Neophyte Inyri Ginovef vs. Knight Aul Celsus

Novice Inyri Ginovef

Novitiate 3, Novitiate tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Female Human, Force Disciple, Marauder
vs.

Knight Aul Celsus

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Consular
Comment

So my first thought coming into this was "Whoa, a NV3? In the ACC?" Inyri is new to the Brotherhood, but obviously not to writing. You handled yourself well by anyone's standards, and for a first-timer who's barely had time to get used to the CS system, well, you just rock. I'm sad that you weren't around in time for the Journeyman Tournament from a few months back, but I hope we'll see you in many more matches to come.

Aul, of course, is an old hand at this by now. You have a talent for bringing character to the forefront, and it served you well here.

Both of you had well-proofed, accurate, interesting posts - and ended up tied in score. Unfortunately, I can't mark you both as winners; there can be only one. Thus, the winner is Aul Celsus. This was incredibly tight, and came down to the most minor things. Although you both ended up with 4s in Syntax, Aul's was a bit tighter overall.

This was a pleasure to read and judge, and I hope to see you both back soon. Congratulations on your victory, Aul, and make sure CNS takes good care of Inyri. New members like him don't come around every day!

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Neophyte Inyri Ginovef, Knight Aul Celsus
Winner Knight Aul Celsus
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Neophyte Inyri Ginovef's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Aul Celsus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Oricon: Starship Graveyard
Last Post 22 August, 2016 2:42 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Headmistress Alethia Archenksova
Syntax - 15%
Aul Celsus Satre Pelles
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Just a few little things. Very good work. Rationale: A few errors, generally very minor.
Story - 40%
Aul Celsus Satre Pelles
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You did a good job injecting characterization to both posts, first bringing their philosophical dispute to the fore, then letting us get in Aul's head for a bit. Good use of the environment. Rationale: Good use of the environment and good attention to injury and fatigue. You picked up on themes introduced by your opponent and took them to their logical conclusion.
Realism - 25%
Aul Celsus Satre Pelles
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: One overuse of Barrier, but otherwise no errors. Rationale: One overuse of Blinding, but otherwise no errors.
Continuity - 20%
Aul Celsus Satre Pelles
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors that I noticed. Rationale: No errors that I noticed.
Aul Celsus's Score: 4.2 Satre Pelles's Score: 4.2
Posts

Oricon Starship Graveyard

Oricon, the base of the ancient Dread Masters and nearly lost to time is steeped in the Dark Side, echoing the influences of both the Dread Masters and Darth Vitus before them. The landscape is an unforgiving nightmarescape of lava flows and volcanic rock dotted with strange plants and starship wrecks from a battle thousands of years ago. The smoky, sulfuric air of the surface nearly chokes most humanoids as it forces their eyes to adjust to the foggy haze illuminated by the soft glow of the lava flows. Tall, luminous blood ferns adorn the landscape, surrounded by vicious predators hardy enough to survive the intense conditions. Trenches and outcroppings formed from flowing lava serve to make footing uneven, adding yet another treacherous element to this already dangerous world. In the distance, the ruins of an ancient tower call out to those that can sense its terror—the fabled fortress of the Dread Masters. Remnants of ancient cults can be seen here and there, from wrecked huts to blood-stained altars and crumbling oubliettes.

All across the galaxy, there are religions that describe a place that is colloquially known as "Hell", and a number of them describe a place of fire and brimstone for the damned to spend their afterlife as punishment for the misdeeds in life. Though Inyri Ginovef adhered to none of these views, she was quite certain this place was a candidate for what some would have considered "Hell" to be. Nothing about this world was pleasant, dead ships from battles waged millennia ago, the air was difficult to breathe in with the noxious fumes burning her lungs and her eyes. Active lava flows were all around, bringing the temperature up to nearly unbearable levels, and even the flora and fauna were viscous and hardy, a testament to evolution making sure that at least something survived in this horrible environment.

Inyri trudged along a marked path to her destination, following the heed of a summons she had been presented. Her brown knee boots crunched the dirt below her, and she had been forced to roll up the sleeves of her white shirt that was under her black jacket. Already, her green pants were marked with dirt, having misjudged some of the path's points, black volcanic ash mixed with brown dirt. The only protection she had from the horrendous atmospheric conditions was a tan and black checkerboard patterned facewrap that she had drawn to protect her nose and mouth and at least allow herself to breathe.

