Knight Blade Ta'var vs. Hunter Abadeer Taasii

Knight Blade Ta'var

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Female Zeltron, Sith, Marauder
vs.

Hunter Abadeer Taasii

Journeyman 3, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Togruta, Sith, Marauder
Comment

First off, I want to very sincere congratulate you both on this match. Both of your stories were absolutely wonderfully written. It was compelling, interesting, and very fun to read.

Abadeer, the story in your final post was phenomenal. You had foreshadowing (which we scarcely see in the ACC), you had storytelling, you had great visuals and imagery. I was very, very impressed. You will have a very bright future in the ACC. Your formatting was where you really went wrong here. Your final post was all one paragraph. Had you broken it up into multiple paragraphs it would have been easier to read, and you very well may have won this match.

Blade, you had fantastic imagery and you told your story very well. I went into why I docked you one point in your story in the Rationale section of Story, but it was mostly based around my disappointment in your final post. It seemed a touch one-sided, and you won't tell an interesting story by telling it one-sided, but your writing is very, very good.

You will both have a great future in the ACC and I very much hope to see a lot more from you in the future. Both of you should remember to get someone to proof-read your posts. A lot of the issues you encountered could be solved by getting one of your resident Grammar Nazis to read your posts before posting it, and also remember, Show Preview is your friend.

Congratulations again to you both and thank you for participating in the ACC Tournament.

And a big Congratulations to Blade on your victory! See you in the next round.

Hall Journeyman Tourney [2016]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Blade Ta'var, Hunter Abadeer Taasii
Winner Knight Blade Ta'var
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Blade Ta'var's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Hunter Abadeer Taasii's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Dromund Kaas: Dark Temple Ruins
Last Post 23 April, 2016 5:19 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Adept Alaris Jinn
Syntax - 15%
Aurora "Aura" Ta'var Abadeer Taasii
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: You had come capitalization errors, and a few missed commas, but no real issues beyond that, and certainly nothing that took me out of the story. Rationale: Your detraction here is basically due to formatting. The formatting error in the first post was a small error, but your entire second post was one paragraph which made it extremely difficult to read. I often didn't know who was speaking and I had to go through it multiple times to get a feel for the action.
Story - 40%
Aurora "Aura" Ta'var Abadeer Taasii
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You told a great story. You gave really great reasoning for your combat and your imagery kept me engaged. I was a little disappointed with how you ended the match and hoped for something a little more of a surprise, but other than that you had phenomenal storytelling. Great work. Rationale: You didn't really apply any originality to the story, but you told it very, very well. Your imagery was fantastic and I absolutely loved how you ended the story. You added foreshadowing, which you often NEVER see in the ACC, and I was very excited when I got to the end to see that you had used it. Well done.
Realism - 25%
Aurora "Aura" Ta'var Abadeer Taasii
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: I didn't see any issues. Rationale: I'm only giving you a slight dock here, just because of how you got into the ending of your story. You got her monologuing a little to buy you time, and that doesn't really fit with her aspects. There is always a touch of arrogance when it comes to be a judge, but her duelist aspect would lead you to believe that she would be more focused on finishing a battle than explaining the reasons, especially as she had already been adamant about not having to explain why she's doing what she's doing.
Continuity - 20%
Aurora "Aura" Ta'var Abadeer Taasii
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues.
Aurora "Aura" Ta'var's Score: 4.45 Abadeer Taasii's Score: 3.9
Posts

Dromund Kaas Dark Temple Ruins

Abandoned and forgotten, the ruins of the Dark Temple have slowly succumbed to the erosion of time. In the central chamber—the walls have crumbled, the ceiling has caved in, and the jungle now flourishes within the once pristine halls.

Green light filters itself through the temple, mixing eerily with the dark, violet hue of Dromund Kaas’ sky. Lightning flickers overhead, the raw energy of the Force clashing high above. The floor is overgrown with flora, large plants and grasses that have swallowed the old stone. Wild creatures roam freely, skittering away from the presence of intruders while vicious predators hide just out of sight.

The main hall is lined on both sides by towering statues, heads bowed in supplication. They stand in deference to the sculpture of a pure-blooded Sith, which towers over the chamber with outstretched arms. The sculpture has been split diagonally down the middle, as if cleaved in two by a rusted blade, but the majesty in the stone still echoes to the past.

