Knight Abadeer Taasii vs. Knight Kul'tak Drol

Knight Abadeer Taasii

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Togruta, Sith, Shadow
vs.

Knight Kul'tak Drol

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Zabrak, Sith, Shadow
Comment

While you hate to see a match come down to polish, in this case both writers were very even keeled. It still would have been a close call that had the scores been even, I still probably would have leaned towards Drol's ending matching Abadeer's strong ending and having a stronger first post following it up. You can find further comments and notes on the match itself (per post).

All in all, this was a nice story to read from beginning to end. You both did an excellent job of using the character sheet mechanics, powers, species and in general translating them into writing form. Really great work by both of you.

-W

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Abadeer Taasii, Knight Kul'tak Drol
Winner Knight Kul'tak Drol
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Abadeer Taasii's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Kul'tak Drol's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Ahch-To: Ancient Islands
Last Post 7 July, 2016 4:42 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae
Syntax - 15%
Kul'tak Drol Abadeer Taasii
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Few errors that popped up and could be caught easily with a proofer Rationale: You had consistent and repeating errors. Nothing game breaking, but there was enough that it added up and effected readability. Make sure you work with a proof reader, and short of that, try and read your own writing out loud to yourself. Your ear will catch things your eyes miss a lot of the time.
Story - 40%
Kul'tak Drol Abadeer Taasii
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: I thought your first follow up post was average, but you really stepped it up, I think, in your final post. Rationale: I love how you set the match up. You set the stage and the groundwork for the match. Your second post was very action packed, and left off on a good note, but I almost wanted to have the same sense of stakes/story you established in the first post.
Realism - 25%
Kul'tak Drol Abadeer Taasii
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Nothing that jumped out at me as an issue, really. Rationale: Nothing that jumped out at me as an issue, really.
Continuity - 20%
Kul'tak Drol Abadeer Taasii
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: None that I found. Rationale: None that I found.
Kul'tak Drol's Score: 4.45 Abadeer Taasii's Score: 4.3
Posts

header

The ocean world of Ahch-To looks to be nothing but blue seas from the distance of space. Dotting the oceans, however, are chains of rocky island that jut upwards to form shallow, sloping mountain ranges with small, flattened plateaus. Rich green trees and other small flora grow along the sedimentary stone, untouched by anything more than small avian creatures looking for a place to nest.Carved into the stones of the various Island’s are sets of winding, ascending and man made pathways.

The crisp, clean, air that wisps off the water planet help cool and maintain a fairly even tropical temperature during the day, with a healthy chill at sunset. Storms have been reported to flare up from time to time, leaving only the highest points of the islands safe from a rising tide.

[header](Asset Not Found)

The Islands themselves remain a mystery to this day. The oceans themselves are still uncharted and unexplored. No one knows how the stairs, statutes, and other sporadic architecture came to be on the Islands. It was rumored, however, that they were indeed the home of first Jedi Temple back when the ancient order was first formed.

The crisp evening air brought a chill down Abadeer’s spine. He stared up the stone stairs, where a dark, imposing figure stood staring right back. The figure pulled back his almost ever-present hood, revealing the horned head of Kul’tak Drol.

“You couldn’t leave well enough alone could you, Drol?” Abadeer shouted up at the Zabrak, trying to not let his voice be swept away by the wind. “This was my mission, but you just couldn’t get over Teylas picking me over you, could you?” Kul’tak began to laugh, tilting his head back, his laughter much louder than the sea winds.

“You don’t understand, how could you? I’ve served Plagueis for years, Karness Murr for years, but they chose you.” Drol’s voice dripped with venomous intent. He began a slow decent down the rocky stairs. “You’re obviously skilled, knighted and promoted in a matter of months, but this isn’t a fight you can win. I’ve been in countless fights, and that’s experience that you can’t match with raw, untrained talent. Prepare yourself Taasii, you’re not leaving here today.” With that both men drew their sabers, one crimson, one violet. As the sun continued to set and darkness took over, the lightsabers began to be the primary source of light.

