, sending a shockwave of pain through his body. Abadeer used this pain to tap into a deeper rage, pushing his body to perform stronger and faster than before.The Acolyte made first move, rushing in with a wide sweeping blow that was easily dodged. Abadeer continued to press Alishu with a flurry of blows, high, low, left right, and straight in thrusts. He forced the Hunter back to the defensive, at least for the time being. Finally, after maneuvering the little Sullustan right where he wanted him, Taasii reached out to the wall of weapons and ripped it from its purchase, hurling the deadly array at his opponent. The hailstorm of debris was too much for Alishu to be able to dodge effectively so he stood his ground, blade forward to block incoming weapons. This was exactly what Abadeer had been waiting for.

He lunged in for another attack, and this time he got exactly what he was looking for. His powerful left-to-right swipe caught the distracted Sullustan off guard. The cut should have neatly severed the head of the little alien from it’s body, but he’d sensed the danger moments before it had occurred and he jumped up and out of the way,instead catching Alishu in the shoulder.. The strike casued Alishu to fall prone in pain. Slowly, he picked himself up. The two combatants stared darkly into each other’s eyes, both shaking from exhaustion. Taasii’s vision began to blur from blood loss, as did Alishu’s. Both warriors were pushed to their respective limits, but neither was willing to back down.

Seeking a quick end to the battle, Abadeer reached farther inside than he’d ever gone. His pride fueled everything that was this final attack. He’d been practicing at behest of his Master to train in other areas of the Force than just the physical. This was a power fueled solely by hate and rage. The desperate Togruta extended his left hand and pushed all of his rage at his enemy in one final action that materialized as a sharp crack of lightning. The arc flashed blindingly, the noise deafening as it hurled impossibly fast at the Sullustan. It took only a moment and that all that was needed.

The Hunter screamed out in pain as the lightning connected with his body, and he convulsed for a moment before falling to one knee. Alishu gasped for breath as his muscle control returned quickly to him. The Sullustan’s eyes widened as he glanced down at his sword. It had dropped to his feet in his moment that he lost control of his muscles. The blade ceased to vibrate, and a high pitched whining came from within which slowly faded to silence. The Hunter fell sideways, unable to retain awareness any longer.

The Sullustan lay on the ground several feet, knocked totally unconscious. Abadeer stared on at the unexpected results of his attack. He looked down at his hand, a sense of overwhelming power flowing through him. Then as suddenly as the surge of power came, it left as the taxing effects of Force Lightning dropped the Togruta to his knees. The loss of blood and use of the Force had drained Abadeer of more stamina than what he had. As he fell further to the ground in equal unconsciousness as his opponent he felt pride in his victory, before succumbing to the fatigue.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 18 April, 2016 5:56 PM UTC

Syntax

He’d lost quite a bit of blood already and the only thing keeping him conscious at this point was his Force[-]enhanced rage. The Togruta lunged forward at his opponent aiming for[ ]Alishu’s leg. The Sullustan skipped his lower half back[,] keeping his leg just out of range of the deadly saber, and countered with a stab from his own blade.

With his reach advantage he should have been able to defeat his opponent easily, but the little Sullustan was very quick, and Abadeer had been slowed down signif[i]cantly.

...pushing his body to perform stronger and faster than before.[ ]The Acolyte made first move...

The cut should have neatly severed the head of the little alien from [his] body, but he’d sensed the danger moments before it had occurred and he jumped up and out of the way,[ ]instead catching Alishu in the shoulder[.]

The Sullustan lay on the ground several feet[ away], knocked totally unconscious.

Story

Taasii jabbed his wounded leg, sending a shockwave of pain through his body. Abadeer used this pain to tap into a deeper rage, pushing his body to perform stronger and faster than before.

I like this as a story effect, and it's a nice nod to the final duel in The Force Awakens.

I thought you did a nice job displaying your Aspects through your combat writing. Likewise, you played off of Alishu's thought process in the middle post, but I would have liked to see more development there.

Realism

Taasii jumped out of the way of the of the short strike just as quickly.

You've got a badly wounded leg and your lightsaber will cut through his blade like it's paper. Why are you jumping?

Abadeer used this pain to tap into a deeper rage, pushing his body to perform stronger and faster than before.

You're either drawing on the Rage power or you're not. Not dinging you for it since this is just a description (and it fits your Aspects), but I do want to clarify that mechanically it doesn't affect Abadeer's powers at all.