On either side of the main hall, remnants of branches to inaccessible parts of the temple remain. One might tilt their head to take in what is left of the mezzanine—the balcony overlooking the chamber—still held aloft by the great pillars standing behind the statues. Several of the pillars have fallen, providing a pathway up to the mezzanine for those willing to take the risk for higher ground. Spirits of the Sith are rumoured to still haunt the grounds—waiting for poor, misguided fools to walk blindly into their domain.

Lightning flashed overhead in the dense jungle of Dromund Kaas. With the approach of a loud humming noise a Sith Interceptor parted the stormy clouds to land slowly in a clearing. A shadowy figure made its way through the undergrowth, proceeding towards the ruined Sith temple. Abadeer Taasii took a moment to pause after emerging into the clearing. The Plaguein was dripping with sweat, the humid air causing him to perspire almost instantly. A soft string of Togrutan curses could be heard as Abadeer muttered them while slowly raising his head to look around. The Hunter pulled out a small tablet device with a display of red writing on it. He looked down to read: Attention all Journeymen, you’ve been invited to pit your combat abilities against other members of the Brotherhood…

It continued on with a string of pleasantries that Abadeer couldn’t care less about. He put the tablet away in its place on his belt. The Plaguein had been sent to a random planet, by the organizers of the tournament, which he now recognized as Dromund Kaas.

Abadeer slowly strode up the hill, littered as it was with broken relics and statues on each side. He could hardly tell how long it had been since anyone had last been to these ruins. As the Togruta walked through the archway entrance of the temple, he ignited his lightsaber and tilted his head back, screaming rebellion and challenge at the same time. The scream echoed throughout the remains of the Dark Temple, a primal Force enhanced roar of defiance. 

“Whoever you are, let us be done with this! Come, face me now and meet your fate!” Taasii bellowed out in his native tongue.

Several moments of heavy and haunting silence passed as the Hunter looked around panting. Before he saw anything, his echolocation alerted him to a presence approaching from behind. Abadeer dived forward into a somersault to gain distance, then turned to face the figure walking up the stairs. The woman who approached stood out from the dark and haunting scenery. Cerulean eyes and azure hair contrasted well against the light coral of her skin. 

“This is quite a dismal place, though you don’t *have* to scream about it.” said the woman in a bright, almost chipper manner. She continued to approach, undeterred by the obviously defensive Togruta before her. He snarled, baring his sizable canines, amber eyes glinting with hatred and rage. 

“You must be the one known as Blade. I hope you live up to your namesake. Take me lightly and I will strike you down.” the Hunter growled. He raised his lightsaber into a position where he would be ready to strike quickly. She tilted her head back and laughed, continuing to walk towards Taasii. 

“I think that you may find that a more difficult prospect than you originally anticipated.” She replied, emphasizing the counter threat with the activation of her own lightsaber. In the dark of the temple’s walls, the crimson glow of the two sabers added to the eerie feeling of the ruins. 

Seizing the initiative, Abadeer launched into an attack of heavy and clumsy two handed blows. The Zeltron easily deflected every one of them with casual twists of her wrist. She had an easy smile while she redirected the blows harmlessly off to each side. After a few moments of being on the defensive Blade would throw in the occasional counter attack. These would come swiftly and at difficult angles to block. The Plaguein disengaged and leapt backwards to gain some space. 

The Knight did not let Abadeer have the respite, jumping right after him to continue in the assault. Taasii struggled to get his feet under him as the woman relentlessly pursued him with unpredictable and rapid strikes. The Togruta stumbled back, wildly beating back attacks with wide sweeping parries. The Hunter only was able to stay alive and stay just ahead of the blows with the help of the Force, sensing the blows moments before they would connect. All of it was too much though, Blade’s assault, the uneven floor and not being able to regain his balance, Abadeer toppled backwards. 

“Well that was quicker than expected,” Blade retorted, straddling the prone Sith, letting her lightsaber fall dangerously close to his neck, “I’d hoped for more of a challenge.” She pulled back for a powerful swing. Taasii’s eyes widened, for once in his life he felt mortal terror as he stared death in the eyes. 
Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:00 PM UTC
  • Make sure you're using Show Preview before you post. Clearly, there was a formatting issue here, and that will dock you a Syntax point every time. Getting someone to proof your posts is also a great way to ensure that these formatting issues don't happen.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:04 PM UTC

"Cerulean eyes and azure hair contrasted well against the light coral of her skin."

  • Great descriptors.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:04 PM UTC

"Take me lightly and I will strike you down.” the Hunter growled..."

  • You should have used a comma to end the dialogue instead of a period.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:08 PM UTC

"Seizing the initiative, Abadeer launched into an attack of heavy and clumsy two handed blows."