Abadeer had a twinge of regret as he raced up the stairs towards the imposing Zabrak. He’d looked forward to exploring the potential Jedi Temple, but more than that, Taasii had looked up to his senior, Drol had many accomplishments and was a skilled and well versed combatant. This was not an opponent he’d wanted to fight, but from the day they’d been duly appointed as Battleteam Leaders of their respective units, he knew a clash would come. The fight was inevitable, and Taasii wasn’t sure that Kul’tak was wrong. Abadeer had seen the Zabrak fight, and he was that his opponent was stronger than himself.

Kul’tak was the first to attack, with a powerful overhead strike. Taasii began to block, but at the last moment turned it into a deflecting parry, and continued past the Zabrak, giving himself the high ground. A huge wave crashed against the rocks, soaking both men. A crash of thunder came from over the sea, a massive storm beginning to brew, moving swiftly on the wind towards the island.

Abadeer held his blade defensively across his chest, keeping his eyes at his opponent’s waist, giving him the best line of sight to watch even the slightest movement in the legs or the arms. He watched as Kul’tak began to clench his left fist over and over, a small drop of blood dripped from his palm. Taasii’s eyes darted up to Drol’s, where he saw only malice and hatred. Abadeer knew that look well, it was Force fueled rage, that could only be subsided by blood. The Togruta was very familiar with this rage, as it had been one of his primary weapons. He did not utilize the particular power as much anymore, but he knew it well enough to know that he was about to be at a serious physical disadvantage.

“You’re going to die.” Kul’tak said softly, yet strangely the words carried a dark energy with them that chilled Abadeer to his core. Taasii pushed all of his focus onto his opponent, making sure that he would not be distracted by anything else. He immersed his focus with the Force, making sure he wouldn’t be caught unawares by anything Drol was about to do. Abadeer took one step back to give himself more space to react, at which point the Zabrak launched into a fury of heavy handed blows. Taasii backpedaled quickly up the stairs when the torrential storm rolled over. Heavy rain beat down on the island, and lightning began to flash overhead. The two combatants stared at each other once again, leering through the darkness that was only interrupted by the occasional flash of brilliantly blinding lightning. Both men knew that this could be their last night.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 16 July, 2016 8:25 PM UTC

He stared up the stone stairs, where a dark, imposing figure stood staring right back.

no comma needed between stairs and where.

With that both men drew their sabers, one crimson, one violet. As the sun continued to set and darkness took over, the lightsabers began to be the primary source of light.

Amazing imagery. I love this.

He’d looked forward to exploring the potential Jedi Temple, but more than that, Taasii had looked up to his senior, Drol had many accomplishments and was a skilled and well versed combatant.

Run-on sentence.

Abadeer had seen the Zabrak fight, and he was that his opponent was stronger than himself.

Some streams got crossed here with tense/word choice and sentence structure. Not sure what you were going for.

He watched as Kul’tak began to clench his left fist over and over, a small drop of blood dripped from his palm.

dropping* in this case

Abadeer knew that look well, it was Force fueled rage, that could only be subsided by blood.

This should be two sentences, and doesn't work in its current state.

“You’re going to die.” Kul’tak said softly

die[,] Kul'tak said softly.

Excellent intro post setting the stage for the match.

A torrent had begun to fall. Massive droplets caressed Kul’s armor and face as they slowly descended before splashing onto the slickening rocks the combatants stood on. He gazed solemnly upwards at the Togruta. His eyes were veiled over with hate, but his mind was lucid.

Yes, Taasii. Show me you are truly worthy to guard my home. Then, and only then, can I accept you.

A crackling bolt of lightning lit up the deep and raging sky with a brief flash, and the two crashed together with the roar of thunder. Saber bashed aside saber in an attempt to create an opening for a final blow. The rain hissed as it fell against the plasma, and Abadeer thought he could see Kul sneering excitedly beneath his hood. The Zabrak appeared to be having no trouble deflecting slice after slice. His Jar’kai allowed him to swiftly adapt to any offensive slashes or thrusts the Togruta could employ. On the other hand, Kul was unable to pierce Abadeer’s defense as the parries prevented him from taking full advantage of an opening. He would have to immediately return to guarding himself. At this rate the battle would become one of endurance; one Kul would prefer to avoid.