At last, she reached her destination, where she saw a lone figure standing in combat gear. It was a human, tall and lean in statue with wavy hair. The figure turned and faced her, it was a man with the beginnings of a beard on his face, and his brown eyes were already studying her as he finished turning around. Inyri returned the stare, looking over the man before her.

"You've arrived. Good. There are some who would not have even survived the journey to this place," The man said. "I am Aul Celsus."

"I'm shocked. You picked such a lovely place with a great hike," Inyri replied.

"You have much to learn, Neophyte. The Brotherhood can be much like this place, unforgiving and inhospitable. The question is if you have what it takes to not only survive but prosper." Aul stepped forward. "Shall we begin?"

Inyri's left hand reached for her DL-44, pulling it free from the brown leather cross-draw rig under her shoulder. The pistol itself was well worn, numerous chips and scrapes all over it, and the muzzle bore the discolorations of metal repeatedly exposed to extreme heat. Inryi brought it up into a two-handed grip, her right hand cradling under the base of the grip, and ripped off a pair of crimson kill bolts, echoing in the valley with the distinctive high pitched whine famous of the DL-44 heavy blaster pistol.

However, instead of finding their mark, they were instead intercepted by Aul's lightsaber, which was active and humming. Both bolts were harmlessly knocked aside, As fast as Inyri was, which was not more than above average, Aul had been faster on the draw, acting on guidance from the Force.

Aul began advancing towards her, his saber up in a defensive two-handed grip. Inyri started stepping backwards, her pistol still up and fired another pair of bolts. Neither of these found their marks either, as her opponent batted them away easily. Inyri's icy blue eyes darted around for a moment and she stopped, taking her right hand off the grip of her pistol and held it up. Harnessing the Force, she channeled the energy into reproducing the visual effects of a flashbang grenade in an effort to daze Aul. Falling back on her CorSec training, she managed to not blind herself.

Inyri's gamble seemed to pay off as Aul's advanced stopped and he began to shield his eyes. The young Corellian charged at her enemy, trying to take advantage of the momentary opening and slammed her fist hard into his solar plexus. Aul staggered back but was quick to respond, slamming his knee into her stomach, and then Inyri sailed backwards and rolled into the ash and dirt from a boot that caught her in the forehead. Blood trickled down from a new gash, and her DL-44 was nowhere in sight.

"An interesting, if ineffective, gamble," Aul commented as he fully righted himself, and brought his lightsaber back to the ready position. Inyri felt like she was swimming in a daze as she shakily got back up to a knee.

"...you'll find I'm full of those," Inyri replied, looking back up at her opponent. Though her eyes were as ice cold as a tundra, they burned with determination still. Even as the blackness of unconsciousness crept into the edges of her vision, Inyri was not yet content to go down.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 29 August, 2016 11:01 PM UTC

Syntax:

Nothing about this world was pleasant[;] dead ships from battles waged millennia ago [littered the area], [and ]the air was difficult to breathe in with the noxious fumes burning her lungs and her eyes.

Other than the dodgy sentence in this sentence, this was a very strong introduction to the setting.

The figure turned and faced her[;] it was a man with the beginnings of a beard on his face

That first bit can function on its own as a complete sentence, so it gets a semicolon.

Story:
I have a few things I look for in an intro post. Why are you here? Why is he here? Why are you two fighting? Why do I care? As a NV3 you don't have a whole lot of history with Aul to pull on just yet, but you did a very solid job establishing the setting and the nature of the conflict.

Realism:

Harnessing the Force, she channeled the energy into reproducing the visual effects of a flashbang grenade in an effort to daze Aul. Falling back on her CorSec training, she managed to not blind herself.

Generally we consider +3 the level where Force Powers are ready for instant use like that. That put you in kind of a tight spot in the match, but it's something to keep in mind now that you can play around with JM-level Powers. +2 is usable, but only with a good few seconds of build-up.

Continuity:
No errors.

Inyri carefully rose to her feet, wobbling slightly as her sense of balance began to return. Over her shoulder loomed the Dread Fortress, echoes of dark energy from long forgotten experiments pulsing out in all directions. Exhausted, she felt her determination begin to edge on hatred and anger.