  • You're showing a great understanding of the lightsaber forms, and describing them very well.

Blade stared into the eyes of her prone target as she pulled back her lightsaber, the Togruta’s eyes dilated in terror and his face rigid in fear. She didn’t know too much about the young Togruta named Abadeer, but she did know that he had attacked her first with a ferocity that matched his overt aggression. She also knew that he was a member of the Sith, which made him a prime target for judgement. Her eyes were cold chips of ice and her face was full of a tortured but resolved determination. Abadeer would find no pity here.

Blade swiftly brought her lightsaber down towards the Togruta’s head. Unfortunately, Abadeer summoned his will to live and reached out a hand towards her. Blue-white tendrils crackled and danced on his fingertips. Her danger sense urged her to move and quickly.

She let the Force fill her body, each and every cell, and then let it take control. She felt her legs swiftly push off from the ground in a tight back flip. The Force quickly but powerfully contracted her leg muscles and sent her flying backwards in an augmented arc. She felt the hot scorched air was no less than a meter behind her. Her arm moved her lightsaber to a defensive position as she landed several meters away from the rising Togruta, a look of malicious pleasure on his face.

“You have a few tricks up your sleeve. I liked you in that position too.” Blade grinned mischievously.

“Try this on for size,” the Togruta boasted. Blade found it curious that his voice already huffed with exertion.

Abadeer slowly waved his hand and Blade’s world descended into total darkness. She relied on her senses rather than her eyes, feeling her way to her opponents angry dark aura. It wasn’t hard to find.

Blade swung her arm in a mock punch, using the Force to bundle together a ball of telekinetic energy. Blade slammed this energy into Abadeer’s face. She felt the young man stumble in his attempts to right himself. As a bonus, the obsidian darkness was quickly fading now. Blade saw the struggling Togruta starting to steady himself, and decided to change tactics. She wanted to know more about him before she decided his fate.

Blade looked over the fit male Togruta, and let her pleasing scent flow from her body into the room in Abadeer’s direction. In addition to her pheromones, her standard skin-tight fighting outfit would also help loosen Abadeer’s tongue.

“Hold on a sec, handsome. I want to talk more about you first. Tell me why you make a good sith.” Blade demanded with a flirtatious smile. Her eyes lit up with a calculated warmth.

She watched as Abadeer’s jaw dropped. This was indeed a different turn of events, but she was willing to risk him recovering from his earlier fatigue to get the answers she needed. She had to judge him and this required more information. She saw that the Togruta was a little suspicious, but he didn’t waste the opportunity to brag to a beautiful women about himself.

“I am the embodiment of a true sith. I use my passion to give me strength. I do what needs to be done to exact vengeance. I also possess the ability to kill others. It’s even kind of fun. I even look good doing it. I am the complete package,” the young Togruta boasted with pleasure as he gestured to his own upper body with his hands.

An anger and sadness sunk into her as she listened to the young man’s words. The light inside her deadened as she prepared to carry out her verdict. Her eyes regained their cold icy expression. He had already been twisted by the sith. Moreover, he took pride in his actions. There was no saving him now. Justice would be swift. There would be no remorse.

“I declare you guilty for spreading violence and pain throughout the galaxy. Your sentence is death.” Blade stated. She stared the confused Togruta down.

“But you are a Sith. We don’t fight for such petty reasons,” stated Abadeer in annoyed confusion.

“I am a different kind of sith.” she stated with a finality that made it clear this conversation was over.

She channeled the Force through her body again, and once more let it take control.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:10 PM UTC

"Blue-white tendrils crackled and danced on his fingertips."

  • Great descriptor. Very easily to visualize, and adding auditory descriptors really pulls me into the scene.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:14 PM UTC

"She also knew that he was a member of the Sith, which made him a prime target for judgement."

  • Your character is also Sith, so this confused me a little. You explained a little bit more later, but it still didn't make a lot of sense to me without knowing a lot more about your character's backstory.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:17 PM UTC

You frequently forgot capitalization. This can be fixed by having someone proof your posts. Even the best ACCers get someone to proofread your posts.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:17 PM UTC

"The light inside her deadened as she prepared to carry out her verdict."

  • Awesome line. There's so much depth to it.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:21 PM UTC

"She let the Force fill her body, each and every cell, and then let it take control. She felt her legs swiftly push off from the ground in a tight back flip. The Force quickly but powerfully contracted her leg muscles and sent her flying backwards in an augmented arc. She felt the hot scorched air was no less than a meter behind her. Her arm moved her lightsaber to a defensive position as she landed several meters away from the rising Togruta, a look of malicious pleasure on his face."