It turned out Abadeer was thinking nearly the same thing, because he started switching up his attack patterns, utilizing solid kicks to put Kul off-balance. At their different height levels it would eventually work since the Zabrak was taking blow after blow to his uppers sides and shoulders. With such a disadvantage Kul knew he needed to change the pace. So when Abadeer drove another kick towards his dominant side, Kul sheathed the blade of his saber and tossed the hilt to his left hand. As the kick landed, he absorbed some of the blow by catching the leg in the crook of his arm. The blunt force shook his body and he almost missed catching the hilt again. He managed to cut the saber back on just in time to catch and hold the violet blade that was coming down upon him. With nothing in his way now, he rushed Abadeer. With shoulder lowered, the Zabrak rammed his opponent and drove them both to ground. The pair crashed to the ground hard in a mass of tangled limbs and rolled down the slick, weather-worn steps. At the speed they were traveling, it almost seemed as though they meant to race to the bottom.

They finally came to a stop near the cliff’s edge, and Kul dropped a knee on Abadeer’s chest to prevent him from getting up. Kul took Abadeer's dark red throat in his hands and began to squeeze, his muscles contracting into a vice grip fed with loathing.

“You wear Plagueis’ crest upon your armor, but do you truly stand firm behind it? Renounce your position, or I'll rip out your throat here and now!” The Zabrak yelled to be heard above the roaring thunder and the wind as it shrieked against the rocks.

Renounce my position?

The Togruta struggled to move as Kul forced his weight upon him, but he managed a glance behind Kul’s billowing cloak to see the sheer drop so close by. The sound of crashing waves was distant but just barely discernible in the moment the wind took a breath in preparation of the next gust. The Togruta smiled and focused his attention on his left hand, which lay flat in the muck of the storm. Kul took this smile as a sign of mocking and raised his clawed gauntlet, blades aimed for Abadeer’s throat.

“I warned you, Taasii. Renounce Plaguies, or die.”

Abadeer felt the power coalescing under his hand. A tight and fixed coil of energy ready to be released. He let it grow just a bit longer.

“I will never betray Plagueis.”

“Not even at the risk of death?”

“Never.”

Abadeer thought he noticed a change in Kul’s eyes. They grew lax in their malice and instead hinted at a smile slipping up on the Zabrak. His face remained cold, though, as he began to bring his gauntlet down.

“So be it.”

The gauntlet never landed, however, because as it came down Abadeer slammed his left hand quickly into the ground beside him.

The ground ruptured into bits of wet rock and shredded grass as both Shadow’s were sent flying. The trajectory of the blast rolled Abadeer, but flung Kul from his chest and over the edge of the cliff. Abadeer coughed and took a moment to catch his breath as the shock wore off. Once it did he rose and gazed at the cliff.

“It did not need to come to this, Kul.”

Dejected, he raised a hand to block the rain from pricking at his eyes. As he did a flash of lightning lit up the horizon...and sparkled across the blades that rose from the cliff’s edge. Eyes wide, Abadeer watched as Kul hauled himself up and over the rocks. He grinned maniacally.

“We’re not done yet, Taasii!”

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 16 July, 2016 8:31 PM UTC

His Jar’kai allowed him to swiftly adapt to any offensive slashes or thrusts the Togruta could employ.

Show us his Jar'Kai, don't tell us about it.

blow to his uppers sides and shoulders.

upper sides

He managed to cut the saber back on just in time to catch and hold the violet blade that was coming down upon him.

Awkward description here of the saber "cutting back on".

With shoulder lowered, the Zabrak rammed his opponent and drove them both to ground.

Repetitive word usage as both sentences start with "with".

The ground ruptured into bits of wet rock and shredded grass as both Shadow’s were sent flying. The trajectory of the blast rolled Abadeer, but flung Kul from his chest and over the edge of the cliff. Abadeer coughed and took a moment to catch his breath as the shock wore off. Once it did he rose and gazed at the cliff.

Clever use of Telekinetic pound.