The strike casued Alishu to fall prone in pain.

The should be the end of the fight. To quote the ACC Guide, "When someone lands a hit with a lightsaber, there is no 'fight through the pain.'"

It's very common to see ACCers, especially new ones, get into trouble with Force Lighting. I was very happy to see that you nailed the build-up, duration, and effects on both user and target. Well done.

Continuity

No errors.

The vibroblade. The lightsaber. Both swords, same techniques, and yet one was superior, deadly.

The small Sullustan. The tall Togruta. Both bipedals, same body mechanics, and yet one was older, stronger.

The Disciple. The Apostle. Both clanmates, about the same rank, and yet...

Abadeer gritted his teeth, grimacing as these thoughts ran through his mind. "And yet why am I losing!" He felt helpless, weak, as Alishu moved quickly towards him, weapon at the ready, looking as fresh as when the match first started. This was supposed to be his victory, his win, his chance at glory! It was maddening and it was frustrating and it made him hate everything.

It didn't make any sense.

A swing of Alishu's sword was met by the crimson light of the Togruta's saber, cutting the blade into two parts. Hope seized Abadeer, but the action was more or less what the Hunter wanted, and so Alishu smoothly transitioned from his feint, the slash, into a lunge, taking full advantage of the newly created opening. The attack caught the Acolyte's side, just above his hip, cutting just as deeply as the wound on his leg, the vibration function of the sword still active.

A roar of pain. Not a cry, or a yell, but a primal utterance that came from within, bearing every facet of the dark side.

In retaliation, Taasii swung back at Alishu, but just as before, it found only the cloth of his robe, slicing the fabric, but otherwise doing no damage to the Sullustan himself, as he skipped away in a small jump. Despite the severity of his injuries, and their worsening state throughout the battle, Abadeer continued to stand, slipping into the rooted stance that he had perfected during his time in the Taasii tribe of Shili. Meanwhile, Alishu set himself in his own stance, casually bouncing on one foot, but only for a moment. Without warning, the Hunter stopped all movement, and tossing his broken vibroblade to the side, he stood still.

"I give up."

Abadeer fell to his knees, answering in a defeated tone. "Why?" He was too hurt to offer any further defiance.

Alishu turned and left without answering. Why indeed? He had agreed to a match with Abadeer because he needed to see what the combat center was like, and what combat during a match was all about. When the combat actually started though, the Hunter was surprised, and his needs aligned to that of total survival, and deciding he had seen quite enough, Alishu gave up. Of course, his Togruta opponent refused that offer, pressing a blinding offense, which forced his needs to become "eliminate the threat" and "eradicate your enemies", and these were fulfilled when Abadeer suffered his second wound, unable to seriously continue the fight.

The Sullustan had followed the dark side to its ultimate conclusion: fear into anger, anger into hate, hate into suffering. It was over now, and Abadeer wasn't his enemy.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 18 April, 2016 5:56 PM UTC

Syntax

You had a better handling on the formatting in this post, but it was still a bit distracting. Use italics for thoughts and emphasizing key words or short phrases. Use bold for stronger emphasis, again of key words for phrases, or for headers.

"And yet why am I losing!"

You don't need the quotation marks here, just the italics.

Story

I like that you had the flashback in your first post, but I don't think you leveraged it here. Alishu was wounded, then we see him recalling his master telling him to use his fear and hatred, so naturally we expect to see him do that in the finale. We didn't see fear, and we didn't see anger - just Alishu making a feint. You put yourself into position for a nice narrative arc, but then you didn't follow through.

"Hvala Sulig Svajone" is an unusual Aspect to hang a post around, but you gave a plausible explanation for it. It was an especially nice touch that Alishu didn't even care whether he "won" the fight, since his needs had been met.

The Sullustan had followed the dark side to its ultimate conclusion: fear into anger, anger into hate, hate into suffering. It was over now, and Abadeer wasn't his enemy.

This was a very solid ending.

Realism

A swing of Alishu's sword was met by the crimson light of the Togruta's saber, cutting the blade into two parts.

It's still implausible that the fight dragged on, but it's good that you acknowledged the vibroblade's vulnerability here.

The attack caught the Acolyte's side, just above his hip, cutting just as deeply as the wound on his leg, the vibration function of the sword still active.

If he's lunging, he's striking with the point - which isn't there anymore. The vibration wouldn't help here, though you could argue that the metal would be hot enough to burn.

Continuity

No errors.