  • This entire paragraph is a great display of the use of precognition and amplification.

Abadeer braced himself for the coming assault. He was winded and fatigued; the desperate move with the lightning had saved his life for the moment but it may have only stalled the inevitable. As the woman ran to him, the Plagueian pondered on her capricious mood. She was a dangerous one. He had to kill her, or get away before she could kill him. Taasii took a deep breath and rushed in to meet the woman in combat. The two combatants quickly met each other with equally aggressive strikes. Their blades locked along with each others eyes. Abadeer glared and bared his canines at his opponent. Blade’s icy eyes stared back, promising only death. “You judge me for violence? How terribly hypocritical. You answer strength with your own, but somehow you yourself are able to pass judgement,” the Hunter glared at her as he bore down his full strength. He was even tapping into the Force to assist him. The Plagueian suppressed his rage, knowing full well that if he let it take over now he’d run out of stamina before he was able to finish the fight. He was stronger than she was and forced her lightsaber down low. “You are not true Sith, you are an imposter who feels guilty at her own actions, and tries to find redemption through punishing others. You will not get such satisfaction from me!” Abadeer emphasized the last sentence by quickly bringing an elbow straight into the Zeltron’s nose. The woman reeled back, holding her face and a look of surprise as she glanced downwards. There was blood as crimson as her lightsaber slowly dripping through her fingers. Her hand dropped for a moment to reveal a severely crushed nose. “You’ll pay for that!” Blade shouted, some blood and spittle flying out of her mouth. A grimace crossed her face as she pulled at her nose, a small crack as it was set back into place. “That will have to do for now.” she said. “You do not understand the true power of the Dark Side,” Taasii taunted. “You think it some cheap thing that has limits and rules. I can assure you, it does not. It holds the key to power. It is power incarnate, but a Sith pretender would never understand this.” Blade’s eyes snapped up at the Hunter. Death was coming, Abadeer felt, as the seething woman approached. He began to ready his lightsaber to protect himself, but it would be in vain. She wouldn’t allow him the chance to defend himself. Before he could bring his weapon fully up to bear, she coiled back with her arm, and launched a shockwave at him. The force of the invisible blow was tremendous, causing Taasii to double over in pain, the wind gone from his lungs. Before he could straighten himself, another blow knocked him up and off his feet. Another blow, into his chest again, pushed him back across the floor. The Knight screamed as a final blow slammed the Hunter into one of the precarious pillars. The structure groaned heavily with the weight from above, poorly balanced now. “I am no pretender, but you are an evil brute and thus must be punished. It is my life's calling to deliver that justice.” Ta’var slowly stalked towards the prone Togruta. He glanced up, the edges of his vision were dark and fuzzy; he was seeing stars. Still gasping for breath, his lungs heaved with little avail. Abadeer realized, as the deadly woman came to kill him, that this was not his fight. He would not survive, and he would not be able to beat her. Taasii reached his hand up as though he were surrendering, still struggling to breathe. He began to focus on his adversary, trying his best to channel the dark aura of the temple through himself at the Palatinae. “Tell me then, oh mighty adjudicator, what gives you the right to bring judgement to those you deem unworthy?” Abadeer said through gasps of air, finally getting his lungs filled again. He focussed on the Zeltron and her fears and terrors as he continued to keep a hand pointed in her direction. He needed a moment of time for the effects to take over her mind. “I do not need to explain myself to you,” she hesitated, eyes darting to the side for a moment, “Not that you would understand anyway. No one understands.. I am alone in my journey. It has to be done..” Blade’s voice began to trail off. She brought a hand up to her head, eyes beginning to widen. Out of the corner of his eyes, Abadeer saw flitting images. Nothing substantial but there was definitely a presence. The Togruta looked up to see Ta’var beginning to have a panic attack, her breathing quickened and she started to stumble back for a moment. Not knowing how long he had, Taasii began to utilize the last of his concentration, baring all of his focus on the weakened support structure. The Plaguein rose to his feet, and stumbled back towards the entrance of the temple. “Then I’ll let you stay here alone, but you will not pass judgement on me. I am true Sith, and will not be mocked.” At that moment the Hunter pulled using the Force, with all his might on the pillar while turning to run. The pillar came loose somewhat easily, causing many structures to begin to collapse. An opaque cloud of dust was kicked up, but Abadeer did not look back. Taasii ran into the jungle at a limped pace. As he disappeared into the dense forest only screams of anger could be heard from back the way he’d come.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:22 PM UTC

The entire post is one paragraph and that will immediately dock you on Syntax as it's very difficult to read This appears to be your only real issue. Again, I recommend that you simply get someone to proof your posts.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:22 PM UTC

"but somehow you yourself are able to pass judgement,” the Hunter glared at her as he bore down his full strength."