Abadeer gazed at the formidable figure dragging himself over the edge of the cliff. This man was indomitable, seemingly more beast than man. Both men had taken several scrapes, and painful bruises, but the legendary Zabrak stamina allowed Kul’tak to show no signs of noticing. Abadeer glanced down, several small fonts of blood covered his skin. He took just a moment of focus for the small wounds to close themselves, and stem the blood flow.

Abadeer then steeled himself for the battle, and prepared himself for an offensive. The violet saber once again let out its light humming as he activated the blade. The his of steam came as the rain beat against the blades heat field. Taasii dropped into a low crouch, keeping himself simultaneously loose enough to adapt to the combat, but also taught enough to move at a moments notice. Slowly he approached the Zabrak, who then drew his own saber. Drol took a stance with his gauntlet forward, saber back.

Abadeer lunged forward with a quick jab, then disengaged his blade around Kul’tak’s defending blade. Just a simple twist of the wrist brought his blade in line for a perfect hit, but Drol dodged neatly to the side, avoiding the deadly strike. The Togruta preemptively jumped back, gaining some distance. Drol’s mind was quick though, and he immediately saw the opening and took it, pursuing the offensive. He pushed Abadeer back with a combination of furious, alternating blows from his gauntlet and his saber. Taasii kept retreating quickly, transferring his focus quickly back and forth between defending blows with this saber, and using his echolocation to watch his footing as to not slip on the precarious footing.

Kul’tak took a particularly wide swipe for Abadeer’s chest, and Taasii took a longer jump backwards to avoid the hit. Quickly the Knight decided it was time to take back the offensive, and absorbed the landing of the jump and sprung back at his opponent, but adding some vertical to the jump. Abadeer performed a tight flip over his opponent, and turned leading with his saber to begin an attack on the Zabrak. Drol had turned just enough to defend the strike, but had miscalculated the height of the attack, and instead of catching the violet blade on his own, it cut right through the handle of his saber. Kul’tak continued the turn just enough to stay out of line of the lethal blade.

Taasii did not hesitate to press the advantage, leading with a series of quick thrusts and lunges. The Zabrak was being very cautious and defensive, staying well away from the deadly blade. Abadeer began to use wider slashing attacks, to cover more area to try to catch his opponent in the wider arc of his attack. This proved to be a mistake as Kul’tak chose his moment perfectly and stepped inside one the attacks and a powerful grip held tightly around Abadeer’s wrist, crushing the tendons and bones. Drol pulled his gauntlet back, and punched the Togruta’s forearm causing Taasii to cry out, while losing grip on his saber. Abadeer and Kul both watched as the saber fell from his grip, deactivated, and tumbled over the edge of the cliff into the roaring sea.

Taasii let out a primal scream at his opponent and landed a powerful stomp into the Zabrak’s knee. Quickly Abadeer reversed the hold on Drol, and brought himself behind the man as he fell to one knee. Taasii wrapped his arms around his opponent’s torso, and strained with all his strength to throw the rival Battleteam leader of his shoulder. Kul’tak landed with a sharp crack on the rocky steps. Abadeer lay for a moment panting on the soaking wet ground. Slowly he rolled himself over and looked over at Kul. The Knight was holding a hand to his head as he slowly picked himself off the ground. He took his hand away for a moment to reveal a missing horn from his head. Taasii realized this was not a time to lie resting on the ground, and quickly rolled over, but it was too late. A boot connected hard with his chin, and he fell sprawling down the steps.

“I’m going to kill you Taasii. You will pay for this.” Kul’tak growled lowly as he stalked forward towards the downed Togruta. Abadeer slowly picked himself up as he wiped blood from his mouth.

“I couldn’t agree more!”

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 16 July, 2016 8:44 PM UTC

Abadeer then steeled himself for the battle, and prepared himself for an offensive.

comma splice

Abadeer glanced down, several small fonts of blood covered his skin

and noticed several small fonts of blood covering his skin* is how this should be worded. Try reading what you wrote out loud to yourself. It will help.

The violet saber once again let out its light [,] humming as he activated the blade.

comma needed

Quickly the Knight decided it was time to take back the offensive, and absorbed the landing of the jump and sprung back at his opponent, but adding some vertical to the jump.

Run-on sentence. You write very good combat, and it will help you, I think, to break this up into 2-3 sentences instead for more clarity and better readability.