Aul walked towards the Ragnosian, killing the ignition of his lightsaber and placing it back on its belt loop as he closed the distance.

“Good, surprises will keep you alive, but your underestimation of your opponents won’t,” Aul explained.

As he came within a few meters of Inyri, she unsheathed her combat knife and lunged at the Knight. Aul briskly raised his fists and turned his body, placing his right foot behind him. As the blade came in for a strike to his chest, he swatted it aside and chained it with a rapid, open-handed strike to Inyri’s throat. The Neophyte fell backwards into a pile of ship debris, coughing and gasping for air as her windpipe began to open again.

“Your anger blinds you; it will be your end if you do not control it,” Aul tried to guide the new Sadowan, pulling from the teachings of his mentors. He dropped his stance and turned his back on Inyri, looking out upon the graveyard. “Each of these ships represents a mistake. A fatal flaw. Our time in this life is fleeting, and whether or not we follow the steps of Fate laid out before us could mean living to fight another day, or it could spell our last.”

“Fate? You’re talking to the wrong person, Celsus. There is no ‘will of the Force’, that’s just an excuse for those who don’t want to take responsibility for their actions,” the Ragnosian spat back from the pile of rubble in which she landed. To her relief, she spotted the familiar grip of her DL-44 among the trash heap and inconspicuously took hold of it.

“You came to Naga Sadow to learn to utilize your Force potential, to build a better life for yourself. Your pragmatic realism shields you from that potential, Inyri. If you would only be receptive of the Force, you would realize the error of your beliefs,” Aul continued to explain in earnest, his back still turned, “I, too, am a realist. As a scientist I have to be. But this, I cannot deny. And until you do, you will remain weak.”

Weak! Who does he think he is!? Inyri fumed to herself. With grunts of struggle and amidst the clash of tumbling ship parts, she rose out of the pile of debris. Gripping her blaster tightly she stared at the Knight, her gaze intense enough to burn a hole in the back of his head. “You know nothing, Aul Celsus.”

Inyri suddenly pulled up her blaster and let off a flurry of shots. Aul felt a twinge at the back of his mind and whipped around with his lightsaber in hand. With no time to spare, his light blue blade ignited with a snap-hiss and swung in front of his face, dispatching the oncoming bolts into the nearby carcasses of a number of long-destroyed ships.

Impulsive, this one, Aul thought to himself, she’s a danger to herself.

Inyri heaved a heavy sigh, her DL-44 still up and aimed at Aul. Her fierce blue eyes stared down the barrel into the Knight’s dark brown eyes, the fiery-haired Marauder’s anger mounting to a boil. Aul considered the young Neophyte, measuring her behavior to anticipate how far she might be pushed simply by giving in to her own emotions. He began to gather the Force into his off-hand.

“Agh!” the Ragnosian let out a cry of frustration, a scowl etched across her face. She fired one last bolt. As it coursed across the distance separating the two Gray Jedi, Aul lifted his off-hand and extended his palm forward. The bolt made impact with his palm and was absorbed into his gloved hand with a small flash.

This isn’t getting me anywhere, Inyri thought to herself. Her eyes darted around the graveyard looking for any other opportunity to best her opponent. Only a few meters behind Aul, she noticed a heavily damaged fuel canister that must have rolled out of a crashed transport at some point. Through the sulfuric haze of the atmosphere she could just make out a “full” reading on the canister’s control panel. She hoped the safety controls were disabled during whatever damaged the drum so badly.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m going about this all wrong,” Inyri said, dropping her blaster arm to her side. Aul let a small smile start to spread across his face, hoping that he had gotten through to the Neophyte.

Or maybe not, Inyri thought. Without warning she brought up her blaster and fired a succession of shots at the fuel canister, which were easily pierced by the bolts. As the energy of the blaster fire ignited the Rhydonium inside, the canister erupted into a huge, multicolored fireball of blues, purples and oranges rapidly expanding outwards towards Aul.

The Knight turned in time to see the bolts penetrating the canister and immediately began to pull as much of the surrounding Force into him as he could. As the fireball’s diameter expanded to swallow him, he raised as strong a barrier as he could. The fireball impacted with his protective shield and, as it smashed through it, sent the Dakhani flying tens of meters away. He landed with a heavy thud in the shattered remains of a transport vessel.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 30 August, 2016 6:44 PM UTC

Syntax:

... If you would only be receptive of the Force, you would realize the error of your beliefs,” Aul continued to explain in earnest, his back still turned[.] “I, too, am a realist. As a scientist I have to be. But this, I cannot deny. And until you do, you will remain weak.”