  • This time you should have used a period instead of a comma.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:23 PM UTC

"dark side" should not be capitalized.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:25 PM UTC

"The structure groaned heavily with the weight from above"

  • Great imagery.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:29 PM UTC

I absolutely loved your ending. You left it ambiguous as to whether your opponent survived or not, which, is always interesting in a story. We tend to understand that characters only die when they're actually visually killed, so we often believe that there may be a chance for a future feud. You applied that brilliantly here.

The young Togruta let out a vicious growl and charged directly into Blade. His aura was like a raging inferno of dark malevolence. It assaulted her, and bid her to end him for his past and future transgressions. Her body moved of its own volition as it twisted to block the incoming attack, but she did not miss the extra pressure his strikes put on her body. Even as her legs absorbed the added force, she wondered where this rising aggression got its source. Something was off. When their eyes met, she saw it, the reckless abandon. The attacks kept coming. Her body twisted in unnatural directions under the duress of his strikes. She had to do something about it and fast.

Abadeer’s widened, beady, bloodshot eyes bored into her. She had seen this single-minded obsession with destruction manifest itself in many ways, but it was clear that the Force was its fuel.

Blade dashed backwards in a desperate attempt to put some distance between them, but he was relentless. Again and again he came at her, his clumsy, wild swings cutting through the air. Again and again she dodged, rolled, and retreated. She was determined to win at any cost, but she was going to have to change her tactics. There was a ray of hope. The Plagueian’s strikes weren’t as fast or as powerful as they had been at the beginning of his offensive. He was slowing down.

She reached out to some nearby rubble the size of her fist and flung them at Abadeer. One of the projectiles hit him square in the face. The Plagueian cried out in a primal roar that momentarily halted his assault. Blade called upon the Force once more as she launched in the air in a tight spiral that carried her to the top of a nearby statue. The young Togruta searched for Blade’s position, roaring in frustration. Unfortunately, he spotted her location as she grabbed hold of the sculpture’s head and secured her footing on its shoulders. Abadeer didn’t relent, but rather ran straight towards the statue she currently used as a refuge. His hoarse menacing roar echoed throughout the temple.

Blade didn’t have a lot of time. She quickly scanned the area between herself and the Hunter for more fallen debris. She was in luck! She spotted several nearby piles. Relief flooded her mind, using the high ground was a gamble. She wrapped one hand around the statue’s head to steady herself, and raised the other hand in concentration as she lifted the rubble nearby with the Force and engulfed Abadeer from all sides in a torrent of fallen debris. He swung his lightsaber in angry frustration as the stones relentlessly pummeled him.

In desperation, Abadeer jumped in the only safe direction available, straight up into the air. Blade watched as he jumped high into the air, his body still rising. As the Plagueian frantically scanned the temple for her, he looked up in terror. She was already on her way down, her lightsaber mid-swing. With all her strength, she swung her lightsaber and quickly cleaved the Sith in two. He didn’t even have time to react, his lightsaber still by his side.

She spun as her feet met the temple floor in time to watch the Sith’s lifeless husk split apart from head to toe. Clouds of dust kicked up as Abadeer’s gruesome remains hit the ground. She walked over to the fallen Sith to inspect her work. His face still held a frightened expression, a reminder of his last memory. Even as she maintained her stoic, icy gaze, conflict arose in her heart. Justice had been served. The deed was done. But the satisfaction did not--could not--forgive the butchery that had taken place.

“You wanted to be a Sith. Now you can look just like them,” she spat with contempt.

She stole one last gaze at the sculpture of the pure-blooded Sith that loomed over her, and glared back at it in defiance. All she could think of at that moment was I am not like you.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:34 PM UTC

"Clouds of dust kicked up as Abadeer’s gruesome remains hit the ground."

  • Great imagery.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:35 PM UTC

The final line was fantastic.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 23 April, 2016 7:36 PM UTC

"Relief flooded her mind, using the high ground was a gamble."

  • This was a little clumsily written. A semi-colon would have worked here, or even a connecting word like "as" or "because."