. Quickly Abadeer reversed the hold on Drol, and brought himself behind the man as he fell to one knee.

Quickly [comma] Abadeer bla bla bla. You did this earlier, and if you read it out loud you'll notice there should be a pause (comma) there. You could also take on a more active voice and say "Abadeer quickly reversed."

Even Kul’s powerful hearts could not work hard enough to dull the pain raging in his head. The Togruta had caused him to lose a horn! He could feel the slow ooze of blood down the side of his face that was quickly followed by a throbbing scream in his mind. His focus was cracked, and now he could not entirely control his emotions. He had planned to merely take the measure of Taasii. But now...now his feral side wanted nothing more than to rip the Togruta into many shreds. Many tiny, bloody shreds. As his body took each stair down his body lurched with pain. He tried to take stock of the locations it hurt most, but stopped after a handful. All told, he was nearing his physical limit. He just couldn’t let Abadeer see it.

The Togruta was now sporting blood of his own, as well. A weaving line drizzled down his face hinting at a broken nose. The sight pleased the Zabrak, but the Sith in him desired complete destruction of his opponent. This fight would not end before Taasii lay flat on his face.

Abadeer stood, albeit more shakily this time, and wiped an arm across his nose smearing a red streak on his armor. He could feel the pressure wafting off of Kul’tak in the Force as the Zabrak’s anger seemed to take physical form. His steps sounded heavy, weighted with the impending bloodlust they bore. There was a lilt in his gait, though, that bespoke of exhaustion. If he struck with force and speed, Abadeer might could finish this bout on the victorious side. He began to steel himself.

Drawing from the Force, or what little bit he could muster still, Kul’tak felt his body grow lithe again. The power did not cure him of his exhaustion or pain, but merely set it aside as his body sought to cross the bounds of his physical limits. His muscles drank in the Force, and it swam through the tissue as he compelled them to move faster and stronger than they had before. With an unnatural surge of strength he launched himself at Abadeer. Having sensed the change in Kul’s presence, the Togruta did the same. His own body had been flooded with raw power in similar fashion. The Zabrak drove forth a crushing blow from his fist, while the Togruta swept in with a brutal kick strong enough to crack bone like dry twigs.

The two strikes slammed into their respective targets, and not even the storm could muffle the sickening crunch of bone and sinew as both bodies were torn. They dropped simultaneously, their bodies rolling in the slick mire. Groans arose from Kul’tak as his Force high wore off and he became fully aware of the ramifications of his usage of the energy. His existence was pain. And yet, he still managed to crawl towards Abadeer whose body, while shocked and broken, managed a steady breathing.

The Togruta wasn’t sure which hurt worse: his left ribcage and lung that had been nearly crushed into a liquid, or his leg that had delivered his own blow. Both were broken in either case. He lay mostly helpless as Kul’tak drug himself inch by inch.

How does he keep going? Only a beast could still move after that. Is his anger truly so great?

Kul finally reached his adversary. His muscles had clenched in complaint the whole time, but he refused to surrender. He peered at Abadeer, who lay still as the rain washed away their blood to be intermingled in the muck and stone. A gauntleted hand fell on the Togruta’s chest and he waited for the blades to find their marks. When nothing rent his flesh, he gave Kul a curious look. His lungs called him a fool for trying to speak, but he ignored the pain.

“Get...getting soft, Drol?”

Kul responded with a coughing fit as he tried to laugh, instead bringing up a red wad of phlegm. The feeling of bloodlust had seemingly fled for the moment, or so Abadeer’s sensory probe suggested. His hand rose and fell a few times, and the Togruta realised he was being patted in a friendly manner.

“Welcome...to Plagueis, A-Abadeer,” the Zabrak wheezed.

Abadeer could not help but snort.

“Well, I’m glad that’s official.”

Kul’tak realized ironically that Abadeer wasn’t quite lying face down like he’d wanted. Sure he was angry about the horn still, but oddly enough the extreme pain was great at opening his eyes and providing some clarity into what was important at the moment. Plus, he didn't think he could muster the strength to strike a killing blow.

Close enough, I suppose.