Impulsive, this one, Aul thought to himself[. S]he’s a danger to herself.

You want the periods there to break things up a bit. For example, if you'd taken "Aul thought to himself" out of the latter sentence you'd want "Impulsive, this one. She's a danger to herself." not "Impulsive, this one, she's a danger to herself." This is really minor, though, and otherwise this was very good work.

Story:
This was good development of both characters, with an interesting and appropriate bit of action to keep things exciting. Well done.

Realism:

He began to gather the Force into his off-hand. “Agh!” the Ragnosian let out a cry of frustration, a scowl etched across her face. She fired one last bolt. As it coursed across the distance separating the two Gray Jedi, Aul lifted his off-hand and extended his palm forward. The bolt made impact with his palm and was absorbed into his gloved hand with a small flash.

This is a better example of a +2 Force Power used in combat. If Aul hadn't been prepping for it in advance, he wouldn't have been able to absorb the bolt. Just don't overdo it.

The Knight turned in time to see the bolts penetrating the canister and immediately began to pull as much of the surrounding Force into him as he could. As the fireball’s diameter expanded to swallow him, he raised as strong a barrier as he could. The fireball impacted with his protective shield and, as it smashed through it, sent the Dakhani flying tens of meters away. He landed with a heavy thud in the shattered remains of a transport vessel.

On the other hand, this is pushing it for Barrier +1. He's not going to have "several seconds to concentrate and focus [his] full will" in between when a fuel canister gets hit and when the shock wave hits him.

Continuity:
No errors that I saw.

Inyri coughed repeatedly from the addition of the container’s fumes to the sulfur already in the air. It had been a gamble, but one that seemed to pay off as she looked for her opponent. Something about this place was causing her blood to boil, and it had nothing to do with the ambient temperature, but whatever it was, it was only barely registering in her mind, her focus entirely squared in on defeating Aul. Stepping off, Inyri had her DL-44 up and following her gaze in a standard two-handed grip, the blaster pistol’s muzzle always tracking the same direction as her eyes.

As she stepped, the volcanic rock, ash and now twisted metal crunching under foot, Inyri began to develop a feeling in the bottom of her gut, one that told her to duck now. By the time she recognized it for what it was and actually ducked, Inyri felt searing pain and then the report of a blaster pistol from behind her, her right shoulder was clipped by a blue blaster bolt. Inyri rolled onto her back to see Aul having leaned out from the wreckage, a smoking DC-17 pistol in hand. He had masked his approach with the chaos of the explosion settling, and Inyri’s slower reaction speed to capitalize on it.

Inyri raised her pistol and fired trio of blasts to force Aul back behind cover, which had the intended effect of Aul disappearing back into the wreckage of the ship he had been blown into. She scrambled back to her feet, seething in pain from the blaster bolt grazing her shoulder, and stepped backwards, trying to keep her weapon trained on where Aul had popped out.

“You can’t deny that the Force told you I was going to shoot you,” Aul said from the ancient wreck, “That alone proves that the Force and fate have a will you have to accept.”

“No. It was a warning, but neither willed you to shoot me in the back. That was your choice!” Inyri shouted back in frustration, “And if you think I’m the limited one, look in the mirror at the man who thinks himself a slave to fate and the Force!”

“You are willfully blinding yourself to your own potential, and that will be your undoing,” Aul replied calmly.

Inyri dropped down behind a hunk of twisted metal that looked strong enough to withstand blaster fire, and looked to her shoulder. Blood was seeping though the gap torn through her jacket and shirt, slowed only by the sheer heat of the bolt also semi-cauterizing the wound. Her attention was snapped back to the sound of the Knight’s lightsaber igniting close to her, and she snapped up her pistol in that direction, but there was nothing. Inyri frowned as she looked around, certain she heard something close to her.

Inyri slowly stood up to move from her current cover to another when she heard the same sound behind her, near where she had been shot. She spun around to see Aul standing there with his lightsaber at the ready. On reflex, she fired a pair of bolts at him, but just as before, both shots were batted harmlessly aside.

“You think you’re so righteous because you have the Force, I know how to fight without it.” Inyri snarled as she backed away, holding her pistol up with one hand, the strain of keeping her right arm was becoming more than she could bear. Her icy blue eyes narrowed in determination as she stared at Aul, focusing on making him eat those words. Aul simply lowered his lightsaber.

“You’re tired and hurt, you want to end this and admit defeat,” Aul said as he waved his hand.

“Don’t presume to tell me my intentions,” Inyri replied with a scowl, leveling her pistol on the Knight once more. Aul arched an eyebrow, but he recognized when someone had dampened his grasp on the Force. He brought up his lightsaber once more, the humming blue and white blade illuminating his face.

“Your resolve is strong, I’ll give you that much. But without control and without accepting the Force’s guidance, you will face defeat after defeat until you meet your end, and whatever you hoped to accomplish will be long forgotten, just as you will be,” Aul said, stepping towards Inyri with his lightsaber raised at the ready.

“And your arrogance will be your downfall long after I’m gone,” Inyri shuffled backwards, “You presume to know my fate after barely meeting me, you presume to believe that because I accept responsibility for my actions and that I don’t give myself to fate or the Force, I’m going to fail.”

Inyri started to raise her pistol to fire again when Aul broke into a run with speed that was unbelievably fast, and as his saber faded in disengagement, Inyri’s head was once again introduced to the Knight’s booted foot, this time in the form of a roundhouse kick. Inyri was knocked to the ground, the impact of both the kick and the landing almost rattling her teeth.

Inyri’s head was swimming at this point, her vision was starting to go fuzzy from the second blow to the head, but her own determination and building anger were trying desperately to fight through her body’s insistence to shut down. Her right leg launched out to try and slam her boot into Aul’s groin, followed by her left leg trying to catch him in the shin to knock him to the ground, but neither connected as Aul was no longer standing where she thought he was.

“I presume nothing. I know. I also know that this fight is finished, and you have much to learn. If you actually do learn anything or continue to fall, well, that’s up to you,” Aul said and then kicked Inyri across the head. Inyri’s body went slack as she lost all consciousness.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 30 August, 2016 7:03 PM UTC

Syntax:

Something about this place was causing her blood to boil, and it had nothing to do with the ambient temperature, but whatever it was, it was only barely registering in her mind, her focus entirely squared in on defeating Aul.

This is a bit of a run-on.

Inyri raised her pistol and [a] fired trio of blasts

“You can’t deny that the Force told you I was going to shoot you,” Aul said from the ancient wreck[.] “That alone proves that the Force and fate have a will you have to accept.”

See my comment on Aul's first post.

If you actually do learn anything or continue to fa[i]l, well, that’s up to you,” Aul said

Story:
You picked up the philosophical argument from Aul's post and ran with it, so in the end this was a physical conflict mirrored by a psychological one. That paid off, and left you with an ending that feels complete but still leaves me eager for a rematch down the line.

Realism:

Her icy blue eyes narrowed in determination as she stared at Aul, focusing on making him eat those words. Aul simply lowered his lightsaber. “You’re tired and hurt, you want to end this and admit defeat,” Aul said as he waved his hand. “Don’t presume to tell me my intentions,” Inyri replied with a scowl, leveling her pistol on the Knight once more. Aul arched an eyebrow, but he recognized when someone had dampened his grasp on the Force.

This is about right for +2. Inyri isn't doing anything but talking and concentrating and she had a bit of time to ramp up before bringing her power to bear. It's also roughly as strong as Aul's mind trick.

Continuity:
No errors found.

A high pitch squeal rang through Aul’s ears. His head pounded with each heartbeat, as if a vice was being rhythmically tightened around his skull. The Gray Jedi rolled over onto his back and opened his watering eyes, squinting through the layer of dust and metal pieces that caked his face.

“Are you insane?!” Aul cried out from his landing spot, unsure whether he could be heard in his state of temporary deafness. He drew on the Force and directed it to begin repairing the concussive damage from the explosion. His head began to recover and he attempted to rise to his feet. Suddenly, Celsus was aware that his lightsaber was missing.

Not again! Aul cursed to himself internally.

Aul looked around for his hilt, hoping that it had landed nearby, but when nothing came to his attention he realized he needed to get moving. With a Neophyte as volatile as Inyri was turning out to be, he didn’t want to lose any more control over the situation than he already had. Climbing out of the rubble of the vessel, he saw no sign of Inyri.

“If this is how you treat your friends, I’m glad I’m not your enemy!” Aul called out in no particular direction from a section near the cockpit of the ship. Jumping from the hull, he landed solidly in a kneeling position.

Celsus quickly headed towards the crater left by the explosion, figuring that his lightsaber would be nearby. As he zigged and zagged through the damaged remains of various starfighters, he tried to remain sensitive of any disturbances in the Force. Abruptly, like an alarm blaring in his head, the Knight felt the urge to immediately halt his progress just as two blaster bolts whizzed past in front of him.

Following the trajectory of the bolts, Aul snapped his head to the left. Confused, Aul only saw the aft section of a badly damaged ship.

Was it something I said?

“Excellent job, Inyri! Let’s regroup and have a chat!” Aul reasoned out loud in an attempt to deescalate the situation. He turned and made his way towards the source of the attack. As he scaled the ship he felt a twinge at the back of his mind. Quickly channeling the Force into his musculature, he pulled himself up and over the side of the ship just as another volley of bolts blackened the durasteel hull.

Aul peeked over the edge of the ship to see Inyri standing below, her feet spaced shoulder-length apart, her DL-44 extended up at him. Her chest heaved up and down heavily and the look in her eyes was one of sheer ferocity.

“Whoa, whoa. Nice shot, Inyri- agh!” his words were cut short by a well-placed shot at the edge of the ship, sending shrapnel up into Aul’s face. His cheek began to bleed where a sharp piece of hull had dug a deep, jagged laceration.

“Think I’m still weak?!” Inyri called up to Aul’s position, her voice tinged with spite.

“You misunderstood what I meant to say!” Aul replied, once more daring to peek up and look his assailant in the eyes, “This is just meant to be an exercise to- agh!” Once more Inyri fired off a rapid salvo of bolts, this time getting within just a few centimeters of hitting their target.

Okay, enough games, Aul thought to himself, frustrated at the situation.

Aul leaned back on the ship’s body and channeled the Force into his reserves. Grabbing the edge of the ship firmly with both hands, he swung his left leg up over his head while pushing off the ship with the right, the momentum sending him in a wide arc over Inyri’s head. As he soared over her head she unsuccessfully shot off a few more bolts. Aul landed solidly a half meter behind the Marauder. Before she could react, he grabbed her shoulders, slipped his right leg behind her’s and pushed the Ragnosian heavily on to her back. Inyri’s DL-44 slipped from her hands and tumbled a few feet away while Aul fluidly unsheathed his vibroblade and brought it down to within a few millimeters of her throat.

“Hrmph! Get off!” Inyri defiantly shouted at Celsus.

“Calm yourself, Neophyte. Let me explain myself one more time,” Aul replied, the vibroblade held steady at Ginovef’s neck, “I didn’t mean that you were weak. You clearly are not. You’re a strong, fierce opponent who obviously has capability in battle. Strong. But you could be stronger, if you become receptive to the will of the Force. If you let it guide you, flow through you. Allow us, Naga Sadow, to help you. Understand?”

“I… I don’t know. I want to be capable on my own, I don’t need excuses like the will of the Force for my actions,” Inyri returned, resistance still etched across her face.

“No one is asking you to make excuses. You will be capable. Your sensitivity and potential in the Force is one of your capabilities. You must learn to use it properly; you must lose your anger and become a vessel of the Force,” Aul explained as he pulled back his vibroblade and returned it to his sheath. He extended his hand in an expression of truce, “Come, you’re going to help me find my lightsaber.”

Reluctantly, the Ragnosian grasped the Dakhani’s hand and together they pulled her to her feet. As they walked towards the site of the earlier explosion, they stopped a moment for Inyri to pick up her DL-44. A thought crossed Aul’s mind and an expression of curiosity broke across his face.

“Say,” Aul inquired as he clapped Inyri on the back, “where the frak is your lightsaber?”

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 30 August, 2016 7:32 PM UTC

Syntax:

slipped his right leg behind her[s]

Story:
Aul's running commentary on the fight really made this post, bringing a lot of good characterization to what could have been a generic fight scene.

Realism:
Nothing that I caught.

Continuity:
No errors that I saw.